Short or Long Hair for a 7 Year Old Girl?

There came a point with both of my girls that I told them that if they could not take care of it thoroughly themselves and could not let me brush it without complaint, I would make them get it cut shorter. I explained to them that if they could not do it well themselves, it really wasn't fair to me to fight me or whine when I was brushing it, and that I did not want to cause them pain. And then I followed through. One had to have it cut pretty much right away. The other worked really hard for a while at not complaining, but ultimately she asked me to take her in for a cut a few months later. She finally had decided it wasn't worth it. They are both now way passed that stage and have beautiful medium and long hair, respectively. Thay are old enough to take great care of their own hair. And that was part of it, too. I promised them that when they learned how to care for their own hair WELL, they could wear it how they liked. I think the hardest part for you might be the fact that you have made empty threats. She will really be in shock if you follow through! On the other hand, it is important that our kids know that we mean what we say. Good luck with whatever you decide to do!

2 moms found this helpful

Wow...you sound just like MY mom...except we knew my mom would go through with her threat! Her thing was that if she did our hair and we cried out or made a big fuss, she would take us that afternoon to go get it cut short...or we could just learn to do it ourselves correctly! At 7, we were starting to do things ourselves, so maybe give her a little freedom! Will it hurt anything to have her go to school with a few rats for a few days...or maybe compromise...she brushes first and then u brush the rest with the above consequences...after all, if she didn't get them out first, it is her fault! As a result, I developed a VERY strong scalp (she's actually my step-mom so I came into the rule when I was a little older...about 7ish...but I'm all the better for it!) and appreciate that to this day!

I say cut it. My daughter (she's six) has a cute short haircut (traditional bob) & she loves it. Occasionally she says she wishes that she had long hair, then I remind here how tender headed she is & that goes out the window. Also when she goes to her dad's ( I'm a single mom) it doesn't get the care that it should. They don't take showers after swimming & the chlorine dries it out even more. I'm not sure why your daughter won't let you use the detangler, it can be used on dry hair too & makes such a difference. Remember to start brushing from the bottom then up. Less tangles that way. You could also tell her that you have an appointment for a haircut today & that you can cancel it if she uses the detangler daily. What else does she refuse to do? She's only seven, what's the worst thing that will happen if you use detangler on her against her will? She'll throw a tantrum? Sounds like that happens anyway. Stand up to her again, she's only seven!

Find some cute pictures of girls with stylish short hair. And point out girls her age, friends, etc who have short hair. Then take her to get it cut (or do it at home first, pull it back into sort of a pony tail, and cut it all at once, then take her to a kid-friendly salon to get it evened out). I had to do that with my daughter; she wanted hair like Rapunzel but just couldn't take care of it and didn't want to let me. Now she's 11 and old enough to take care of her hair more so we're letting it grow out again. She does a lot of the work, and comes to me for help when there's something she can't do.

We went through the same thing when my daughter was 7. Do NOT cut the hair yourself. I asked my very cool neice (who's 18) to take her to a stylist. She got a very cute A-line haircut that made her look more sophisticated. She loves not having tangles in her hair. She did NOT want it short, but now she loves it.

in my family, its my son with the long hair. I never threatened to cut it until about 12. he too freaked out about the idea. I realized I will never make him cut his hair, so I stopped threatening to. I also realized that he was not fully able to take on the responsibility of caring fully for his hair. I started giving him lessons on caring for his hair. first, how to wash it well. (soak your head to the skin, nickel sized puddle of shampoo, rub your hands together, make your hair bubbly all over. rinse until the water runs clear, do it all again exactly the same way.) then work conditioner into your hair and rinse. I brushed his hair for him. if it was not clean, or 'felt' bad, back into the shower.

then I realized he was using not enough shampoo and too much conditioner. we switched to pert because it contains conditioner so he only had to wash it twice and not worry about conditioner. this is easier for him. when he got better at washing it, I would brush his hair -mostly- out and let him finish. or let him start, then I would finish.
gradually do less and give him more to do alone.

now he is learning that brushing his hair need only take a few minutes. he will happily brush the bottom 3 inches of it for an hour!! so, say a half hour before time to leave or whatever, I'll say, you need to brush your hair before we/you go. it is a process to be sure, but he is learning.

Try cutting a couple inches of her hair but tell her you are just trimming her hair and see if that helps. I did that with my daughter and that worked but if I said haircut she would freak out! I also would try to make it about her and getting all pretty for a special day with Mom. I did that a couple time and now she love to get a TRIM. I also bought the sauve detangler and it has a octupus on it my daughter like that so she would use it. Again I had her go with me and had her help pick out the shampoo and conditioner. Sometimes I found with my daughter that if I made it special for her she would appreciate it and do her hair herself. I hope that this help!!!

T., I think I would just make it their choice. Either cut it short or quit complaining when you brush it. If they keep complaining I would follow through and cut it. It will grow back and they are the ones that made the choice, not you.

I haven't seen this mentioned. My daughter also does the same thing...with just conditioner (doesn't matter how good the stuff is) once your hair is dry it doesn't work to de-tangle anymore. We just recently tried something called Silk and it is an absolute dream. At Costco it's $8 for a bottle and since you only use a dime sized amount it lasts forever.

http://www.ballbeauty.com/biosilk_silk_therapy_hair_care....

You put it on when the hair is wet and comb through and makes your hair silky smooth...and keeps it silky smooth until the next shampoo. My daughter never complains of tangles anymore and is happy for to comb her hair. HTH!!

Her desire for long hair should not be a pain in your neck. At 7 she is old enough, sit down and talk about all you do for her hair. Tell her that you will give her a week to either take care of her own hair or to not complain when she asks (nicely) for help, and will let you use whatever products you need to to make it easier for you. If she is still a pain, GET IT CUT. It doesn't have to be all of it, and make sure that it is a cute girls' cut that doesn't require anything but brushing (call and talk to the stylist first - give her fair warning, I'm sure they have dealt with it before). If she still has issues and whines when you have to do it, then it needs to be shorter.
The main thing is the empty threats, that isn't helping anything, and she has no reason to stop whining. I have a very tough scalp now, but it was due to wanting long hair and just getting through it.
Good luck.

We went through that too. My husband, daughter and I decided that we should cut her hair for Locks of Love. We started building it up to our daughter and talked about her "new do" and what a wonderful thing she'd be doing. Of course, the motive was to cut it shorter and basically start again with growing long hair. My only advice if you go this route, make sure you see a stylist that has cut hair for Locks of Love before - they can make sure you still end up with a little length for styling cute girly hair. Solved the ratty mess in the morning and after school and now she seems to be taking better care of it as it's growing back out. Good luck!

We have 4 girls, so I have dealt with this many times. Of course the younger ones seem to pick up the complaining from the older ones. I would give her a choice. She can have long hair, but it has to be pulled up in some way so it doesn't get as tangled, ponty-tail, braid, barrette, or it needs to be shorter so it is easy for her to manage. You also don't have to go too short at first. Have them trim a few inches off, then a month later trim some more. Then she won't feel like she is losing it all at once. Good luck whatever you decide.

Cute and funky short hair is sooo cute on little girls. If you do cut it; make sure you save the ponytail and donate it to locks of love. :) They will send her a thank you certificate and she can feel really good about giving up the long hair.

:)
Good luck.

At 7 it is hard for them to totally care for themselves. Even the dentist says you should brush your kid's teeth until they are 7. Long hair is so cute on little girls but it is a pain. It takes me forever to detangle my daughter's hair. I have not used the spray detangler but I do use Aquafina detangler/conditioner EVERY DAY. You are supposed to rinse it out but I don't, I just put it on the problem area (back of her head usually) every morning on her dry hair and it seems to work. I have noticed too that if I put it up in a braid or ponytail it holds together for the day. I very rarely keep it down for the tangle reason.

Good luck.

I went through this with my daughter. We ended up cutting six inches off, so her hair went from being nearly belt length to mid back. It made a huge difference in ease of care and her hair is still long for all the braids and what-not that she loved. I don't think you have to cut it all off but shortening it will help.

I had the same issue when my daughter was six. I talked to her and we decided that on her b-day we would take her to Cookie Cutters to get her hair cut and then donate it to Locks of Love. She was sad to cut her hair but felt better to be giving it to help another girl somewhere who had lost her hair. We got it cut just below her ears and stacked in the back. It looks darling and doing her hair is much more pleasant for both of us!

I managed to sell my daughter on the idea of a chin-length bob (it helped that several of her little girlfriends got their hair cut short, too) and it has made everyone's life so much easier. She is able to care for her own hair for the most part, combing it out is no longer an exercise in endurance for either of us, and it is still long enough to dress up with a barrette on those rare days she feels like putting any work into it.

If your daughter insists on keeping long hair, I'd make mandatory detangler use a part of the deal.

Use Dove conditioner. It's awesome stuff. Comb her hair out in the tub with the conditioner in her hair. Then rinse it out with a cup (similar to the outcome of a shower) without rinsing out ALL of it. It's the best thing a hair dresser has ever told me. I have naturally curly and very thick hair. My daughter has similar hair and also screams at any little knot, so we wash her hair every night and it has elminated the problem completely. My experience has shown that detangler does not work! Someone told me to make my own with half condition and half water, but I haven't tried it yet. Wetting the hair down with a spray bottle also helps a bit before brushing it dry (if their is knots). Try a differnt type of brush? Taking an inch or two off would probably help too to get rid of the fried ends.

Costco has the best deal on Dove Conditioner, plus they have a coupon that ends 11/1/09 for $2 off, but they have that coupon a lot.

If she has a round face, a short hair cut just above the shoulders is really cute.

Is it possible that her hair just needs more conditioner?

I have curly hair and went through years of nightmarish tangles & knots. Didn't discover until well into adulthood that if I just use the right conditioner (which varies by person, of course... my personal faves have been the Garnier Fructis ones and now I use a generic of Biolage Conditioning Balm) my hair is actually quite manageable. I can nearly run my fingers through it right now and I didn't get a shower today.

My other best tips: Don't dry hair with a towel; gently squeeze out water with an old t-shirt. Cold water rinse after conditioning (this is a HUGE one for my hair!). And I don't use a brush or comb on my hair. I comb it with my fingers while in the shower and while the conditioner is still in. If you do the t-shirt dry, her hair won't get tangly from drying. Last thing is I don't use shampoo anymore, I do a conditioner wash. (Read more at www.naturallycurly.com.)

Even if your daughter's hair is not curly--or even wavy--you might try some of these to see if it helps. Best of luck!

I would suggest that you make a big deal out of styling her hair. Take her to the store and let her pick a hair styles book and some hair accessories...colored hair clips, colored hairspray, big crazy hair clips and funky hair ties.
Then sit down in the morning and do her hair however she wants. My best friend does really crazy hairstyles for her daughter and her daughter loves having something new and unique to show her friends at school everday. They use it as a bonding time and it has also helped her daughter develope her own personality and build her self confidence.

We've dealt (still deal with) this with my almost 5 year old daughter. Up until about 2 months ago, her hair was almost down to her butt. We just cut several inches off it though so now it falls to just a couple of inches past her shoulders. Having just a few inches off seems to really help with the snarls, but its still "long" in style.
You might also consider the type of brush or comb you are using. The closer together the bristles, the more the hair is going to pull. We use one of those brushes that is designed not to pull hair-- the base gives a bit when the bristles are pulled. They are available at Walmart or Target and made by companies like Revlon and Goodie.
Some of the other things we do to help alleviate the snarls is to do a quick braid when she gets out of the bathtub. That way in the morning when the braid comes out, it's easy to comb. We too only take bathes every other day, so on the non-bath days we also wet her hair down with a spray bottle. Somehow having it wet seems to make it easier to comb out.
Good luck...

While my son doesn't have long hair, his hair does get very snarly at night and after naps. To help with this problem we use a leave in conditioner that is made by johnson & johnson. It isn't a spray but is more like a lotion. Maybe you could try a product like as a compromise?

I remember when I was little and had long hair my mom would braid my hair in pigtails for me to sleep in and then in the morning I'd have great wavy hair for school and no snarls!

Maybe try showing her pictures of actresses she likes and their hair styles. Let her pick one of those. Just a thought...

T.,

Oh what I'd pay for a good solution to this one!! I've got an 8 year old daughter that is the exact same way. Luckily last summer she took some scissors to her own hair so I had to 'help' her and it ended up a little shorter. Maybe pay a sibling to 'do' her hair!! ;) Just kidding!

I use Dove's smoother in my daughter's hair to help with the tangles. It isn't a detangler, but it is a smoother which essentially does the same thing. Try taking her to a salon to have her hair done, but not trimmed. Develop a good relationship with someone there and eventually, I'd leave her there to be a pill or not. My daughter would most likely open up and be nice at a salon when left to her own devices.

Just a few ideas, but I'll be watching this thread to see if something in particular would work for my own daughter as well!!!

Good luck!
V.

We did this with my 9yr old a while back-same reasons, and we did the Locks of Love thing. It was great for about a week or two, and then it was just a pain. With her hair type and face shape, we couldn't just brush it and let it be, so the best way to do her hair was to blow dry it into shape. While I didn't mind it, and it only took 5 minutes, she quickly came to hate it-especially b/c she has a sensitive head. She was so excited when it got long enough for a pony tail again!
Though I know many people who short hair has worked better for, for us it was worse than the long hair!

Your daughter sounds like mine. You also sound like me. I have threatened and threatened to cut my daughters hair so many times. I was tired of it looking like I didnt take care of her. Plus she is is old enough now to start taking responsiblity for some of her own hygene, with supervision of course. So before school started this year we did talk a little about locks of love and why kids especially needed wigs. Then I took her down and had them cut off all her hair. They cut it in a nice a-line bob that stacks at the back. It is a really cute hair cut on little girls, and we have absolutely loved it. My daughter who was upset about cutting off her long hair loves the style and it is easier for her to wash, condition, brush, everthing. And she gets to feel really good because she gave another child a priceless gift.

My daughter is 6 and does the exact same thing. It's probably because she has an extra sensitive scalp. The thing the works the best with my daughter is distracting her with something while I comb her hair. Like maybe doing it while she's eating breakfast, or letting her comb her dolls hair, or coloring. Sometimes I even let her play her favorite Playstation game when I'm really desperate. This doesn't always help, but most of the time. I also sometimes let her comb my hair in the morning, kind of a I'll scratch your back if you scratch mine approach. It really just depends on what mood she's in that morning. If you ever want to talk about what it's like to have 3 boys and 1 girl let me know, I can relate. My email address is ____@____.com this helps.