Question About "Ferberizing"

He may be a little young to self soothe. Have you tried a rock and play? swing? Bouncer seat? Some people don't like letting Lo sleep in them but you both need some sleep. Are you a light sleeper? I don't have much advice because I coslept with both of mine after 2-3 mo old. That's when we both started getting some sleep. You need to do what works for you. Hope you get some sleep soon!

Feed him. I also don't see why his father is not doing half the night time weaklings. Pump if you must and let DH do half.

I didn't read the replies but soothe at 5, then 10, then 15 min intervals without picking up. Hopefully he has a paci. 30 min is too long, I think. If dad can do it, that's less traumatic for baby. GL!

I don't have an opinion on Ferberizing, so please understand in advance that I'm not trying to say it's a bad thing to do.

But... at five and a half months old, a lot of babies just aren't ready to self soothe. So you're probably going to have a lot of 30 minutes where he cries and cries and cries and then is so exhausted he falls back to sleep. When you let him cry, he's either just crying and then falling asleep, or he's learning that there's no one there to take care of whatever need is being expressed... hunger, being alone, being gassy, etc. But the next time he needs something and you let him cry, it starts all over again. He's not learning some amazing lesson that he can translate to the next night and simply not cry.

Personally, I'd soothe him or feed him depending on what you think he needs. And I'd try again in a month or two to see if he's ready to settle himself back to sleep.

BUT... reading your post again it sounds like he doesn't sleep at all. If you're only getting a few 30 minute periods of sleep for you, then is he up every 45 minutes or so? If that's the case... then you don't need Ferber or any other sleep training method. You need to find out what is wrong with him. Does he have reflux? Gas? Something is causing him not to sleep for several hours at a time. Babies his age should be able to sleep for 4-5 hours. That would mean you could sleep for that same amount of time.

Please do another post about his actual sleep schedule and some of the experienced mommies can chime in. You know that someone out there has dealt with whatever it is and can help!

Okay, so you're at that stage where you're exhausted and a little desperate. I get it. There is so much frustration at that stage and when you're exhausted, you feel guilty, and it turns into this vicious cycle. What you need are some solutions that will work for you and your family!!! :)

I'll tell you what worked for me. It will be another thing for you to consider, but I understand that you'll need to do what works for your family.

First of all, remember that your baby's schedule during the DAY has a huge impact of how he will sleep at night. I BF both of my children to about 13 months. I understand the differences between BF and formula fed babies, BUT that had nothing to do with my children's sleep cycle. NO, I didn't have to start forcing cereal too early to get them to sleep through the night.

Both of my children had terrible GERD (reflux) and were still able to sleep through the night at an early age. My son's first 6 hour stretch was at 6 weeks of age. My daughter's first 6 hour stretch was at 7 weeks of age. Both slept through the night (which I consider to be a 6 hour stretch at this age, building up to a 10-11 hour stretch by 3 months of age) continually from 6/7 weeks on UNLESS they were teething or going through a growth spurt.

For me it was all about Babywise. Get the book and read it during your sleepless nights. :) It's not a long book. I will admit that the first chapter is not extremely interesting, but has lots of info on breastfeeding. Then it gets really interesting. I seriously credit Babywise with both of my children being such good sleepers.

Just a heads up, though....like any other 'method,' people who have never read it will latch on to some misconception and bash it. Whether you try Babywise or Ferber or something else, don't do a fly by the seat of your pants approach where you THINK you're doing the method. Actually read the book and if you decide to commit, then commit.

Things I learned from Babywise....

1.) It's not about feeding on demand. Your body produces hind milk and fore milk. The fore milk is very watery and will just satisfy thirst. It's the milk that first comes out when you're nursing. The HIND milk is what your child needs to satisfy his hunger. If you nurse too often or not long enough on one side, your child could be getting too much fore milk and not enough hind milk to fill his tummy. All milk is not created equally. It would be like expecting you to survive on water all the time and not giving you food. Oh, and the book also teaches you how to check for the appropriate growth signs...you want your baby to be growing appropriately!

2.) It's not about stopping to feed your child every 2-3 hours. It's really not. It's more about setting up a consistent schedule EVERY day where you always feed your child at a certain time. Think about it: would you be confused if one day you ate lunch at 12:00, and the next day at 11:00, and the following day at 1:00...all because of how your day started off? You need to come up with a *flexible* schedule, where you do your feedings at the same time each day, within 15 minutes, and on days when things are a little off, aim to get back on schedule by early afternoon. To this day, I can seriously tell you what both of my children's schedules were at the 6 month mark... They nursed at 6:30am, 9:30am, 12:30pm, 3:30pm, 5:30-6ish, 8:00 (cluster feeding in the evenings), and then slept after the 8pm feeding until 6:30 the next morning. On occasion, during a growth spurt, I would throw in a 10pm feeding for a few days. My babies knew what to expect and when to expect it...just like you expect to eat lunch at noon (or whenever). Plus, it made the scheduling of appointments really easy, because I knew that give or take 10-15 minutes, they would be feeding at those times.

3.) Their PLAY schedule is just as important in them sleeping through the night as their nighttime routine. It all plays into one another.

4.) The sleep cycle....before this book, I truly did not understand a baby's sleep cycle and how many babies do cry out between sleep cycles (usually around the 30-45 minute mark!). How you react to that can make a difference with whether or not your child will go back to sleep. Also, this method promotes training you baby to self sooth so that he can go to sleep without you rocking or nursing him to sleep.

I could go on, but if you're interested in any of these things, then buy or check out the book ("On Becoming Babywise"). Oh, and use your common sense when you read the book. If your baby is crying outside of the normal feed/play/sleep schedule, then it's okay to respond appropriately and feed/soothe your child as needed.

Good luck!

Do you really have to put him down at 7:00? That is very early. Do you WANT him to awake at 5:00 am??? Instead, put him to bed at 8:30 and get him up at 6:30.

DON'T go in and soothe him anymore. I think you missed the advice from more than just me that this takes many nights. Weeks even, mom. You're talking about one night!!!

He has been programmed by you to wake up all night long and get something from you. Enough already. He doesn't need anything. He wants what he wants and he's willing to wake himself up and cry and cry and cry for it. It's time for some self-preservation on YOUR part. Stay in your bed and let him cry it out.

I did this for 4 nights. My child was younger than yours, so yours may take longer. The first two nights were the hardest. The third wasn't so bad. The fourth, he cried on and off for an hour. The fifth night? He slept through the night. I never went in and soothed or fed him again.

You are SERIOUSLY going to end up in the hospital if you keep this up. Put him to bed and don't go back in unless he is asleep. You can look at him to make sure he's okay just to make yourself feel better, if you really have to. But NOT when he's awake and/or crying.

You have to give this at least two weeks. You have to be 100% consistent. I promise you that he is absolutely able to go 10 hours without milk. Before you put him to bed, give him cereal to eat and a belly full of milk (breast or bottle, whatever.) Then put him to bed and make sure he is groggily awake when you put him down and then walk out of that room. Let him learn this week to actually have to go to sleep when he wakes himself up. The more you allow him to learn this lesson, the less he'll wake up. When you FINALLY stop going in and bailing him out here, he will learn to self-soothe and stop waking up all night long.

What are you going to do if you end up in the hospital? Do you think someone is going to sit up all night with your child for a week? They won't. They'll go to bed and your baby will learn to self-soothe with someone other than you because they simply won't put up with a baby that wakes every 30 minutes to cry for a human blankie.

I want to say this again as answer to your last question "when he wakes up again, what do I do". The answer is NOTHING. STAY in your bed!!!!

At what point during the night would you be feeding him if you weren't doing the Ferber Method? Stay on that schedule for now.

Remember, with Ferber, you don't just check on him once and then let him cry. It is a process. It IS exhausting the first few times.

Check at 3 or 4 minutes. Touch, no picking up. Leave. Check again in 7-8 minutes, leave. Check again in 12 minutes or so, leave. Check again at 15 minutes and leave. If he doesn't fall asleep, continue to check at 15 minute intervals until he does.
At the time he normally would be fed, feed him. Then put him down to sleep and when he wakes next, start back checking at short intervals, increasing the length between them up to 15 minutes between checks.

Use a clock. Don't guess how long in between checks.
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For what it's worth, like Amber, I used Babywise methods (in particular the order of activities) with my kids. I breastfed one to 6 months, the other we had some issues and she had formula after about a month. Both were sleeping long stretches at night by 3 months old. I never went through the constant wakings all night long after that age with either of them. So for me, it was simply a matter of using Ferber to get them down for the night that first time. I didn't know about it with our son (he's 15 now). He was a nightmare to get to sleep for almost a year (from 6 months-18 months or so). Daughter, I had heard about Ferber and we did it around 6 months, and she was going right to sleep (and sleeping for 7 hours) after 3 nights.

Check out the order of activity that Babywise puts forth. I am convinced that that is what promoted our 2 kiddos sleeping so well so early. I know many other people who say the same thing.
(Babywise says: Eat, awake time, sleep, eat, awake time, sleep. Not what most people do: eat, sleep, awake time, eat, sleep, awake time).

I don't have a lto of advice for you, but I do want to let you know you are not alone. My niece is doing the exact same thing right now. Same age, same issues. Baby takes an hour to fall asleep (crying the whole time, whether they are in the room or not) and then wakes up anywhere from 5 - 15 times a night. So, don't feel like you are doing anything wrong and know that it's not just your baby, but it's something a lot of babies do.

Ferber generally works and you usually see an improvement within a few days. He may have cried for 30 minutes tonight (which, honestly, is a lot shorter than most babies do the first time), but within a few days it should go down to less and less time. He will also learn to put himself back to sleep quickly when he does wake up, which will eventually help him learn not to wake up at all. Right now, he's waking up looking for you, and cries when he realizes you're not there. But, once he realizes he can do it on his own, he won't need to wake up and look for you.

Also, my sister did contact a professional sleep consultant. She recommended having a consistent bedtime - same time every single night and not feeding the baby before 1:00 a.m. So, anytime he wakes up before 1:00, let him put himself back to sleep. The first time he wakes up after 1:00, feed him. He should then be able to go until 6 or 7 a.m. before needing to eat again.

I hope it gets better quickly.

I couldn't read the answer from Mom2Many, it must have been removed. I agree though, you don't need to feel any worse right now. I know exactly how you feel, I've been there. My daughter slept for one 30 min. nap in the morning and one 30 min. nap in the afternoon. If you went and patted her in the crib when she woke up, you could get another 30 min., but it took 1/2 hour to do it. At night, on a good night she would wake up 3 times an hour for half the night and once an hour for the rest of the night. On a bad night, well, every 20 min. for the whole night. The doctor said nothing was wrong, some babies just do this.

I know I haven't been much help, but I just wanted you to know that I totally understand and that every baby and family situation is different. I had friends that could stay up all night with their baby, they'd have a few cups of coffee and were good to go. Not me. It was killing me.

My husband worked as well, so nights were out for him. I would put the baby down at 9pm and go to bed. That way someone could go to her when she woke up in 20/30 min. and get her back to sleep. I slept till 11pm and then was on call the rest of the night. That two hour block was the only continual block of sleep I would get.

Trust me I tried all the "methods", from one extreme to another, co sleeping to pick up put down. The one time I tried to Ferberize I got absolutely no support doing it, in fact my mom made me feel terrible about it. Eventually at age 2 we did a reduced version of Ferber by letting her cry, but we actually stayed in the room, just not engaging her or talking at all. It was a slow process.

Honestly, I wish I had persevered and ferberized when she was still a baby. At least fully tried it. Maybe it wouldn't have worked with her either, but at least I would have known.

Hang in there. You are a wonder woman to deal with this AND have a toddler. I was a walking zombie for the first two years of my daughter's life.

If you do decide to Ferber, can you get a friend in, your sister, your mom, to help you through the night (they HAVE to be on board and supportive though). Or wait till a weekend, or even better long weekend, so your husband can be up at night too without having to worry about work the next day?

Long winded, but hang in there. You are amazing and you and your amazing baby will get through this. And as moms on this site we should be there to support each other, not berate. You go girl!

What Ang P said. We used both books. "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" was great. We did CIO with the first. It was _incredibly_ difficult (more for us than for our dd) and totally worth it. She is the better sleeper of our two.

With our second, I coslept for longer and we never did CIO because I didn't want her to wake up our first. That was a mistake. Our second has a much more difficult time turning it off and going to sleep than our first.

Basically, using CIO (at the appropriate age) is not going to harm your child, physically or psychologically. Those who tell you it's cruel are going by gut feeling and not by any scientific/medical research. At 5.5 or 6 months, your kiddo should be able to go 6 or 7 hours (at least) without needing to eat. Read the Healthy Sleep Habits book. He has more details. This is the perfect time tp help him learn how to self-soothe.

Good luck and ignore the folks making snide remarks. Getting adequate sleep is so important, for both you and the baby.

If I remember correctly you breastfeed. At that age they need to eat every 2-3 hours. I've raised 8 kids, never have I done any sleep training. You want to talk about tired. I think your expectations needs to change. Did you even look at the links I posted?

Sorry, I have nothing useful to say on Ferber or any of his methods so I'll keep my mouth shut, but I seriously hope Teenmom was joking when she said 4 hours straight for 4 nights.

ETA>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I'm not saying to wake up every hour with the baby. What I'm seeing and hearing in all of your post is that you are not being consistent. You are all over the place and looking for a quick fix and for some babies that just doesn't exist. When I sat adjust your expectations I mean quit comparing him to your other child, to other peoples children, find something any method (except CIO or babywise) and stick with it. You can not say that you have tried every method for long enough, your little one is only 5 1/2 months old. Ferber doesn't even recommend his method for babies under 6 months and even then he has said 8 months is a better age.

Please do not think I am saying to be getting up at all hours with him. That's not what I am saying, but you are making yourself crazy, and imagine what all of this 'all over the place' is doing for the baby and he doesn't understand what is going on. He has NO communication skills beyond crying. He's telling you something, what is the million dollar question and I don't know him to even begin to suggest what it is.

As for co-sleeping. I'm a huge fan, but I understand that not everyone can or will do it, one thing I can tell you is that my husband doesn't get a say in it so long as he isn't getting up and helping at night. He wants a say, then he has to be an active participant. In your case your husband may be just what you need. Every time you go in the room, your baby smells you and what you have. He knows mom has the milk, but dad doesn't, so dad may be able to get him to calm a lot quicker and without the expectation of food. Then when you do go in, you feed and leave, leaving dad to do the non feeding sleep wake ups. Eventually little guy will quit waking because dad doesn't have the milk.

Is it also possible that little guy has some reflux going on, laying flat would not be comfortable. Try to elevate the bed a little and see if that helps.

I'm so sorry things aren't getting easier. Your poor guy is just so tired, but he is at the perfect age to learn how to self-sooth. It takes work, a good week of it, but he should be OK at the end of it.

Did you read the Baby Whisperer? I've had such great luck with that method, and there was no need for Ferber and letting poor baby cry all by herself. There is crying, and a lot of work, but baby quickly learns how to self-sooth with your help.

You really need to pick one approach and stick with it --through hell and high water. your poor son doesn't know what to expect. So much of it is about being consistent and confident as a parent. I know you are exhausted, and it's hard, super hard. I remember being there, but really, pick one approach. One book, and stick with it until it works. They all work, so the question becomes, what approach do you feel the most comfortable with? What will let you be confident? What will let you see it through to the end? I can't do Ferber. I know it works, but I can't lay in bed listening to a little one cry. So I do the baby whisperer. it works for me. But you do need to get your LO on a schedule, create a real routine, and he will then settle down because hw knows what to expect. Baby's thrive on routine. So get him on one, and let him learn sleep cues. My girl starts rubbing her eyes as soon as I begin our sleep routine, and our routine is a total of 3 or 4 minutes (turn on sound machine, change diaper, put in sleep sack, read cloth book, kiss, and put in bed, say sleep cue words). It is possible, but you need to pick one thing and stick with it!

And if you don't want baby in bed with you, STOP NOW. He's waking up and begging to come to bed with you. Baby's want what they are use to. If they sleep in their crib, they cry for their crib. if they sleep in a carseat, they want their carseat. if they sleep on mom, they want mom. Figure out what you want, and just stick with it! It will help him to relax and know what's what.

If you know that he's not ready for a feeding, let him cry. Perhaps set a time in your mind that when he wakes up after say 2:00am I will feed him. Once he's been fed and if he wakes again only a short time later, let him cry. He needs to learn to soothe himself back to sleep. He will learn, it will get better.

Good Luck,

M.

First of all, I don't know how you are doing it with no sleep! Hang in there. I would start feeding cereal before bed if you haven't already. I would put him down about 9 or 10 and let him cry for awhile like you did and then let him sleep, cry sleep, etc on his own. I would let that go on until a certain point that you decide and then be consistent every night- say 4am or 5am. In other words, get a core 6-7 hours that is the same each night. You don't have to make him go without food for 10 hours, that may be too much. However, there is nothing wrong with a good 6 hours or 7 hours between feedings if he is full before bed. You might also try to bring back the swaddle blankets, put him on one of those incline wedges either on his back or side. A different sleep position may be what he is after. Good luck and let us know how it works out.

kids have to be a certain weight to make it through the night, usually at around 6 months. My daughter cried for 4 hours straight for 4 nights in a row and then slept through the night from 11 to 5. Get the Ferber book and make sure you are following his instructions correctly. You go in at first after 5 minutes of crying to soothe but not pick up or feed. Then you wait 10 minutes, then 15, etc. every time just going in to pet and speak soothingly but leave. The next night you start with 10 minutes and add 5 minutes each time you go in, the second night you let him cry for 15 minutes the first time, and add 5 minutes each time you go in, etc. Like I said, my daughter cried 4 hours straight before she fell asleep. But then it was over and she slept through the night. Good luck.

We used Ferber it worked for us.

We chose to extinguish all sleep associations at the same time, we stopped night feeding and picking up and rocking etc, it wasn't working anyway.

As per Ferber, you can continue to night feed should you choose, but take a look at the book as I don't recall the guidelines on this one.

We kept a journal to help us along, 1,3,5,10, 15, 20, etc gets a little fuzzy at the wee hours of the morning. It took less than a week, all told, and we were golden.

We did have to re-visit ferber when DS learned how to pull up, but couldn't sit himself back down, and again at a few other developmental milestones.

Now for the direct answer to your question. You do whatever you have been doing all along. In our case it was to walk in, leave the lights off, say "we love you, time to sleep," and walk out of the room. Then sip on tea and listen to music with our headphones and wait for the phone to buzz the next interval when we might go in, if necessary.

at the begining we didn't attempt 10 hours, instead it was 8pm, then a feed at 11ish before I went to bed, then a feed at 5ish. Soon enough we stopped waking him for the 11pm feed and he was fine.

Good luck to you and yours,
F. B.

When my girls were that age they stayed up much later then 7pm. I'd BF and cuddle while watching TV with my husband until 10 pm or later. Then down in their own room until they would wake up after 3-4 hours, sometime 5-6 if I was lucky. After that it was sleep in our bed until morning.

I know lack of sleep can make you crazy but so can a screaming baby all night. I have never heard of a baby that would sleep ten hours at that age. I think if you get 1/2 that your doing great.

My very favorite sleep book is "Happiest Baby on the Block". There are so many great tips in there for helping babies learn to fall back to sleep. Paired with "Health Sleep Habits, Happy Child", I was able to help my 3 become great sleepers. I did ultimately ignore crying/fussing in the middle of the night, but I don't remember them being that young or it being for a whole hour (they're 5, 6 & 8 now). Check out these books at the library - they really are life savers!

Would you consider co-sleeping? My oldest was a terrible sleeper. He was always waking up, and every time I finally got him back to sleep the second I tried to lay him in his crib he would wake up again. So frustrating! I found that if I brought him to bed with me, I actually got to sleep :-)

Both of my kids would eat in the middle of the night until they were 8 or 9 months old. My ped told me that by 6 months they should be able to sleep through the night without eating. All I know is feeding them made them go back to sleep for a few hours, so feed them I did!!!

Both my boys co-slept until they were about 14 months (hey, it worked so well with the first, why not try it again with the second) and successfully transitioned to their very own "big boy bed" at 14 months. They did sometimes join us in the middle of the night, but not every night. Also, co-sleeping meant very few tears and Momma got some sleep. It was a win-win for us.

Seriously, I would try co-sleeping. It might make a world of difference. It did for me.

I use Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child and it's been great for both my kids. Hope it gets better soon and you get some sleep!!

You have already proven to yourself that he can fall back to sleep on his own. It may just take him a few nights to not wake out of habit anymore. Be consistent! You can do it. I have 3 kids ages 7, 5 and 2... all were breastfed and all 3 slept 10 hours straight by 3 mos. old... in fact, my younger 2 were sleeping 10 hours straight by 4 to 6 weeks old. A child who is almost 6 mos. old can definitely make it atleast 6 hours... maybe waking just 1 time per night. If he is persistent, try feeding him after it has been 5 or 6 hours since you put him down. If he is eating enough during the day, he should be able to go this long. Again, waking that frequently at this point is out of habit, not hunger. If he is not sick or in pain, letting him cry and learn to soothe himself to sleep is only going to help you and him in the future. I did us CIO on a couple of occasions when sleeping habits changed, and my kids are happy, healthy, smart, well adjusted kids. Don't feel bad about letting him cry... just be consistent! Good Luck!
Just to add... I noticed that you put him down at 7. I never put my babies to bed this early... this was the "witching hours" and they cluster fed this early in the evening (though when they were more newborns)... but even at this age, I would feed them a bottle/breastfeed late in the afternoon, solids at dinner, and then wait until closer to 9:00 for the bedtime feeding. Maybe he is overtired and needs a late day nap, then a later bedtime? Just some other thoughts.

Do you have a close friend or relative who could watch him for one night while you get a good night's sleep? I think you would be able to start better well rested. Otherwise, everyone is just extremely frustrated. My husband got up for the weekend with our daughter when I was still on maternity leave so that I could get an actual full night's sleep, and it made such a big difference in my attitude.

I had two colicky babies who didn't sleep well even after the colic ended so I can empathize. My second didn't sleep through the night by anyone's standards until 18 months. I know how you feel. I think so much depends on the temperament of the baby. Ferber and CIO (I think Ferber is just a modification of CIO) did not work for my babies and their temperaments. It sounds like you're overwhelmed with theories and books, but I really like Mary Sheedy Kurcinka's book, "Sleepless in America." It's not necessarily a method, but it provides some useful tips. She also has a parent help website. If I remember correctly, according to Mary he's probably overly tired too and overly tired babies can't soothe themselves so it's a vicious cycle.

I am also concerned about your physical and emotional health with that kind of schedule. Can your husband help you catch up on sleep on the days he isn't working? If not, you might end up hospitalized and then he's really going to be in a pickle. Is there a relative or trusted friend who can help while you nap?

Have you tried soothing things like having the baby sleep slightly elevated or listen to white noise? Those things helped my second baby a little.

Good luck!

I don't know if this is going to be helpful, but my eldest son was able to sleep train fairly quickly with the ferber method, but my one year old has been an entirely different story. Sticking with the schedule is near impossible because he wakes up after 30 minutes and then will cry for another 2 hours. I just can't even make it through a night without skipping the rest of the plan. He is a year now, and I've been able to get him on a schedule and that has made a huge difference with him being able to sleep for longer stretches. If you get the nap schedule down that might help make it through the night. At some point, I feel like following our instincts has to be good for something. I would try to get the naps in order before you work on the night time portion. Good luck! I would cosleep in the meantime so you can both get some sleep. xx

You poor thing. I haven't read any of the responses, but I'm certain that they're lambasting you for being awful and abusive.

How old is baby? Is he rolling over from tummy to back yet?

If he's rolling....put him to sleep on his tummy. Enjoy your rest. They sleep SO much better that way. :-)

I haven't thoroughly read all the previous responses but in a quick skim I did not see anyone mention the possibility of teething. My daughter had a similar sleep pattern and wanted to nurse all night when she was teething. I would give her a dose of motrin at bed time and was guaranteed 6 hrs of sleep. Sorry I can't help with your sleep "training" question. Mine cried until she puked effectively putting an end to that until she was much much older.

makes a diff if he is BF or bottle.

Also is he due for a growth spurt? no point trying all of this if he needs the night feedings for growth. Also teething can be an issue.

we need to know how long he sleeps during the day and how you get him to sleep during the day.

Swaddle swaddle swaddle
check to see if he is leaking thorugh diapers and might need to go to the next size, tht can wake them up.

do you use a pacifier or not. thumb sucker or not.

is there a dad in the picture?

There is so much involved.

as for ferber I feel like he is too young to scream for 30 mons. I feel like that is for kids with easy temperments that whimper instead of Wail. I don't think it works for wailers. but maybe someone else has had success??

Keep it simple. Don't over think what the baby needs.

The baby needs a comforting warm bath, rub down with lotion, fed, burped, clean diaper, and put him down to sleep in a comfortable, quiet, dark room.

If you are on the brink of losing your sanity, (I know you're not) and you have checked off the basics, do NOT feel bad if the baby needs to cry it out for a spell.

Sorry husband wasn't helpful about your plan.

Also, make sure the baby is awake a lot during the day, has lots of stimulation, to help tire him out and stick to a good bed time routine. He'll come around.

Just close the door and

I am really sorry you are going through this. All 3 of my kids did this too and I was at a loss each time. I haven't read the responses yet, but one thing I did in desperation, was put them in their swing to sleep. The swing we had went side to side and all 3 seemed to love that. So at night when I desperately wanted a little sleep, I'd stick them in there. One night my son slept 8 hours straight and I was so happy. I know exactly how you feel trying to decide if you should stick to the ferber method or console them. I hope it gets better for you soon!

Try the book "Sleeping Through the Night" by Dr. Jodi Mindell. I used it w/ my first at 8 months old as he had to be rocked to sleep and he was a big boy, so my back began to hurt and I would be walking the floor w/ him in the middle of the night crying because I was so tired. I used it at 5 months with my 2nd, and it was much quicker. He can soothe himself to sleep, and it worked better after he got off the last middle of the night feeding. I used to go on the porch so I couldn't hear him cry. My husband would stay inside. Both of you have to be onboard. I told my husband this is what we need to do unless you have a better idea(and looking at him with crazy eyes so he knew not to open his mouth and comply with my decision) It is a modified CIO and she offers all kinds of tips on what could be happening and WHY and what to do. And how just when you get it figured out, something changes and you will have to adjust for that. Like sleepovers at grandmas, vacations, time changes in the fall and spring, night terrors, etc.
You are the main caregiver and if he is not willing to help and support you, you will have to make the decision of how to handle it and stick to it. You have to save your sanity and find out what works for you and your baby. Take care of you.

I didn't try Ferber until 6 months. I made sure they were well fed (nursed and solids), then put them to bed at 10:00pm. The crying only lasted a few nights, but I did not pick them up. I also did not expect them to go 10 hours without eating. They generally woke up to nurse around 5:00am, then went back to sleep for a few hours. My kids slept in the same room, and my baby never woke up the three year old. Kids are usually able to sleep through that sort of thing. If you think he really needs a night feeding then schedule one and get him used to one feeding a night at a regular time.