Seeking Twin Moms for Encouragement - Will I Survive??

It was exhausting just reading your post...wow! I encourage you to realize most resistance from kids comes as instinct. ( It is a protective mechanism...to protect kids from being influenced by those people the child is not emtionally attached to...usually we think of strangers. Unfortunately though, situations arise in which resistence to parents or other caregivers can occur.) But understand that they really are not in charge of their emotions, reactions etc. (Esp at this age.) It is our job as adults, to try not to "trigger" resistance (also called "counterwill" by Otto rank and Gordon Neufeld). Those that look like masters at handling kids have this skill. Or they have the skill to dodge counterwill when it does crop up.
Note : there are situations where the adult has to trigger counterwill and let the child experience defeat. The adult has to "win" for safety, sanity reasons etc. I guess here is where you have to prioritize to what you can do with the time/energy you have.
To make it easier: you offer the kiddos choices (2 is good) that you can live with, after you have had a good interaction with them, to get their positive attention. (Warm fuzzy bonding feeling...I love my mommy...I know she loves me, she is in control, and we are safe etc etc) One choice feels coercive...two looks really great.
Let these kids be a part of figuring out solutions for simple problems if possible. Automatic buy in...and cooperation should follow.
Model "cooling off"..time yourself out if you are getting to the point of yelling. (we have all done it) Kids may laugh, but inside they may actually be quite disturbed or frightened by parents yelling. (I think my daughter does this too..laughed when I tried spanking too...I gave up on that fast)
A parent who can calmly do discipline is much less threatening. (Ergo Love and Logic's .."wow, what a bummer you did that, now we can't do this or that. Maybe next time you will make a different choice." (message - you are not bad, your choice was not so good...but it can be better next time!)
Try to leave on a positive note..."I'll see you after you finsh putting that away." Kids know mom still loves/accepts them..set up for a more positive interaction next round.
Two's are tough...more strategies like Love and Logic will work better as they age...in the meantime, I'd just try to enlist their cooperation without bribery (except maybe privilages to help you do something you want them too..."do you think you are big enough to ....blah blah??") They sound so active, just trying to chanel the energy to something safe is a score for you!

Ohh how I do not envy you! But you will survive. They are a mischievous, industrious bunch of children who are smart creative and will not conform. But you the mama can regain control and composure for yourself. Is there anything you do for yourself on a weekly basis? I mean like take a walk woth no kids or a hot bath with no kids knocking on the door/ It is time you spend 30 mins a week on you. It will give a small amount of recharge and find even more creative ways of keeping the kiddos under a little control. Remember they are only for a short time and this to shall pass like a large kidney stone, Just hang in there. You can do it!
J.

Anything you do differently now will require effort and work, whatever it is. Esp in regard to discipline. At this age, they are not trying to offend you and piss you off! They are just trying to control their world a little more. They are probably frustrated, too. As such, I strongly recommend adding sign language to your day. Don't start with stop and no and bite and discipline related words, b/c they'll figure that out and never do them. Start with their needs (food, water, apple, play, gentle, potty) and just use them. Don't teach them, just model them. It will soon sink in as a way to communicate and get what they want. Once they know their needs can be met this way, you'll have less of the behavior issues.

Oh, I feel your pain! My twins will turn 3 in a few months and I have an almost 1 year old. They were awesome babies and were perfect happy angels until I got pregnant with their brother.=) I wish I could say that mine have out grown the wild monkey stage, but we're still living through it. My husband works a lot too so while he is unbelievably helpful when he's here, the days definitely feel long. I don't know what kind of space you have, but we got rid of our guest room and separated them and that has helped so much. We also removed EVERYTHING from their rooms. They had almost nothing in there, except we left their beds, some stuffed animals and a couple of books. So when it was nap time or they were totally out of control, I couple put them in their rooms for a few minutes so I could breath. I wish I could give you better advice, but I just thought you might like to know that you aren't alone. Good luck to you.

You'll survive! This time will pass. Just try to keep your cool with the kiddos, and remember that the stage will be over soon. Our twins are almost two, and it's been getting a little easier each day.

My boys were great as babies, and started getting hard around that age too. (Not quite as challenging as yours sound though!) They are 3 now and still really hard but I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Hang in there! The website "Twinstuff" (www.twinstuff.com) is a great resource.

Ok, I don't have twins. But when i read you're post......it exhausted me! I thought my 1 child who is 18 months old is a wild monkey! I don't have any real advice, I just wanted to send you good vibes and prayers. I agree with Jen...do something for yourself, and it might help! I wish I could send you all my extra energy, not that I have a ton, but I would gladly give it up to you! HUGS...hang in there!

So sorry! I have twin girls who are now almost 5 and our son is 7. I barely survived the infant stage. It wasn't until the girls were about 3 that I felt more in control. I remember one day all three were screaming and crying. I felt like plopping on the floor next to them and joining in. I went into the bathroom and just laughed. I just couldn't believe that after dealing with infertility for YEARS this is what I was crying for!! LOL.

A couple things that might help.
Make sure they are getting enough sleep because they will act hyper when they are overtired.

Try not to scream. We all do it sometimes but it actually teaches them to wait until you scream before they will listen.

Have a daily routine. It gets a little mundane but it saved my sanity!

We also put the girls into a Mother's Day Out a couple days a week when they were 2 1/2 and that helped a lot!!

When the girls were biting each other, they would leave serious bite marks/bruises on each other. I was desperate so I told them that if they bite, Mommy bites and I did. Just hard enough to show them that biting hurts. I did the same with pulling hair after one held up a handful of the other's hair. All that stopped pretty quickly.

Life with twins is crazy but I wouldn't have it any other way. NOW the girls are easy and lots of fun. All the craziness of those toddler days are a blurr and they will be for you, too.

You will survive! Hang in there!

www.loveandlogic.com
You will survive!!

I have a 8 year old boy and a set of twins that are 22 months old one is a boy and one is a girl. I understand were you are coming from . I have to have some time to my self evey week and that time is at my dads cleaning his house. I get to go in the car all by my self and then I get to my dads turn the radio up load and clean for an hour it is just me and the radio and cleaning and I love it. I come back ready for the twins. I know your husband works and is very help ful but you have to take some time for you every week. So on his day off you have to go some where just you by your self every week. But believe me I know exactly how you feel. I fell like I am going crazy and not sure if I am gonna make it but when i see them sleeping and laughing then it is all worth it. You are not a bad mom you are a good mom and it is one person and two toddlers it is hard. Have a night and good luck. Remember to breath and count to 10 and take time for you every week even if it is an hour a week.

you will survive. in no time they'll turn 4 and 5 and oh my, they become a joy to have around. they become your best buds. mine are.
i remember the stage you're in now. wow i thought my life as i knew it has ended. it was so hard. no one to help, not a minute break for me. and then they turned 4. and then 5 and then 6. i can't get enough of them, and the past seems so distant, and all the hardships totally forgotten. hang in there. do best you can. when it gets tough, put a movie on, get on a couch and rest. don't worry if house is not clean or in order.
my kids during toddler years cried i feel like all the time. it was crazy. they were bad eaters, wouldn't go to sleep without me rubbing their backs for hours. when they'd fall asleep and i trying to leave the room, they'd hear me and the ordeal would start again.
at 2 years old i implemented cry it out as in i am not going back unless i thinik you're hurt. took maybe 2 days and they were sleep trained.
i changed my attitude towards food. i served what i had planned and if meal was not what they wanted they didn't get anything else. i created a routine. i brought structure to their day: play time, learn time, tv time, snack time, rest time, play silently time etc. took some time but it worked.
so again, hang in there. you're not an awful mom. you're a stressed out mom. take one day at a time.

I feel for you! I know how hard it can be when they are small, and you are trying everything you can to keep them safe and happy.

YOU need an outlet. Maybe taking them to the playplace at McDonalds or the park so they can run off their energy for an hour and just be wild and climb and play where it is safe.

Also, try to remember that they are not trying to get into trouble. They are testing their boundaries. NOW is the time for you to set the boundaries, and after being told over and over they will learn how far they can go. They do nothing but push you at this age, and I know how frustrating that can be. When you start to feel that you are losing it is when you need a change of scenery, as I mentioned above, to give you a break before you loose it.
You CAN do it!

you have got to read this (when you get a second)
http://www.raisinggodlytomatoes.com/
the whole book is online(every chapter is on the left side)
Both of my boys were like that (they are not twins though)
This book has been an AMAZING help.

{{{Hugs}}} K. - have you checked out your local parents of multiples club? (http://www.NOMOTC.org can help you find the club nearest you) Sometimes the best place to be when you're going crazy with toddler twins is to be somewhere with other parents of multiples who are going just as crazy as you are ;-) - my twins playgroup was a HUGE sanity-saver for me b/c for a couple hours every other week I was out with other moms who knew exactly what I was going through - I could have actual (albeit short) conversations with grown ups, feel reassured that I was not the only one feeling at my wit's end about a particular development, and feel a little less anxious about being at a playground with my two b/c as part of the playgroup we called ourselves a "zone defense" - you're not so worried about looking in both directions all the time because you know that while you've got your eyes on the various playgroup tots in the sandbox, another parent's got her eyes on all the tots by the slide.

And, as hard as it may be to believe when you're in the thick of this stage, it *is* a stage - they WILL eventually "get" the concepts of safety and realize that Mom telling them not to climb on the bookshelf is actually a sensible safety rule and not just an attempt to ruin their fun. My girls were not nearly adventurous as yours, but another mom in my multiples club who could easily have written your post about the climbing and escaping harnesses says her kids have settled down quite a bit over the past few months so yes, there's a light at the end of the tunnel and it's not an oncoming train.

And who knows, you might have some gifted athletes on your hands (a mom in my women's group who's a former gymnast knew her daughter would be following in her footsteps the day she woke in the middle of the night, heard a giggling sound, and found that her then-10MO daughter had climbed out of her crib and into the empty tub and was happily playing with her bath toys!)

Hi K.,

First, let me say "I feel your pain". So sorry for this difficult season because we all have them.

Second, let me say that you definitely need some sort of outlet. Try and create it daily by scheduling it. Just like you would dinner. Whether it's getting up before them and going for a walk when your husband get home or a bath with a good book when there in bed at night. That would be a start. Then eventually work towards getting a sitter (family to help with sitting possibly) for something you enjoy doing on a weekly or monthly basis. For some it could just be shopping without the kids. One time I left for two hours (when my husband was home to take over) to go to Starbucks and sit in the car and read my mail and call a friend on my cell phone. Can I tell you how wonderful it was having uninterrupted time and some solice!! I loved it and it hardly cost me anything. I was able to go back home with a re-charge!!! Share with hubby and see if he can help you create some time for yourself and let him know how your feeling. Even if it is just for 30 min. or an hour but be honest with him.

Having a "Date Night" for the two of you is highly recommended also. Try and work on that at least on a Monthly basis. It is a hardship in this economy to do this sometimes but try and make it a priority for your marriage, family, sanity! A "Happy Marriage" always equates a "Happy Family!!!" If family is near and supportive you can explain how you need the help if they would be willing to do this for you on a weekly or monthly basis. If not maybe start a babysitting co-op with other couples that are interested in saving on sitters but interested in wanting some time away from the kids.

Thirdly, I disagree with most of the other post that say that this is just a phase and things will get better. Children need boundaries and discipline. Because pulling hair, throwing toys, getting into things they are not suppose to, etc... Just turns into other things that happen at whatever age they are at. For instance, it could turn into "talking back", "Lying", "running away from you", a lot of it will equate "Disrespect". It can turn into disrespect for you, others and things. I have had 5 yr. olds that did not learn these boundaries or get disciplined in the toddler years and come into my home thinking that everything was theirs or up for grabs!!! They felt they had the "freedom" to do whatever they wanted!! That included trying to get out my slider door that was locked to get out to my pool in the yard!!! Walk down the hall and walk into whatever bedroom they felt like going in!!! Going into people's refrigerator Etc...... I can go on and on. People may laugh at this but it is true I have seen it. It just depends on the child and how far they are willing to take it. So don't be fooled that it gets better when they get older. It will just develop into "other problems" and in my opinion "Bigger Problems" that can be pretty embarrassing. Some people may think the things I just listed is OK and not a big deal but hopefully your seeing the bigger picture!! Some day you will have and out of control teenager and it will be way to late to put the reigns on when it should of been done NOW as a Toddler!!!

OK, so all that being said get the book called "Toddler Wise" by Gary and Anne Ezzo. They use to sell it at Target I don't know if they still do. If you are a Christian they have a Christian version that has scripture references. Because all of the principals that are recommended are all scriptural. There books have helped many, many families!! So much so that China wants to have their material as the only "proven" parenting books that they will allow!!!

My husband and I are Christian and not only read the books (Infant and Up but not getting ready to do the "middle years") but took classes that were offered with the Ezzo's ministry with other couples and that was really "Awesome!!" It really was educational and great to have other parents to bounce things off of and get ideas and support from one another.

Anyway, go to their website if you would like gfi.org (Growing Families International) their site is chalked full of resources, advise, understanding, which all equates to Peace & Sanity!!! Keep in mind that you may hear negative things about them and their ministry. But you will always find the "counter" to almost anything!! There are too many "Happy, Harmonious, Families and TODDLERS that would prove the opposite!!! My husband and I would be the first ones to get in that line. Our kids were "Great Toddlers" but it is because we got direction and boundaries and reaped and great benefit.

I so hope I was able to help. Praying for you K.!

A.

I don't have twins - but wow! That seriously sounds mentally and physically exhausting.

My only advice is to watch some episodes of Supernanny (I know there are some with her dealing with twins and/ or kids this age). And yes, plenty of kids are this wild. :)

It IS hard to discipline at this age. Definitely. I like what one other person said - clear out their room so they basically have nothing, and that is the new time-out. *Some people don't approve of timeout in room but honestly, I think you're at the point of needing to save your sanity and realize that they will get over it :) Turn the door handle around to lock from the outside (sorry if that sounds mean, but sounds like your kids are escape artists and they need to have a safe space to feel like they are in trouble or have a breather). Are they still in cribs? Or have they climbed out of those? You don't want them to be scared of their crib, but I've used it as a threat before that they will go to their crib/bed if they don't start being happy.

Also, read Love and Logic books (might be one for toddler?). I hear those books are awesome for discipline and getting control of your kids. Supernanny also agrees with another poster on a daily routine. She always draws it or writes it on a posterboard and refers back to it when kids aren't behaving or doing what they are supposed to. There it is in black and white - 2-4 is crib time (or whatever).

If you can afford it, find a daycare who is willing to take part-time kids and put them in a little bit. It will give them social interaction, and you will have a little break to actually do things you want/need to do - like cleaning or relaxing, so that when they are home, you can give them your attention (I know you do, but the more you have eyes on them, the less ruckus they can cause).