28 answers

Seeking Help on How to Discipline 11 Year Old Boy Geting in Trouble at School

I have an 11 year old boy (will be 12 in May) who is in 6th grade and has been in constant trouble at school for being disruptive in class and rude to his teachers. He has only started having issies since entering middle school. He has always been a very kind, affectionate, outgoing boy who has a lot of friends. I divorced his father when he was 2 1/2 years old and soon after met my current husband who has been a constant, positive influence in his life since he was 3 years old. He still has a relationship with his biological father and sees him every weekend. I am on good terms with my ex and feel that we lead a very normal life. My son has a lot of stability in his life and people that really love him. I got a call from one of his teachers this morning and was told that he has been acting out and seems to have a bit of an anger management problem. This completely floors me because he does not act this way at home. We have tried grounding him and taking privelages away from him, but nothing seems to really be "fixing" the problem. I need help or suggestions on how to handle this situation. I know that he is going through a LOT of hormonal changes right now and I am trying to be understanding of that, but his behavior at school is just not acceptable!

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

I can relate my son's is in trouble over half the time he is in school but the difference is he is in the 8th and he is 13, the other is in th 9th and is 14, one has ADHD, the other we never got tested maybe you want to get him tested or it could be very well the he is board in class and he knows all that they are doing how is his grades? but really think of having him tested either for ADHD or to see if he may be gifted. there may be something there lying domed and you can fix it now .

I do not have any children that have gone through these changes, but I am a teacher. If the behavior is happening only at school and not at home, the problem probably is at school. I would set up a conference with his teachers to find out if any students in his classes are picking on him or giving him a hard time. The teacher may also know if he is hanging around anyone new that exhibits the same rude behaviors. Before you go talk to the teacher, sit down and have a heart to heart with him to see if anything is happening at school, because you know teachers cannot see everything. This could be happening in the cafeteria or in gym (locker room). First and foremost, talk to him. I would be willing to bet something is happening at school! Hope this helps.

You may want to look into what is going on at school. Perhaps he may have some problems with peers or he may have some problems academicly. When they are not understanding their lessons they somtimes act out in an abrupt manner. My son became withdrawn. He was diagnosed with ADD without hyperactivity. Once he was on track with school work things were better.

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HI

Middle schools are horrible. I went thru it with both of my sons and that's when it all starts. The guidance counselors kept saying it was puberty....what a bunch of poop.

The kids are so mean and they bully each other and torment each other. Your son could just be unhappy in that school, especially right now, or maybe something has happened to him in the school or elsewhere. But I do know that this is a very difficult time. Try to get him involved in some extra curriculur activities to help keep his mind off of all of that meanness in those middle schools.

Believe me when I tell you that it is only just beginning. Kids in that age group are just mean to each other. It hurts me sometimes to see what my youngest son still goes thru. Things have changed alot since when I went to school, that's for sure.

I have to wonder if he's struggling with middle school - the expectations, some of the kids, etc. It can be a hard transition for kids. Is he only acting up in certain classes or all the time? How is he handling other aspects of being in the middle school? I think with my stepdaughter, one of the problems she had was her antics were no longer cute and teachers expected a lot more of her. She had to grow up. She also had to get used to being at the bottom of the pack again after 'ruling the school' in 5th grade.

Have you talked to the guidance office? They can probably help, too.

It could just be that there is somehting going on at school. A group of older kids that have made comments, picking on him, etc. I would talk to the school see if they can see anything happening. Problem in the lunchroom, bathroom, maybe there is a girl that he likes.
M.

Have you checked to see if someone at the school is teasing him or giving him a hard time. Most kids this age go through the same thing. Give him a little time to tell you what is going on with him. I would ask him about the teasing or being bulled. My 3 boys went through the same thing. Except back then they knew if they get in trouble at school that your will get in trouble a home if it is something they didn't do I would go to the school and find out what was really going on. Hope this helps. Bless you for having boys and good luck.

I can relate my son's is in trouble over half the time he is in school but the difference is he is in the 8th and he is 13, the other is in th 9th and is 14, one has ADHD, the other we never got tested maybe you want to get him tested or it could be very well the he is board in class and he knows all that they are doing how is his grades? but really think of having him tested either for ADHD or to see if he may be gifted. there may be something there lying domed and you can fix it now .

Your son is at that age of trouble. Have you or your husband tried having a heart to heart talk with your son? Can you find out the underlying issue causing his anger? Perhaps before the talk you could scedule a really fun family outing to break the ice. If you are church going people, is there a youth group at church that might meet your son's needs? I pray God gives you wisdom. AF

My son has had similar issues this year. His teacher has been very helpful and supportive - she even suggested the behavior modification program we are using currently with a lot of success. It's called "Discipline Without Stress", and the website is http://www.marvinmarshall.com/parenting.htm.
Good luck.

When you say he has friends, do you know his friends? Have they been over to your house? Have you observed their behavior?

The reason why I ask this is because I have taught in the Middle Schools here and have observed how kids can treat each other, and it is not always kind.

I would recommend speaking to your son and asking him about what's going on in class, who is he hanging with, how do they treat him.

These issues could stem from a variety of sources; internal things linked to hormones, family stress, peer pressure or just kids rebelling.

Talk to your son, but watch him more closely at home. See if there are any clues, listen to him on the phone. Listen to what his friends say about "him."

I have 4 kids ranging from 14 down to 5 and parenting is an on-going process and sometimes the kid we see at home is not the same kid at school.

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