Problems with Sleeping

First I would say, you definatley need to put her in her own bed, she is well beyond the age to have her own bed and room. You will then know when you actually need to get up to get her. Right now she is right beside you so you don't have the option to just let her cry. Normally babies will fuss from time to time while they are sleeping, they can get scared or just wake up and make noise. Allowing them to be alone teaches them to use their imagination and helps them develop different skills. SO you need to get her a bed and then you can deal with the light sleeping issue.

Hi L..
I got all my sleep answers from the book you are going to get. I highly recomend it!!I have 4 childen with the oldest being 4 and they sleep great! Thanks to that book. N.

I'm in your boat! My 12 month old, Claire, still doesn't sleep through the night. She also hates to sleep. We are still breastfeeding and i plan to continue till she weans herself. We've established a bed time routine routine ( i read the no cry sleep solution) but she wont take to a comfort object, can't sleep without her binky. She also is not a cranky baby in the least but is definitely high needs when it comes to sleep. At this point she still wakes at least 2X a night to nurse, but does go right back to sleep easily. But I hear you on feeling worn out. She sleeps with us when I'm to tired to put her back in her crib after a nursing ( her crib is in our bedroom) and she's quite the wiggle worm/restless sleeper. I guess after this long I've just come to the conclusion that I've done all I can as far as encouraging her to sleep longer and eventually this will pass. All the healthy sleep books keep telling me the same thing, so I keep at the routine and making sure she's good a fed during the day, but she's just a light restless sleeper. Sometimes she sleeps better at night when we've had a really active day outside and she's had lots of interactions with people and has had at least two good naps. (hour--hour 1/2 ) each. I remember at 9mos. I also got really fed up and tired of her not sleeping, I kept nursing her during the day every 3 hours at that point, even though she was eating solids, and that helped to get her to have a 4-6 hour stretch of sleep at night. Just stick with your instincts, don't let someone else pull you into trying the ciy method. I gave in for a day, and Claire didn't have a voice for 3 days after that one night ( in which she screamed herself to sleep after 3 brutal hours) and i still haven't forgiven myself for foregoing my instincts and being pressured into trying something i new wasn't right for my child. Don't feel alone; we're still trying to figure it out too.
Peace
S. & Claire

This is going to be hard to hear: you need to let your baby cry it out. It will be a rough couple of nights, but if you get through those, then you will be so happy!! Your husband does need to be on-board with you though, it will get tough, especially with your first child, letting her cry, and you will need support. There were so many nights that I wanted to go in the room. I did this with my second child, not my first. My first child is now 3, and she still does not sleep through the night, and she won't even go to bed by herself!! My son, now 1 year old, has been sleeping through the night since we let him cry, at about 6 months. Now if he does wake up at night crying, I know that there is something wrong.

The book you mentioned, Healthy Sleep Habits, is a great book, but it will tell you what I just did, but it will have testimonials that will really show you that you need to let your daughter cry it out.

Buy the sleep book written by Dr Ferber.

Get the baby out of your bed and into a crib.

Follow through with the book and it will be the best thing you will ever teach your child.

This is critical for your child and your marriage. Trust me!

I feel your pain!!!! My 10 mo old son is the same way! He wakes up at least once or twice a night. At least!

I honestly do NOT think it's the breastfed thing though b/c I nursed my daughter too & she slept for 10-12 hrs straight from about 4.5 mos!!! Some babies are just like that & some aren't. :-(
I have heard that The No Cry Sleep Solution is supposed to be fabulous!
Also, is she teething? I know that wakes my son up even more frequently on the nights when he's really getting bothered. Hyland's Teething Tablets can be a lifesaver if you've never tried them before!

Hang in there! I know it's hard & that it sucks & that you miss sleeping but it won't last forever!!!
Good luck!!!

Every family and child is different! You need to do what feels right for your daughter and your family. That being said, my son (now almost 2.5) was breastfed until 20 months (I was very pregnant again and lost my milk supply) but he was in our bed until around 9 months when he just got too squirmy. He was never in a crib and there was no way we could get him to sleep in a crib at that point, he was used to his freedom. We ended up using a twin mattress on the floor next to our bed and he slept there, he knew I could come lie down with him when he woke up. When he fell back asleep, I would go back into my bed and we all slept much better at that point. When we stopped the night time nursing, he did sleep better but he was much older than 9 months (I think he was around 15 when I stopped that since I was too tired in the first trimester). At 9 months, there was no way I could do it, when he was older, he understood much more but even then, it was hard. But, now he is a great sleeper though we still have to lie down with him until he falls asleep but even that is starting to be phased out. Oh and he only likes to sleep in his own bed now, not in ours anymore!

And just to give you another outlook, I said I was pregnant when I stopped nursing him, I now have a 3 month old little girl who absolutely will not sleep in our bed. She wants to nurse, comes off awake and wants to be put down on her own and falls asleep by herself in her own bed. It is like night and day. This is why I really want to impress on you and others lookin for advice here, you need to do what is right for your child and your family. Hearing other opinions is great, but don't let anyone let you feel like you are "doing something wrong" because it is not the way they handled the situation. Every child can be VERY different even from the same two parents!

Good luck and remember, this stage is over FAST!

L.,

I feel for you. My daughter is 8.5 months old and she is up at 11:30 when we come to bed, at 2:30 and at 5:30 before getting up for the day between 7 and 9. We are breastfeeding also, and plan to do so until she self weans.

There's a sleep regression at 9 months that is thought to be correlated with all the developmental milestones they're hitting. Not to mention that teething is thought to be associated with sleep issues.

That being said, some days are rougher than others. From 3-6 months DD was sleeping 8 or more hours at a stretch and only waking once. It was really hard to go back to not sleeping after getting used to it. She's in a crib in our room and will be there as long as we're in our current house because the only other available room is on the main floor of the house.

I just keep plugging along one day at a time. I don't think that solids or lack there of (DD only gets solids at dinner time) have anything to do with how well they sleep at night. Some kids are just better sleepers than others. Mine currently fails at sleeing. I just keep telling myself that this stage will pass, and someday I'm going to miss these moments.

S.

Hi L.,

I am sure you'll get many opinions on this issue! :) I encourage you to do what feels right for you and your daughter. I have 4 children, all of whom did not begin to sleep through the night until 2+ years old. I feel that it is easier to adjust your view of the situation rather than leave the child alone to "cry it out." I tried it once with our first baby @ 9 months old because I felt like he had "sleep problems" - a term that proponents of "sleep training" like to use. They tell you that its abnormal for a child of Lillian's age to not be sleeping through the night, and that you are doing her and yourself a "disservice" if you don't "train" her. Well, I disagree, and found out that most cultures do not make an issue of babies and their erratic sleep patterns. Sure, some babies sleep through the night on their own, from a very young age. However, biologically speaking, what most babies (who don't sleep well) are doing what is innately normal, and rooted in needs associated with survival, as their frequent waking has to do with both feeding and brain function (Dr. McKenna has researched these facts extensively: http://www.nd.edu/~jmckenn1/lab/articles.html )

Not every practice is right for everyone, and I surely hope that others who offer their feedback take this into consideration. "Crying it out" is NOT an easy thing to do, especially if you have been attachment parenting since day 1.

Best wishes,

Meg

I think she will sleep better alone, even though it will take time to adjust. Both my kids stay somewhat conscious or "engaged" if I try to sleep near them, even for a nap, but they sleep like rocks alone. I've had to sleep with my daughter on occasion at around 9-12 months visiting friends with limited space, and neither of us got any sleep! She squirmed all night! As for beast feeding-yes, it's less filling, but you can thicken up the milk with cereal and feed more often during the day and she will go longer at night without waking.

They are not at all pleased sleeping alone -- after all, their security is their parent's warmth and heartbeat. Generally, they sleep much better if they sleep with their parents or just beside them in a bassinette or crib. Nursing at the breast and feeling mom's warm body and tasting warm sweet milk means love and security for a young infant. Being put in a bed all by him/herself in a scary, lonely room, is hardly a baby's idea of comfort.

My son is 12 months old and sleeps in his own crib. He slept in our room in a cradle until he was approximately 9 months and then we moved him to his own room for the same reasons. We thought we were waking him. I am still breastfeeding him and it has not changed. He does go a little longer some nights. We try to feed him oatmeal or some type of cereal approx. 1 hour before he goes to sleep, which seems to help. I hope this helps make you feel like you are not the only one.
S.

I breastfed both of my kids (both for over a year), and they both slept thru the night by 10 weeks. So it isn't the breastfeeding. I do think the crib will help. The other thing I would suggest is when she wakes, don't go to her right away. You will know if she ate and was changed etc...if her basic needs have been met, then let her lay for a bit. Sometimes babies have to learn how to settle themselves...Emily was a cat-napper...in order to get her to nap for longer than 5 minutes, I had to let her fuss for a few minutes as she was trying to settle. The first day let her fuss for 1-2 minutes. The next move it to 3. At the end of the couple of minutes, go check on her, make sure she is ok, pat her, sing a little song or something, and then go out again. After a few days of this, while moving the time by a minute every day or two, she will probably soon learn to settle. She will be assured that you are there, but she will learn not to need you right there to sleep. Trust me, that is a skill better taught now then as she grows older! I hope my suggestion helps! Good luck with her! And enjoy her! They grow so very fast!

Another thought is put her in her own room, or own space. She may be a very light sleeper and wake at the slightest noise or movement from you or your hubby. She may also be a noisy sleeper herself and wake herself...sometimes if left alone they settle themselves in a few minutes. Just a thought!

Hi L.,
I, personally agree that she needs to get into a crib. Not for safety reasons, but because it's going to have to happen at some point!
I agree with the advice of constant routine, full tummy, white noise, baby monitor etc. (Video monitors are GREAT!)
I just wanted to mention for you to keep in mind that this transition will be tough--it may take a week or so and you will most likely feel like giving up! It is agony to hear you child cry & scream for even 5 minutes, but, ultimately, I think it's harder on the parents than it really is on the child and it really IS a great gift that you are giving her--the ability to comfort herself and put herself to sleep at night. Good luck to you!

I did the exact same thing with my daughter (and my son, at that) and they had the same problem. When you get the crib, put it up in your room (she's used to that room and it'll make her feel more comfortable). What I did, was do the same bedtime routine, then put her in her crib and leave the room. After 5 minutes, go in, lay her down, rub her back, and leave. Don't talk to her, don't give her eye contact. I know it sounds harsh, but if you do that, a little bit of misery for you will be years of happiness for all 3 of you. Each time she cries, increase her alone time by 5 minutes. So, 5, 10, 15, 20 minutes. She'll realize that she's safe, but that you aren't going to put her to sleep, she'll have to do that. I did this with both of my kids and it worked. It is really hard to listen to your child cry, so put some headphones on, it'll make it easier. Eventually, you'll be able to put her to sleep without breastfeeding her prior to that. Our routine is like this:
1. eat dinner 5:30
2. take bath
3. read book
4. say prayer
5. sing song
6. go to sleep 7:30 - 8:00
My kids are still full by the time its bedtime.
They wake up somewhere between 6 and 7, I nurse her, she sleeps for another hour or so and my son crawls into bed with us and sleeps a little longer.
Hope this helps.

She could be waking up so frequently because she knows that you will give her attention when she does. You need to get her a crib as soon as possible and then let her cry herself to sleep. Until you do, I am afraid that this cycle won't end. Until she learns to comfort herself, she will rely on you for comfort even when she is supposed to be sleeping.

Hi L., I do believe it takes breast fed babies longer to sleep through the night. I have three, the frist two were bottle fed formula. They both were sleeping through the night by the time they were 8 weeks old (from 10pm to 7am). As they got older bedtime moved to 9pm and they slept til around 9am. They have always been good sleepers and now that they are teens when given the opportunity they will sleep til noon with NO problem! LOL My youngest I breast fed until she was about 4 months old (with my wacky work schedule that was as long as we could both work with it). She didn't sleep through the night until she was on formula full-time. In fact she nursed more often than I ever fed the other two. She has always weighed less (even now she is the "stick girl" of the family) eaten less and sleep less than her sisters. Frankly she is also the one that has been to the doctor more than my other girls as well. Is there a correlation? Is it just coincidence? I don't know. I'm glad I nursed her, I was also glad that she started sleeping through the night when I put her on formula full-time. And no, I never put ceral into her bottle or the other two, I don't believe in that at all.

I think your on the right track with getting her a crib, although you might have a bit of a fight on your hands with the change over at first. But the longer you wait, the harder that will be as well. Maybe if you have your husband give her a bottle of formula (consult your doctor on which type of kind of formula) right before you put her to bed it might help her sleep though the night. Good luck & best wishes.

I co-slept with all 4 of my kids through to at least their first birthday, so I'm completely supportive of that. It CAN be done safely (especially with a 9 month old, who isn't exactly going to take being rolled over on passively!), and is done in the majority of the world. I'm sure you know this, I'm more responding to the other poster who said it was dangerous.

So anyway...the most waking I ever had at this age was every 3-4 hrs, and I had chalked that up to my working out of the home so my kids wanted milk "fresh from the tap." LOL. I was able to nurse while barely waking up, so this was not a problem for me--we were all well rested. Putting my first daughter in her own room--even though it just meant getting up ONE time at night and getting up a bit early to nurse before showering, made me into a walking zombie in just one week. That was why we started co-sleeping. So if you are getting enough sleep and your DD is getting enough sleep, I wouldn't worry too much about the current sleeping pattern.

If you *aren't* getting enough sleep...then by all means, do something. Make sure your DD really is waking up--that it isn't just you rushing to comfort her as she passes through a light sleep phase. You could try putting a crib with the drop down side removed right next to your bed (tie the legs of the crib to your bedframe so that it can not shift away) so that your DD is a bit further away from you so that you are less sensitive to her little noises.

If she really is waking up, you might try having your hubby offer her a sippy cup of water rather than you nursing--this is how I night weaned my first daughter (she was 14 months at the time). Eventually she decided it just wasn't worth it to wake up. We do give our kids a sippy cup of water to take to bed as long as they want one--usually until they are about 3. After that, they can go to the bathroom and get a drink if they want in the middle of the night.

Elizabeth Pantley's book "The No Cry Sleep Solution" has a lot of good suggesions on how to reduce night waking. I'd encourage you to check this book out.

Hugs & good luck!

Dear L.,

I think it would be very helpful to your daughter to have her own bed. Her waking could be caused by feeling crowded in your bed. It is also dangerous to have a baby sleeping between two adults. There have been many deaths of babies being rolled over on and suffocated by a sleeping adult. If you have a need to have her close by, then put her crib in your room to start, or put her crib in a nearby room and have a baby monitor so you can look at her during the night without even getting up out of bed. I think this will help everyone sleep better. Good luck.
Sincerely, M.

Hi L..
We had sleep problems with my 4 month old (now 6 1/2 months) and we got the book The Sleepeasy Solution by Jennifer Waldburger. It was fabulous and easy to follow and best of all, it worked!!! Now my little one sleeps 12 hrs at night and 3 hours in naps during the day. I looked at Weissbluth's book but thought it was too strict and didn't take into account special situations- he says to leave the baby all night but doesn't take into account that baby's hit developmental milestones, teething, or even poop, which can affect sleep. He does have alot of interesting information on the detriments of children becoming sleep deprived however- so it was an interesting read. But I swear by The Sleepeasy Solution.
I agree a crib of her own is a must and possibly some white noise may help your little one too. We have a fan in my girl's room which blocks out any outside noise. I was worried I wouldn't hear her so I also set up a video monitor in her room. Summer makes a great day/night monitor so you can see her and hear what she is doing.
I hope this information helps. Sleep training isn't easy but it is so worth it- for you and for your baby.
Best of luck!
R.

Hi L.,

I think every baby has different sleep habits and sleep needs. I exclusively breastfed and my baby started sleeping through the night at 4 weeks of age (8 pm to 4 AM). Then when I went back to work at 4 months, he stopped sleeping through the night and wanted to do all of his nursing at night with me instead of eating a lot when he was with his caretaker during the day. At that point he ended up sleeping in our bed so that I could sleep through his nursing. At 11 months we transitioned him back to his crib because he was just too squirmy to be in our bed. We used the No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizebeth Pantley. It was a difficult transition, but he is a good sleeper again and it only took a few months.

Your baby may have higher sleep needs - and it may or may not be related to breastfeeding - she may just want to spend more time with you or she may need comforting. Try to look at your routine beyond just the bedtime routine and see if you can find some clues that with help you.

Good luck!
J.

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