Seeking Other Bipolar Mommas

I do understand how difficult it is right now but you need this appointment for you and for the baby. This is part of fighting thru the episode you are in now. You know why you need the appointment so I won't even go there. Be strong and keep fighting thru. I know it has to be incredibly difficult .

The hardest part is taking care of yourself. This is one of those things you need to do to take care of yourself for the sake of the baby. If you can't handle one more thing on your plate, don't do anything else that day, no dishes or laundry or anything. GO to that appointment and then watch movies while eating take out the rest of the day. Take notes while you are there or record the appointment (I'm thinking a voice recorder) so you don't forget what was said.

I know what you are going through. I'm bipolar 2, so I don't have the severe mania, but my depressive episodes are crushing and my mood cycling is debilitating even on meds. If all you can do is that one thing that day, the rest will wait. You might have to get used to doing things this way, I know I did. I couldn't handle more than one trip to the YMCA or one appointment a day when the kids were little, it was too stressful. Your body isn't being nourished properly, which will throw your brain chemistry off, which begins a cycle of "can't do it...need to do it...can't do it..giving up..."

You CAN do this. In fact, ALL you have to do is take care of yourself and the baby. Take care, sweetie. I really do understand.

Raises her hand timidly. I'm bipolar. The dreaded bi-polar one. I've gone in and out of psychosis. I have lots of manic episodes. Right now I'm on a depressive mood. It's terrible. My son is 9 months old. It was a hard pregnancy. No weight gain, eventually my liver started failing. They induced early. Then the baby was born and had heart problems and a tumor. Now that he is better I seem to be falling to pieces I'm trying so hard to keep the pieces together. I think it was because I can finally. It is seeming impossible though. I went to the nutrionalist. Did all that because I was losing weight. In all fairness I do each pregnancy. Finally in the final trimester I gained 20. Nothing before that.

But yes I'm a bipolar mom. Right now it seems impossible and I don't feel strong enough.

But the nutrionalist isn't so bad. They just make suggestions on your diet to improve it. They want you to make a detailed list of what you've eaten and they go from there.

You and only you knows what you can handle. You've been through this before, you acknowledge that you have bipolar disorder, and that's half the battle right there! I have dabilitating episodes of depression and anxiety, but now I'm on an anti-depressant that stabelizes me. Is there a medication that you could try that is safe for the baby and you?

I just remember how dark and painful I was at my worst. My son was 9 months old and I just hated him. He was crawling towards the stairs and was going to fall down them and I didn't care. I didn't stop him. Another time he was playing with our VCR cords and had them wrapped around his neck and I didn't care. Later I was going to take him for a walk down a bike trail that has a bridge and when I pictured us going on a walk, I pictured myself throwing him off the bridge into the river. It was horrible, horrible, horrible! I couldn't stop the bad thoughts in my head. I was hospitalized for a short time til they got my meds regulated and that made a world of difference. I remember one morning before my meds when I got into the shower and honestly, I had no idea what to do. I didn't know what I was doing in the shower. Was I supposed to shampoo first? Use the soap first? Why did I even need a shower? It was so scary. I felt like I was never going to get better.

So that was after my first son (with my daughter 7 years earlier I was fine afterwards). But then I got pregnant with my second son and my psychiatrist didn't want me to "crash" into depression and anxiety again so he put me on a pill that was pregnancy/nursing safe and I stayed on that the entire pregnancy and I'm now on it for life as long as it keeps working, and I haven't crashed at all. I'm enjoying this baby more than ever! I personally think that meds and personal counseling changed me completely for the better. I'm a mother of three, have a full time job, a part time job, a husband who has a full time job, a dog, a cat...and we are happier than ever! It's amazing how good I feel considering a year and a half ago I thought it was a huge chore to write out a check, or wash dishes, or even get dressed.

You can do this, you can get through this! If you're not feeling better quickly, get help. And if that help doesn't work, go somewhere else. I'm telling you, life can be great! Please keep me updated!!

I'm bipolar also and definitely feel your struggle. The best thing to do for you and your baby is to go to the appointment no matter how dreadful it seems. It's like the stewardess on the airplane says; if there is something wrong, you need to put your oxygen mask in order to help anyone else. While you feel this way just do the absolute necessary things. I write a small list of things to do each day. That way it's not as overwhelming as looking at a large list of everything to do.
God Bless you.

You might also want to consider seeing a naturopathic doctor instead of an allopathic nutritionist. A naturopathic doctor will get to the root cause of why you're losing weight and actually find out what specific vitamins, minerals, enzymes, amino acids, etc., your body is depleted in. I know; I had severe malabsorbtion because of multiple issues, NONE of which were found by my allopathic doctor. I thought I was going absolutely nutso until my naturopathic doctor helped me find the ROOT cause of why I was getting so sick and losing so much weight. I live in Madison, WI; if you can't find a good naturopathic doctor in Jnvl, let me know and I'll give you the name of the one I go to. He has a PhD in microbiology and gets to the cellular root of the problem. It was a blessing when I found him.

Oh, V., you won the lottery of mental illnesses - bipolar disease is HELL. I am so sorry you are struggling. But congrats on that healthy little bun in your oven.

I have clinical depression that occasionally will make me a little bit manic as well. I take Prozac as well as something called Maca Root. I learned about Maca Root on this very site. It is extremely effective.

As far as what you are being told so far, I totally concur with the folks that say let everything but the most essential things go and just take care of yourself. Is there a partner in this whole thing? I'm assuming, unless this child is the result of an immaculate conception, that there is. Can you lean on this person? Are there any people on this board that live within reasonable proximity, who understand your struggles, who can help you out? You are doing the best thing by just reaching out to folks on this board. This tells me that you are a wise and caring mom who cares about those around her. Right now though, it's time for you to care about yourself some too.

All my best to you, Momma.

E.

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