A.B. asks from Wahiawa, HI on December 12, 2006
How to Discipline?~?~?~? - Aberdeen,MD
hi everyone. I hope there is someone out there who can help me. My son is 19 months and he loves to hit. When he doesn't get his way he will hit you. If I make him mad he will hit me. If I do anything he doesn't like, he will hit me. I don't want to hit him back and timeout doesn't work. I feel like I am going to go crazy. I have already had to put him in his crib and go in my room and just cry. I am afraid too put him in daycare b/c I don't want him to hurt other kids. I have no Idea what to do. If I tell him he can't play with something, he will try and hit me with it. If I am on my computer and make him mad, he will hit the computer. He even goes so far as to throw himself on the ground or into the wall. Don't get me wrong he is so loving until you cross him. I don't know what to do. Someone PLEASE help me.
F.G. answers from Washington DC on December 14, 2006
I think the first thing is trying to figure out where he gets the behaviour from. TV? other kids? grown ups? really try to figure that one out and you're half way there. Second, know where the line is for him. My 3 year old, like yours has a very short fuse, I've learned to tell when it's coming and sooth things before it gets there, then we talk about why it's not ok to hit and how you need to use words, it's specially hard for little ones 'cause most can't be fully understood yet! sot it's very frustrating for him, but everyone understand hitting!!
good luck, hope I was able to help
R.D. answers from Pittsburgh on December 21, 2006
Hi, my son is a bit younger than yours, so I all i can say is it's worked for me so far--but i follow Burton White's "Raising A Happy, Unspoiled Child"--got a used copy on eBay for like $5--it's a lot of info on development and how to use it help at each stage to help shape their behavior--and so far he's a delight--
hope it helps.
J.M. answers from Reading on December 13, 2006
Welcome to the terrible twos!!!
The best advice I got (and I got a lot) was to make him realize it hurts you when he hits. Make pretend your crying after he hits you. I hope his reaction is he is sorry for what he has done.
My son, who will be two in Feb has a hitting problem, and was in daycare up to a few weeks ago. It is normal for a child to feel their oats, they just have to know there are consequences for their actions. I tried hitting him back (didn't work, it was an all out hitting war until someone gave up) and time out at such a young age does not work.
C.A. answers from Philadelphia on December 13, 2006
Don't fret too much. THis is VERY common for that age. Even though they can talk, they don't know how to deal with thier frustrations. Time outs usually work well. Put him in his crib or in a chair one minute for every year of life (for you, 1 and a half mins) Tell him firmly, "We DON'T hit". WALK AWAY FROM HIM. Once the time is up, go back to him, make sure he's calm, and ask him to apologize to you for hitting. Give him a hug and leave the incident in the past. Do this as often as necessary.
There is a really good show on either the Discovery channel or TLC, "The House of Tiny Terrors" and they were dealing with the same type of issue.
Hope this helps,
A.B. answers from Washington DC on December 13, 2006
my daughter is 17 months now and we had that sma eprobel about 2 months ago. we would tell her that we didnt like her hitting and that we would be sad when that happend. we also put her in hewr cib for 5 minutes and then when we got her we talked to her and explained not to do it. we stuck with it, not letting it go. best wishes.
J.C. answers from Harrisburg on December 13, 2006
Well you already started the right process. I saw this same situation on a show on TLC called "House of Tiny Terrors" a single mom has a son around the same age and he hits her the same way, so the Dr. that helps out told her that everytime he hits her or anyone else she should tell him NO firmly, put him in his crib or a playpen, etc. and shut the door or just get out of view. You leave him there for 2min(1min for every year old he is-yours is almost 2), come back in tell him he cannot hit and if he does it again he will come back in here. You do this everytime he hits until he learns not to do it. He WILL eventualy stop, you just have to be calm and patient. If you want you can check out the show on TLC it's airing this whole week and I think they have it OnDemand for TLC also. Let me know how it goes & please try not to stress too much, I know it can be a long and hard process I have 4 kids of my own. Please feel free to email me anytime at ____@____.com Be strong and good luck!! Oh and by the way, the pretending to cry thing really doesn't work because most of the time they will feel bad the first time(if you're lucky) then after that or most of the time they think it is a silly game you are playing and will hit more often cause they think you are playing. Try it if you wish, but I think lying to your kids that way is wrong. You need to be firm and gentle and make sure they know you are the boss. Just be patient, there is NO quick fix when raising kids & that's what the "pretending to cry" solution is....."A quick fix" that really doesn't work.
A.W. answers from Harrisburg on December 14, 2006
our girl used to hit more too and even now sometimes tries, but i also said it hurts mom and/or took and held her hand already before she could hit and said firm but no yelling: no hitting, that hurts... and it has worked... also when i took her hand i touched me with it gently and said nice touches, no hitting... asked what she needed and talked that if she is nice we can do something(if she seemed to hit just for attention or frustriation)...
so basically you want to be consistent about never allowing hitting and having same or appropriate cosequinse, but same time teach him what is appropriate and acceptable insetead of hittting... teach him different ways to get to you, get your attention or deal with his frustriation...
with little ones just distracting them works best as well... say no hitting and then change the whole topic and start doing something nice...
D.L. answers from Washington DC on January 22, 2007
My son is the same. The thing that I found that is working best for me is to first talk to him and let him know that hitting and throwing bothers you and hurts your feelings. I started that with my son and he has cut back alot. I also designated that there are only certain things that he can throw while we play, like a football or baseball. When he gets frustrated he usually drops whatever he has and goes for either one of those to throw. It's a phase and he sees your response to him throwing things as a way to deter you from what you are doing and get your attention. Calmly tell him no and return to what you are doing. It will vbe hard at first but if you stick to it it should help.