Dear Mommas,
My husband and I have been married for over 20 years and we do have a happy life together not until our daughter became a teenager. I was forced to quit my job few months ago so I can closely monitored her 24/7. It became worst when we found out that she has been sneaking at night to be with her friends, endangering her life and have experimented every single bad things out there--alcohol, drugs and sex. We have tried everything: counselling, psychiatrist, and treatment center but seems like nothing works. She'll be okay for few weeks but when she's in school and back with her friends, she'll do the same bad, horrible behavior and habits. Things have become worst and although we can't afford it, we were forced to scraped all our savings and retirement money so we can send her to boarding school. It's so hard for me and my husband to see her away from us most especially "Holidays" are coming, and this is the first time that she's not going to be with us. We felt horrible, but of course we have to consider that we are willing to sacrifice and do everything for her better future. This Christian based boarding school is an exclusive school for teenager-at-risk girls. This is a 12 month program and we are only allowed to see and visit her every four months.She's very sad and crying all the time when we talk to her on the phone and wanted to go home--promising us that she will intend to obey the rules and will stay away from doing wrong things. We felt the guilt once in while, but we just found out last night that she ran away with another girl from that boarding school and thank goodness that the "Sheriff" found them and brought them back to school administrators. We're so scared for her, she doesn't seem to understand what her life is going to become if she keeps doing worst things she desires. We brought her up in Christian living, regularly going to church, Sunday schools, and even sent her to Christian Academy since she was in pre-K, hoping to see her graduate there throughout High school but she was kickked-out when she was in 5th grade for lying to the principal. We felt we have done everything we could to raise her with good moral values but we still felt the failures as parent up to this point. We even consider on moving out to this neighborhood where we lived for over 17 years just to get her away from her old friends who had influenced her with some of her bad habits. I'm afraid and worried that after she's back from the boarding school, we have no clue on what to do next? If you have the same experience or know anyone who can give us any advise on what to do, we would really appreciate it. She's our only child and we love her so dearly, and we're willing to do what it takes to see her have a happy life in the future.
I had some trouble with my son and we tried Tough Love. While it was helpful, I really found help in Al-Anon. By going to Al-Anon meetings you can begin to learn how to handle the situation emotionally and it gives you people to share with that are going through similar situations. To find a local Al-Anon go to www.texas-al-anon.org
Gosh! I wish someone had done this for my sister. LEAVE HER THERE! I know it is tearing you apart but I believe this is best for her and your sanity. I truly wish you the best and applaud you for being so proactive.
Leave her there. It sounds like you made a very good decision based on the choices she has made for herself. When she is putting her life in danger, you can not let her make choices for herself anymore. No matter how much she cries and begs to come home, be strong and tell her she is there because you love her so much and want to be sure she is safe. Fifteen is a very hard age. It would be VERY hard for her to change her ways until she is at least 16 more likely 17. Maybe after 12 months she will have learned that you are serious about her safety and will do anything to keep her safe. I know how hard it is for you to have her away. But you have made a good decision. Be strong.
Our prayes are with you. I have been reading up on teenage issues as my son is coming upon those years and I am hoping for the best however preparing for the unkown. I have come upon some information that me be of assistance to you. STAY STRONG....for you and for your daughter. Here is the info I had sent to me, I have not pursued it as of yet. Prayers D.
If you are having difficulty with your teenager and you are sick of all the talking back, arguing, and fighting,I have a very important message for you. I have exactly 5 places that are open in the new teen program. If you are interested you should go very quickly to: http://addadhdadvances.com/ntpswc.html <A href=http://addadhdadvances.com/ntpswc.html>New Teen Program</a> If you would like to see the comments that other parents are saying please go to: http://addadhdadvances.com/teenhelp <a href=http://addadhdadvances.com/teenhelp target=_blank>Teen Program Blog</a> Warmly, Anthony Kane, MD
Best of luck to you.
Hum, tough one. All I can say is that it seems that you are describing me as a teen. I was awful. I ran away from home, stole my mothers things and gave them away and tried a ton of drugs. I had everything I wanted, there was no reason for me to act the way I did. This behavior followed me into my early 20's when I finally hit rock bottom. I guess I was depressed, as I occaisionally suffer from bouts of depression now (I am 31). You just have to be there for her and DO NOT give in. Let her know that you love her no matter what, but that you can't stand for this behavior and set boundries and make her sign a contract so she knows what the consequences will be for each action. Then it would clearly be her fault. She couldn't blame you! Example: If you run away you will be grounded for a week. If you stay out past cerfew you will have to come in double the time you stayed out next time. Things like this will make her responsible for her consequences not you!
Also, does she like to write or act? Maybe you can enroll her in a class that help her to make some different friends. Girls can be brutal at this age, maybe some of the popular girs at school are bothering her. Maybe something happened to her and she is just too afraid to tell you....
The only thing I can say is that I am okay now. I have 2 wonderful children and have been married 3 years. I have a very well paying job and I am almost done with college. All you can do is be there for her. Beyond that, you can't control her. I know this must be distressing and as someone who hurt my parents, I can say she will apologize later. I will say some prayers.
Trust in God with all your might....he can heal all things!!!
B.
How is the relationship w/ ur husband? Remember if u really want to help someone else u have to start w/ ur self, and if u have a supportive relationship it will be much better. Team work is always the best. About the moving could be great, but that is of course after she has a real change of attitude, remember that real change has to come from within, u have already sacrifice ur job and income why sacrifice ur home now when the change is only on its way. New problems will be found if u carry your old, may God help u
You ARE AWESOME parents. I am so proud of you for following through, I know it is tough but you will be so glad that you did this. Stay strong and support each other....tough love is hard but works. I have worked with several at-risk youth and had great success. It doesn't matter how perfect of a life or parents you are, teenagers can get mixed up with the wrong crowd and that can take them down a rode less travelled. I will keep you in my prayers and feel free to contact me anytime ____@____.com or ###-###-####.
My heart goes out to you and your family; my daughter is 9 y.o. and goes to a Christian school, too...this is definitely a wake-up call for me--those things are not fool-proof, especially with peer pressure. I've heard Dr. Phil talk a lot about teenage brains not being fully developed, especially in the judgement area. You have to make the hard choices for her where she can't, and that means leaving her there. Even if just to keep her away from her "crowd" here at home, which is probably where all the trouble begins and ends. I am praying for you and especially your daughter--there will be a day when she thanks you for this. It may be a LONG time from now, but you stay strong, Mom.
As a mother of little ones, I have yet to face the challenges of teenagers. But, I recently read a wonderful book written by a mother and daughter who had a similar experience. They co-authored this true account of their lives. I think it might be great for you and your husband to read. You'll know that others have been there and survived it!
Come Back by Claire Fontaine and Mia Fontaine
Best wishes to you and your family. Hang in there!
I don't know if this would help (and it is not a major solution) but maybe writing her letters about how much you love her and how you are trying your best to give her the best life you can....etc.
For some people letters are very powerful and will stay with them.
Also make sure she never hears you call her "troubled"
Then continue to pray for her - God can use all experiences for His glory. I will pray for your family.
