Preschool Problems - Mesquite,TX

i think you should sit and talk to him about WHY he doesnt want to go to school. do you have him enrolled in full day classes? maybe we would do better with part-day. Have you tried doing gymboree classes or mommy and me classes to get him adjusted to being with you AND in a class setting until he is ready to be totally on his own? Is there someone picking on him in class?

Maybe you could talk with the teachers and see if they can shed any light on what changed and offer any suggestions to help him feel more comfortable.
Are you able to stay with him in class for a few days

I taught preschool for a while and can say that it is common for a child to be super perky the first few days, then feel less sure for a week or so as the initial thrill of the new place wears off. After that, unless there are other issues, school will basically become simply another fun place in addition to home. The number one thing I saw for kids who had a hard time at drop off was the parent who really dragged out the goodbye. Transitions can sometimes be like pulling off a bandaid. They are awkward and the before and after are far better than the 'during' Time will tell if the place is a good match for your family, but for now ''fake it til you make it' and you child won't have your worry to feed off of. You can talk ahead of time about how drop off will go, then do it. As a teacher I saw that these children would be playing within 5 minutes of the parents leaving. Can they give you a call or note to assure you of this? As far as the comments about no school, I'd suggest responding with loving cuddles rather than worry. In terms of staying three hours, I would have found that really distracting and not helpful to your child's adjustment. You could maybe arrange a meeting or phone call with your child's teacher. This could be to affirm he's happy there, to get perspective or even just to get some tips to help your and his experience to be more comfortable. Good luck :)

This is COMPLETELY normal!

He realizes this is an everyday thing.. He will get into the groove.
This is a big change and kids are not always great with a change in their schedules and their environment, but he is going to eventually just go each day and be so happy, you may feel a little jealous..

In the morning remind him of all of the fun things he and his friends in class will get to do. When you drop him off, stay strong, happy and remind him to have fun and you will see him later.. Then walk away and let the teacher take care of it.. He can sense your nervousness and anxieties, so try to just stay positive..

I know many parents are shocked when their kindergartner walks into the classrooms with no tears on the first day of "real school" and especially the kids that forget to hug, kiss and say goodbye to their parents!

I also want to suggest Llama, Llama misses Mamma! Great book. I have found with my kids when it come to major events, first time on the school bus (which I would suggest franklin goes to school), or moving, or new school that reading books a few weeks at least prior to the even helps gear them up to the big move. Did you do this. If not that is o.k. but it will help to start reading to him about it and then just try again in a few weeks. Baby steps. You are doing a wonderful thing for your son!

Hi, As a mom of a 3 year old with seperation anxiety, I feel for you! It's heart-breaking to leave your child somewhere when all they want is you. I just wanted to suggest 2 books you can get for him if you don't already have them: The Kissing Hand and Llama Llama Misses Mama. They are both super sweet stories about missing mom. The Llama one is great because it shows how she always comes back at the end of the day and how Llama enjoys school. I'd try the books and give school another chance to see if he adjusts, and if he is still having such a difficult time, maybe take him out, do some "mom & me" classes from now til next Sept., then start him in school again at the beginning of the new school year in the fall. That's what I'm doing with my 3 year old. I wish you luck!

LLama LLama Misses Mama is a great book that was given to my kids as a gift. Although not needed I still read it to my children. I also reassure them with love and kisses and words that I will be back. I also plan events for them after preschool, something to look forward to to help them get through the day.

Honestly you have to go by your gut on this one. Sometimes the school and the child just aren't a good match. You have to listen to him. Our son was always a happy go lucky kid. When we moved him to a new after school day care when he was five, his personality changed. He HATED the school, the kids, the teachers, everything. I cried myself every single time I dropped him off because I knew he was so unhappy. The straw finally came when he fell off the monkey bars and broke his arm and NO ONE called me. I pulled him out, and immediately he returned to the super happy kid he once was. Sometimes you just gotta listen to those mamma instincts.

He's your child, you know what is best, so don't let anyone make you feel bad for your decision. You need to try to understand what is going on in his little head. Did something happen at school? Was someone mean or did he get hurt so that now there is some anxiety about being there? If it seems to just be that he realizes that you are going to be gone for a while and that is uncomfortable, I'd talk to the teachers and director of the school. The preschool I worked out did encourage parents not to prolong the goodbye because generally, that IS the best way to deal with separation anxiety. However, if you talked to the director at my school, I feel sure she would offer some advice and options for you. Maybe you could hang in the classroom for a while until he feels comfortable. Maybe you could tell him you'll be in the hallway so he knows you are near. Maybe you can put a picture of you in his pocket so he can look at you. One school my kids went to told the kids "give mommy a kiss and hug that will last her all day!" which was great, they got a really big hug and lots of kisses that would last them all day. There are all kinds of options. If they are not willing to work with you, I'd find another school. Next, I have a friend whose kids had a LOT of separation anxiety. She tended to encourage them, drop them off and make the good bye short knowing that they were in good hands and that she was coming back. It takes a while, but eventually, the kids got OK with being left at church, school, friends houses, etc. the difference is you adopted him when he was 9 months and you want to make sure he knows you are coming back because he's had someone leave before. That's why after all this, I'd say do what feels right. If you try some options for a few weeks and he's still miserable, take him out of school and try again next year.

I think this is fairly typical for pre school kids as well as children in kindergarten. Even higher grades.
It all seems fun at first, but then it sinks in that it's a daily routine and it's not just an extened number of "play dates" with other kids.
School means going to school every day.
Your little one might not be quite ready for preschool, but I think you should try encouraging him about all the good things he gets to do there that he doesn't get to do at home or anywhere else.
If you think he's not ready, fine. But by taking him out all together, he may expect that to happen next year, or in kindergarten or 1st grade as well.
My son always got so excited to start school. About a month into it, he was thinking he'd rather be done with it. He's a sophomore in high school and he still goes through the same thing. However, he still has to go. He gets good grades and has tons of friends, it's just the drudgery of getting up and doing it every day that gets to him. He's old enough now to understand that's how it works when you get older and have a job to go to every day.
At this age, if your son really just isn't ready, taking him out might be a good thing. But, you have to be prepared for how you will handle it as he gets older and says he doesn't want to go. He may not want to, and that's fine, but you have to weigh which is better for him in the long run.
He can learn so much about other children and being a child from his interactions with them. That's not a bad thing, in my opinon.
It might take him a while to find his groove and his place and find his confidence.
If this is the only place you've ever left him alone without you, that could be part of it too. He may be afraid you won't come back to get him or something and the only way he will learn to trust that is by you letting him go places and see that you will ALWAYS be back to get him.
I think he'll be okay. You need to encourage him. If he's not ready, he's not ready. But, practice leaving him other places in the meantime so he can build that confidence and trust.

Best wishes.

they don't want you hanging around because it makes the seperation more difficult. is there a camera to watch him? unfort if you took him home now he'll make more of a scene because he thinks it works, and it has. unfort you kinda set y ourself up to make it a little harder. We went through that stage and had a good teacher that distracted our little guy (we didn't sneak out or anything but it helped). 5-10 min later the crying stopped. personally i'd stay and listen/watch cuz i think they always say "about 10 minutes" if you ask them how long!
oh yes. and i do remember putting on the stupid happy face and getting all excited for him and NEVER looking worried. just saying "have fun! you'll have a great day!"
if you look worried you are telling him there's something to worry about. yes. i was fake and would go in my car and cry.
but the phase ended. : )
good luck

I agree what your gut tells you do. Taking him home was probably what he needed. Hanging around they get more upset too. I have a home day care and one of my parents when I first started would hang around hoping the child would calm down but I also can tell you I have had kids cry and before the parent is in the car they quit and started playing nice with other children. Just keep doing what you are doing most have problems because children think the parent is not coming back so they need to be reasured. He will be fine. God Bless and just pray for him. G. W

I know this is so hard for you knowing he went thru such a difficult baby hood, but I assume you have bonded well with him over the last 2 + years ?
I would keep trying, many children ages 2-6 will cry every single morning at drop off and the teachers should be experts at handling it. Leave him with a smile and a promise to be back soon. Have him take a favorite toy from home, or something that reminds him of mommy, cheap bracelet, scarf, ? Arrange to call after an hour to see how he is, is there a director you can talk to or can you call the teacher directly. Explain that he has trust issues from babyhood and it is important that he not have a set back. If needed have him attend for one hour a day with the goal that he will learn that you will always pick him up and take him home. He needs to learn that you will always return and that school is a safe place. I hope next week is easier for you. Dont give up yet it will only make it harder when he starts school at age 4 or 5

It is common the children to cry after a few days because now the reality of mommy is leaving me here has really set in. I normally would suggest you wait it out and see if he adjusts. Since he has been through some trauma in his life I would suggest you ask your pediatrician about it. You wouldn't want to traumatize him and have school be a bad experience. Then on the other hand you want to help him learn to work through his fears and learn to rely on himself for comfort. This is a tough situation because as a mom of a child who has not had trauma in their life it is tough to leave your little one crying. I don't think I could have left my child their either. I don't think at 3 it is crucial that he go to school, but he does need to socialize with other children and work through his separation issues. Have you tried some mommy and me classes, or library classes, gymboree, little gym, etc. Things that he can socialize and yet you are still there with him. I would keep the dialogue going with him and tell him you will never leave him and reassure him. I own a preschool and I never let a child just start school full day, or half day. I always have children visit us for 1 hour tops the first week. The first time mom will stay a few minutes and wait in my office if the child is upset and then get them after 30 minutes this way it is short and sweet, and each day we increase the time until there are no tears at all. To some children it can seem like an eternity when mommy is not there and they are not comfortable with their surroundings. He needs to feel comfortable and safe with the teachers as well. Maybe this week only leave him for a short time each day and then increase, and tell him what you are planning on doing . If there is a schedule (for example we change activities every 30 minutes) you can say mommy will pick you up right after circle time etc. He will learn to trust you because he knows exactly when you are coming. The next day maybe pick him up after craft time, or story time. It is concrete for him and will help him to hang in their because he will know what time to expect you. If it is upsetting him that much give him a break and try a summer camp, he may like that better, it is more outdoor time and fun activities. Good luck!!

This is a tough issue to deal with. I had my daughter in a MDO program last year and she went fine for the first week. After that she would start crying when I would wake her up to get her ready. I am a SAHM and to me it wasn't worth it if she didn't have to go. Some kids are not ready. I let her stay home with me this year and we are going to try again next year with a pre-k program. Good luck momma!

My son started at an MDO when he was just over a year - and he did fine the first year - of course he cried the first week but then he was fine. The next year at the same school things did not start off so well. I honestly didn't get warm fuzzies from the teachers and apparently he didn't either. I called the director and she asked me to give it a little longer and reassured me that the teachers were great with the kids. By Friday afternoon she was calling me telling me she was switching him to another class - they just couldn't calm him down. Then he did great in the other room!

Then last summer I signed him up for a "summer camp" MDO program at another church. Again I didn't get any fuzzies from the teachers - but gave it a shot. The first week was great. By the second week he was getting HYSTERICAL when he knew he was going. It just wasn't worth it to me - he's a fairly sensitive child and I just couldn't do it to him.

Then when fall came around - he went back to his usual school with no problems. If you feel like your child is overly sensitive about seperation then you should do what you feel is right for you and your child. I would speak to the director at his school and see if you could work something out - maybe he needs more nurturing teachers, or maybe just drop him off for an hour and then build on his time there. They have usually dealt with similar situations and if they're any good should be able to help you somehow. Or pull him out and start with some classes that you can go with him at the rec center or something.

Good luck - I know it's hard - but sounds like you're trying to do the right things for your child.

S.

Maybe he's just not ready. Are you a SAHM normally? Maybe you could try mommy and me type things (playgroups, library, etc.). I'm not sure why you started him in preschool mid-year? Just because he's 3 doesn't mean he should be in Pre-K 3. My son's school does the cutoff like they would for kindergarten. My middle son will be 3 in March, but will start Pre-K 3 in August 2011, Pre-K 4 in August 2012, and Kindergarten in August 2013. Just because he's 3 in March doesn't mean he can start preschool in March. If the other children started in August, they already have the classroom routine down and know each other--and you're son is trying to play "catch up".

Hello S.,

My heart goes out to your and your little boy as you try to figure out what is the best decision for him. Let me start by saying that I have worked with children for over 25 years, and I've seen children of many ages have separation anxiety when they are in a new situation. Some, like your son, are fine for the first few days, and then they have challenges being left in their new situation.

If he were my son, I would pull him out for this school year and wait to begin next fall. I'm assuming that he's probably one of the youngest in his class, but if you wait until next year, he'll be 4 while all his classmates will be 3. You can take this year to prepare him for preschool. I written a book about going to kindergarten to help children like your son have an idea of what their new school is going to be like. I've done presentations in my home town for parents just like you who need ideas to help ease their children into a new school situation, whether it's preschool or kindergarten. You can read an article I wrote regarding preparing your child for kindergarten here: http://ezinearticles.com/?Getting-Ready-For-the-First-Day...
You can use the same ideas to make sure your son is ready for preschool. And....if the preschool doesn't like it if you stay until your son is comfortable, find another preschool that does.

Best wishes to you and your little boy!

~P. G.
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Aww...he cried for over an hour after you left. Pre School is suppose to be fun! My first thought would have been to stick it out but if he had a traumatic beginning I personally think I would enroll him in swimming lessons that I could attend and maybe a YMCA sports thing and go to the library with him, and try to arrange lots of play dates. Then try again next year. Remember though that some kids never like school. My aunt's son cried every day for six long years that he didn't want to go school. Of course she had to make him but everyday he just did not want to go. He was always happy at the end of the day but the separation from her in the morning was a killer for botth of them.