Question About Baby's Demeanor

My daughter when she was that age wouldn't smile at everyone and was shy even though I started mommy and me groups when she was ten days old. She made people "earn it." Now she is three and talks to everyone. It also takes babies a while to play with others. They may play around each other, but they don't really interact with other kids. Keep up the mommy groups. It will help!!!

It took a very long time for my daughter to respond to random people. She's 19 months old now & a total cheese-ball! :-)
I remember at a couple of her doc appts along w/ all the questions the pediatrician would ask "does she flirt w/ people in line at the grocery store?". My answer was always
"no" (so I was a bit freaked out at that point that something may be wrong as well). It did change though. Give your little guy some time, I'm sure he'll get there!

Actually, it's pretty common for babies at the age of 6 months to become wary of strangers. It doesn't mean anything is wrong with him. There is a website that lists the "milestones" on it so that you know if your baby is developmentally in range or not. It's at www.babycenter.com and you can find them for each age group, up to 36 months, I believe. It also gives details about each age, which I found very helpful. What to expect, what to look out for, etc.

I wouldn't worry about him at this point. If he's smiling and responding to the people who are consistently in his world, I think that's fine.

I have four sons, and each was totally different, right from birth. My kids are now 26, 23, 21, and 8, and my most shy and reserved baby is now the most outgoing of the four. And vice versa. My most outgoing and friendly baby is now a very shy and reserved young man. Go figure. Your son is an individual with a mind of his own. He is probably going to be a deep thinker. Allow him to develop in the way he is most comfortable, and don't worry about it.

He is who he is. My husband and I, very gregarious and friendly people, have a 6 year old daughter who refuses to talk to most adults. She will not look anyone in the face except those who she has deemed to be "her people". My husband was very frustrated by this, because he wants our children to have good manners and say hello, thank you, etc. but she will give back a cookie to avoid having to say "thank you".

A wise woman told me - there are three things you cannot force a child to do: eat, talk or use the bathroom. (which is why most of the postings are about feeding and potty training!!!) so we just accept her shyness and she has gradually gotten better. We have been told by other sympathetic parents that she will outgrow this phase, and we are seeing changes since she started going to school. Just support his shyness, model appropriate behavior, and don't force him to talk to strangers (trust me, it will backfire). That is actually what we teach our kids, right? Don't talk to strangers-- but my 6 year old still refuses to talk to her uncle, whom we see every 2 weeks or so!

He's fine.

It sounds like your son is just an introvert. My daughter was very similar. From birth she was very particular about who held her, and who she would interact with. She's now five and is still very much introverted. She has a small pool of friends, is creative, sensitive and very loving. Some things are just hardwired, but check with his pediatrician to be sure.

Good luck

That's a totally legitimate question.... People used to ask my own mother about me doing that.. I assure you, I'm well rounded and have three children of my own. One of whom is still a baby, and a bit like that too... The funny thing is.. they're learning so incredibly fast, and at that age, their brain is taking in so much!!1 Verbal congition, cues, visual things.. THey're learning language and development.. and at times, they're figuring out that they're a totally different entity outside of the womb! It's totally normal, and I'd put off anyone who suggests that you socialize more than you already are. Sometimes babies, are simply born with the desire and need to just have mommy and daddy. He's perfectly content being a momma's baby.... And really.... they don't stay that way long enough anyway, so enjoy it instead! It shows that he's so cautious, and we should all be lucky enough to have cautious babies!! Rather ones that will go home with just anyone!!! I fear my son sometimes will get stolen because he's so fat and cheerful... people can't stop touching him and commenting him. I'd rather have a shy baby, who people won't feel the need to constantly touch and try to hold! I miss having a shy baby!!! hahaha... enjoy it.. he's a rare breed and the best kind!!!!

L.,

I wouldn't be freaked out about this yet but I'd highly recommend you do some research on autism and look for any of the other "red flags" as your baby gets older. My son (who is 4.5 now) was like that - he was very social and interactive with me and my husband so we thought he couldn't possibly have autism. It took me a while to realize that although he was very social with us, he wasn't social with anyone else. And he has autism. You can find tons of info on the web about autism and other warning signs and what to look for. EVERY kid has quirks. And one or two quirks doesn't mean autism. It is when they have enough quirks or the quirks are so severe that they start interfering with their ability to function, that is autism.

I would recommend that you talk to your pediatrician about your concerns but I wouldn't really recommend that you put too much stock in what they tell you. Our pediatrician kept telling us that there was no way our son was autistic but he is. Pediatricans know shamefully little about autism.

If you see other warning signs for autism, ask your pediatrician or local school district for information on Early Intervention in your area. I'm in Nevada and here you can find them in the phone book under "Nevada Early Intervention." It is a free service and you can get a complete developmental assessment, hearing test, etc... If your child does have an issue, they will also provide services to you free of charge.

I'll be praying for you and your family that this is just a quirk and not autism.

T.

T.

I am in the same situation. I have a 6 1/2 month old who is the same way, even with me sometimes. I hope that it's just that people aren't funny to them.. good luck!! =)

Hang in there L.. Your son is probably just taking everything in. My daughter did the exact same thing and at 14 months she just jibber jabbers at everything.

Aloha L.,

I can relate to your frustration. My youngest (7years old next week) still does that with certain people especially if he doesn't know them. But then there is also one person he knows very well but he will absolutelly not talk to her....he grunts at her instead! Each of my kids have completelly different personalities and he is the only one that does that! I haven't figured that out yet!

Just wanted to share that you are not alone dealing with it.

Marie-anne
www.healthyohana.net

Your son may be shy but, if I were you, I would be concerned as well and would want to make an appointment with my pediatrician ASAP just so that we can rule out any medical conditions such as visual disturbance (although it may be too early to check for this) or petit mal (very small) seizure activity going on.

If your son is experiencing a social or communication delay (returning a social smile and cooing at people -- even strangers is one of the first ways that a baby learns to communicate), your pediatrician will tell you that your child is still too young to determine if the delay is something that you need to take more serious action on (early intervention), but there are steps that you can take now to make sure that he has a chance to develop those social and communication skills (some kids pick up things easily and naturally from his enviroment, others require a more concerted effort). You are probably doing a lot of these things already but just to be on the safe side, make sure that you:

-- Try to keep the t.v. off as much as possible.

-- Spend as much time as possible signing songs, playing with your son and anything you can do to draw your son's attention to you and encourage him to reciprocate with a smile or sound directed your way to really strengthen those social skills of his and keep him involved with you and the world around him. Talk to him, make funny faces, play peek-a-boo, do finger songs, share whatever play activity that he is engaged in like stacking cups or playing with a toy telephone. Be animated and kid-friendly as possible. The more that you interact with your child at this point the better.

-- Enlist as many people as possible in your inner circle (your partner, older children, close relatives, close friends, babysitter) to do the above with your child as much as possible as well. The more active socializing or structured play time your child has during the day, the better. This will help your child learn to interact easily with a variety of people, not just mom and dad.

Every child develops at his or her own rate but I would be very concerned about the "blanking out" since, although some kids outgrow certain behaviors and a child's personality does play a certain part in a child's development, this is not the case for all children. (I'm not sure if "blanking out" is necessarily a shy characteristic.) Some kids just need a more intensive, one-on-one approach to learning to socialize.

Good luck.

There are so many things to consider. My close friend's daughter wouldn't give anyone the time of day except for her parents and my husband until she was about 4 and she is fine. At the time she was just very shy, now at 16, she's anything but!
You may want to get your son's hearing and vision checked by a specialist.
Also, you can contact the California Regional Center for your area and they will provide a free developmental evaluation.

Hope this helps.

My niece is just like this. She is now 2 1/2, but for the longest time would only smile with her parents and grandparents. She is an exceptionally bright child, is used to being around adults and has a great personality once she warms up, but at first approach, she also does not smile or seem to "interact" with anyone. I wouldn't worry too much, it may just be his personality. As long as he's interacting with those closest to him, he's probably fine.

I think at this age...they are taking everything in, processing it and then reacting. So of course he would respond more to the familiar and be a little aprehensive about the unfamiliar. As for the once in a while that he responds to strangers...some people are more comforting to children by nature and babies can sense that. My son was the same way (now 4 years old) and at this point he will approach and talk to anyone and everyone...which is a little scary for me. I wouldn't worry that he has any issues since he clearly can respond when he feels the desire.

Hi L.!

My daughter was the EXACT same way! She used to almost make people uncomfortable with the way she would "stare them down." She would just stare and stare without cracking a smile (except for occasionally) but she was pretty animated around people she knew. Eventually she started being more social with smaller groups of people and would still be very quiet and staring around big groups and now she is pretty social around pretty much anybody. It still takes her a few minutes to warm up and get comfortable sometimes, but as she is exploring her environment more she is getting more social too. She is just over nine months old. I think they are fine...just like to "take it all in." =)

I've known several babies with a similar attitude. Part of it is shyness, I think, and part of it is him trying to figure out the world and everyone's place in it. I wouldn't worry.

That is really quite normal. Some babies are more interactive with others while some are more quiet and observant. I have 4 kids and 2 have been the quiet observant type and 2 are quite extroverted.

Being a Mom is the hardest job in the world. I bet you didn't think your heart could ever hurt this much !!! Your baby is fine. Give him sometime and just keep smothering him with LOVE. You young Mom's , I think have been given to much information about how to raise a child and are scared to death there is something wrong, or you will make a mistake. Its all good. You have a happy baby who is taking in all the stimuli of the world. Some babies do not like all the confusion people throw at them. They do not like to process alot of information a one time. He will as he gets older.
Hang in there you are doing a good job and your baby is just fine.
N.
Old person

i think he is just taking in his surrounding. i found that my daughter did the same thing with people (strangers) but some she would smile at and others she would just stare at... soo just give it time... im sure he will change just give it time... and your right he may just be shy or maybe just a serious baby

L.,

I wouldn't worry to much about that. At this age babies attention span and memory aren't that big or long. Both of my sons were the same way. Every child is different and just because one child did it one way doesn't mean anther child will do it the same way. Don't Worry!!

S.

At this age, they begin to "know" the differences between family and "strangers" and even get 'stranger anxiety" which is a developmental phase... their cognition ability increases as well, and they start to develop more "emotions." This may be the reason for your son's reactions. My son for example, is this way as well... it takes him time to loosen up and get "warmed up" to strangers, and my daughter was this way as well to a certain degree. My daughter is still "shy" in new environments, and it's her personality. My son, is actually pretty social.... but initially quite shy, and he is an "observer" type. But around strangers, yes, he will have a "blank" face and look away, until he feels comfortable. Nothing is wrong with him though... it's just his personality. He is even quite advanced in several developmental areas.

Yet,if you are really concerned, just ask your Pediatrician. When it comes to our children, no question is too frivolous. It's about ages and stages... if you want to see what a child "should" be doing at each month of age, just look it up online. This will give you a good point of reference in evaluating your child. All Moms worry about things like this... take heart and just ask your Doc. Take care and good luck,
~Susan
www.cafepress.com/littlegoogoo

My son was a little like that too and he kind of still is. What I have found is that when he's around the people he sees the most he opens up instantly and when there are people he's not as familiar with, even if he know them, it will take about 10 minutes to warm up to them.
I suggest surrounding him with more people like the mommy and me class, the park, etc. He will eventually start to come around some. He may not become a social butterfly though.... that could just be his nature.

That's interesting as my 7 1/2 month old daughter has similar responses to people when we are in public. She does smile and laugh at home, but as hard as strangers may try to make her smile, she just simply stares back. A stranger even told me, "You must not have smiled while you were pregnant. That's why she doesn't smile now." I've also had a person ask me if I play with her at all at home. Can you imagine? I often see other babies around the same age smiling and giggling in their strollers, and wonder if my little girl is unhappy in any way. I don't think she minds to go out as she will smile to me if I prompt her in some way. I am at least thankful that she does smile to the ones who love her dearly, and hopefully others will be able to see how joyful our little ones are over time.

My oldest was/is very much the way that you describe your son. He seemingly did not get a lot out of the Gymboree classes that I took him to and we actually stopped at 17 months when he began to scream when he realized where we were taking him. He's now 3 and is learning how to handle his shyness. In familiar situations, one wouldn't even necessarily notice he's shy. Does your son make good eye contact? If you're truly concerned, I would suggest speaking with his pediatrician. At the very least, he/she can reassure you that your son is fine. We spent a lot of time worrying about my son and with time have just come to realize that he has a very cautious personality.