Pre Tween Behavior!!

Mom, this is not pre-tween behavior, it is misbehavior. Have you and Dad sat down with him and had a serious talk about why he is behaving so badly? Has something happened at home over the summer, a move, a loss of family member or friend, job loss or marital problems? If you have not had this talk it needs to happen today. Just curious,what are the consequences of your son misbehaving at school?. THere need to be some and they need to be very meaningful to him. Loss of TV, computer time, electronic and video games and the things he likes to do the most. WIthold these for at least 24 hrs based on the incident. Let him know in advance what they are and out it in place tomorrow. Remember, both you and Dad need to be on the same page enforcing this. I might also look into enrolling your son in a class for kids of martial arts, either taekwondo or karate as a reward in a few months if his behavior gets better. In a motn I'd take him to a studio./school to ck out one of the classes and talk it up. Let the Master (Head Teacher) know all about the school poor behavior issues are with your son confidentially when you go to enroll in the class and tell him you need help with this behavior. It is great exercise and they teach personal responsibility, perseverance, respect of self and other and lots of good things related to character education. You need to act on his poor behavior now Mom and Dad, it should not be tolerated. Good luck with this. you can do it.

I thnk this is a good time to start Tae Kwon Do or karate. He is not only taught self defense but respect for others.
Or how about another sport, so he has some boys to run around with and get some aggression out. Maybe basketball, hockey, I think these seasons are coming up, swimming too will let him get some of the pent up energy out.
He is an 8 year old boy and has a lot of energy, mine is usually floating on top of the celing. Add that with aggression and defensiveness and you have a pretty volatile mix. So channel it in positive ways.

I like this website:

http://www.empoweringparents.com/

Lots of great articles - do a search to find what you need.

I also like the book "Scream-Free Parenting."

I agree with Janey J that this is misbehavior, not pre-tween angst. First you need to know why he's acting out. What's going on? Then you need to set rules and consequences. Determine these with your husband. Once you and your husband are on the same page, you both sit down with your son and go over said rules and consequences in a calm manner. Let him know that this talk will be his only warning. If he breaks the rules, he gets the consequence. Period. There is no negotiation. Be firm, be consistent and most of all be patient. You are retraining yourselves as well as your son.

I also agree with getting him active in a sport. Find something he likes - check out park district programs or see if any Karate or Taekwondo studios have free trial periods.

Kids need structure and boundaries. He also needs positive examples as to how to work out problems and how to express himself. What's appropriate and what isn't.

Role playing and discussions at dinner will help. Often, I'll talk to my kids about what I've read on here and ask them how they would handle a particular problem or what advice they would give to a friend. You'll be surprised at what insight into your son's motivations you will get. You'll also become privy to what he thinks. My kids and I have had some really interesting discussions doing this and they feel more comfortable talking to me. They've certainly opened up more about what goes on during the day at school. We also practice talking one at a time, being a respectful listener, and using our inside voices.

Good luck!

Yesterday a little 8 year old boy hit my daughter after he stole her eraser. Then he blamed my dd for hitting him first. Anyone who has ever spent two seconds with this girl knows that she is not capable of violence. She's all about loving people.

The teacher didn't believe that she had hit him. She removed him and punished him. Both my dd and I found this sad.

At her old school, whose central focus was teaching peace, there would have been a class pow-wow that addressed how each child felt through ever step of the incident. they would have been taught to recognize their emotions and discussed how to control them, as a group. Both children would have been loved through it by their peers, and the offender would have been expected to (sincerely) apologize. Both children would have received support. In the end, I think this is so much better. Sadly, the public school system isn't likely to adopt this model.

It sounds like your boy has had enough of other people's attacks so he's pre-emptively attacking. It's understandable but obviously wrong and needs to be controlled. If the school can't provide this kind of support, maybe you can.

Good luck to you.

Also take a look at what Dr. Carl Pickhardt has to offer. You can even email him.

http://www.carlpickhardt.com/

Try Dr. Ray Guarendi's books.