Problems in Going Back to Work...

I understand totally. I have a 7 month old and need to help bring in some extra income so I teach piano from our house one day a week. There are other things you can do so you don't have to go back to work. Pampered chef,Arbonne, Mary K, Discovery Toys, these are all controlled by you when you want to work, etc.... Or if you play an instrument or sing you could give music lessons from your house. My friend even watches other kids in her home like a daycare. There are plenty options so you can stay at home with your baby. Good luck.

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Have you thought of doing something from home? Maybe you could meet somewhere in the middle...

1 mom found this helpful

Hi H.,
My name is M., I'm a 38 yr old mother of one beautiful 4 yr old girl. I didn't have my daughter until I was in my mid 30's and I was forced to go back to work when she was just 2 months old, for financial reasons. It was so hard to do. I didn't have a choice either. I found a woman, who had taken care of children out of her home. She came highly recommended. She met with us several times before I left my daughter there for the first time. My husband and I could come and go as we pleased without giving notice to her. She really respected us and our "seperation anxiety". She kept other children and spent lot's of time teaching them things like: colors, numbers, manners, potty training ect... I chose to go back to work in an environment that was not very stressful and that if I needed to leave for my daughter's sake, I could because I wasn't "key personnel". It took a little while, but we came to trust our care giver alot. I started enjoying the time I had at work away from house keeping, cooking, ect... Now, our daughter is a very socially advanced, smart, happy little girl in pre-k who still asks when we can go see her "Connie".
I hope I haven't bored you, but try keeping things as stress free as possible, so when you are with your son, your not worried about the times you aren't with him, you can just enjoy the times you are.
God Bless and Good Luck.
M.

Maybe you can work it out so that everyone is happy. Is it possible for you to work part-time? If the baby is in daycare and exposed to other children, I have found with my own three children, they learn, talk, everything so much faster.It is a huge adjustment but it will benefit your son as well.

All moms can relate to your situation. If you and your husband can manage financially I would try being a little more firm in your stance on why you should be given the option of staying home. It will be very hard to go back if your heart isn't really in it. I don't think your husband would want to see you so upset and it could cause u to resent him if he doesn't give in. The two of u could agree that u will return to work when your son is such and such age. All children do benefit by being with other children but I think the first year should be spent one on one with mom.

I would write out financial facts/numbers for your husband as men need facts NOT emotions. I would list your earning potential, expences, costs of daycare, ect. You may find that you will be working to cover the costs of daycare and little else. I stayed home with my son for 10 months, worked for a year, and went back to staying home with him. I felt guilty every day I went to work (and my husband had to chip in a lot more). Discuss the facts with your husband and then get into the 'why you want to stay home'. My husband really likes when I write out a pro/con list of both staying home and working, then hand it to him to read prior to discussing it!

If you want to stay home talk about the cost ratio of going back day care , gas for the car , work clothes need new ones with the post baby body men seem to think on those terms more and if he sees that after all those cost you would only be bringing home a small amount of money to have someone else taking care of your child he might like your idea to stay home better
good luck
J.
stay st home mom of 4

I went back to work earlier this month and my daughter is just now five months, so I feel your pain. The anticipation leading up to the first day back was far worse than the actual day. It gets better every day, and I focus on making the most of the time I do have with my little girl. It's not ideal, but I try to focus on the positives. If you do decide to go back to work the one thing I would stress is you HAVE to feel confient in the people you are leaving your child with. Whether it is in home or a center, you have to feel good about the environment and the caregivers. Trust your instincts and you will make the right decision. Best of luck.

How about a night job? I am pretty much in the same boat as you, except that my husband is being very patient and understanding while I search. I have applied to Walmart, Home Depot for the night shift 10:00pm-7:00am. There are hotels that need night auditors or front desk for night shift. Or try 24 restaurants like IHOP, Waffle House, Shoney's or Denny's. My youngest are 6 months and 2 yrs at home right now.

Consider it and You will be able to take your rest during the day while your baby is napping and trust me your energy level will be pretty hight most mornings after getting off work, because you will have then become a "night owl" so don't worry about not being able to stay awake for him.

It will work out, just say a prayer for direction and trust God and put your hustle shoes on :-)if this interests you. I did it before and went to school in the daytime straight from work! May not be for everyone, but it is worth a try.

H.,

I have always been self employed, but working for my husband in his insurance agency and after our children were born, I have always gone back to work right away, and was able to bring the babies with me to work. When they were too big and 'mind' us, I would work just the necessary time away from them and left them at a private sitter at her home and then took work home with me and work while they are playing or napping or after they have gone to bed after 9 Pm.

Would you be able to take work home with you in your job?

Good luck, G.

H.,
I know with this sort of question, you'll probably get a couple of answers like this, but have you considered working from home?

I am a single mom, my ex does pay child support, but I homeschool my youngest son and work for a wonderful nationally respected company, through a team of other moms whose mission it is to help other moms work from home, so they don't have to part with their little ones for such a large chunk of the day.

I do no sales, no inventory, no deliveries, no shows or parties and no telemarketing, and they provide me with a free website and the tools I need to work from home, including online training.

Please call or visit our website to learn more!

God Bless you and your family, and the decision you make,

M. S.
Marketing Executive
The M.O.M. Team
###-###-####
http://www.themomteam.com/MandyStrickland

My son is 10 days older than yours! Is part time an option, at least at first and slowly work back up to full time. Or possibly working at a temp agency where you could work for a week or two and then be off for a week or two? Maybe you could find someone to job share with or a job where you could work from home part of the time????? What about seasonal positions you could work for (I know that the state, the schools and the IRS have these types of positions) I know it is very hard. I went back to work when my baby was 2 months old. I also have a 13 year old and 6 year old and went back to work when they were 6 weeks old and it is tough but the hardest part is the first week before you go back (when your dreading it and never want to leave him and your emotions get overwhelmed) and the first week you are actually back (when you and baby are both adjusting to the new routine) but from experience I can say that it is okay, your kids will be just fine and their bond with you will be just as strong.....trust me my 13 year old is awesome and we are extremely close and always have been. It is the same with my 6 year old. Ideally I would love to be home with them more, but the bond is there and there are time management tricks that I've figured out that enables me to get a lot of togetherness time in with my family. I hope this helps, and I also hope that you can stay home or work part time .....
Blessings
B.

have you thought about working from home when my girls were young i had a daycare in my home it worked out really well for me i even helped raise several nieces and nephews i am thinking of doing it again so i can be at home with my grandkids

My husband told me when i got pregnant with our first son to quit my job, because there was no sense in me even going to work since my check would prob only cover baby sitting or day care, so i stay home with my boys, and he works, although i would like to find something i could do from home, on the computer, so maybe that might be an option for you guys also, or does your work have a daycare there i know some places do. Anyway that might be something to mention to him (if it is the case not sure what you do for a living or how much you make) but just tell him most of your check would go to daycare or sitter or even a nanny, so why not stay home and do it yourself instead of having to go to work just so your check would go to the sitter or nanny or whatever. Anyway good luck

What about doing something that doesn't require as much time as a full time job, and is flexible, but still brings in the income you may need? MLMs are great for this ( I do Pampered Chef). You could find one that would work for your family, and you would enjoy.

It sounds like you need to look into working from as an "at-home Agent" Here is the listing of some of the work at home companies that are the best(you do have to be careful) ... I highly recommend the ones I work for ... USIS and ACD Direct and 1800Flowers.com. LiveOPS or the one that my daughter in law works for: Working Solutions ( she does the hotels.com project for them) ... I have only included those that have a decent reputation:

http://www.liveops.com/ this is a great company – on sabbatical from them - featured on ABC news

http://www.usis.com/ this is the one that I work for- not hiring at this time

http://workingsolutions.com/home.htm ... this is the one daughter in law works for – also very good

http://www.acddirect.com/ ... has a great reputation in the business, but takes a long time to get on with them … I also work for this one

1800FLOWERS.COM: just go to website scroll to the bottom and click on employment opportunities … I also work for this one

http://www.alpineaccess.com/external/becomeAgent.html also featured on ABC news

http://www.arise.com/Content/default_promo.asp also featured on ABC News

http://www.babytobee.com/

http://www.acddirect.com/

http://www.888geekhelp.com/be_a_geek.html

https://jetblue.recruitmax.com/ENG/candidates/

http://www.workathomeagent.com/ ... this one is ok but a last resort ... easy to get on with but not a great support network

1800FLOWERS.COM: just go to website scroll to the bottom and click on employment opportunities

UHAUL:

http://www.uhauljobs.com/Default.aspx

Then in the Keyword or Job Title box, type: e-hotline
Then in the Job Category, chose: Select All
Then click the Find button.


http://www.callcenteroptions.com/

http://www.popalock.com/positions.php

http://www.lionbridge.com.
Per a post, please now email a resume to ____@____.com for applying for a position with Lionbridge Technologies, Inc.

Good luck,
L. Hamilton

Hello H.,

I can't begin to tell you how much I understand your dilemma. After my daughter, Ryleigh was born; I had post partum depression...so badly that I cried all the time...worrying that something would happen to her. I was so distraught that I was even afraid to carry her with me to cross the street to check our mail, that I might drop her. She slept next to me and I would wake-up in a panic and check her breathing. I ended up trying to return to my job after she was 5 months old. That didn't work! When I returned to my job, I had to go through a company Nurse to be processed back in. I could not stop crying and ended up being off for 7 more months. I was under a doctor's care, but the insurance company would not pay anything after my short term disability ran out. I have long term disability insurance as well, but the insurance company did not pay, even though I had 2 doctor's saying that I could not function at work. Needless to say, money was very tight, but I stayed home on the Family Medical Leave Act - with no pay until my daughter turned 1, then I made it back to work. The ONLY thing that was of any comfort to me was the fact that I had a very dear friend, my age that was willing to keep my daughter for me. I knew that she loved my daughter and would take excellent care of her. This is probably the solution to your problem as well. You have to find a place or someone who you can trust with all of your heart with your baby....I know from experience how hard it is. It would probably make you feel better too if you could find someone who can come into your home. Whatever you do, make sure you check their references....looks can be deceiving. I have a long story about that too....maybe another time. If you would like to contact me. PLEASE do, as I have had a tremendous amount of experience with the SAME feelings that you are having. It is hard, but you can do it. I not your averaged-aged mom, I had my baby when I was 43 and I am 46 now. I think that had a lot to do with my separation issues as well.

Just hang in there and please feel free to contact me. I would love to talk to you and help you if I can.

God bless and take care~
Jeana

girl i hear what your saying ... i understand ... but later you will find that you need that time away a lil at work .. its not that long and it makes it so exciting when you get off to go and get them ... and right now most of the time at that age they are still sleeping all the time i have a 3 yr old and a 9month old and i love that they go to day care and i am so excited to go an pick them up each day... so in my advice if you have a good job to go back to it will help get fellowship with other mommies and most importantly being in constant prayer about it and thats the best advise you will ever get

I completely understand your delima! Unfortunately, if you already had an agreement with hubby & he is "adamant" about keeping it, the only advice that will help is advice on how to be ok with leaving your baby & going back to work. How about a compromise? Tell hubby to give you 1 month to THOROGHLY look into daycares (if your son will be put in one) before you start working. (You could even spend some time in their nursery to watch how they work & get to know the teachers.) Or if someone you know will be keeping your little boy, spend the time letting him get used to the other person taking care of him while you're still there. You'll feel better when you start working because you'll already know his routine with that person. I wish you all the luck. Keep us updated!

H.,

Sorry about your dilemma. Your feelings are so natural. We are not meant to separate from our babies. They are given to us to raise and nurture. You not only need your son, he needs you. As mothers, we can not be replaced so easily. The decision to stay at home should be an easy one. Your heart is in the right place. I'm sure that your husband will understand. If the reason he wants you back at work is financial, reassure him your time at home will be for just a short time.

A Little about me:
I'm happily married 37yr old SAH mom of five. Three lovely daughters 16,10,7. Two great sons 14,1. I will keep you in my prayers.

Wow, I see that you have gotten a ton of responses so I will just be super brief. One time my Pastor told my husband and I than our being in unity was even more important that always making the right decision. We had a lot of "discussions" about whether or not I should go back to work. I did not want to at all. Finally I told my hubby that I trusted him to make the best decision for our family and I would do what he thought was best. Then I prayed and asked God to give him the wisdom to make the best decision for our family. When I really turned loose of it and just gave it to God and let my husband take the leadership he needed, God turned around and gave me what I wanted! Now I know it doesn't always go that way, but I think my Pastor was right because the minute I truly laid it all down and got on the same team with my man I had peace no matter what the outcome was.
I truly hope you get your heart's desire and get to stay home. But no matter what happens you and your husband are a great team and in it together! Sorry, guess I wasn't as brief as I thought! :)

i'm in the same boat, promising my husband i will return to work after 6 months, i hope i can do it. its easy to say now because the baby isn't here yet. i have no advice, sorry, just letting you know you're not alone in your feelings.

Mother-baby separation anxiety does its work (damage?) on both, not just the baby. I would say
1) look for support for care for your baby when you are away at work (_you_ have to be comfortable with who is chosen for this important duty)
2) ask your husband if the financial needs of the family require that you work and look at compromises; working part-time, working from home
and 3) get some tips about how to actually do some mommy-baby separation time; one emotionally valuable thing for me was being allowed to peek in the window where I could see my baby settle down and stop crying after I am out of sight.

H., I completely feel your agony about wanting to be with your child, but you made a promise to your husband and I think you should honor it. If you don't go back to work it could create feelings of resentment on his part and put strain on your marriage because you said you would do one thing but didn't follow through. I'll be the first to admit I have had so many days where I've driven to work in tears because I hated leaving my son at daycare for strangers to raise (I've been married 15 years and I waited the first 12 for my son). But he's 3 now and he's not warped, he's actually pretty advanced when compared to most stay-at-home children his age, and he asks to go to "school" because he loves to learn and socialize with his peers. I just try to make the most of the time I do have with him, and I promise he's glued to my hip when he's with me. There's also a bigger picture to consider. If your husband is thinking of the finances, maybe college money for your son and his future, your retirement, or whatever, those are very valid reasons for you to return to work. Also, in my case, my son is a very different person around me because I tend to give in easily. I've come to realize the positive role his teachers play in his development and even though I still long to be home with him, I believe it's a sacrifice I'm making for his well being. Some moms will call this justification - I call it honesty. I truly hope I've give you some things to think about that are helpful. : )

You are feeling exactly as you are supposed to. A mother needs to be with her baby! How much of the income do you bring in? Is there something you can do from home? Tell your husband your feelings and ask him if there are other alternatives he could think of. Think of a budgeting plan you can offer him with all the areas you are willing to cut back on in order to stay home. Or figure out how much it will cost you to put the baby in childcare and how much it will cost in gas going to work everyday. How much money would you actually bring home after paying out these costs? If you stayed home, you would be saving money.
maybe you could even promise to keep the lights turned off or the air at a different setting to save on the electric bill. If you sound desperate enough, maybe he'll come around. :)
Let us know what happens!

I completely understand. I fully intended to finish my degree and go to work, but we were blessed with twins. I woud only be working for daycare expenses, plus being separated. We decided to keep me home and there I have been for 14 years. I would not change a thing. With technology today and the changing workplace it is very possible to work from home and make an income to supplement your husbands. That might be an option. If he is worried about you having a break, you could also have someone sit a few hours a week while you did just that. I hope this helps. Feel free to contact me if you decide to work from home. I may be able to help you do what I do.
Best wishes for you and your family.
M.
____@____.com

Here is an idea:

Write down how much your monthly paycheck was.
Now start figuring all the expenses going back to work would bring. You may need to make some phone calls for some of them.
* Daycare
* Work clothes (especially if you're not back to your pre-pregnancy weight)
* Gas driving to and from work
* Cost of lunches for both of you (if you're home all day, you can prepare his lunches for $1-1.50 per meal and you eat at home; if you both work, you're probably both eating out or buying pre-packaged meals)
* Anything else you can think of

Then add it all up, subtract from your paycheck, and see what the difference is.

Once this is done, look at the budget and see where you can cut expenses. If you buy some foods in bulk and make things from scratch (like bread--5 lb of flour costs less than a healthy loaf of bread from the store), you can cut some costs on in your budget. You could probably get by on $70-80 a week for food.

You might also consider doing something at home that would make money. Do you sew? If you can hem pants, you can get a bit extra here and there if you advertise to the neighbors. Do you like making bread? Consider making good wheat bread and selling it for $3-4 a loaf. You won't make a mint this way, but you'll make something and if you don't have to ask your husband for money to get things you want, it might be easier for him to do. You could consider selling things on ebay or at the flea market a couple times a week. Or you could look into making money online (but be VERY careful! You can lose a ton if you don't know what you're doing). I can recommend a program that you can start with for next to nothing; PM me if you're interested.

Also, now that you're baby is older (it's hard to do ANYTHING with a newborn, LOL!) see if you can start making his homecoming special. Take a shower before he gets home and put on a semi-nice outfit and in general try to look refreshed to welcome him home. Make a big deal out of his homecoming for the baby ("Daddy's home! Daddy's home!") and in a few months baby will be VERY excited when Daddy comes home. Then when he comments on how much he likes it, mention that you wouldn't have the time or energy to do it if you worked.

I hope this helps.

hello H., I think that as long as money is not a major issue you should be able to stay home with your baby till he goes to school at least a half a day! If money is an issue, maybe you could look into the daycare thing and help out that way, and if that's not enough you may have to look into getting a job with hours that are opposite your husbands hours . that way you two will still be the care providers, at different schedules. plus he will see how hard it is to care for a baby! also does he know how expensive that child care is going to be? by the time you deduct that from your pay, you might as well stay home, work only part time, or at a childcare place! make sure that he is seeing the whole picture! but unfortunately, you are partly responsible for the finances of your household, and if you two really need you to work for financial reasons, then you may have to bite the bullet. Best of luck.

How about a compromise. Work part time!

Maybe you guys could come to a compromise. Do you think you could work part-time? This could be good for all of you. I would be completely honost with your husband about your feelings.My personal opinion though, is(take it for what ever it is worth) if you can afford to be a stay-at-home mom than do it. I wish we could have afforded for me to stay home when my son was a baby. Now that we can my son is going to start Pre-K at a Private School so we need my income and plus it wouldnt benefit him or our family for me not to work, I would just be at home all day by myself. And that could get me into trouble since I love to shop! ; ) I hope this helps you. Good luck, you and your husband will make the right decision-just pray about it.

I know how you feel. I went back when my daughter was 3weeks old. I loved my job and my boss was great. He let me switch my schedule around pretty freely. My dh also brought her in quite often. Would this be an option?
Another option would be a nanny. Then she could take your son to you at work also. Meet up with you at lunch or breaks maybe?
Does your employer provide onsite childcare? Could they?
Have you found care already? Infant care is SO expensive. Have you priced it all out? It might not even be worth going back. You could try to draw up a sample budget and present it to him that way. Remember the gas, the eating out, the car (you could get away with only one if you are a SAHM.), the clothing/uniforms, ect. I know that if I were to return to work it would just barely cover these costs.
Good luck and I'm sorry that you are going through this.

Hi H. - I am sure you have been bombarded with responses from stay-at-home networking people - that's because the concept is great; the problem most people face is that they see themselves "sacrificing" their time to get started. I am also in networking and would like to show you AND your husband a 3-part plan, Kingdom Builders, that can provide you with a monthly return as well as provide funds from which to tithe to your church and eliminate your debt. There is no selling involved / and significantly less time. The heart of this program is to expand God's Kingdom thru ministering about finances seen as "a Gift of God" to be used for His purposes. Kingdom Builders (Business - Stewardship - Debt Elimination) M. ###-###-#### ____@____.com

If you treat it as a profession. You can make good money selling Avon and still be with your child. To make a success it does take time. But you can earn a really good income.

Call me or email if you want more information.

###-###-#### or email ____@____.com

Hi H.,

I have a seven month old and have been back at work for three months now. I, like you, was totally distraught at the thought of going back to work in the weeks before my maternity leave ended. But I have to say, while it's tough to be a working mom and while I definitely miss my baby like crazy, being back at work is actually better/easier than I anticipated. Dreading going back was much worse than actually going back. For that reason, I think you should give it a try and see how you feel about it. Just as you couldn't have known how you much you would want to be with your baby before you became a mom, you can't know how you will really feel about being a working mom until you give it a fair shot (and by fair, I mean go back for at least a couple months before you throw in the towel, as the first couple of weeks aren't a good barometer since they will be hard no matter what).

On another note, it sounds like the bigger issue is that your husband isn't being as understanding or sympathetic as he should be. I think you need to have a long talk with him and help him see how hard this is for you. You are going to be miserable if the only reason you are working is because your husband is forcing you to. Decisions about who works and who doesn't should be made together, and neither of you should be held to all the opinions and plans that you expressed prior to having a child--things change once the baby is actually here. You two need to have a really honest, open discussion to re-evaluate your goals, desires, and plans for your post-baby life.

All that said, here's what I would do in your position:

*Reach some sort of understanding with your husband that you will try going back to work, but if after a set number of months (3 maybe?) you find that it's not the right move for you and your family, you will re-visit the issue

*Look into any part-time and flex-time options that your employer offers

*Make sure your child is getting very high quality care. This means either hiring a nanny with great references or getting your child into a top-notch day care. I LOVE our day care center, and that has made going back to work much easier. That said, we were on the waiting list for our day care for 8 months and on the waiting list for our second choice for 6 months, so if you aren't already on a waiting list, getting into a really good day care will be tough.

*Go back to work with the most open-minded, "I am going to try to make this work" attitude that you can muster and give yourself a good couple of months to get back in the swing of things. If you find that you hate it as much as you think you will, then make the leap to staying home full-time.

Also, I know many people say to put a pencil to paper and really figure out how much you will net from working after factoring the cost of high quality child care (we pay about $1200 a month if you need a figure to work with). This idea was never helpful to me, as I make substantially more than my husband and take home a lot of income after day care and associated expenses. But depending on your salary level, you may indeed find that working wouldn't really gain you much in terms of money, and your husband might be more persuaded by seeing those facts and figures than by less tangible feelings.

hi there.H. sorry to here about your problem but it sounds like your husband needs to back off he should thank god that you want to take care of yalls new baby.you should get to enjoy your new baby.they grow up so fast enjoy it why you can.working can come in time.enjoy your new baby you need that time to bond with your little one.why does he want to go back to work so soon?well good luck enjoy that little one

Well, barring money issues---it is your choice as a mother to go back to work. Sure, a second income would help but NO ONE can tell you what is good for your baby but you!
Only you know what's best for your baby and if all your instincts are telling you to stay with him, listen to them. There's always a reason for everything.
I had our baby girl in April last year, and I did too plan on returning to work ...however, I had the same feelings you do. I will return to work one day, but not until she's in school full time. And I know that's 4 years or so not working, but your husband is going to have to get used to the idea that it's different for us "moms". Suddenly a "chip" we never knew about gets inserted and all of our pasts beliefs and such go right out the window and a new system of doing things is put in its place. It's a mom thing...guys will never get it.
Listen to your heart, it will never lead you astray! Your baby is your priority now...
Good luck! and Congratulations!

H.,
What a difficult situation!! It feels so wrong to have to leave your baby with someone else!
You've gotten some really great suggestions. I just wanted to add a few thoughts. Childcare for infants is hard to find, especially QUALITY childcare. Waiting list for those schools can be a year or longer, so even if you wanted to return to work, it may take some time to find the right spot. Please do a little research on any place or person you want to leave your child with. Tx Department of Family and Protective Services which regulates childcare and Registered Family Homes lists reports for each school. You can even search by zip codes to find centers in your area. Their site is www.dfps.state.tx.us/Child_Care/Search_Texas_Child_Care/p.... You can also call FamilyConnection ###-###-#### x227. They have a database of centers and can to searches on a sliding scale fee. They even list fees. Their website lists all sorts of resources about finding quality care (www.FamilyConnectionsOnline.org) www.naeyc.org is also a great resource on how to find quality care. You can expect to pay anywhere from $700 to $1300 for fulltime infant care. I would question anything cheaper. Good luck! I'm sure you and your husband will work this out. If you can afford it, I would suggest getting on waiting lists now and have your child start at 12 months. Availability seems to go up and prices decrease a bit!
S.

I totally understand how you are feeling! Your husband doesn't seem to be hearing how you are feeling at all. There are other options than just 'going back to work'. I'm sure it's because he's afraid of not having 2 incomes...but the cost of putting your baby in daycare goes far beyong the monetary expense! He can call me, I'll explain my POV to him ;)

I know you have heard from lots of other work at home moms about their businesses....and they're all good businesses. The key to having a successful home based business is to do something you are passionate about! For me that is helping people get quality health and dental care at an affordable price.

This is what we offer www.SplendidTeeth.com and to learn about the ins and outs of the business visit www.Freedom2WorkFromHome.com/M.

I sincerely hope you follow your heart and find a way to bring in money as well as be home with your baby!

M.

Does he have a realistic view: of what day care is going to cost? Of how sick that baby is going to be from being around other sick kids? Of how many times HE is going to have to take off when baby is sick? Of how much more work it is going to be for him to help out around the house? Of how many dinners he is NOT going to have cooked?

I could go on forever. I worked with our first set of kids. They grew up and we started adopting. My dh has decided that it was NOT a good idea for me to work because of the above conditions. We made the same amount of money so it took a lot of "encouragement" for him to "see the light". Good luck.

Have him listen to Dr. Laura. She advocates at least one parent staying at home with their children. If you're in Houston, she's on AM 560 from 9-11. She also has a few books out you may want to pick up. www.drlaura.com She's blunt and may sound slightly offensive at first but she's really on the mark.

It was decided before we even got engaged that I wanted to be a stay at home mom so luckily when we decided to get pregnant it wasn't a shock that I was going to quit and stay home with our daughter (born April 2007). I can tell you that it is hard to stay home. We have to make sacrifices now that we never did before such as eating out, going to the movies, buying whatever we want and so on. But it would be the same if I returned to work, the expenses of child care, gas, clothing etc. would take up my whole pay check! I worked in Accounts Payable and made $13.50/hr. If you have a better paying job to go back to then maybe you will have more money left over to help with bills if that is what he is concerned with.

I wonder if you can approach him with the benefits of you being home such as - top rate childcare for your son, no one will take better care of him then you! - the obvious less expenses - homemade dinner (at least three times a week..:0).

There are many ways you can save money in other areas by staying home so maybe if you tell him all of the positive things he will understand it from a different view, know what I mean?

Others mentioned working from home as an option. There are many home businesses to look into or search the web for other legitimate work at home jobs.

Here are a few:
www.westathome.com
www.liveops.com
www.1800flowers.com

I work from home - something I started when my daughter was 2 months old. I do parties for kids on the weekends. It is a really fun business to be in and there is a huge demand because kids are having birthdays all of the time! My website is

www.myhuggableparty.com

There are tons of options for you and your family. I hope your husband changes his mind and is able to understand your position. I totally understand what you are going through. I never want to leave my daughter, I LOVE being with her and the bond we share. Thats why I love doing the parties because they last for about 2 hours at the most then I am right back with my baby girl and we can still do things as a family on the weekends.

BTW - my husband left his job in January to go back to college full time to become a pharmacist so I have been the sole provider for a few months. Now he is starting a new job part time but I am just trying to show that staying home can be done, you just have to make sacrifices and I say it is ALL WORTH IT!

Best of luck to you. God bless, M.

Hi H.!

I remember those days! When I first went back to work I felt like I was going to have a nervous break-down. I quickly realized that my daughter was in great hands and it was really me who was having the problem, not her. I know everyone is different, but for me I sort of had this light bulb moment when I realized that working has made me a better mom. I realized that picking my daughter up at the end of each day is the "highlight" of my day and I can spend the rest of the evening just being with her, playing, learning, etc. Each day I look so forward to that time of being together. I never want to be one of those mom's who stays home all day and when Dad comes in the door, Mom says, "Here, take the kid! I need a break!" That is why working "works" for me! The only other advice that I can give is if you do decide to go back to work, make sure you find a reputable daycare. It really makes all the difference in the world. I don't know if anyone has passed this along to you, but the Department of Family and Protective Services has a website that allows you to search different daycares and see what types of violations they have had. It was nice to be able to search and see if there were any historical problems at the places I was looking at. Their website can be found at:
http://www.dfps.state.tx.us/Child_Care/Search_Texas_Child...

Hope this helps!

Why does he want you to return to work? I had that problem in the beginning when my first was born. I showed my husband the cost of working (daycare and transportation and food and diapers-I use cloth but daycares only take disposables and change every hour.) I also told him that many of the babies in daycare are sick a lot and one of the parents will have to stay home from work to care for the baby- if it's always mom she will loose her job. He didn't like the idea of having to stay home from work. And, I have worked in many many daycares and although we loved the children, there are LOTS of kids- the average baby room EVEN IN THE "LOW RATIO" DAYCARES is 10 babies to 2 very overworked teachers.

The best place for your baby right now is with you!!!

Babies grow up so fast- figure out how much money will be left after all expenses and decide if that bit is worth it to you to miss out on many hours of every day of your baby's life. You may decide that when he is two that is a good time to go back, maybe work part time and put him in a mother's day out program.

Ultimately- he may resent you for not working right now, but if you go back to work to placate him when you want to be home, you will resent him! I would much rather stay home with my babies and let the hubby get over it. He will, eventually. Just show him all the facts and tell him that the baby is more important right now and you're staying home until you feel comfortable going back to work.

S., SAHM to four girls ages 12 months to 5 years.