Pre-school or Not?

Hi V.

First of all, please don't feel pressure about what other moms do with their kids, if they send their kids or not to preschool at certain age..etc...What is really important here is what YOUR little one needs. I understand that it is not easy,sometimes, to do something different but what you do to raise your child now it will have an impact later, positive or negative. It is good and smart check alternatives, and listen suggestions or ideas and then see if they apply to your kids.
Probably, if he was having anxiety issues after starting a parents day out on last summer, juts wait a little bit and send him to Preschool at 4, so he has time enough to "forget" a little bit about that experience, and then have a fresh start at 4. I think he will enjoy better that experience and everything may be ok. Give him some time. There is No law that tells mom to send their kids to Preschool at certain age, so you have plenty of time to do so. V., I would suggest to start sending him at 4 just a couple of hours a day, just one or twice a week, and then depending on how he feels about this, you may be want to send him more days. Just my opinion.
Another thing to check out is what you want from the preschool, social interaction or academic learning,and start from there, but in this case look for social interaction first and then academic skills. It is a good idea to keep teaching him things by playing with him (math, shapes, letters, songs)
I did not send my oldest to preschool, but he started attending Kindergarten at 5. Before that, I joined a playgroup (at that time in Indy) and he had a blast playing and learning with other kids of his age 3 times a week. I am planning to send my youngest to a preschool at 4 because I know him very well and I think he will enjoy it, and things are different for me know.
Good luck, Vikky and think of YOUR precious little kid and what will make him happy and give YOU peace of mind.
A.

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I was fortunate to qualify for a program that my eldest kid got into 3 yr old preschool. I really hated to see him go b/c he was a fun kid to hang around and he REALLY had some separation issues initially but here's what I did to overcome it...I volunteered A LOT for my son's class...I was at every field trip, I was the homeroom mom and planned and executed every party (which were all dubbed "super cool" by every kid), I was a guest reader in his class, helped with art projects and voluteeered at the school. What I found out was that he was most anxious about all the kids because he couldn't remember their names! By my being in the class I was able to learn the names and use them over and over again with him so that he too could learn them!

Overall, I'm all for the 3 yr old preschool...I think they are more well adjusted to school and if the preschool is worth their weight, they are really ahead of the curve for learning...My daughter went to a different 3 yr old preschool last year that was even BETTER than my son's and she is at the top of her 4 yr old preschool class...she already knows all her letters and can write her name. I hope that by the time she goes to Kindergarten we will have her reading which will be almost a year ahead of what my son did.

Bottom line, the pressure is thick on the kids to perform for the standardized tests...any leg up helps at this point...I liked Preschool for the social interaction (which my son really needed). Down side...if you have one that is just "average" then it's really not worth the money. My son went to public school my daughter to private Lutheran school...the private was well worth every cent I spent! My daughter would have qualified for the public school but I chose to send her to the private because I wanted the academic challenge for her...not a "getting by" attitude.

Bottom line is if you want more social interaction a preschool class can only be beat by daycare and you might as well learn something...if you aren't looking for the social interaction you can homeschool the basics much cheaper than sending them to a private 3-yr old preschool. From talking with my BFF I think it's important that you listen to what your friends are saying but not let it weigh your decision...it's YOUR child...every child is different and no one knows your child better than you. Go with your gut instict it's always your best.

3 moms found this helpful

The trouble is that you can't predict all the variables. I spent way too much time coaching and teaching my oldest daughter and then she was bored senseless in school. So that teacher told me to back off. I was running a full-time/7/24 licensed daycare with 10 children plus my own. So she had the social skills down and I taught the children extensively. My daughter was not the only one that went to school and ended up totally bored. So I backed off the way I was told to. Then the private school they were in combined with another school to keep at least one school open. So this same teacher taught my 2nd daughter in a larger class. Well my 2nd daughter wasn't as far a long because I backed off and then because this teacher was taking care of so many extra kids, my daughter learned NOTHING! That's when we decided to homeschool.

Through the years I have homeschooled public school children that were not making it in the classroom. But the next year the parents would change to a new school district and the child would be fine. I've sent daycare kids to schools where they were held back because they supposedly didn't know enough when I knew that the child was reading and doing basic math before they even started school! I've had other children leave my program and be chosen for gifted programs and pegged to receive scholarships to college when they were only 12 years old!

If only you knew exactly who your child's first few teachers were and how many children they would have and how many of those children would take up their time with ADHD and or Autistic Shenanigans... Then you might be able to plan for how advanced you want your child to be in advance. It's frustrating I know!

I was really tired of homeschooling and I thought I would send my youngest to school. But without even trying very hard she was way too far ahead of anything I knew she would learn the first few years and I simply did not trust the school system to work with her at her level. So I kept her home and I'm starting to get my 2nd wind.

Sorry...I'm not helping! I just think you need to put aside all you hear from your friends and decide what you think your son needs.

S.

3 moms found this helpful

Hi V.,

Since you are a stay at home mom, I would encourage you to play-preschool with your son at home while you have the chance. I know so many well intentioned folks put pressure on moms to get their kids involved in every activity available, etc. but this time you and your little guy will have together will be such a bonding experience for both of you. You don't have to spend a lot of time doing "school" stuff together since his attention span will be really short at this age but if you make it fun and memorable, you both will look forward to it. Some ideas that worked really well with our kids were:

1. Have about 3 or 4 "school" sessions a day but only concentrate about 10 - 15 minutes each. You can plan to have one for learning alphabet, one for numbers, one for manners, etc.

2. Make and have a snack together. He will learn cooking skills so quickly!

3. When you practice "school" stuff together, sit right beside him, put your arm around him, if you can, and really praise him when he does something well! (Kids love stickers too!)

Frank Schaffer ,www.frankschaffer.com, has some wonderful preschool materials that you and your son can enjoy doing together and they are not expensive.

A.

3 moms found this helpful

My son is 3 and we are choosing not to send him to preschool. In my opinion, we can do the same thing preschool teachers can, for a whole lot less! If what you want is interaction w/ other kids, take him to sunday school, the park, kids hangouts, etc... There's plenty more places to send kids for a WHOLE lot less than what preschool costs. People comment all the time how advanced our son is for his age and it's because we really work w/ him. Don't cave and do what other moms are doing just to fit in, do what's best for your kid. Good luck!

3 moms found this helpful

Good Morning V., Separation is normal for some little folks. They bounce back easily though. Corbin went to preschool at 3, he did well but his teachers didn't...lol

He is in a reg school pre-k this school year and loves it.
I think he is still in Awe of everything, all the kids, and how many things they get to do.
He goes everyday 8:50 to 11:40. He is 4 but was ready for preschool at 3. Most Preschools can deal with a child who has the anxious moments etc. Kiss them bye bye, give hugs and let them go. Mama's will survive also. Just takes a little time.

Deep Breathe V. and let him go to Preschool, he will be OK eventually, crying is normal behavior for some children.

God Bless you and yours
K. Nana of 5

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hi V....my son turned 4 in last february and he is just going to pre-school this fall. we did try to do it last year, but i mostly felt like it was a "babysitter" and not pre-school. my mom watches my son every day (she is a retired teacher) and she had "school" time with him for an hour or two a couple days a week. i think that being a stay at home mom, you could work on the same thing. just do a lil bit in the morning and maybe a lil more learning in the afternoon. it would be great bonding and save you money. plus, my theory was...once they start pre-school...they are in school for 13 more years...might as well not start them until they need to! :) do what is best for you, but i did realize that my son is more excited for pre-school this year lots more than he was last year. good luck to you!

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My son just started pre-school a week ago and he will be 5 in October. I didn't really feel the need to send him any earlier... it seems like they are in school long enough already! The decision is entirely up to you but if your son has some anxiety I would probably wait. He will probably still have anxiety in another year though. Some kids are just like that. Good luck in whatever you decide!

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I have a daughter who had a very hard time separating. I didn't even attempt 3yo preschool, as I was staying home to be with her and my other children and more money was not there at the time. When it came to 4yo preschool, I reluctantly enrolled her because EVERYONE around here at least sends their kids to one year of preschool (usually more). It was terrible. At first. Then it got worse. At first she kindof wanted to go, then she didn't want to go but didn't cry, then she started crying when I left, by thanksgiving she was crying the evening before, when I left, when I picked her up, much of the time, so I pulled her out. This year she is in kindergarten and LOVES it. She jumps out of the car and runs in every day. She can't wait to tell me about what happened that day. It's great. I don't think that she had a bad teacher/preschool (thought some things could have been done differently). I've only heard good things and I felt positively about the school. She just wasn't ready. I feel like my kids have taught me over and over again to read their cues and go with my instincts, and so many times I forget to do that. I would go with your gut and what your son is telling you, whether that is to send him or not. I certainly don't think it is bad to send them, but a year more at home won't hut him either. Make sure he has a place to interact with other kids and don't let the other moms get to you. Everyone should do what is best for their family, which is probably what you've been teaching your kids all along...

K.

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It's really up to you. Your son will go along with whatever you decide. I'm a SAHM and I did send my son to preschool. He was really young for Pre-K 3 (July birthday) and did super last year. Pre-K 3 was Tues & Thurs mornings from 8:30-11, so it was only 5 hours a week. Now he is in Pre-K 4 (M, W, F 8:30-11). There are so many things you can teach him at home, but there are some things only a preschool type environment can teach.

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We homeschool, so we have never done preschool. I say to keep your kids home as long as you can. It is so much more developmentally important that your child knows and understand the love and nurture of family than that he attend preschool.

K.

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preschool should be all about learning social skills, with academics a by-product. Sounds backwards, but it's not. If the kids learn to function & thrive within a group setting, then the learning comes quickly & easily. That's the premise which a lot of teaching programs are based on, such as Project Construct.

That said, forget the preschool for your son....find a social group for him. Do just a couple of hours each week, with the whole point...allowing him to learn how to let go of you & thrive with other children. If you cover the basics of pre-K learning at home, then he should be OK. & I recommend this method for him so that he can get over his anxiety before school. Please don't wait....let him learn to let go now!

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I guess I come from a different era---where there was no pre-school! I was born in the mid 50's :) When my husband and I had our two kids, I stayed home. I taught them what they needed to know for kindergarten, and then some. They had 2 great kids next door to play with in the afternoon. TV was limited, video games didn't come along until they were older, and they all "played", like the old days---used their imaginations and their creative talents---fresh air and exercise never hurt any child.

When my oldest was screened for kindergarten, the teacher was very apprehensive that my daughter had not been to any type of pre-school. My daughter passed all of the screenings with flying colors. But the teacher was worried about her social skills and dealing with structured learning routines. She ended up very surprised. And over the years, she would tell me that she used both of my daughers as an example when other parents would question her about whether they should send their children to preschool or not. She would always tell them about my two kids and how well they did, and they never went to preschool. Obviously, we must have really been oddballs not sending our kids to preschool !
They did go to Sunday school and they played with cousins and children of our friends etc, so they were not totally isolated. I would do the same thing again in a heartbeat!
Everyone is different, but to show you that children do not HAVE TO GO to preschool to do well, both of my kids were honor students, had scholarships to parochial high school,partial scholarships to college, graduated in the top 5-10% of their high schools, and both graduated summa and magna cum laude from college--one had a 4.0 and the other a 3.7. They took advanced classes in high school too. And yes, they did participate in sports and other activities, as well as worked part-time.
I think it all comes down to the child first, then how much time you are willing to invest and do you really want to do it? They were not drilled at home when they were little, it is just that you turn everyday things into learning experiences for them without them even knowing it.
They are both very mature for their ages, creative, dependable, responsible, and hard workers who have excelled at their jobs, etc. I am very proud of them. Would things have been different if they went to preschool? Who knows, all I know is I enjoyed them being at home with me, and I think they did too. And yes, some people thought we were terrible not sending them to preschool, and our younger daughter was born in August, so when she did go to kindergarten, people thought we were crazy to send her when she just turned 5. Many said to keep her out another year. I always said, my birthday was later in August than hers, and I did just fine.....
It all boils down to the individual child...are they ready....or not? Are they expressing a desire to "go to school like so and so"? Do they enjoy doing the things they are doing at home? Do they have some other "external" interactions/activities? Only YOU can answer that question, not everybody else! Follow your heart. :)
My personal opinion---let kids be carefree-kids for as long as they can----there are plenty of days ahead, with homework, lessons, tests, stress, schedules etc. You are only young once. :)

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Boys seem to mature slower than girls anyway, so what's wrong with keeping him home with you another year? I didn't send either of mine to preschool since I wasn't working at the time and they handled K just fine. Enjoy your time with your baby.

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Remember, they sense whatever anxiety you might be having about sending her. I highly recommend doing preschool (is it 1/2 days?). I attended a very good preschool in Columbus, OH. I skipped 2 grades (which I don't recommend, place your child in the gifted program at that point)...my teachers attributed it to a great foundation and lots of play-learning. There's lots of anxiety in the process...but the calmer you are, the calmer she'll be. Tell her how much fun it's going to be...and tell her you want a full report of friends/activities and maybe her school friends could come over one afternoon for an ice cream party a week into school...giving her something to look forward to.

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Hi V. My son is in preschool or rather head start and at first there was separation issues his first few days but they get over it preety quick they just have to see other kids playing. and my this My son's second yr bc of his birthday also but he's helping the new ones this yr so you don't have anything to worry about hun. hope that helps !