Separation Anxiety? Scare? or Stubborn?

It sounds like a combination of changes making things difficult. My older one (now 5) still likes someone to stay with him until he is asleep or almost asleep. This started when he was 2 and moved to a bed. Most times it gets worse with a sick child. You might be setting a bad habit but it might be worth it in the short term until she is completely healthy and more used to to the toddler bed.

My 5 year old has several nightlights and still claims to be afraid of various insubstantial things. Even though an adult can tell his fears are of nothing real he still can't distinguish real and imaginary very well. The "magical thinking" phase lasts from about 2 or 3 to about 7. The phantom fears are a pain but the pretend play is lots of fun.

I think you've done a good job pointing out that illness and the temporary loss of Gammy is playing a role in her not sleeping. She definitely needs reassurance that you're not going anywhere. I think that's why she wants to see you while she goes back to sleep.

Kids are changing all the time. I think it's fine if you sit in the doorway until she goes back to sleep. It is almost certainly temporary. Plus, if it allows everyone to get back to bed what harm is it doing? I don't think it will become a habit as she will get back to a regular routine before you know it.

I have five kids and they have all awakened in the middle of the night for some reason or another. My husband and I always try to comfort or take care of the child's needs and put them back into their own beds. However, if they don't want to go back to their own bed we don't allow them to sleep in our bed. Instead, we make a bed for them on our floor. They realize quite soon that their beds are far more comfortable than the floor.

Hang in there. I would also recommend the book The Baby Whisperer for some helpful hints.

One of my girls went through a phase like this. As mean as it sounds, I ended up closing her door (she couldn't figure out how to open it at that age). She would then climb out of her toddler bed and sleep on the floor with her little face peeking under the 1" gap under her door. Sad, but hey, at least she was in her room sleeping! We would wait until she was asleep and would put her back in her bed so she didn't sleep all night on the floor. I think you just have to keep insisting that she lays in her bed and sleeps. If she gets up and comes to your room, don't talk to her, just lead her back to her bed, put her in it, and leave the room. Repeat as necessary until she stays there. Maybe have your husband do it as well to help reinforce it. I would not get into the habit of sitting in your doorway. I think that could be a slippery slope. Just get her on track with what you want her to do, and then don't give her any other option. Good luck! This will pass, I promise! =)

I have always said consistency is the key and I have also heard this from many considered to be "professionals" so somewhere in between I guess must be correct ;()) I think there are too many changes here. She is waking up and each night its something different. Whether its mom in the bedroom on the floor or mom in the doorway or whatever-its almost likely a nightly change for her so she doesn't really understand and know what to "stick" with. It has to be consistent. If she gets out of her bed then you need to stick with something and don't give into something else~what that something is you have to decide on. What works for one family doesn't necessarily work for another. I think you have prolonged the process because it takes 7 days to create a habit and 7 days to break it.......it's been 3 weeks according to your post since you have had a good nights rest. It is quite a disruption though when they are ill but you still have to stick to something consistent. My twin girls have known from a very young age the only time they get to sleep in mom's bed is if they are really really sick. They find comfort in each other I think so they do sleep with each other and they are 8 this all started when they were about 2 or 3 years old. Some nights they will sleep alone other nights not but I really don't care as long as they know they aren't going to sleep in my room.
I think you have tried some things that might work but you need to stick with it for at least a week or so. If after a week its not working go to the next tactic. Personally for me when mine were getting out of the bed we ended up putting one of those child-proof things on the door-knob and shut the door. They didn't know how to turn the handle but after they fell asleep I would open the door. My girls have always been pretty good sleepers once they are asleep. It was the process of them staying in bed to go to sleep. Many nights I would walk in and they fell asleep in front of the door or in the bed with one another. I think all the changes might be throwing your lil one off and you just need to continue with one consistent thing for at least two weeks. Is your husband helping you during the night or is he like most men and leave it up to the wife? I know mine did and still does......but then I demand him to watch the kids during the day while I lay down for a nap. That's the deal...if you get your beauty rest during the night and I don't well then you can keep the kids entertained and quiet while mom goes and lays down. He is just as much responsible in helping raise those kids as I am so if I don't get my sleep during the night then he gets the duty of keeping the kids out of my hair for me to lay down...and I have even put ear plugs in my ears and locked my door. It's only fair.