Should I (BF) Be Okay with My GF Sharing a Hotel Room with Her Male Friends

I agree with the other moms, you don't get holidays in BMT. My son's birthday is New Year's Day, and he wasn't even allowed a phone call that day when he was in BMT. We went to visit him at Tech School and he couldn't even leave the base! Something is fishy here.

Something isn't quite right. Are you talking about BMT at Lackland AFB in San Antonio? If so, that doesn't make any sense as NO ONE is allowed to leave BMT for a party weekend in Austin. In fact, if she is in BMT, she wouldn't even be able to meet YOU for a visit - holiday weekend or not. Contact during BMT is extremely limited and you can't just "go for a visit."

Now if she is at say Sheppard AFB for Tech School, that would NOT be BMT and depending on what point she is at in Tech School, she STILL cannot just leave whenever she wants. I just visited my daughter at Sheppard and she is nearly done with Tech School and I still had to check her out of the base, provide my personal information, have a background check, have her back certain times to check in, etc.

Either you are blowing smoke up our butts or she is blowing smoke up yours. There is no "party with guys in Austin, TX" for anyone in BMT or Tech School.

Good luck!

Why are you not going to visit her as planned?

You're not married. You don't get a say. That's the way it is...

No.
She's in boot camp?
You're an actor?
Perhaps it would do you both a world of good to know exactly what is and isn't allowed regarding fraternization (which may or may not apply depending on who she's splitting a room with).

https://www.thebalance.com/army-fraternization-policy-###...#

Your lives are taking major turns in seemingly opposite directions.
You're going to be doing scenes (right, and how many actors/actresses (married or otherwise) in Hollywood have had affairs while on a job? - countless), and she's going to be working with a lot of men.
She needs to trust you and you need to trust her if this relationship is going to work out.
Part of the trust is not playing games with "well you do this so I can do that" - that's just childish.
Perhaps you guys need to take a break, do some growing up, and then get back together to see if things will work out in the long run.
Good luck.

Agree - I wonder why we sometimes question if it is ok to feel something or not. I think it is reasonable to be upset (not table throwing upset but concerned for sure). All relationships go through the trust issue at one time or another. If you cannot work out the issues now later on will only be more and more difficult. I say she shouldn't stay in the room with a guy friend and you shouldn't either if you were in her shoes. Also, you being an actor seems like that is something she should have considered before dating you, it shouldn't be a bargaining chip.

If she's in boot camp, she's not going anywhere! They don't care it's a holiday! I'd start with that, also in boot camp she can't just call anytime, there are certain times you can call so is she actually in boot camp? Anyway if she is sounds like it's not about trust, real good lasting relationships in my opinion shouldn't have to worry, no one should be doing anything with anyone else, whether you trust or not, it's about if the other person would feel comfortable with it.

I think you need to determine exactly what she is doing in her military training.

Actually "boot camp", is not a correct military term. It's a colloquial term, often used to tell non-military family members what the new recruit is doing ("Grandpa, I'm going to Boot Camp next month"). Different armed forces services (Army, Marines, etc) have different terms for the basic training period that new recruits undergo. They learn how to march, how to stand at attention, how to wear the uniform, etc. And during this period, there are no weekends away, no unsupervised time off, no phone calls or letters permitted. It is extremely strict, and for good reasons. Even parents can't visit or write.

So, if your girlfriend is newly enlisted in a branch of the Armed Forces, and in basic recruit training, she's not going to Austin, not even with her sweet little old grandma. She's not going out to eat or going to a movie.

But if she's past the basic training and has begun her enlistment, and is at her first duty station, she may have earned the right to a weekend away. But then, she wouldn't be at boot camp and wouldn't be calling it boot camp. She'd tell you she was a particular rate (Airman First Class, Private, etc) and her rate would be E-1, and she'd be assigned to a particular duty section of the service branch (airframes, mechanics, etc).

You need to get more information.

It's not about whether you should be or shouldn't be. You feel as you do. I don't know why people question this. Do you mean - are you being unreasonable? For you, no. Why not pay the difference for her to have her own room? If I was concerned that much, I would just do that.

To me it seems a bit unusual for a woman to share a hotel room with males.

Comparing it to acting is just kind of odd.

Added: Thanks MilitaryMom 6 - I thought it was an odd question too

You're in a long distance relationship. It sounds like if she can't spend the holiday weekend with you, she's trying to make other plans rather than be lonely and do nothing. I would understand that. However, people committed to a loving relationship don't put themselves into risky situations like this to save a buck. It's just not smart. Her comment that she "has to be OK with what she doesn't like" is illogical. She needs to own her own feelings. She doesn't HAVE to be OK with anything. She chooses to accept the physical contact that comes with your career, or she can choose to not be in a relationship with you. Choosing to be with you and pulling out that card every time you have a disagreement (because she's resentful) would be really annoying.

When I was in AIT I always shared hotel rooms with my guy friends, pretty much every weekend when we would get a pass to go to town (and yes we got passes almost every weekend, unless we were in trouble for something). Often it was me and 4 or 5 men. I never had sex with any of them, they were just my army buddies. So the question becomes, do you trust your GF? And even if you do if this makes you truly uncomfortable what are you willing to do about it? Is her doing it a deal breaker for you? There is no right or wrong answer here, you have to do what feels right for you.

Yeah, I wouldn't like this either. Hanging out together is one thing, but sharing a room is something different. She and others can put all kinds of spins on this to make it sound like it's ok, but it's not. Her argument is called deflection. She's taking the heat off of her and putting it on you.
I wouldn't trust the other men either unless they are very gay. lol

Set up some boundaries for yourself. You won't tolerate it. End of story. If she doesn't agree, end the relationship. I'm sorry to be so blunt.