Potty Training Help!! - San Antonio,TX

I remember how stressful that was for us, too!

Same situation: we trained our daughter at that same time as you, and she learned it pretty quickly! She definitely had the capacity to go on her own, but there was something about doing #2 that just freaked her out so she would hold it... for days!!! I was so stressed, because when she could not hold it anymore, it was too hard to come out so she'd cry and scream. How awful.

We too had her on Miralax for a little while, but didn't want her body to accustom to that, so we gave her tons of fruit.

She went through several stages: doing it with a diaper on only (very frustrating for us since we kneeew she could go on the potty, but it was comforting for her), she'd go in the closet, we got her new potties, we did stickers... we tried anything. What worked for her was just going in her diaper. And we went with it (it took months, but she did it!). She now goes to the potty for #2 "all on her own!"

Please stay patient and go with how she's feeling. If you think she would go in a diaper, don't worry about her digressing -she's not. She's just transitioning, and she will eventually go on the potty all on her own. I promise.

In short, don't pressure her or yourselves. This is something totally new to her and she's got it down. It's a matter of her executing now, and that'll just take a little time and confidence in her. She'll do it soon!

(oh, p.s. If she sees other kids her age doing it, it may help her as well!)

:-)

J.,

First, as the other post-ers said, put her back in diapers. Back off the training for now - she's very scared. In addition, your daughter sounds like she may have encopresis (aka chronic constipation).

The diarrhea means that she has developed a blockage & some loose stuff is escaping around it. She cannot control her bowels until you get that out. You'll need to change her diet and take out the foods that constipate (or reduce them) and add foods that make the poop nice n soft so it won't hurt her & comes out easily. (Sorry to be so graphic, but it's necessary here).

According to "It hurts when I poop!" by Dr. Howard J. Bennett, she should avoid pastas & bread made with white flour, and not eat bananas, apples, dairy, potatoes, and white rice. It says to add: whole-grain breads & pastas, fruit (especially prunes, raisins, and pears), vegetables, water, and fruit juices (apple juice is OK, just not whole apples). It's a great book; it has a story for kids & practical advice for adults about encopresis.

The sooner you start, the better.
Note: add fiber SLOWLY (or better yet, see a doctor that treats/knows about encopresis). Sudden increases in fiber can cause problems. Add 1 serving of fiber and do that for a week or two before adding another. But I think you can cut out the 'constipators' immediately. Encopresis web sites & books will tell you what to do. Some doctors and hospitals have special programs to treat it & have websites that offer advice & assistance.

Meanwhile, deal with her fears. You could try flushing a doll (not a favorite one) that's about baby size. She may feel better knowing that the doll can't go down the pipe so neither can she. If you have a basement and can see the pipes, you might show her how it all works: lift the lid off the tank, show her the curved pipe on the side of the toilet in the back, and then show her how the pipes go from the potty, under the house & into the gutter in the street.

Also, get some books for you and her on potty training and going poopy. The library should have potty training books & you can request an interlibrary loan to get others. I highly recommend Dr. Bennett's book on encopresis (mentioned above - "It hurts when I poop!"). I also recommend the following books, as fun potty books, to encourage your daughter: 'Everyone poops' (it's cartoon, but graphically shows the poops coming out, so may be offensive to some), and "Where's the Poop?". The latter is a lift the flap book showing animal parents asking their kids if they had a poop. The kids say yes (of course). You then lift the flaps all over the tree, the jungle, the savannah, etc., trying to find where the animal baby went poopy. The last one is a human child in the bathroom with the poopy in the toilet. The book ends on the next page with another child on the potty saying "Please close the door, I'm trying to make a poop!" My kids laughed & laughed, even the 9-yr old. They kept opening & closing the 'door' flap on that page.

I know about all this because my son had encopresis. We only recently realized that he wasn't getting enough fiber. We thought we'd compensated for the lack of wheat (he has food allergies). On our doc's advice, we added 'Fiber Sure' (small doses per prescription) to his drinks (he won't do prunes or prune juice) and removed bananas from his diet. We also added high fiber gluten-free bread and rolls.

Since then, he has done much better. We've made more progress on potty training in 2 months than in the last year. He goes regularly and just needs reminding.

In case you're wondering, do a google or yahoogroup search & you'll see plenty of others who struggled with their child's encopresis for a year or more because they didn't realize what it was and neither did their pediatricians. Once the problem was identified & treated, progress was made, though a complete 'cure' may take several months. So you may have to be patient, but she will go potty like everyone else sooner or later.

I hope this info was helpful. Take care and good luck.

I had this problem with my daughter too and we decided it wasn't worth it to fight with her at that point. She was also holding it for days at a time and she did not want to go on the potty. We put her back in diapers for a few months until she was ready. Then, one day, she found her underwear in her dresser drawer and asked to wear them and I explained that she was going to have to go pee and poop in the potty and she said she would. She did okay at first, but then she started pooping in her underwear all of the time and saying she didn't want to stop playing to go. We had a long road, but she was finally over it before she turned 3.

Anyway, my point is that if she is terrified of going poop in the potty, you aren't going to get her to go in it successfully. They have all of the control here and even if you put her on Miralax (which we also did), she may still just go in her panties (or pullups, or whatever you have her in). I wouldn't push her right now. Give her a little time. You can try to take her every couple of hours to pee just so that she stays in the routine, but fighting my daughter on the poop thing only frustrated both of us to no end and she ended up just doing it when she was ready anyway. You can't win this one, so I would let it go and follow her lead on this. I'm speaking from experience. Good luck to you! Just find a book on potty training (for her...they have them for boys and girls) and read and talk about it a lot, but don't force her to do it or it will backfire.

My son did the same thing. Does she tend to poop around the same time every day? You could try diapers just around that time. We would do Pull-Ups when he would get stubborn about pooping, then back to big boy underwear. The important thing is not to fight her. To make it her accomplishment when she does it and let her know it's o.k. when she doesn't.

What finally did the trick for us was taking him to the store and letting him pick out his own underwear. Even today he doesn't have any accidents if he's wearing his favorites!

Best of luck! It's a hard time, but take your cues from her. Every child is different.

Maybe you could get her the potty seat that attaches to the huge potty seat in your bathroom. There is nothing worse than teetering on the edge and almost falling in..

Also, many adults need to have their feet on the ground to have a bm. Maybe you could put a step stool in front of the potty so she can push with her feet while passing the bm.

She is almost there, you just need to fine tune to meet her fears. Soon some pretty panties!

Your daughter might be holding it in because it hurts to go, it was probably much easier when she was on the meds. but by holding it in, it is building up in her body and it will really hurt when it has no more room and has to come out. i would say, if she holds it in for more than a few days to call the doctor, they may want to get rid of the excess which in turn would make it easier for her to go on her own. my daughter also used to hold it in and now her muscles have weakened a little and she sometimes stains her underwear without even knowing it happened, i would do something before that happens to your little gil. also to make it easier, make sure she gets plenty of fruits, fiber and water, and not too much dairy which aids in constipation, as you probably know. i wish you the best of luck!

She might have just gotten scared for some reason. Keeping her bowels loose should help her overcome her fear. You trying to help her, and then having a painful bm will not help her trust you at this point. So, if it were me, I would put her on miralax or prune juice or something to keep them loose. Then, you can help her overcome fears if that's what it is. Also, sometimes constipation can seem like a loose bm. She actually may be constipated, but only the loose bm is able to come out, but the other is still there and painful. It can become compacted if you suspect this. There is a simple way to tell, but it's gross. You would have to stick a lubricated, gloved or clean finger in slightly. If you feel the ball of waste, then she is constipated or held it in too long that it has started to become compacted. Then, you have to take other measures to help her.

My youngest daughter did something like this when she was 4. She was always constipated and "FEARED" going to the restroom because of the pain. Dr. explained to me that this was all due to some small cuts she would get around the anus from straining due to the constipation. She was on Glyco-Lax, prescribed form of Myralax. She also held it in because of her fears. She held it in for 10 days once. I was worried sick, but her Dr. reassured me everyday that this would not hurt her. When she finally went potty, she screamed and cried. More out of anger than pain. She didn't want to go because she was so afraid of having pain. When she was done we asked her if it hurt and she said no, that it was the first time it hadn't hurt. When I just about passed out though, was when I saw her stools. They were white and there was quite a bit of it. I called her doctor immediately. He was surprised that she'd held on for so long and explained that the white stool was due to it lacking water and it just drying out. It was very, very scary, but she's been fine.
My baby is now 6 and she gets her Glyco-Lax whenever she needs it. Sometimes months go by, but she knows when she needs it and lets us know.
If the Miralax will help her go, get her back on it for a couple of days and I think that will help her go. They can only hold on for so long. ;-)