Seeking Moms Whose Children Are Heavily Involed in Learning a Musical Instrument

5 years old and forced to practice 1.5 hours a day? I can't imagine that, but I do imagine she will hate piano shortly if she doesn't already.

My piano teacher is world-renown. He has worked with major artists, has recorded albums and even made music for movies. He gives music seminars all over the world.

He suggests 10 minutes of practice a day. For everyone. For a child, one minute, ten times a day. That's one minute of ten different exercises every day. Doing exercises is PRACTICING. Pick one exercise. Make her do it for one minute. Then STOP. Have her do a different exercise some other time that day. Then STOP.

Then, she should PLAY. That is fun. She could play as long as she wants, or as little as she wants. Playing is playing a song. Enjoying it.

Music comes from the heart and soul. It is a form of expression. It is art. It does not come from drilling it 1.5 hours a day for candy. It does not come from someone else forcing you to play. It does not come from stress. If your daughter can't enjoy music, if she can't play it from her heart, if she can't express herself with it, if she can't have fun with it WHAT IS THE POINT??????

Please find a way to stop yourself from pushing her. You are robbing her of the joys of music. As a musician myself, I can't imagine someone forcing ME to practice for 1.5 hours a day. I play because I love it, because I can bring enjoyment to others when I do. If I was forced to play, that essence, the artist in me, would die and I would be nothing but a person playing notes.

Take a step back and see what you are doing to yourself and your child. I have four at home and we are always in a different state of chaos too. I know the sigh of relief that sometimes just doesn;t' come at night.
If your daughter doesn't want ot practice 1.5 hour a day then dont' make her. Give her her incentives for when she does do her practices but it should come from within to want to play.
I have one who is going to the NC state competition for piano Saturday, she wants it bad and plays continuously while she is awake. She is also in the pit band for the play at school playing the cello and practices that too. But she wants it. My two other girls play the piano and the violin. I let it be between the teachers and the girls whetther they play. If they practice they go to competitions, if they don't then they sit at home and their sister goes. .
If your daughter is starting to cringe at the practice time lay off a bit She is only 5 and still needs to play with her dolls and puzzles too.
Also when mine were younger they were allowed two extra curricular activities. Violin took the place of one and for a while Girl Scouts. THey are older now, teens and do alot more. It is their choice though.

Sounds like you AND your daughter work full-time and she’s only 5 =-) You’re overwhelmed, imagine how a 5 year old feels with a full schedule. Wow.. full day school 4 days a week, gymnastics, volleyball and piano. Whew!!

Well I can’t identify with your personality but I can with your schedule and wanting successful happy children (what parent wouldn’t). I have 2 kids with similar schedules but I homeschool until kindergarten. My 4 y/o plays piano since 3 AND loves it to pieces, soccer & t-ball (seasonal) but does not go to school. My 8 y/o plays violin, soccer & karate and goes to an elementary school in the gifted program. She also has art once a week.

What I have done is NOT have scheduled practice time on their instruments. Because of that they do it on their own and really enjoy it. I think if they started to hate the practicing I would just say O.K., let me know when you’re ready to play again. I think because I don’t push they are more inclined to want to do it and it’s stress free for them. Believe it or not they are both amazing! My son is very gifted on the piano and my daughter has been chosen to play concerts in our area.

My daughter actually used to swim on a little team in our city from age 5-7. I’m big into swimming. One day she just said I don’t want to swim anymore and play soccer like all my friends. Totally fine! She has a very good attitude about school, sports, violin and everything else and I feel it’s because I don’t push at anything…well except school but that’s non negotiable!!

As for me, I exercise everyday hiking and biking, but my kids do it with me. It’s fun but we’re getting outdoors which is super huge for me. I need my workout!!

It’s just what works for us. I hope you find what works for you within all the great suggestions you’ve received!

You've gotten some great advice... my knee jerk response is to say slow down... but then I look at my own life and realize others might say the same of me ;) Truely though... it sounds like you're starting to enter into long term sleep-dep, so it looks like some reorganizing is what's necessary.

What DH & I BOTH struggle with is balance. As an adhd household (kiddo & I are adhd-c, dh isn't but *intense*... aka a patterns genius [professional musician, computer programmer, & classist; just give him any kind of pattern... while I'm medical/sciency, visual arts, & sports])... we very much tend to fixate on our passions, and then IDEALLY have a *wonderful* do-nothing-recharge period. Ahem... this ideal was met BC era (before children). With kiddo though, we have to make sure that there are periods of rest on both a daily and a weekly basis.

It sounds like the easiest fix for YOU right now is to nix the exercise routine for awhile. Give yourself 6 months to recharge your reserves, and actually sleep until 930 or 10 for awhile (if you don't have to be up until your daughter).

For your daughter... is the 90 minutes all in one chunk... or a couple 45min halves... or a few half hour segments... or throughout the day? My DH usually plays for several hours a day, and listens for several more... but *rarely* does he play for more than an hour at a time (even with his calluses from 2 decades of playing, his fingers bleed if he plays too long, and the -extremely strong- muscles get very very cramped and sore). He can do a 90min set on stage every day if he has to... but it's exhausting to him, and he doesn't play at ALL any other time when he's playing that length of time. He's just too tired. He also mixes up his playing "types". His different types (non-performance):
- practicing or recording (the most grueling)
- technique (2rd hardest)
- writing ( &/or working out parts or topography ... with an instrument in his hands)
- playing around / "noodling"
- new instruments
-"gadgetry" : this ranges from gear, to instruments, to recording
- listening (which I'm including, because his brain is always working when he's listening to music)

Now... he's *extremely* passionate about music, but during the times where he *has* to only practice every day (learning new songs) he's miserable to live with, because he's not happy. It's exhausting, tiring work. Kids don't tend to "know any better" so they put up with more... but if the "fun" is starting to go out of it... sounds like it's time to get the fun back in.

Anyhow... my 2cents

Sounds to me like she is WAY overscheduled. Does she enjoy what she is doing or do you push?

You don't want to burn her out so early in her young life.

I have an only daughter, VERY active. 15 yrs old, plays violin in the 10th grade orchestra, varsity cheerleader, honors classes and the one thing I make sure she has is some down time to "have a life" as she puts it.

My daughter is a natural with the violin and rarely practices at home but maintains the first chair spot in her orchestra group. She has a private violin teacher who comes in once a week at the school and works with her during the class time. As for cheer, she works with her squad as well as a private coach once a week (1/2 hr).

I understand wanting to give everything to create the successful child but you also want a happy child....not over stressed child. I stress to my high achiever daughter that she needs down time to enjoy life. She is very social as well and they get busier as they get older. Time flies.....they grow up TOO fast. Enjoy her

Same feeling addicts have/feel... compulsory and adrenaline and always "on." Not that your's is a "bad" behavior... just displaced... onto yourself AND onto your daughter.
Do you want... your daughter to become, as you? Again, I'm not dissing you... but really, a child often does as they think they have to in order to please the parent. Sure she may like piano... but what a heck of a grueling pace and schedule... for a mere 5 year old... who has been doing this pace since... 3.5
You- are burning out and can't keep up with it all... and are burning both ends. Your daughter... how can she deal with it and cope?
... My concern would be, the child.... and how she is "really" doing underneath it all....

Being on a constant high & high speed tread-mill... at some point you are going to burn out... unless you can self-direct your need to do all this all the time.... in some respect... it can sometimes be a diversion for oneself. Because if a person doesn't have anything to do then they have to look at themselves... they really don't know how to relax, how to be, how to just hang, how to reflect etc. Its almost as though... you know you can't keep up, but you can't stop. Literally. Hence, like addicts on some level. Or any kind of compulsion that can't be controlled.

But, whatever YOU are having problems with, it will at some point become your daughter's burden to carry. Think of that. Now. Not later, when it has become your daughter too. Your daughter is an individual... a child, separate from you... gifted or not, she has her own road and dreams too. Your daughter I"m sure.... did not sign herself up for all those classes, activities or practices, right? So how did she get signed up... and how did it all come to be?

Wanting to give your child the world is fine... but that does not mean a child has to be on a constant tread-mill either. When is she a child? When can she just do nothing.... and just do nothing?
That, is also good for a child. She is only 5 years old. I can't imagine a burnt-out 7 year old.... like her Mommy.... if your daughter has to keep up the pace, either.
She's not doing it alone... she's doing it 'just like Mommy.'

All the best,
Susan

Sounds like "Supermom Syndrome" :) As a mom of 6 kids, I can identify with this! There are never enough hours in the day to get every single thing done (and done right). Over the years, I have come to recognize my own limitations and continually work toward creating a happy balance (not always successfully, though).

A couple of suggestions that I can offer that may help:

1.5 hrs is a LONG time for a 5 year old AND for you. If shortening practice time is simply not an option, then I would work toward having her do more of it independently. Perhaps divide the time into shorter chunks: she practices for 15 minutes while you are preparing her breakfast, 15 minutes while you are preparing snack, and 1 hr after dinner when you can sit with her. Purchase a timer that she can set (giving her some control) for the times. Also, you may find a high school student studying piano that can take over once or twice a week in the evening for a small amount of money to free up a little of your time.

Consider, if possible, reworking the schedule so that she is rising earlier and getting to bed earlier. It seems that setting the expectation for that late of a bed time and rising that late in the day isn't realistic for what is going to happen in the future (I assume that when she attends school full time she will start earlier in the day?).

Perhaps check out one of those places that you can prepare all of your meals one month at a time (or do it yourself at home) and lighten your shopping load as well as your cooking load.

Write down your daily schedule from start to finish and see if there isn't 1 hour of time that can be added/eliminated. You know, the whole work smarter not harder deal. Sometimes it is hard to see it as a whole unless we write it down. You may find that some chores are "combinable". I think an extra hour of sleep a day would help you out alot :)

Finally, make sure that you are setting one day (at least) a month aside for yourself. One day of no piano, no exercise, nothing. Tell your daughter that one day a month you guys are going to have "pretend vacations." Sleep in, watch a movie together in bed, stay in your jammies until late, whatever sounds relaxing to both of you.

Good luck!

hi

My son plays the accordion (his choice people:):) and he LOVES it..... he is a natural and while he also is not a prodigy by any means, he is definitely gifted. With that said..... I don't "make" him practice any more than 40 mins a day and guess what, he is still GREAT at the accordion and well, music in general.. sounds like your daughter is also very gifted. it's my opinion that at three 1/2.... , a child's attention span for one activity (even IF they like it) doesn't sustain itself for much over 1/2 to maybe 40 min...... I personally don't think that after that time-frame the child takes in much more of the lesson.. I just don't.... and if you were to let up , I bet she'd still be good at it... I do think children come into this world with their own talents and yes, we need to help them nurture those talents.. but at the same time, don't squash their natural love of something. Originally, since my son is so good at the accordion , we thought it would be a natural cross-over to piano as well.. so we got him lessons.. and guess what he was GREAT.. but that which he lacked was the passion for the piano . His true love was and is the accordion, so after a couple of months and despite the piano teacher (who is well versed in music herself and plays professionally) and whom indicated our son picks things up very quickly, we took him out.. why?????? because we didn't want to crush his love of music.. .instead, we allowed him to stay with the accordion... again, I believe in fostering a child's raw talent but at the same time, you don't want to crush their love and natural affinity for music...
maybe you could let up just a bit and see how your daughter does... also, talk to a "music professional" and most will probably say, practice IS important but you don't want such a young child to begin to feel like music is a punishment....

Is there ANY way grandma could help her with at least half the practice? Or can you find someone, even a young teenager who you can pay a few dollars to come over and practice with her while she is at grandmas? That way some of the practice gets done without you. Or is she at gymnastics and tennis during that period? Is it HER schedule that is crammed or yours?

Prep your dinners on the weekend so that dinner is quick. I get up at 5:00am to exercise too , and I'd hate to give that up. Can you shorten everything in the nighttime routine so she can get up and going earlier? Who takes her in the morning from 8-10am (while she's sleeping?) Maybe if you advance bedtime, someone could help squeeze in a bit of AM practice too. Good luck, and congrats on raising a fun, talented child!

my sister who is a music teacher has 3 boys, all of whom are unbelievably musically talented, her oldest by age 12 had completed grade 8 on violin, her middle is way past grade 8 on the cello, and her youngest also plays cello.

to get them to this point, they all must practice for 1 hour each day, no more than that, maybe you could cut down to 1 hour - my sister is very like you - she does concerts, works full time, is in a quartet and an orchestra, she is hardly home, but she likes her life that way, and is very happy and proud of her boys.

by the way - she never has to make them practice any more - they do it wothout any prompting - they are now 10, 16 and 19 - the oldest is in the royal school of music in cardiff wales - so that will get easier as your dd gets a little older

up until last year she used to swim for an hour in the morning before work - she had to drop that for sanity sake - I think cutting down on the workouts would be good for you, take up walking or cycling with your daughter instead.

I don't think you need a counsellor!!, you sound very normal, grounded and sensible to me, some people don't want or need to slow down, cut out the 4:30 workout lol

S.,
It sure sounds like your daughter has an incredible gift at a young age. I coach club volleyball and girls normally start playing around age 8. I can't tell you how many super talented girls by the time they are seniors in high school, don't want to play anymore because it's not fun. All the practice (at least 3 times a week for 2+ hours), games (tournaments on the weekends), and parental pressure can take away the fun. I encourage you to find a happy medium between keeping it fun and serious practice. I don't know much about piano, but can she learn a few fun songs that she could sing too, or maybe she plays and you do a silly dance? Anything to keep it fun.
My husband and I also did P90X. I work full-time, have 2 young kiddos (5 & 2 1/2) and religiously attend a cardio-pilates class 2 times a week. Once I added P90X to the other 4 days, it wiped me out. I love the workouts, but I had to take a break to recharge my body and mind. It wasn't helping me or my kids to be tired and have no energy. After a few days, I was ready to get back to it. You've got a lot going on, maybe it's time to slow yourself down, take a much needed time out and just have FUN.

Lastly, ss parents, we all want to create a successful and happy child. It's how you define successful and happy that will guide your actions. I hope you are able to find an avenue that works for you to recharge and reclaim yourself. Good luck.