She Hits All the Time! What Do I Do?

My 2 year old is the same way. They have such a hard time expressing themselves at that age. We do timeouts and sometimes spankings depending on the situation. But one thing that is helping us now is to try to give him another way to express himself. I get down at eye level (while avoiding the flying fists) and tell him that I understand that he's mad and it's ok that he's mad. But it's not ok to hit people. Instead he should just tell me 'I'm mad'. I try not to do this in a 'soothing voice' because I don't think he gets that I understand if I do that. I try to match his volume and urgency of expression to convey to him that I hear what he's trying to tell me. It feels silly sometimes, but seems to work. Lately he's been yelling 'MAD' at the dog, so...I got the tips from the Happiest Toddler on the Block DVD. Good luck!

Our now 7 yr old boy was this way to his big brother. We would do time out but then talk about why we hit, consistently told him to talk to Mommy or Daddy (teacher etc) before hitting so we could help him be happy. It took a couple of tries but by being consistent with the punishment and the talk about feelings he was able to overcome the hitting. We were late to some appt.s and church a couple of times but it was worth it to stop and do time out and the talk. Good Luck!

When my daughter was that age she went through a similar phase. I took away one toy every time she hit and found that it was a lot more effective than a time out.

FIRST OF ALL LET ME TELL YOU I ALWAYS TELL YOU THAT I ALWAYS TYPE IN ALL CAPS!I HAVE NERVE DAMAGE AND IT'S JUST EASIER FOR ME, SO I'M NOT YELLING!!I KNOW ALOT OF PEOPLE DON'T BELEIVE IN SPANKING THEIR CHILDREN, BUT MY PARENTS SPANKED MY HINNY WHEN I WAS A CHILD AND I THINK IT MADE ME A BETTER PERSON AND IT REALLY TAUGHT ME WRONG FROM RIGHT!AND IF YOU WERE TO SHOW YOUR DAUGHTER HOW IT FEELS TO BE HIT THEN MAYBE SHE'D UNDERSTAND HOW OTHERS FEEL. NOW, DON'T GET ME WRONG, I DON'T BELEIVE IN CHILD ABUSE AND I DON'T BELEIVE IN HITTING A CHILD JUST ANYWHERE BUT A FEW GOOD HARD POPS ON THE TAIL END MAY JUST TEACH HER THE LESSON THAT SHE NEEDS TO LEARN IN LIFE. GOOD LUCK AND I WISH YOU AND YOUR FAMILY THE BEST!AND KEEP IN MIND THAT IF YOU DON'T GET IT UNDER CONTROL NOW THAT IT WILL BE WORSE WHEN SHE GETS OLDER.SINCERELY,T.

Hey, my 19month old hits us too when she is aggravated. I know it is the only way she knows how to express her frustration, but she needs to be taught that hitting is wrong. I belive in spanking and it has worked. I think there is a huge difference in spanking a child and abusing a child. My father gave me plenty of spankings when I was a child and I am glad because as I grew older I respected him and stayed out of trouble and respect him today. I'm sorry but I think that time out is just a time for some children to sit and think about how to do something and not get caught next time. I have seen it first hand with 3 of my cousins and they were out of control. Two of them have felony charges now that their grown up. That's just my thoughts, but I hope you can get it under control.

Have you tried redirection? I talked to my mother about your problem. She currently works for Bright Horizons (Child Care Center) at Pfizers Corporation in New London, CT. They use that approach and she said it works every time. You have to basically catch her when she is either about to hit or right when she does it. Maybe offering a present (not food) if she doesn't hit. I use stickers with my son. Time out doesn't work with him. He is a biter. I also use what I call a treasure chest. If my son can behave and not bite, he gets to pick a present out of the treasure chest. Both my kids have such a great time with that treasure chest. I mean they are not perfect angels, but it helps. I would also discuss the behavior with your pediatrician. They are very knowledgable and can give you some ideas as well.

T.

You are not alone, my son does this constantly, he's the bully at daycare, throws stuff, hits kids, we did eventually got him to break away from this habbit, (he relapses every now and then) but when he can't hit anyone else, he pulls his hair, which isn't good either. I talked to his ped. about this, and she said it's just phase that all kids go through, it's the only way they can express their feelings, and that sooner or later, he'll grow out of it. Now I've taught him, that when I catch him hitting someone, I can just give him a look, and turns around gives that person a hug and a kiss, and now he's starting to get the hint.
Just be patient, she'll stop.