Child Playing Musical Instrument When Parents Do Not...

I had NO idea how to play piano.

So I went to the lessons with my son. Watched & Listened. Similar to soccer practice. If the teacher wanted him to "find all the C's", and showed him how, by where it was next to the 2 black keys, we went home and he practiced finding all the c's. Then the other keys. If he wanted him to practice 'bouncing' his hands, I watched, and had him practice bouncing his hands. If he wanted him to practice x, I was right there with him, learning what x was.

Most people, even those who do not play an instrument has a good ear for tone. I know I can tell when a piece of music is off and I don't play any musical instruments.

Perhaps you should look into Suzuki lessons in piano. The parents must attend every lesson, take notes, and help practice. That's the philosophy, and they won't accept it if you don't fully participate. The benefit is that you learn right along with your child.

My parents don't really play anything (well my dad can play the guitar a little) but my brother can play: The organ, the piano, the clarinet and both the electric and aucostic guitar. He started when he was about 8.

You could ask the instructor to brief you on what concept your child is trying to master during practice.
It could work out, even if you don't know. I took piano and clarinet as a child. My parents merely told me to go practice and I still learned!

In our school district, when the student hit middle school at 6th grade, they must take a required music class and have a choice of orchestra, band or choir.

Our daughter (now 16) chose orchestra (violin). She LOVED it. We had no clue she was a natural at reading music, playing by ear and writing her own songs. Granted, she is not heading for some Grammy somewhere but she has an amazing talent we never thought about.

She is no longer in the Chamber (highest level) Orchestra at school because she is a cheerleader and in AP classes and there were no more extra hours in her day. She already leaves at 7:20am and gets home around 5 is there is no game. She does however, continue to play her violin and in the summers, she plays with one of her favorite instructors to keep her skill level up.

I am clueless to the instruments and she amazes us. Give it a try, you never know. They do have to love it. If they have a good instructor, they want to practice. I never have to encourage her or prod her to practice.

I completely get where you are coming from with spending the $ and children losing interest. You can rent the instruments in the beginning. After 3 years, we purchased a beautiful violin for daughter and to this day, her teachers love to play it and will ask her if they can use it.

Be there for moral support. When he plays a tune or scales ask if that is what the teacher instructed him to do. If they ask how they played tell them that you can hear them improving, if it still sounds like a cat in heat don't tell them it sounds like Beethoven.
My kids play the trumpet, violin, piano, flute, clarinet, and guitar. I played the piano and had a month;s worth of saxophone lessons. I can't make a sound out of the flute to save my soul, but my daughter is getting pretty good at it.
Sit in on their lesssons and ask the teacher what you should be hearing, scales, arpeggios, songs.
I do not make my kids practice for a certain amount of time a day. One daughter would play piano instead of math, my son picks up his clarinet only on lesson days. School band is a class as is orchestra so I figure if they truly want to play the instrument then they will practice. If they truly want to be in marching band they will play it. Otherwise its their choice. My goal is for them to learn to read music and find an instrument that they enjoy.
My piano experience was ruined by having to play 1/2 an hour on a timer daily. As soon as I coud l I quit. Now I regret it.

I played the violin for a while and my sister played the clarinet through middle school and high school. Our mother can't carry a note in a bucket. In my own home, my stepson took guitar lessons and my stepdaughter played the trombone. If DD takes an interest in an instrument, we'll do the same thing. For SD in particular, she hated practicing but liked performing, so I'd get my tea and listen. Oh, how I listened to those first awkward notes...but she got better and I memorized some of the song numbers in her book and would put in requests for favorites (she is very good at Ode to Joy). But she did well until she dropped it (which I think was in part due to not getting invited to the jazz band or something - she can be very mercurial when she feels slighted).

I think like "clean your room" doesn't always work sometimes you need to put in time, too, so the kid doesn't feel trapped in his room for half an hour every night or something. Instead of "go practice" maybe "show me what you learned today". What 7 yr old doesn't need a bit of direction?

And if he hits a plateau, then talk to him about it and how to work through it and get to the really cool music he probably wants to play. Maybe get CDs or videos of artists who play piano (Elton John, Alicia Keys, etc) to encourage him to keep going.

There are many times I observe or participate because it's important to THEM. I know jack about football and wrestling but I went to as many games and matches as I could, because it was important to SS to look up and see someone there. If your son wants to play piano, let him try and try to see him as his own person and not be set up for failure by his brother's experience.

My daughters both started playing piano at age 5. I sat in on the lesson so would know what they should practice during the week. My daughters piano teacher thinks my girls are very talented but I know it is not natural ability or raw talent. It is just that I sit with them 5-6 days a week to make sure they do what they are suppose to do. At age 5 it only took about 15 minutes of practice per day.

I tried piano and violin and I just was not any good at them no matter how much practice I put in.
I was a singer and singing is what I enjoyed.
My husband played trumpet and tuba in the high school marching band.
Our son started the clarinet in middle school and was first chair all last year.
Practicing 20 min 5 days a week (and turning in signed practice sheets is a big part of his grade) and participating in performances keeps his skills honed/improving and putting on a show is fun.
Playing an instrument is fine, but I think you should steer a bit with regard to what you think they will enjoy.
Every kid in the high school marching band always looks like they are having so much fun.

I think it's awesome that you want to provide opportunities for your children to learn things even if you haven't been exposed to them, yourself.
My eldest is in kung fu. We know NOTHING about martial arts except, um, the Karate Kid movie? (ha) But I sit in on his lessons with another like-minded dad and we watch carefully and try to learn what moves they're working on now. Then when my husband gets home from work and has had some time to wind down, I'll say "Joseph, show daddy what you've learned!" or "Joseph, we want to learn, can you show us?" It was awesome to see how his little chest would stick out, his posture would straighten up, and he'd get this happy, proud look on his face. He'd be like "OK! I'm the sifu and you're the Joseph (he meant student)". He takes us through everything, and we copy (starting with the stretches and warm ups, and then he performs his whole routine, then he lets us try and we do each step one at a time with him). He's flying through, earns his belts much faster than the other children, and won his first tournament, but it's quite literally because he practices every day instead of 2/week like the rest of his class. He goes to class 2/week, but then teaches us what he learned (reinforcing and practicing) that evening, and then the days in between, he practices. For fun, I'll join him with his little brother and we'll all do it. It's cute to see the 1 year old attempt it so we get a laugh, but it's also building his confidence as well as his skill. I wanted both of my boys to speak Spanish even though I speak very little and my husband didn't know any, so we got the Rosetta Stone homeschool edition and we do it together as a family. I'm not saying you need to be a concert pianist or able to do everything your son does, but perhaps sitting in on his class (so you know what he's learning) and then asking him to show you the things they went over in class and then you try it too.....I think it'd help a lot.

(edited) Both my parents did not play any instruments, yes I played Piano and Cello both. I just asked my peers or my teacher for help. I did well in Piano but dropped Cello about 3 years into it. My daughter is learning Piano from me, but my husband is complete instrument illiterate. My Best Friend is teaching her some Guitar.

My daughter learned to play piano, and alto and soprano recorder when I didn't know how to play anything other than stereo.
I didn't supervise or guide practice - she practiced when she felt like it. I signed her up for lessons because she loves music and she asked for lessons. I didn't push her to practice because I wanted music to be something she did for the sheer joy of it, not one more item on her list of "Damn Things I Have to Do Today."

My daughter started playing the saxophone in band just this year and she is doing really well. I was so surprised today when I heard her practicing. It sounds so smoothe and almost never like someone is killing geese in her bedroom. The best part is, she's only been doing it for about 2 1/2 weeks. She has already taught herself to play Mary Had a Little Lamb.

All she really needs from me is support, encouragement and accountability when it comes to her practice time. Her teacher does the rest, and we all reap the benefits.

As for advice, one thing her teacher did was evaluate them and then have them try out several instruments before they chose what they wanted to play. It seemed to do the trick because the girl's a natural.

Hope this helps,

L.

I am looking at getting back into piano lessons with my daughter. Teacher is busy until winter. I am hoping that if she sees me practice then she'll stick with it...For now both my older two are busy with other activities so we'll take it one day at a time :)

I can't play anything. I just made sure my boys followed the direction of their teachers and practiced. They both did well.

Well, DH & I can pay for the piano lessons, remind the kids to practice, compliment them on their progress, and that's about all the "musical ability" we can give our kids. So far it's worked fine (they've been taking piano for a little over 2 years now and just started flute and clarinet, respectively, in school band) - it helps that both of them actually enjoy music and learning to play it.

Oh, which reminds me of one way non-musical parents can support their children in music education - introduce them to a variety of music - this can be done even on a tight budget if you borrow CD's and DVD's from the library (My DD's enjoyed the "Leonard Berstein's Young People's Concerts" DVDs that were at our local library), go to concerts by community and school/youth orchestras and ensembles (local papers often list concerts in small community venues that are free or have very low cost of admission). And IME kids are often inspired when they see other kids playing music, so another program you might want to check out is PBS's "From the Top" that features young classical musicians from around the country http://www.fromthetop.org/

My parents don't play the piano, but my sister and I took lessons for nearly 10 years. You don't have to do anything other than make sure they practice.

Making him practice has nothing to do with you being able to play or not. You can still be firm and make him hold up his end of a deal: "One Year Trial, Practice every day for 30 minutes" or something. Look at the Tiger Mom-she coached her daughter's into being concert pianists/violinists and she didn't play! :)

My 5 year old daughter has been in piano for over a year and is starting violin soon. Luckily she likes piano, and is still asking to start violin (we waited on that to see if the interest was fleeting). I've always MADE her practice. Each week is a struggle the first day with new songs, because it's no fun for her if she doesn't "know them". But once we power through the first day and work them out, she's fine the rest of the week.

Sometimes she's reluctant to practice, but she knows she has to practice. It's only about a 30 minute practice. I do play, but I'm having the kids learn French and I don't speak it, so I have to really force myself to learn with them (and of course, they learn way faster than me).

You can learn with him enough to see him through lessons if he's starting at the very beginning. That's the hard part-it's a commitment for you as well as your child. Make him commit to a certain amount of time: 6 months, year....explain what will be involved, and if he still wants to do it, be prepared to enforce.

I love the idea someone posted about taking your child to concerts and using CDs and DVDs to reinforce music all the time. This is such a vital step. Violin or piano are performing arts, so the kids need to hear and especially see performances. Go for live ones as much as you can. Look for high school orchestras if professional is too expensive for you, and look for listings for recitals -- often, churches or community centers host recitals.

As for helping, you must attend the lessons, all of them. Don't hover; if there's a way you can observe and listen without being directly in the room, do that. Your son doesn't need you leaning over his shoulder (and the teacher may not want that either) but you do need to hear what the teacher says and see what the teacher means when he or she talks about correct fingering, posture, etc. Be sure you know each week what the "homework" looks like and sounds like -- which measures of music your child should be working with before the next lesson. Even if you don't read music you can, with the teacher's help, at least see what portions your son should be playing. Work with that teacher and explain that you want to help without pressuring, and want to get advice on how to do that. You do need to know what proper practicing for each week should sound like -- what is the piece that he's working on, and what does that sound like properly? The teacher should play it for him at the start of a new piece and you should listen. At the end of each lesson, spend a few minutes with your son and the teache and have the teacher go over the week's work. Have your son write it in a small notebook to keep with his music at home. You don't mention whether you have a piano at home but I assume you do, or will get one if he takes lessons. Not having one isn't really an option.

Practice has to be daily, with maybe an occasional skip on a tough homework night, but too many skips add up to trouble. There's "muscle memory" involved and kids won't develop that unless they are consistent. Ten to fifteen minutes a day likely is fine for a beginner -- if the teacher wants an hour a day, you have the wrong teacher at that level.

If you need to use a reward system for practicing, go for it. If he can practice at a time that's not involved with homework or after-school activities, that's best; we do it in the mornings before school (but then, we have a late school start time).

How old is your younger child? Don't start him too soon. Some programs promise success for small kids of four, five or six but many teachers refuse to take kids that young. He must be able to concentrate and focus for enough time for the lesson and to practice. I would wait until he's at least seven to start piano. Get references for teachers from other parents who've used them; you want someone who is used to working with kids.

Regarding your older child and violin -- if he's in elementary school that's often when violin and other strings are offered through the school. He may be more willing to practice if he tries that. My daughter must do at least 90 minutes a week to get an A in violin lessons at school and that A really motivates her. Also, in school they are told they must commit to a year of strings, and sign a "contract" to that effect; that might motivate him too.

Violin is tough; it's much harder to make a good sound the first time out on a violin than on a piano. Anyone can touch piano keys and make decent sounds that seem like music, but the mechanics of playing violin mean that initial tries are often screechy, and that puts kids off and discourages them. It IS doable to play violin as a kid if the instruction is good, but even your older son may have more success earlier with the piano. Piano is a good foundational instrument if he wants to go on and learn other instruments.

Coming from a different perspective.... I will say you actually have a bit of an advantage, at least at the start. I am a musician that comes from musicians & at 1st I wanted NOTHING to do with music because it was what my parents did! But my life was filled with music & at some point I knew it was something I could never give up. My parents didn't force me, sometimes I wish they had (at least in piano, I'm a singer but I could be doing so much more if I played)

I'd say the biggest thing you can do is encourage the love of music, go to concerts, go to the store & pick out song books for music he knows (it's easier to learn a tune you know), keep it fun, be open to other instruments if he shows interest (borrow, don't buy), praise, praise, praise! I agree with what everyone else has said but I would say at this age/stage, I wouldn't force him to practice a set amount of time. I'd ask him to play a song for you 3-4x a week & then cheer like the dickens no matters how bad/good he plays. Let the teacher worry about technique for now..he/she is his critic, you are his audience!!

Both my sons play piano and keyboard. I tried to learn while they were taking lessons but never got it. Music is like learning a foreign language. My youngest son learned Arabic while in the military and speaks it fluently and my oldest speaks Spanish as his second language. I cant do that either :(
I'm sure proud of them tho :)

Both my daughters play instruments (flute and clarinet - 7 years). I've never played a instrument and do not have any musical talent.

Just like with everything else your child does you need to be encouraging and give him praise. You also need to be a parent and make sure that he practices on a regular basis, keeping in mind that there will be good practices when he's really focused and there will be bad practices, there will be 10 minute practices and there will be 30 minute practices. No matter what way you look at it, parenting is work.