Separation Anxiety?? - Indianapolis,IN

Maybe it's because of the change of 'environment' persay. He wasnt used to being around you all day and now he is so you are all he wants because he is comfortable around you. my 19 month old recently stared doing this on tuesday when we moved from cleveland ohio to vancouver washington..(I have family here) He doesn't know anyone here and has started cliging to me ( I am also out of work until I can find a new job here) since I am around 24/7 now. He never used to be like that when we lived in cleveland and i would go to work and come home.

Hi, M.!

You have NOT taught him anything wrong, and you have NOT done anything to cause this! This is a normal developmental stage, and he will grow out of it. Yes, it is a form of separation anxiety. And it sounds like he's right on schedule! While he's with someone else, they have (hopefully) distracted him enough to forget that you have left the room. So he's fine. But when you come back, he's reminded - oh, yeah! I want to be with HER! - and will start crying and fussing again. Not all children experience separation anxiety in the same manner. This is what your son does. He will grow out of it, and you just need to continue being understanding and patient, and attend to his needs while you're with him. If he needs to be held, hold him! You're doing great, he will be fine, and a year from now you will probably have forgotten this heart wrenching stage.

And, just so you know, I have children do this all the time at my childcare center. They are perfectly fine with me, having fun, laughing, etc. and then Mom shows up and they see her and start crying, as if they've been crying since she left! :) Little stinkers!

Keep up the good work!
Blessings, J.

Been there, done that. All I can say is the previous responses are right on. Watch the Super Nanny! She is amazing and right on the money.

I'm saying this as nicely as possible, since type is sometimes taken more abrasively than intended...you have completely taught him to do this. If babies know they can get their mom to pick them up just by crying, then they will, even if you say you're waiting awhile before you go pick him up. Waiting only teaches him that he has to cry longer. My son was a very difficult baby. He was always wanting to be entertained. If I left the room he'd do the same thing, and I also have another child who's just 15 months older than him. So, when I'd go in the other room, I'd bring him with me and set him on the ground with toys around him, this was before he could move on his own. If he cried, I would just let him cry, because I knew there was nothing wrong with him. He got plenty of attention and cuddle time, so I knew I wasn't doing anything wrong. Then, when he started being able to move around, I would just call for him from the other room. If he wanted to be around me bad enough, he'd eventually make it into the room I was in. If not, I let him cry until he found something to occupy himself. As long as a child has a dry diaper, isn't hungry, isn't thirsty, and isn't sick, there's nothing wrong with letting them cry, especially if the only reason they're doing so is to get extra attention. It's great that you're asking for help now, because if you stop the behavior at this point, then you're setting yourself up for the next few years to be much more relaxed. For example, right now he may be crying to get his way with you picking him up or playing with him, but in another couple of years he'll start crying because he wants something he can't have until you buy it for him. These are the kids that act up in stores and throw tantrums. When he's a little older, he'll cry or yell because he doesn't get to do something he wants to do, and so on and so forth. Even at his young age he's at now, he knows the concept of what he wants, and if you're teaching him how to get it, he's going to do what it takes to get it.

This isn't seperation anxiety it's just that he's figured out of he whines he gets your attention. As you get up to leave the room talk to him so he can hear your voice. Also, keep saying, "mommy will be right back" then when you come around the corner and he can start to see you say, "mommy's back". He will start to pick up on this and start to understand everytime he hears this you will be coming back. It's going to take time, but just like anything else you have to be consistent.

My husband calls this the mom pheremone (sp?) Our sons will be happy as clams while I'm gone, but as soon as I get back, it's screaming, crying, begging, whining, everything.
He might be feeling some jealousy over you having to take care of other children at the daycare.
Other than that, I feel your pain. It's hard to deal with. Hope you find something that works for you to get him to calm down, if you do, please share :)

I think it is simply that he knows that he has you "all figured out"!!
He knows that he will get what he wants by whining to you! Try to distract him by toys or other things while you are busy doing something else. I used to put my daughter in her highchair or playpen near me and put toys in front of her to keep her entertained for a little while while I did dishes, vacuumed or whatever needed to be done. She got used to it, whined maybe a little in the beginning, but since then, she has always played well by herself. It just may be that a tiny bit of 'training' is in order. He will learn after a while.

Your son has learned how to Monopolize you and your time when he was ill with the ear infections and of course you picked him up to comfort him. You need to let him cry and he will eventually realise that Mommy can comfort him even from a distance without picking him up.I would try a favorite toy or snuggle blanket the next time it happens or just remove your self from his sight.Be sure he is okay and then just disappear. Check on him every 5 minutes or so just taking a peek. Then when he does calm down talk to him or give him a hug.It will take time and believe me babies and children are a lot smarter than we give them credit for.

Hi M.
I think he knows you will give in to him. They are smarter than we give them credit for at that young age!! I have always been told that it won't hurt them to cry especially if you know he is okay. (Clean diaper, not hungry, not in pain etc)
He has you wrapped around his little finger.... Just try ignoring him and maybe walk right back out the room when he starts and see what happens.
Leave some toys around him to keep him occupied.
Good luck and god bless.
Please let me know how it goes.

I think that this is a phase because my 9 mo old son is the exact same way. I am a SAHM and he is almost constantly upset until I pick him up. When someone else is watching him he is fine until he see me then he starts whining until I pick him up. I hope someone has some answers for us. :)

There is a point when babies figure out that you do not disapear when you are out of sight and that you will come back. You would think that this is when they stop fussing, but it is actually when they may begin becasue he wants you there. It is just his reaction to his developmental phase. What you describe sound more intense than most babies have. Sometimes development is rough!

You could have him chccked out from head to toe just to be srue that he is not in some kind of discomfort, esepcially with his ear trouble, but if he is just hardwired to be a needy kid, you will just have to wait him out.

If he has anziety issues there is no way that you can tell as a baby. He sounds like he may just be needy a needy baby and you will have to live your life around that. Pick him up when you can, try ot comfort him when he crys, and know that nothing terrible is going to happen to him if he crys when you are gone for a second or two.

It ahould get better with time, but he may always have this kind of personality. True amziety can be diagnosed when they are still little, but not this little!

It may help to read about babies development, at least you can know why they do what they do. Brazelton, and several others have good books on when babies know what and how they may act when they make discoveries about the world. Thier own hardwired personalities effect how they react too.

Good luck, his is a smart boy who knows that you are close by and he wants his mama. Sounds like you are doing a wonderful job, which just means he wants you more!

M.

My son was the same way at that age. Don't worry about it, it's a normal developmental phase and it will pass. Although my son has always been more attached to me than my daughter, the behavior you are talking about lasted until he was around a year old. My pediatrician told me that since we can't ALWAYS pick them up when they want, to just talk to him and reassure him that mommy's nearby. I know this phase can be exhausting, and I know I felt that I was doing something wrong, because why was he so anxious? But sounds like your son is perfectly normal and you are doing everything right! Good luck!

Hard as it is, horrid as it sounds, you are just going to have to let him fuss. He associate the sight, smell, and sound of your voice with being held. If you don't give in and pick him to have him stop he will after a few days stop fussing if you aren't holding him every time you are in the same room. Believe me, they are conditioned and they train us well.