Practical Advice for Toddler & a Newborn

L.,

We have two boys 2 1/2 and 6 months. I remember feeling the same way when I was pregnant with our second son. I work full-time and I kept freaking out about how I was going to get two off to daycare in the morning. I couldn't imagine it! Well, I do it every day with little issues. It's amazing how we adapt.

Bath time - When I first started, I would bathe Ryan in an infant tub in the kitchen sink and I would let my older son (Jacob) stand on a chair "help" me. He absolutely loved it. Ryan is pretty big (20 pounds at six months) and outgrew the infant tub pretty quickly. I transitioned him to a bath seat in the tub at about four months and within a week they were bathing together. They LOVE it. Ryan screams in delight at the splashing and playing in the tub. Jacob laughs at his little brother screaming. They enjoy bath time so much we do it every night.

Routine. Routine. Routine. Find one that works and stick with it. My 2 1/2 year old is so much happier with a routine and knowing what to expect. If we have problems with him for a day, it's usually because we skipped a nap or stayed out too late. We try so hard to stick with the same schedule as much as possible. Sometimes that means missing a birthday party that falls in the middle of nap time. Sometimes that means leaving a little bit earlier or arriving a little bit later. But, it works. Trust me on that.

You mentioned that your husband is helpful. Perfect. So is mine. Since I am breastfeeding, I was the one to nurse the baby and put him to bed at night. Hubby played with our older son and then I took over for stories and bed time. The nights were pretty much like that for awhile. Now that the Ryan is older, sitting up and playing more - Dad can do kid duty with both of them while I cook dinner or clean up or vice versa. We really trade off all night long.

It's harder when it's one parent for the night (we try to make a point to get our own time in with our friends). But since we have established a good routine, it's not that bad. I can usually get my older son interested in a book or a game while I nurse/feed the baby and put him to sleep. If it's a rough night, the baby goes in the swing while I tend to the toddler. Or, I'll break my "no TV after 7 rule" and put Blues Clues or Thomas on for Jacob while I put Ryan to bed.

The relationship between our boys is already amazing. Ryan adores his big brother and squeals and kicks in delight at the sight of him. Jacob shares his toys with Ryan (most of the time), loves to make him laugh and LOVES to give kisses and hugs to him. Yea, we change a lot of diapers. Yea, most days I don't even know what day it is. Yea, some days I'm dead tired from either one (or both) having a rough night. But, I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Congrats and enjoy!

T.

I remember wondering this! We were in diapers for over 8 years! I thought it would never end!

The best advice I can give you is to keep to a routine..bedtimes, naptimes, play times and waking up times. When you are home it gets so easy to not have a routine, but it helps when you do!

Make time for you! Even if it means getting up an hour before anyone else, do it! Make sure you have a great support system and sitter so you can get away at least once a week, its good to get out and not be in MOM mode!

Share as many chores as you can, you will have your hands full.

About baths...bath one while the other naps. I always put the babies tub on the counter and bathed him or her there while the toddler or kids played in the kitchen. As soon as the baby is ready to sit up in a bath ring you can bathe them together.

When you first get home it is a good idea to have your hubby or mom or a good friend come over every day. The company will be good for preventing post partum depression and it will give you a break. My mother used to come over every afternoon after I had my 4th baby. I had complications and she was such a help in keeping my house and kids in order while I recovered!

Good Luck!

I would like to caution you on the concept of 'me time'. Please remember that everyone is different and your circumstances could vary from mine (which I hope they do!).

I am a teacher who took a full FMLA leave after my baby was born. My FMLA ended right before summer break, and then I was approved for another leave of absence (voluntary, unpaid) for the first semester. I was so excited to be a temporary stay-at-home mom and couldn't wait to juggle the responsibilities of having a newborn along with more 'me time' to stay on top of keeping the house clean, having dinner on the table, getting my pre-baby body back, etc.

Boy, did I have a rude awakening! Staying at home with your kid(s) all day is hard work and anyone who thinks that SAHMs have it easy or that it is a walk in the park is completely ignorant. At home you are constantly having to watch your children to make sure they aren't getting into things that would hurt them (meaning, there's a part of your brain that is always 'amped up' and potentially stressed due to the possibility that your child could get hurt/need something/get upset, etc), giving them attention and care whenever they need it, and constantly coming up with ways to entertain/soothe/appease them. I felt like my brain never got to 'turn off' or 'calm down' because I had to always be 'on the ready' in case something happened.

I've been back to work and it has done wonders for both my child and me. My child is being exposed to so many new and different learning opportunities and is under the care of women who have years of experience teaching infants his age. Oh, and they absolutely love children too!

A few suggestions:
1. Routine - try to have your children adopt a routine or schedule that meets their sleeping/eating needs. Not only does routine alleviate anxiety on their part (knowing what to expect and knowing that their needs will be met is soothing), it will also allow you to fit in 'mom time'.

2. Playdates or MommyGroups - yes, we all love our children but we need time with adults! Find a group or class where you can touch base with others mothers who are in the same situation as you are. Don't get trapped in your house.

3. Husband - prior to the baby coming, set up some mutually agreed upon expectations for your roles and his roles. Good communication is key and remember, he isn't a mind reader so if you need help ask :)

4. Alone time - build in time just for you to go get a mani/pedi, cup of coffee, dinner or activity with the girls, shopping or whatever it is you like to do. Do it once a week. Schedule it if you must but do not forget to take care of your needs too!

Congratulations L. I'm a mother of three under three
I would just like to reassure you your children will be the best of friends
Being able to stay at home is a joy, not all days are easy but
because you are a teacher I'm sure you'll be able to make the
most of it and your children will surely benefit
As far as "me time" that comes few and far between
Once the newborn can sit up bath time will be fun
Lunch time, dinner, anytime is camera worthy so keep one on hand

Hi L.! My first two are 18 months apart and my second and third are 2 years apart. It is not nearly as bad as you may start thinking it will be. I remember starting to stress as my due date approached. If you have someone who can come and play with your two year old it will help. My mom stayed with me for almost three weeks after #2 & #3 were born. It really helped the older kids adjust and it gave me a chance to bond with the new baby. When the baby is sleeping spend time with your older child. Have the older child help you get spit up rags and diapers when you change the baby. Let him feel he is helping mommy. I showered with my first daughter when my second was a newborn and then once she was around six months I would put the baby bath in the tub and my older daughter in the tub at the same time- it was a little crowded but it worked. Good luck and enjoy the sleepless nights!

Congrats to you! I have two kids (now 4 and 2) who are 25 months apart. The first 6 months or so is a bit tough (the lack of sleep thing is hard when you have to get up and play with a 2 year old!), but it will get easier and more fun every day. Now my kids play together and I think my life is easier than if I just had 1 child!
Some practical advice:
- If you can financially do it, get a sitter once in a while (once you are comfortable leaving her with the baby) and take your toddler out just one on one. It made such a difference for me. My 2 year old was just starving for some of that one-on-one time back, so it was fun to be with just her sometimes.
- One thing that was very hard for me was putting both kids to sleep if my husband wasn't there. What eventually worked was to have my 2 year old look at books or play with quiet toys while I fed the baby and put the baby down. Then I would get to spend one-on-one book time with my 2 yr old. It took a while for her to be mature enough for that, but I just kept at it! Most of the time one of them was crying, but I had to remember that I was doing the best I could. It wasn't like I was letting them cry while eating bon-bons! :)
- If you know of a gym that has quality child care, that may be an option to get some time for yourself. Once my kids were able to go to the Y and enjoy it, it gave me some much needed time for myself (& my pre-pregnancy body back, which was a bonus!). It took a while, though, for my kids to enjoy it there (but every kid is different).
It sounds like you have a supportive husband which will help tremendously!

I don't have two yet, expecting in August, but have a few ideas. For the bathing issue something that may work is having your toddler bathe with you. I have been having my son bathe with me for a few months now and it works great. It also saves some water. I finish getting ready in the bathroom while he continues to play in the tub. You could do all of this while your newborn sleeps. Just an idea. Also it seems like a lot of moms use bjorns/slings etc with the newborn so they can continue to do activities with their toddler such as Gymboree, library, or play at the park. Good luck!!

good luck with the notion of extra time! If anything, I think you have way less me time once you're a SAHM cause you can't get out to work for adult interaction and the like. However, I will tell you having 2 is really not hard, esp. when you have the 2nd in the warm weather. Don't stress too much. It'll be fine. Just treasure these last few months being a mom to your 1st. It's a very special time. I miss it at times. But you'll see how rich your life becomes!!! Good luck with the birth and hang in there - feel well.

Congrats to you on expecting your second child. It was not long ago that I was wondering the same things you are! I am a mom to two beautiful boys, 3 yrs old and a 4 mo old.
I have found that things are busier but not unmanageable. In fact, I am absolutely loving having 2 children! Bedtime and bathtime are probably the hardest parts of the day. When my hubby is home, we each spend individual time with one of the kids. Because I am nursing, I always put the baby to bed but I try to join my husband and son in his room for bedtime stories afterward. When I'm alone, my 3 yr old usually plays quietly with some toys/books or watches a fave DVD while I am upstairs going through the bedtime routine with the baby. It's a bit more stressful but as time has gone on, it's getting easier and easier!
Best wishes to you and your family!

Congrats! I have a 2.5 year old daughter and 5 month old son. I will say it is not easy, but you can do it. I also work part-time out of the house, so the balancing act is quite a challenge. I agree with all the advice you have already received. I do make special days for just my daughter and me, because I can get so consumed with the newborn needs. We also put our son to bed at 8pm, and that leaves my husband and I alone time with our daughter for a good hour. We have a big tub, so last night I actually got in the tub and held my newborn while my husband assisted with the bath. My daughter was also in the tub playing and then I bathed her. She thought it was fun to share with her brother. Once my son was born, I had a heart to heart with my husband and told him that in the morning time when I have to get ready for work, my daughter is his responsibility to get dressed and ready (of course, I have to lay out her clothes the night before). I don't know how I could do it without his help. I believe it is a 2 parent job. I also allow my daughter to help with everything, because she is the "big" sister. That sometimes makes things a little longer, but she gets so excited. Best of luck to you!!