WOW! Big Surprise Today from the High School Senior!

Is there ANY chance that he would be willing to look at going to college at one of the armed services colleges? I don't think the Marines have one, but the others are pretty amazing.

Get him to read about them.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_Military_Academy

Talk to him about the vast difference in officer material and enlisted men. If the high school has ROTC, that's helpful. My husband's roommate and groomsman in our wedding got a free ride in college as a physics major through Navy ROTC, and THEN spent 6 years as an officer on a nuclear sub. Then he went to Lockheed Martin and worked on "Star Wars".

Tell your son I told you this. If he really wants to do something great in the armed forces, there's a way OTHER than going into boot camp and later going to college. He might be able to have his cake and eat it too!

Hang in there, S.!
D.

6 moms found this helpful

my nephew decided at age 17 that he wanted to serve in the military. His father was against it & did not support him. My sister was scared to death, but supported him. She recommended that he spend the next year researching which branch interested him the most.

One year later, he was fully informed....& chose the Navy, specifically wanting the SEALS program. The recruiting team did their very best to talk him into avionics, based on his academics/testing scores.

We are very proud to say that after the 1st month, he qualified for the SEALS. He describes himself as a "freakin' fish", & he's right.....without a single formal swim lesson, he passed the test. After working one month with a former SEAL, he reduced his swim time by more than 1 minute...& by the time he was sworn in, he'd reduced his time by > than 3 minutes. It amazes us that he recognized the skills within himself & has done soooo well on the physical testing. & he's a brainiac to boot!

We'll know by the end of next week as to whether or not he's moving on to BUDS. Soooo danged proud of him!

In closing, my suggestion would be for your son to fully research the different branches of the military & be fully informed before proceeding. It's the only way to truly make an adult decision.

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Talk with the recruiter and see what he/she has to say. I know several young people who have benefited from time in the Marines. One completed a Masters degree and is now working on a PhD in his field of computer science.

One question to ask, in the presence of your son, is how would his experience in the Marines be different if he joined AFTER earning a 4 year college degree.

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Get him hooked up with ROTC.

Go to college...grad a commissioned officer.

AKA cake & eat it, too.

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Do NOT let him enlist...if he is college material...college FIRST...then go in as an officer.

My husband enlisted...and while the experience was positive, he opted out after his four years and then went to college. He wanted to work for the FBI or Secret Service and even with his specialized training they told him he needed a college degree. SS told him to get a quick degree in political sciences and reapply ASAP.

He is now a college grad with a Master's degree...and not working for any government agency. His advice...college first with ROTC and then be an officer.

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If it's military service that he wants, encourage him to talk to someone from ALL branches of service. There are huge differences between one and another and you want to make sure he is in the one that is the right fit. Then encourage him to do reserve ROTC. He will take 4 yrs of college while being reserve and will enter full time when he has graduated. The military will help pay his tuition while he is in school and he, in return, will serve one weekend a month and two weeks in the summer. When he joins full time he will join as an officer with more opportunities for leadership and at a much higher pay grade.

See if he won't consider that route. It shouldn't matter to the recruiter because it should still count toward his monthly quota (and yes they all have one which is why he is so good at his job ). =)

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Convince your son to do ROTC. He really can do both. My husband was highly successful in high school - 3rd in his class, went to college free on a Navy scholarship , studied what he wanted (Chemistry), and is thrilled to be serving our country as a pilot. I went to college with him and ROTC kept him both grounded and dedicated to school while giving him a community within the school and an opportunity for service both to the community and country. I wouldn't tell your son this but having him be a part of ROTC is the closest thing you can get ot having a parent watching over him right from campus. As an adult service has both its sacrifices and rewards, but we are both very happy with our life.

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Recuiter is another word for SALESPERSON. These guys will lie through their teeth to make their quota. I would have him talk to a few of the men who went in right after high school and are now home. Have these vets explain about their experience with recruiters and the promises they make and how often those promises just don't work out. After he has talked to vets he will have a bigger picture of what serving his country is all about.

If you have a VA hospital near you, you might want to go for a visit. Let him see the injured men and what it takes for them to recover. Let him talk to a 20 yr old who will never get to hug his girl again because he lost his arm or arms--or a man who will never get to run with his children because he lost his leg. He needs to see the ugly reality of war.

If after all of that he wants to join there is not a lot you can do after he is 18. But as least you can say you did your best to talk him out of it.

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Let him know that he would go into the military as an enlisted grunt. Very little pay, little growth... he would make much more money and have more seniority if he went ROCT or went to college first.

Also, MOST people who retire out of the military come out with very little 'marketable' skills. My fil was a high up in the air force for 22 years. when he retired, he had to go back to college as an adult in order to get a good corporate job. Recruiters, especially good ones, very often LIE or at least withhold a LOT of the truth. Just ask ym little bro who signed up for 3 years... only to discover in boot camp the recruiter lied and he was really 6 years. The vast majority of men who join the military, (and I know a lot) and told very similar things and find out they have been duped by the recruited once they get on. Big bummer. Not only that, the recruiter will be showing up at your house, taking your son out to eat, following him like a little puppy dog until your son signs or tells him he's not interested.

I'm not anti-military, my little bro, dad and many family members and friends are military in all branches. He just needs to be very careful, very diligent, read the fine print and get all the recruiter's words in writing that can be proven by legit paperwork. He should also do his own researching on what branch of military he would feel fits him best.

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My husband has been an Army recruiter for the past 8 months. Before that, he was active duty Army for years. Until he became a recruiter, I had no idea how much the military really does offer. My husband went into the service late and wishes to this day that he had done it earlier because he loves it so much. He has been to Iraq and back and has seen some things that he still hasn't told me about, but yet and still, he loves the military life and frankly, I love it too. For your son to be so excited about joining, it's hard to believe that this hasn't been in the back of his head and maybe he just didn't say anything to you about it. Also, for his mind to be changed so quickly, maybe your son isn't quite ready for college yet and if not, I suggest you don't push him to go to. I understand that college is what you and your husband had in mind for him, but this is his decision for his life and with him being such a smart young man, I think you should listen to his reasoning and respect his decision. I've heard stories from my husband about how some parents are totally against their child joining the military and it makes the child resentful and miserable because they can't make their own choices for their lives. Yes, you'll probably be getting a call from the recruiter soon. Please meet with him, ask him all the questions you want and listen to what he has to say. It may not change your mind, but please keep in mind that this is your son's life and the ultimate goal is for him to be happy.

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i have 3 brothers; all involved in the military. my husband was active duty army for 9 years, and has been a reservist ever since. he has been asked to do recruitment duty several times.
little story: waayy back in 1992, my hubby (then my boyfriend) was offered a FULL SCHOLARSHIP for ROTC. he would have to take military classes (scheduled in along w/ his academics) and go to "drill". he would have to do 8 week boot camp (basic training)in the summer. he would graduate an officer and "owe" the army 4 years of active duty. they were willing to invest thousands of dollars and make him an officer, for 5 years of his time in repayment. in a field of his choice (law, engineer, communications, math, sciences,foreign language, business).
our response? we turned it DOWN!?! why?? "by the time you are free of them, you'll be 29! your whole adult life will be as a slave to the army!"
well, he ran out of money for school, and enlisted active duty army. he used the GI Bill and got his bachelor's in communications. it took 10 years of here and there class, but he did it by age 31. IF ONLY he'd taken the scholarship!
bottom line is this: he is excited, just like kids are excited the day the fundraiser man comes to school and tells your kids they can win a super duper BMX bike if they sell enough caramel corn to gramma and the neighbors. so, like back when he was little and excited, calm down. then listen. make an appointment with the recruiter and really listen. really really. the army is not just people running around with guns screaming and dodging schrapnel. nor is it people in offices pressing the "big red nuclear button". there is a place in the military for just about everyone. They even have a band. and a rock band. and if we want a good military leaders, we need smart people who can make good decisions. be proud that they think your son is one of them. if they are willing to pay for school, good on them! good on you.
my hubby was a broadcaster - radio and tv. he worked with camerapeople, administrators, sound engineers, techs. It's just like "the real world" but in cammo. my brother is a military police officer, now a reservist criminal investigator. other brothers were marine linguist and army chemical engineer. so, they are not all fighter pilots.
also, think about this story: friends finally "let" their son go in the marines. the marines paid for his undergrad and law school. when he was done, he had full degrees and more trial experience than anyone in his peer group. they were all begging to be clerks in busy lawfirms. but the military gave him more experience sooner, than if he'd been a civilian.
ANOTHER thing: if he enlists or serves ROTC, that college time can already be counting toward his retirement! how many highschool kids think of that!? in this economy!? that is great! who, at age 18, can serve 20 years (even combined active and reserve) and retire at age 38? that's enough time for a whole nother lifetime! i don't know too many people in this day who will be with the same company for 20 years. and if he wants to change careers, they will pay for that too, and he will not lose time served toward retirement. how many companies do THAT? he may start as one job, then change to something else. think long term.
FINALLY, remember he will be serving his country. be proud.

3 moms found this helpful

I recommend ROTC. Do not let him enlist... he can go in through college and go in as an officer rather than a grunt.
PM me and I'll give you all the information.
LBC

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Marines is pretty crazy, my sons both did Army and got their college educations and travelled the world. It was scary for me, but it made GREAT men out of them and they both have 6 figure jobs now.... The service pays for college rather than student loans so there is nothing to pay back. Both of my sons were smart so they had good jobs while serving, never out in the field.

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My honest opinion OOOOORAH!!!!!!!!

I really think all our young men should serve at least 2 years in the military. It wouldn't be a bad place for some of the gals either, just not my very girly girl, OMG I broke a nail, 13 yo.

My son enlisted in the NAvy, his best friend at the same time enlisted in the Marines. THey are both doing so very well. I am so proud of the boys. They are fiercely loyal to their service. THey want to make a difference. THey are proud of themselves. My son just called us, his 4 years would have been up last Friday, he extended for two more years. :o) He's talked about doing 20.

Your son will need to take the ASVAB and get a score. Depending on the score he will pick an MOS-job.
He will go DEP, delayed entry program. This way he meets with the recruiter every week to gear up for boot. He will learn some military, USMC specific drills.
Does he have any JROTC, Is he an Eagle Scout? These get him a higher rank when he graduates boot.
TX has a program like the Illinois Veterans Grant that will pay for all of college, on top pf the GI Bill. It is a great way to pay for that college.
Enlisting then going officer is better, in my opinion. THe officers who have been enlisted know how the Marine Corps works from the inside. They make better officers.
He will have to go to MEPS, where the official paperwrok and weigh ins, drug testing, physicals are done. My son went to Raleigh, from the NC coast.
Get online to the Marine Parents websites. YOu will have to google them. THey will help get you through the alphabet soup and all the ins and outs.

He'll be OK. My hubby just retired after 20+ years. It's a good life, he will be well taken care of.

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Before your son signs on the dotted line, make sure he understands that it isn't like college in that if you change you mind, you can get out at Christmas time.

Otherwise, you treat it like any other college visit. You listen. Ask questions.
Don't get me wrong, I am VERY pro military. My Grandfather served in WWII twice, the 2nd time as a Marine. My father is retired Navy. Since you are in San Antonio, there is is a Soldier's support group called Soldiers' Angels on PanAm Expressway. They send support and care packages to the deployed soldiers. They have many outreach programs there and I believe that there are many veterans that work there, are around. He should speak to them before making a final decision.

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I had a friend who fell for it too. He said once you complete your 4 years in the army we will give you a free education in any university of your choice. So he went and was the first one to get thrown into the (the first one back in the 90's)Iraq war . Front lines. When he returned, he was another person altogether. He said, "I went to hell and came back." He did get his free education and got married all at once. I think he grew up very fast.
The service has it's priveledges, but I think he really needs to sit down and look at his options again.
I hope all the best. Let us know what he decides to do.

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You get the marines to pay for his education.

Keep an open mind, listen to all the options and make an informed decision.

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Joining the armed forces is noble, however you may want to try and talk him into going to college first, then enlisting later. My mom's best friend from high school went to college then enlisted as an officer and went through officer training. She's had a high level position at the pentagon for years.

I think you definitely need to weigh all the pros and cons, do your research and sit down and have a talk. You may not be able to change his mind, but talking it our may make you all feel better. Good luck!

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I actually went through this with my son a few years ago between his HS graduation and him leaving for college a few months later. He had befriended someone that was in the Army Reserves and was liking the perks he was hearing about (bonuses, money for college...although his friend was not going to college). He wanted to go to college, start some of the weekend duties, do basic training that next summer, and then continue the weekend duties. After jumping through all the hoops to get his physical, ASFAB testing, all the paperwork etc so when he turned 18 and enlistment was back open he could officially join, he decided not to go. This is what I suggest.

Listen with an open mind. Talk first to your son...tell him you want to know everything and find out what he is thinking (not just "going in the Marines and delaying college" but talke specifics...what does he want to go into the Marines for? what line of training? why now and not after college? ). Tell him that while you want to support his decisions for his life, as his parent you MUST ask him to be sure his decisions are based on correct information so he can make an informed decision. Ask that the recruiter meet with your son and you (dad too) and hear the recruiter out. Ask questions (I suggest having a list of questions so you remember to ask everything) including what ifs, how things work, what fields he would be able to enlist in and are their any guarantees that he would be in under his chosen field. Explain any/all options (pros and cons of doing Marines first then college, college first and then Marines, just college, just Marines, what issues there are with each). Tell him what you think and why and ASK him to think about it long and hard before he signs anything.

Here is where I am coming from with some of this (and what I told my son)...some recruiters will lie (not all) and others will be vague to get you to sign up and they meet their quotas. A friend wanted to join the Marines and work in the Fire Dept, his recruiter wanted to him to pick three fields (you don't always get your top pick) but never told him there is no Fire Dept in the Marines (that falls under NAVY jurisdiction). My nephew wanted to join the Army and work w/ the K-9 dogs, his recruiter told him there were no openings in that field so he joined Infantry...only to find there ARE and were opening in the k-9 field so he will later try to transfer but there are no guarantees. The Reserves recruiter that we dealt with when my son was looking to sign up was very nice and honest. You become a "soldier first" so although he could go to college, if they needed him sooner, it could happen and his college would have to be put on hold. I told my son that as his mother I didn't want him to join because of the dangers he would face as a soldier and with all the deployments I was sure he would be sent. I knew the thought of no college debt was appealing and the signing bonuses would be great but his life was more important to me. I told him that I would support his decision either way because it was his decsion to make but he needed to be sure...really sure. I asked him not to sign ANYTHING without me there and/or really being sure he knew what he was signing. He passed the physical and testing with flying colors. As an Eagle Scout, he would have entered as an E3 and would have been higher than his buddy (which he thought was cool) but decided he didn't want to be a "soldier first". He said he may decide to join after college but is actually considering the police academy instead. He's now a junior so we will see.

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#1 encourage the Navy. They give Marines rides! They seem to value brains more than brauwn. Tell him Marines are first in and last out. They are the warriors, not the thinkers. I am not saying the Navy does not have Warriors, it is a different atmosphere. All require discipline of their people. I think it is a great learning experience and they will pay for college. They also have delayed enlistment for those "jobs" deemed high value. You can go to college on the military's dime and you pledge so many years to them when you graduate. If you have a degree, you may be able to go in as an Officer. Encourage your son to investigate all of the branches before making a decision. He needs to find the one that is going to enable him to achieve his goals for his life/career.

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My hubby went for the gards in high school. He got very little pay, never moved up, and every time he tried to do colage he called over seas and had to put his education on hold. Then when he came back to the US no one wanted to hire him becasue they were worried he would get called over again. He ended up with a nice degree and working at a pizza shop making little money until he was out for good. Then he finaly got some good offers for work. Tell him education first. Who knows what will happen in school . He might meet someone and choose not to go into the Marines.

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One more vote for ROTC. This way he can do both... College and the marines. Also, he doesn't owe them any time until after the second year, so if he changes his mind, he has options. Btw, he can be a doctor in the military, but not the marines. Marines use navy doctors. Regardless, he should look into all branches of armed services before committing to anything. I also encourage you to be very skeptical about the recruiter. As others have stated, they are under great pressure to make quotas. Some are more honest and forthcoming than others. Be very, very, sure of what you are signing. My son talked to a recruiter about ROTC. The recruiter was obviously (obvious to anyone with knowledge of the military... My husband and father) leading him into enlisting even though my son made it clear he wanted to go in as an officer. Tell your son to read the fine print and be very, very careful of anything you sign. If he still chooses to enlist... Semper Fi! :)

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Wow, you may have yourself a a young man that is developing a passion for living beyond himself and his little world, and wanting to be a warrior for his country!

Be sure to get him to talk to as many people he can to find out all of his options, but be proud of him! You know your son. Will he do the opposite of what you tell him to do or will he listen to your advice? That will determine how you word your suggestions.

Also, is he ready for college or is he so burned out from all the honors classes, etc.? Not everyone is ready for college right out of high school, while others are so ready, they can hardly get through the summer.

Sometimes our dreams are not right for our kids, while other times, they are right on target. Be open to how his dreams may be changing.

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I'm with Ladybug, all the way. The military is not necessarily a bad choice, in fact, it's exactly the right choice for many, but there are many ways to go about it & a few that will make the whole experience a whole lot more fulfilling. Do your own research, don't trust that you're getting valid information from a recruiter, their sole job is to get bodies in any way they can.

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You have plenty of excellent advice and I'm sure whatever avenue your son chooses, it will be the wise one.

That said, please just tell you son "THANK YOU" from one very appreciative American for being willing to step up, think of someone beyond himself and be willing to serve our great country.

My 11 year old has talked about joining the Army for years. It would be one of the proudest days of my life to watch him sign that dotted line.

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I say support him no matter what he wants to do. When a parent says no many time the kid thinks, well, that's what I'm going to do. For me, it hasn't gone away. I bought a new car and my dad told me that I'd be better off with an automatic transmission over a manual (I've been driving manual for years). I probably would've settled for the auto, but I was determined to get a stick and I did!

I also have to say that one thing I wish I would've listened to my dad on was going into the military. I'm up to my ears in college debt that they perhaps would have helped me with. My older brother is in the service and already at 28 years old he will never have to worry about healthcare for the rest of his life in a country where millions of Americans go w/out health insurance. He is financially stable and he really likes it. The military is not bad and I have a great respect for your son if he decides to enlist. I'd enlist tomorrow if I could.

Good luck with whatever happens and be supportive. He will need you on his side no matter what path he chooses.

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First thing I would do is find out why. Is it because he wants to be dependent, fight for our country, have some money stacked away for college, is he worried about something and thinking this will take care of it. Once you find out the reason you might be able to reason with him or accept it and be proud of him. I personaly would support him as it is a very wonderful thing to become a part of the Marines but I would definatly make him wait and think about it for several months and be truly commited to it. Also I am wondering if he can talk to anyone who has already been in the Marines and those that have great experiences and those that suffered from PTSD (post tramatic stress disorder) and he truly understands what he is getting into. That its not like he can just quit and if he receives a dishonerable discharge it might be hard for him to get a job elsewhere. Most of all you should be proud of your son. Sounds like you raised a good one. Thank you for that.

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It might not be too late to check out how to get into West Point or the Naval Academy. My nephew just graduated from West Point and is a 2nd Lt.

I agree with Ladybug C - try the ROTC route. Before my nephew chose West Point, he had several offers of 4 year/full ride ROTC scholarships from Big 10 schools.

Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

Oh man have I been where you are! Only it was my daughter who wanted to join the army!. She was a ads model and Homecoming Queen. I freaked! It is so hard to change the way you think things are going to go. I feel for you and all the things running thru your head. We could do nothing but watch her leave for basic training (on the actual day we started war with Iraq). I decided I could continue to freak out or start supporting her decision. She did great and loved every min. of Basic training. She is now the mother of 2 beautiful daughters and a 911 dispatcher. Things will be okay. Just remember to breath.

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Have him do ROTC -He does not want to be an enlisted man... my hubby was one as were his brothers. Not a fun route by any account..... $, jobs, career advancement, etc.

You don't say how old your son is..... if he's not 18 you can tell the recruiter to buzz off if he calls. My brother enlisted and was going to go 4 years - it was ALL he ever wanted to do - be a Marine. My father convinced him to do the reserves and IF he loved it then he could always sign up for more time. Needless to say he stayed as a reserve!! And that was someone who wanted to be a marine since he was a little kid - not just after one talk!!

Those recruiters are under BIG TIME pressure to meet their goals. My nephew was lied to by his recruiter (Army) AND the recruiter did things that were against the rules (my nephew was on meds and the recruiter said 3 mos off was all that was needed... the official policy said 6 mos.; my nephew didn't weigh enough to be enlisted - the recruiter put him through anyway and said he could talk to someone at boot camp about food, eating healthy, etc.)

Have your son do ROTC and then if he loves it they can pay for his medical school... a win/win!

RE: the other poster who talked about the armed services schools... West Point is for Army, AF and Coast Guard have their own Colleges and an Annapolis student, after 4 years, chooses to graduate as a Marine officer OR a Naval officer.

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Does he really want to join because he wants to fight or does he like the idea of "be the best you can be" or "the few. the proud. the marines"? The problem is that recruiters are highly trained sales people. They are the best and paid LOTS of money to get kids to sign their lives away. If you think that the recruiter romanticized what military service actual is you could let him what a few choice movies (Saving Private Ryan, Platoon, and Full Metal Jacket come to mind). You could also give him a reality check by taking him to talk to people that have actual experienced combat. Even if the recruiter said that he wouldn't be seeing any action the US is the middle of multiple (undeclared) wars and from what I've heard everyone who signs up is going oversees.

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For several years, my son who is also a senior, said he wanted to be a Marine sniper! He is not one to be saying something and not mean it.
I have no problem with him joining the military is that is his dream. But I would rather have him get an education first. He thought it would be good to try to have his education payed for by the military.
But my older son knows men at his college who were in the military and thought they would get their college paid for after their service. It didn't happen.
I think finding that out, plus all my prayers helped to change his mind.

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Suggest the National Reserve instead. He can do both at the same time.

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I would be very upset and I would find out if that is against some kind of rule or law for them to come to school and do that.
That is just me, I would be upset. I know this is not helpful, but I am sorry that this happened to influence your son in this way.
I had recruiters call my house and leave messages for my son and I deleted them and never gave the messages to my son. It all felt very heavy handed.