Problem with Husband Oggling Young Girls

Your kidding me right? If you are referring to teen girls that are under the age of 18 start planning leaving him now. How can you think that being with a man that enjoys young girls is okay to "keep" to escape poverty as you call it. I would choose poverty any day over a man that today is looking at girls and has no respect for me and maybe tomorrow meeting with young girls. I am sorry that I am so harsh, but do not think for one minute your husband will just stop. This is only the start and for all you know there is more you do not know. Now I will have to say that at this point to me you are not sure and everything is just speculation, but if you are not sure you do need to find out. You are either right or wrong. If you are wrong get help for you and your husband. If he is looking and is interested in young girls you and your children are and will be better off without him. Help me out here mamasource ladies, how is this okay to stay? Am I really confused how keeping a man that enjoys young girls is okay just for the sake of the kids? Please explain it to me?

Hi D.:
After reading your responses,I couldn't help but write. This thing went from a husband,that likes to look at girls,to a unfaithful husband,who could possibly be a child molester!Geeze...Amazing how the story changes,with each response.I was married at 17,and even back then,my husband would sit with me at dinner,and check out the girls in the room.I use to take it personally. I'd think to myself..."why is he looking at them? He's got me! Whats he doing? looking for a (Newer model??? lol Men will never admit to their roving eye,its just not done! There is nothing (un-natural about looking,however,it is rude ,when they are out with you.I use to tell my hubby......"Save your ogling for when your alone or with the guys". "We're together, tonight and I'd like to feel like your here to spend time with me" I actually got up and left one place,and told him,"when he really wanted to share an evening with (ME),to let me know."He acted like he didn't know what I was refering to. lol I said no more...Didn't argue..Just went home.I read your other request as well,and while it makes some sense,for your husband to stay close to the base,it sounds more like hes bailing out of all his responsibilities,as a husband and a father and laying it all on you.I would insist,that he move back to the house,and help with raising those kids.If he refuses,...Oh well... That should tell you something.You've been playing mom and dad for a while now anyway...What big transition would there be for the kids if you did have to resort to divorce? The best of luck to you.

I hesitated to respond but I just have to. I too have been married 13 years, have two young children and we plan to have one more, and the same age as you. If my husband did this, there would be NO WAY I would stay with him while he was behaving like a 13 yo boy. I would at least give counseling a try but I would never stay with him for the sake of the family. I would HATE for my kids to go through a divorce/seperation (they would be crushed) but I would also hate for them to be brought up in this environment. What is going to happen when your child is a teenager? If any of your children are female, then I would fear for them and/or their friends once they are of age where he is getting aroused looking at them and HE WILL. If he is doing this while you guys are out together and doesn't even realize it then I would be very worried. He really needs counseling.

I'm sorry, I know you wanted to hear from someone who had been through this but I just had to respond. If he loves you, then he will listen to you tell him that this bothers you and he will stop doing it. On the other hand, if he can't stop doing it then I think he needs help.

Best wishes,
M.
P.S. I just read one of your previous requests - regarding him living closer to work during the week and only coming home on the weekends. Did you guys ever work this out? I know you said he is faithful but do you really know if he is? He just may be, but I think his living single during the week is contributing to his immature behavior. Possibly hanging out with a bunch of single guys, so maybe he has just lost his way and all you need to do is have a talk with him.

to me thats not acceptable behavior. i think he needs a bit of help. its obviously stressing your marriage as it is. i know you dont want to stress your children but if hes looking at young girls now how do you know if he wont look at your childrens friends or your children. (im not trying to say he will either) you know your husband best and you know whats best for your family. but i do think maybe counceling. also just because hes in bed with you every night doesn tmean theres nothing going on. im not really in this situation but i do know i wouldnt tollerate it for long because i would be in fear my husband would act out on my daughter or my daughters friends. anyways i hope you make the right decision! good luck!

OH MY GOSH!!!! I feel sooooo sorry for you. I don't have any advise personally but I do think you need to seek counseling!!!!!!!!! If he won't go, which it sounds like he wouldn't consider...you need to go for yourself for sure. You also need to remember you could be doing more damage to your children by staying in such a marriage (not to mention what would happen when your girls are older). Bad things happen in the most unimaginable families and you would never forgive yourself if something happened.
I couldn't even be in the same room with someone who does these things let alone be married to him. Again...not judging you, actually feeling the pain for you. I am sorry you are at this place.