Quick Advice Needed. How to Hold It Together for the Rest of the Night

My sister was diagnosed with stage 4 Hodgkin's Lymphoma in 2005. After a year of chemo and many, many surgeries, she's been cancer free for over 5 years.

Medical science has come SO far. Pray for a miracle, but moreover...pray for her medical team.

Dear God,

I pray that you bring wisdom and tenacity to the oncologists and surgeons on J.'s sister's medical team. I pray that you guide their capable hands and minds to choose a treatment plan that will bring her sister to the point every cancer patient wants to be at: Remission.

I pray that you bring J. strength while she is holding all of this information inside...I know it's tough, but You would never give her more than she can carry. And I pray that you give J.'s sister the strength to FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT through this and live many, many years after her remission.

In whichever name J. finds most comforting, since all Gods are one God, I pray.

Amen.

Put them to bed early. Tell them it's practice for when Santa's coming.

Go somewhere quiet and let your emotions out. Scream into your pillow, cry like a baby, do whatever you have to do.

Tomorrow morning, put on your brave and strong face. Tomorrow's the last day of school before break, so hang in there. You can talk to the kiddos after school, so they understand why you're upset. You DON'T have to hide your feelings from the kids. They need to see that it's okay to be upset. They'll want to make you feel better.

Then get your cuddle on with the kiddos until your husband gets home... and let him take it from there.

Hang in there honey. I'm so, so sorry to hear about your sister :(

BREATHE!!

-Glass of red wine to start
-Next focus, focus, focus, on everything you do dinner, bath for kids, everything that needs to be done before they go to bed, keep your mind from wondering and just try with all your might not to think about it. If you think about it your short circuit might explode making the kids cry and be whiney and agitate more than normal because they sense your stress.
-get kids to bed early tonight
-Go to room and just cry, let it out girl, cry until your eyes hurt, until there aren't any tears left to cry, until you are completely drained, until you simply fall asleep.
-In the morning, get the kids out the door as soon as you can (not sure how your schedule works) and then see if you can get ahold of anyone

This is the best I have for you. I pray for your family in this time of need, God bless you

First, tell yourself, there is a God and you are not Him.
Second, ask for His presence and peace.
Next, get the kids to bed early after feeding them hot dogs, sandwiches, or something equally easy.
Lastly, take a hot bath with a glass of wine, have a good cry and figure out how you can make a difference in this situation.
I am so sorry, I know it has to be tremendously hard but you can make a huge difference for her, emotionally or otherwise. Make a plan. I will pray for you both....

I am so sorry to hear your sister's news. And I'm extra sorry that you are alone dealing with the shock of it. Once you get the kids to bed (or if they're older and you can get a minute alone) let yourself cry it out or sit in disbelief or whatever you need to do. You will make it through and you are stronger than you think!

Pull open your Bible and search for some comforting scripture. Or if you aren't religious and don't want to do that, go online and google something like "comforting words when loved one has cancer". I find that it helps me if I am feeling really down. Maybe it will help you hold your feelings together.

I do hope you won't tell the kids until after Christmas. If that's possible.

So sorry, J.. Life is SO not fair!

Dawn

Hi J.

I am so sorry to hear abt. what's happened to your sister. I know that for me, whenever I feel down or alone, I turn to the only person I know will not let me down. That person is GOD. If you've never been spiritual, this will be the time. If you don't belive in him you need to believe in a higher spirit because this is what will guide you through this ordeal. If you have a bible or can get access to one here are a few "emergency phone numbers that could help: When in sorrow call John 14. When you worry call Matthew 6:19-34 and when you are loney and fearful call Psalm 23. Say a couple of Hail Mary's and Our Father's. and I will definitely add you and your family on my prayer list. Ask everyone in your circle to do the same. Prayer changes all things. Also you may want to visit JoelOlseteen.com and SibylChavis.com for spiritual enlightment. Hope this helps. Keep us updated on your sister's prognosis. Wishing you well.

Pray for peace J.. I will pray for you!

I don't know if this will help you, but when the kids are in bed, consider writing about it, journal-style. Just let it all out. Let yourself cry and grieve.

Sometimes I have had to just tell my son "I have to go potty", close the bathroom door and sob into a towel. Sometimes it's all that we can do.

Pray if that is of comfort to you. Do art if that makes you feel good. If you have any calming herbs on hand (chamomile, valerian) or Rescue Remedy, that may help.I am so very, very sorry for your sister and your family.

J.,

I am so sorry! The best thing that you can do is to take good care of yourself and your kids. When they go to bed, get your journal out and write out all your fears and anxieties out and have a really good cry. Its ok to not be ok and you don't have to hold it all together---its to be expected however you feel, so let your feelings out and try not to judge yourself for how you feel. Take a hot bath, have a glass of wine and try to relax and focus on your breathing. Best wishes and I am saying a prayer for peace and wisdom in this time for you. Let us know how you are doing.

M

No good advice from me, because I would have a nervous breakdown if I were in your shoes. Just know that I am so sorry that you are going through this.

Maybe call your sister after the kids are in bed and you can cry together. She might want to talk about it more with you. Sorry again. What truly horrible news.

I am truly sorry about this news.

I don't know how old your kids are nor how close they are with their aunt. I personally wouldn't hold it in. I would like them saying prayers for their aunt. But that's ME.

If you don't want to tell them yourself and wait for your husband....I would tell my kids that I needed a few minutes to myself to collect my thoughts and I would get a journal and start writing how I am feeling. That would allow me to get it out....verbalizing it via writing....

YOU CAN DO THIS!! You are NOT alone!!! Please take a moment to say a prayer and ask for guidance.

J....no words can describe how you feel right now. I would never want to hear that a family member of mine has cancer or anything of that nature. I know...of all the suggestions below....I would go with LiveBold. She said that they have healed many people of Stage 4 liver cancer. I would be trying everything possible to save her life...believe in it or not....try it...try anything...liver transplant...there is alot to try....get mad and start looking for ways to get rid of it. Look up Edgar C. on line....find out what cure he recommended for liver cancer....just try anything.....don't give up hope....you have to keep it together and don't allow your sister to know that you think she is doomed....attitudes can heal too...please be assertive and get out there and try something. I am with you girl....I have 2 sisters and I would fight for them to survive.

I am so sorry you found out this terrible news. I lost a great friend to liver cancer in October, it is a terrible disease I'm hoping by this time your kids are in bed and you can let your emotions out. I understand your husband is traveling but is he reachable by telephone?? Can you call your sister back after the kids are sleeping?

I am very sorry. My thoughts go out to your family.

I think you are probably right to try and hold it together, since your children are younger and would not know how to react to Momma being so upset and sad...and then you would need to be comforting them!!!
It should be getting close to bedtime...so just try and find comfort in your regular routine..baths...storytime...cuddles and kisses.
After you get the kids to bed...do what feels right for you...do you have a good friend that you could call and just vent to? Call your husband and talk to him...let him comfort you from a distance. Take a warm bath...fix a cup of hot tea...cuddle under an afghan and just try and take one breath after another.
I am so sorry for this horrible news...but as someone has already told you... miracles DO happen!!! I have a coworker who is taking care of her Mother right now who was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer 3 years ago...so you don't know what lies ahead.
God bless you my dear as you deal with this truly horrible news.

I understand what you are going through. I lost my mother in law to small cell liver cancer a couple of years ago. She had been feeling bad for a while and my FIL's cardiologist told him to make her an appointment with him on the next Monday, a few days before Christmas. First thing he did was an ultrasound and there it was.

She did Chemo and stuff but got a bad stomach virus in April. She was in the hospital for a week and was never able to regain her strength to fight. She passed away that July right before her birthday.

I believe if they want to try any medication I would encourage her to do it, she has nothing to lose from trying. I remember how I felt when I found out. It was the end of June before I realized she was not going to get through the illness. I did come to realize that sometimes the only way to be healed and stop the suffering is to pass on. I know my MIL is in a better place and that she is free of all disease and is totally healed. I will see her again.

I pray that your sister is able to make it through. I know that every day more miracles happen and more research finds more cures for more and more illnesses.

Breathe. Simply sit with your back up against the wall and breathe. Focus on your breath moving in and out. Let your mind wander and worry and grieve. And then breathe some more.

I'm so sorry about your sister.

I'm so sorry, but great advice and hopeful news below.

I am so so sorry for your news :(

Say a quick prayer for calmness of heart and strength to be there for your kids right now and your sister.

Keep yourself and the kids busy and minds occupied until it is time for bed then a quick bed routine and then the night to yourself to take it in. Like someone else said have a glass of wine, a good cry and let yourself try to sleep too, you need it.

Dont give up hope yet, and continue to pray. Take out a notebook and write down your feelings if you have to as a way of unleashing until you really can.

A good way of unleashing too is taking old plates you dont care about and smashing them. It will take out your anger and feelings. You can do it after the kids go to school. It sounds crazy but it really does help a little.

I will be thinking of you and hoping for the best.

Just breathe...one breath at a time. Focus on your kids. Be extra involved with them, extra goofy, give them an extra story, and extra kiss. Once they are in bed, if you need to break down and cry, it is okay.

I am so sorry you need to go through this and especially that you have to "sit on it" for the night. I am sure the minutes will seem to crawl. Immerse yourself in your kids and meeting their needs, keeping things normal until your back up (husband) arrives back home :-)
PRAYERS!! :-)

i'm late to the game to advise you on how to handle yourself last night, but i wanted to tell you that i'm truly sorry for what your family is enduring. sit back, relax, and TRULY enjoy your holiday season this year - i hope your sister is close enough for you to spend Christmas with her - cancer is an evil beast, my husband works with it every day, and it has affected/taken many of my friends and family members. cherish every moment you have left with her, and YOU can help her kids to remember her true spirit :)

I pray for the peace of God to come in and cover your family.

Sending you hugs!!!