Almost 3 Year Old Testing Limits.

Hi D.,
I feel for you!!! lol!

Here's what we do: no threats: we just take the toy, or put him in time-out the first time. Works like a charm
t

My husband and I agree that our son did not go through the terrible two's. We felt like the luckiest parents alive. Then he turned 3....I remember thinking that he was using reverse psychology on me. I just stood my ground. I use the term "sit by yourself" instead of time out. He uses the phrase time out for games, so I knew that it wouldn't work. I would sit him by himself in an area where I could see him, but where he was alone. He hated it but knew that he had to behave in order to avoid that place. For the most part, it was effective. The phase did pass. Hopefully your son's phase will go quickly. Just stand your ground and try not to let him see that he is getting to you. Good luck.

My twins were like that. I hit a point it was either listen to me, or you get in trouble. I didn't give them a choice in anything especially when they weren't behaving. When they were good, I'd let me pick a place we could go like the park, or the swimming pool. The big key to ANY disipline is the follow through. You don't follow through, they know they can get away with anything. Remember, your a parent first and then a friend/playmate. Some people might not agree with me, but I had twin, and at 4 I could take them out to eat by myself, they would pick there meal and sit and color. While the 3 or 4 yr old at another talbe was trying to get up, yelling, creaming.. not listening. Good luck :)

I have the most success w/ my 3 year old when he is productive. Let him help you do things. Let him choose too, when possible. Give him two viable choices (both of which you are ok with) For example, we're going to get ready to go to the store, do you want to wear your sneakers or your boots? He will start to feel like he has control over some things.

Hi D.,

You have discovered one of the most beautiful things about kids. They get more experience and adapt. Your boy sounds pretty smart. He has found a way to neutralize your leveraging efforts (consequences/punishment).
I was wondering...have you tried following through anyway? Does he care? Or does he continue the tactic? It sounds like he might continue just to "win". He sounds like his counterwill is strong.
You are going to need a complete strategy change in order to throw him off, and take the pressure off yourself too.
I highly recommend Love and Logic or Proactive Parenting websites. They sell stuff (CD's books), but they have free articles for you to see what you might be doing differently instead.
One of the problems with both rewards and punishment is that they can backfire. (Yes, rewards too). There is too much to write about here...but child development researchers and educators have noticed that there are quite a few caveats to using positive and negative consequences to shape behavior.
In summary, I think you need to find a way to get your son "on your side". Try to find something that helps you work together to problem solve whenever possible. (It may not ALWAYS be possible.) Maybe check out that book How to Talk So kids Will Listen. Or similar titles/themes.

My boy did the EXACT same thing and almost a year later, he still does it off and on. Another mom told me that even though he was choosing the consequence, he was still understanding that if he wanted something, he had to behave a certain way. So, I just keep taking the toy away, putting him in time out, etc. Little by little, it's been better. Now he tells me, "I didn't (whatever it is) so I don't go in timeout". I think that's progress!
B.

Hi, D. -
It's a power struggle, and it will pass. When he says "go ahead, put me in time out", do just that. He doesn't really want to go, he's just trying to take control. Same way with toys. "Go ahead, take my toy"... say "thank you, I will", and follow through. He'll eventually figure out that he needs to comply with the rules. Good luck.

Have you ever followed through on your threats? Take the toy, dont go to the park, put him in time out. He is checking to see if you mean what you say. My son did this at four. He started to scream and yell, throw things. I told him everything he throws he will get taken away.

He kept it up even after I took something away. So I kept at it until his room had nothing but his bed and the things on the walls. He was shocked and said sorry but I didnt give it all back to him. He had to earn it all back. Even his quilt that i made for him. That was the first thing he earned because he knew he couldnt sleep with out it. I took 2 weeks for him to have it all back.

So now if he throws something I will tell him I will take it and he knows I will. Some days he will just bring it to me.

I have a 10 year old, 7 year old, 2 year old and 10 month old and my experience is that 3 is definately the hardest age! Too young to really understand consequences but old enough to manipulate. I am a big book reader and some of my favorite parenting books are 1,2,3 Magic; Dare to Discipline; Creative Correction (written by the actress who was Blaire on The Facts of Life). Good luck and keep in mind that is gets better every year! 8 is my favorite age so far :)

My daughter will be 3 in August and she's doing the exact same thing. I follow through. She'll say "I want to go to timeout," so instead of waiting for her to do the thing I don't want, she goes straight to timeout, or I take away the toy right away. I want her to know that she needs to do/not do what I am telling her to do/not to do, and that it's not okay to engage in this battle with me.

However, sometimes when I am asking her to do something and she really doesn't want to, I'll give her a choice of two things I need her to do, and it gives her a little power so she is not so reluctant. Good luck!