Self-soothing -- How Do You Get Your Child to Attach to Something Beside Boob

You don't have to offer the breast for her to fall asleep, but you could snuggle her and maybe rock her to sleep. Different strokes for different folks. My daughter didn't take to a pacifier for sleeping purposes either. Just the contact with a parent makes a big difference. They like the warmth, the sound of your heartbeat, the snuggle and they relax and go to sleep. Even now, my 17 yr old son will come up on the loveseat rocker and put his head on my shoulder wanting a snuggle when his head hurts (he gets migraines) and just wants to be held and rocked to ease the pain and frustration. I know it maybe frustrating, but spend the time with her, calming her to sleep. But it's an investment of time that will pay off big time in the short and long term.

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When my daughter was eight months, with permission from her ped, I started using a lovey. I attached her to her lovey (a stuffed monkey) by always having it snuggled with us when she nursed. Then I'd put it in bed with her. Within a few weeks, she started using her lovey for comfort at night. By 10 months, she wasn't waking up at night any more. Maybe that would have happened anyway, but I always throught the lovey helped a lot.

She still has to sleep with her lovey now, at 3.5, so beware of that. :-)

Good luck.

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You have some great ideas below and I'll just add what we did. Basically, we didn't let our daughter use breastfeeding to fall asleep. For us, this enabled her not only to develop good self soothing and sleep habits, but also made sure she didn't become a snacker and also made sure she got lots of the hindmilk in each full feeding. To keep her from sleeping our ped made a few recommendations such as tickling her under her chin, singing up beat songs, using a damp cloth on her forehead, etc. Then after feeding we would burp and have "play/alert time" which is when we spoke to her, read to her, walked around and showed her stuff, did tummy time, play gym time, etc. These didn't last very long, I think at about 7 months they were really only 30 minutes or perhaps 45, but that's the tops. Then we would do a bed-time routine (ie., rock her in our arms, sing lullabies put her in her crib, do a brief kisses, lullaby and then, lights out). Since she is accustomed to sleeping on the breast, you may consider slowly working out of that by starting with your daytime (naptime) routine. It is always a bit different at night since you don't have playtime, but you could instead keep her from dozing off (and it does take effort on your behalf!) and then read a short story or nursery rhymes, sing a song and put her down. There may very well be some crying involved. How you want to handle the crying is up to you, as you know, everyone has their own opinion on that one! There is a good book I would recommend called "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Weissbluth. The libraries have it.

Hope that helps!

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7 months really is a tough time. Give her another month before you worry about it! She's probably having some seperation anxiety (or is about to!) and it's probably best to let her get through that before trying to get her to sleep without boob. My daughter takes her nap with a particular stuffed animal and a blanket, but she just falls asleep at night on her own. I don't know what the trick was, but she just started doing it on her own a couple months ago and she is now 18 months.

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Well, I don't think what you are describing is a problem. It think that your daughter is smart for choosing you to help her get to sleep. It is the healthiest and safest choice. Enjoy it while it lasts, because out kids are only little for so long and eventually they will go to sleep on their own. My first son nursed himself to sleep until he was 22 months and as soon as I weaned him he just started falling asleep on his own. I do not think this is a problem and do not think you should feel guilty about it. Good Luck!

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Have you ever tried to use the johnson and johnson lavender sleep system? That works really well. My son is 2.5 and I still use it to get him to sleep. Use the bubble bath, baby wash and the lotion. It works so well! It's like putting your baby into a light baby coma. I never used anything else. No pacifiers or thumb sucking. I did want him to have something for the first couple of months because I couldn't even put him down for a second to use the toilet. I am anti pacifier but I almost gave in. He had more interest in chewing his fingers then sucking them as well. I kept seeing the commercials for the sleepy time bath system so I decided to use it and it worked. I have even discovered that it works for me too!!

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I just put my boys blankies in bed with them and let them do their thing. I don't have great advice because I never nursed my boys to sleep at night, I have always believed it is important for babies to know how to get to sleep on their own, so from birth I would put them in to bed awake at the same time every night. I have never had any of the problems with bed time or weening that so many others describe. That being said, I would just start putting her to bed awake and let her CIO. If she is crying only wait 5 minutes then go in and comfort her without nursing, or even picking her up if you can, just rub her back or tummie and sing or talk softly. Once she is calm put her back to be and if she cries wait another five minutes. I never had to go back in more then once with my boys. This way she will learn to self comfort and not need to feed herself to sleep.

best of luck

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Hey M.-
My first sucked her thumb (now trying to stop at 6 1/2 years old), my second her Nuk (took it away at around 2 years cold turkey). My third didn't take anything except me, like you're saying. At 4 months old I also wanted her to attach to something, so bought a blanket I'd had my eye on. It's satin on one side and REALLY soft patchwork something on the other side. She was really upset and tired when I gave it to her and snuggled her and sang to her all at once. I think that helped her connect that blanket with a comforting thing. I kept using it that way -only when she needed comforting, 'cause I didn't want her hauling it around with her all the time- and it worked. Now at 11 months she smiles and grabs her blanket when I tell her to get it from her crib for night-night. (As a side note, I make sure never to dry it, or at least to only dry it for a short time so it stays super soft and not pill-y.)

Blessings!

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Have you tried "wearing" one of the lovies so that it will have your scent? A blanket would probably be easiest. Whatever you choose, you could sleep with it next to your skin.

Neither of my grandchildren were attached to anything while they were babies. They just eventually learned how to soothe themselves to sleep. My daughter used the cry it out method. I think that there are other more loving ways to do it. The tricky part is finding one that works and having patience until it does work.

There are some good books about sleep issues. I'm sure some of the other mother's can give you their titles.

I don't know if this is OK but my daughter sometimes gave them a bottle of water in their crib. They held it themselves. Once they could use a sippy cup they took that to bed with them. They used the sippy cup, taking a drink without waking up, for a couple of years.
Perhaps the sippy cup was their lovie.

My granddaughter is 8 and acquired a couple of lovies while she was in preschool. One is a blanket from her other grandma. The other is a beat up looking teddy bear that I gave her.

My grandson has had several stuffed animal lovies since he was 2 or so. He's 5 now. He has lost several. He lost his latest and I was able to find a duplicate on Amazon. His smile was so big when I gave him the new one. I'm going to order a second one to have on hand.

These lovies had an attachment first to someone they loved. Perhaps you could play with her with the ones in her crib. Start with the one you think would be most comforting.

Try giving her your shirt, or something that smells like you. It worked for my daughter at that age.

Hi M.-

My best advice for you would be to just keep nursing her to sleep. I did that with both my two girls. As of Tuesday I weaned my 12 month old from the breastfeeding. She would always go to sleep nursing so I didnt know what to do when I wanted to wean! Well, it turns out she didnt even really need the breast to fall asleep. Just me laying with her and patting her butt or rubbing her back. She also has a little hippo rattle she HAS to sleep with! Since your daughter is only 7 months I wouldnt really worry about it right now. Unless YOU want to stop. I thought it would be a nightmare weaning my daughter but she actually is doing really well. You dont really want to get her stuck on something if she isnt. I have a nephew who is 5 and since he was born he had a stuffed tiger. My sister let him take it EVERYWHERE....now he is 5 and he STILL has it! If your daughter cant nurse to sleep try giving her a bottle with breast milk in it or maybe even start her on a sippy cup. But dont force a binki or whatever else on her, its just something else you will have to take away in a few months. Best of Luck to you and your little one. If all else fails just feed her and then when she falls asleep put her in her crib, if she does wake up let her cry it out 15 minutes, I bet she will put her self back to sleep!!

~K.~

Hi M.!

The short answer is that you can't choose what they will be attached to. In my opinion, the best thing for her to be attached to IS you. Even with you working part time. There is no reason that you need to get her used to falling asleep without nursing. That will happen when the situation arises. I've found that my kids fell asleep with others without nursing with no problems. Is there another reason you want to stop nursing?