Preparing My 16 Month Old for Being a Big Brother

Hi J.,

I had my daughter 2 weeks after my son turned 2, so I know what you are going through.

The way we did it, is that that first I started pointing out babies that we saw while doing our regular things (eg, grocery shopping, going to church) and saying something like "Aww, look how cute that baby is. Don't you want one?" We also started watching tv shows about babies (I looked on TLC, PBS, Discovery, etc). When I started to show, I told him that there was a baby growing in there. I also MADE SURE to let him know that it was his baby too. We bought the twin baby doll set (one for me, one for him). During play time, I would just hold the doll and pretend it was my baby. After a while, he started to show interest in his doll (don't be discouraged it he throws it or bashes it--he is a boy :-) ). When we were able to feel the baby kick (on the outside), I made sure to let him feel here (all the while, letting him know that it was his baby in there). We also made sure to say what a good big brother he was going to be. I would ask him if he was going to be my good helper and he would excitedly answer "Yes." When it got close to the delivery date, we really started talking it up..."Emily will be here next week, aren't you excited? She will be so happy to see her big brother." Since I had a scheduled c-section, it was easy to plan for it. The day before she was born, I went to the pet store and bought him a fish (he loves fish, dolphins, etc). I asked my mother to make sure the fish bowl was set up for him when he got back from meeting her at the hospital.

When the day actually arrived, it was so prescious. As soon as he came into our room, we asked him..."Carson, guess who is here." A big grin broke out on his face and he said "Emily." When my mother brought her over to him, he asked to hold her. With the help of my mother, he sat in the chair and held her. I literally wouldn't let got for 10 minutes.

To this day, he calls her his baby (she is 18 months old). It is unbelievable how much he takes care of her.

The only thing I would want to warn you about it be sure not to make him feel second in line. Even though I put aside an hour every night for Carson and mommy time, the rest of the day, whenever he asked for something, I would say..."Sure honey, after I am finished (diapering, feeding, etc) Emily." I didn't notice it until he started having tantrums when she was about 4 months old. When I started to really look at what I could be doing to make him angry, I came up with that. Once I started to remedy it (Emily wouldn't care if she stayed in her diapers for another 3 minutes, or if we delayed her bath time by 10 minutes) the tantrums went away.

I know this was REALLY long, but I wanted to give you all the advice I had.

Good luck!
T.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi J.! Being a mother of a 19 month old and a 7 month old, I can understand your worries. I didn't do much preparation for my son to understand he was about to be a big brother, and they are already the best of friends! My best friend was in the same situation as you before she had her twins. To get her son ready, she involved him in loving the twins while they were still in utero. He hugged her belly and always gave the babies a kiss...every night. They also gave him a baby doll and they practiced more loving...Now, her and her husband can't seem to be as good as parents as her little boy wants them to be! lol. I hope this helps.

hello J.,

I also had to go through this. I bought a big called, I am a big brother now, (they have it for sisters too)than I bought them both t-shirt, saying, big brother, baby brother, when my second son was born. I talked to my first son about his little brother practically everyday while pregnant. By the time my second son came along, my first son was more excited than me and my husband:-) He is still excited to be an older brother and they are both very close.

Good Luck:-)

Hi J.-

My daughter is 20 months old and her little sister is due in about 6 weeks!! We are very excited as I too want my children close in age. We point out "babies" to her. She is very into babies now. Whenever she sees them she gets very excited. We show her my belly and tell her that her baby sister is in there. She points to my belly and says baby, kisses my belly, and rubs it. At their age I don't think they understand the whole concept of being a sister or brother, but you can help them to be excited about the idea of a BABY!!

Good Luck!

B. G.

I live in Sarasota, and I know that the hospital here offers a class for young "siblings-to-be." I think they actually bring a little baby in, and they have all sorts of activities that prepare them to be a big brother or sister. You might want to check at one of your local hospitals and see if they offer something similar.

Congratulations on the Baby. YOu must be so excited!!

My friend is in the same situation as you, only her son is 18mths. She got him a big brother book (there are a ton of them) and she reads it to him everyday and explains (even if they can't fully comprehend) whats going on with the baby, like how big the baby's growing and such.
Good Luck!

To be honest, all you really can do is point to your belly and tell him about the baby...There are books out there that you could read to him...But, in reality, it prolly wont click until the baby is here and he sees the baby...You asking him to get involved in setting up the nursery might help, and having him hang out with people who have babies...explaining that Mommy is having a baby and he will be a big brother....
I have gone thru this with my son, and he was actually older than yours, and it really didnt click until the baby was here....

You may try holding a doll and showing him how it may be with the new baby, and diaper changing and feedings....may help for him to understand a bit more

Trudy's answer was right on. We also got our son a doll and let him hold it and let him see mommy and daddy holding it as if it were real. We would watch Bringing Home Baby on TLC. It doesn't emphasize the delivery much like the others and it shows what new babies do when they get home.
We bought little board books with pictures of babies that are made for toddlers so he could see the different faces babies make. We would refer to the new baby by his name before he came home so he would realize that a baby is a real person too.
There's not a whole lot you can do to make such a young child understand, you just have to remain open to dealing with however your son will respond to it when it happens.
The hardest part for my son was having mommy and daddy spend so much time in the hospital and then the coming home was rough for the first couple days because he was scared that we would leave again.
Bring him to all your doctor appointments. Unfortunately the sibling classes aren't available to siblings under 3 years old for some reason.
You'll all do fine and he'll catch on very quickly once he sees the baby!
Congratulations!

I have 3 children so I can understand your concern, but as long as you include the older child &/ children during the pregnancy in as much as possible they will feel like they're part of the whole process. My 2 older children were included and they accepted their baby sister just fine. I actually had my older children in the delivery room with me while I was delivering. But do keep in mind, they won't fully realize their role until the baby actually comes and get to see first hand exactly what Mommy has to do for the baby. My middle child sometimes acts up because he feels he's not getting as much attention as he use to. But, as long as you include them there shouldn't be a problem.

B. G.
St Augustine Fla

Just keep pointing out Babies to him, he really won't get it until the baby is here.
My two sons are 14 months apart they are now 28months and 14months..it is very hard at first when the baby comes...no lie
because your older son is the baby..when the baby gets there involve your older son..let him help give you wipes to change diapers,I always put dirty diapers in a walmart/grocery bag knot it up, and let the big brother throw it away, he thought that was so neat, just any little thing that he can help you with goes a long way to a little guy ..and when you kiss the baby always kiss him too..(we don't want him to be jelious)I can say to my 2 yr old "who's my baby" and he points to himself and then points to his little brother.
they are so close, they are each others play mate...
every child reacts different to being a big brother, it really depends on you and the attention that you give to him when the baby gets here.
but you know what I love that mine are so close, but every day is something different with them.a new adventure...lol

My son was 19 months old when my daughter was born. I also wanted my children to be close in age, but I was very nervous about what life would be like. Late into my pregnancy, my son seemed to be very needy of us. He wouldn't play well by himself and was pretty whiny. We didn't do much ahead of time to prepare him for the baby. We did point to my belly, tell him that baby is in there, let him feel my belly, tell him about baby's room, talk about baby coming when we were decorating, folding her clothes...things like that. He didn't seem to really understand though. I was expecting the worst to be honest! I could picture me being at home alone, and have him whining at my feet while I am trying to tend to my daughter. Quite the opposite happened. He became very independent...he would find a toy and play with it by himself, play in his room by himself, look at books, etc. He also liked to help out a lot. I would ask him to go get blanket, or have him give me wipes, throw something away, anything he did seemed to make him proud to be helping. I would recommend having someone available to help you the first few weeks. Have them take your son out on "field trips" during the day, this will give you time alone with the new baby. And also have them stay at home with the new baby while you and your son have an outing alone. Even if it is just a quick shopping trip, or to the playground, lunch...anything to just have a special time with just him. My son LOVES his baby sister, he kisses her all the time! He has been very gentle and protective of her already! I wish you luck. It's not easy but it is not as hard as you are probably imagining!

I have I have a 3 year old and a 2 year old..
My son was not yet one when i found out I was pregnant with number 3... They are 18 months apart..what I did when i had the baby when dh brought him to the hospital i didnt show him the baby right away i held him gave him a gift and he heard the baby fuss a little and found her himself he was soooo excited to have a baby and the rest is history

My two little girls are 21 months apart and I would show the one by holding other babies and trying to explain to her the best I could. I would point to my tummy and rub it and she would copy me. I know you have a boy, but it might not hurt to get a baby doll and pretend like you're taking care of it like you would a real baby a little each day. My little one was still jealous of the new baby, but eventually she came around and she copies what I do with the baby with her baby doll and stuffed animals. It's soo cute!

My sons are 20 months apart so I know your concern we started talking about the baby in my belly after I started to show, but it is best not to talk about the baby coming to your house until you are really close to your due date because children this age dont understand time so they wont understand why the baby isnt coming now. Books are good but children this age really are not going to fully nderstand what it means until it happens. Best of luck

PS it wasnt as hard as I imagine it being