Potty Training HELP!!! - Exeter,RI

Hi-My son was the same way-- it was all about control. What we decided to do was for about a week, let him know that once we ran out of pull ups he needed to wear big boy underware as we were no longer going to buy pull ups. Then two days before let him know we were running out and in two, then one day he would need to wear the big boy underware. The morning of the big boy underware he had one of the loudest, longest tantrums he has ever had about wanting his pull ups back- I almost caved in because of the histerics-- but stood strong and eventully he put them on-- he had one minor accident that day and only a few ever since. Also- the evening of the first day in big boy underware we called all the realitives and he was so proud to tell them he was wearing big boy underware and going pee and poop on the potty. Good luck! S.

Stubborn, aren't they?
We're working through the same issue with my son. We started having "underwear days" - give him advanced notice that he will be wearing underwear, stay home that day, and keep it a low-stress day. Forget the rewards. Give him some confidence that he can do it by forcing it for a few days, then back off, and let him make the decision when to wear underwear out of the house, etc.
My son still prefers pull-ups, but hasn't had an accident in quite a while.

I just took diapers away in May from my 2 year, 8 month old son. He refused to sit but is smart enough to know exactly what to do. We replaced them with underwear, and he had had many, many accidents. However, after about 3 weeks, he started to tell me here and there that he had to go. Now, he tells me frequently, and has poop down. Your son is old enough, it's all about control, and if you take the diapers away, he will get it quickly. They don't like to be dirty! He also never wanted us to clap or look at him while he was on the potty, so if it turns out to be your son's idea, he will probably go for it. I think the only issue is that some kids start holding their poop and get constipated if they are really controlling so watch for that, and he may want to still use a diaper just for poop.

I think the main thing with poop is to make diaper changing as unpleasant as possible, dump the poop from the diaper into the toilet, and if he comes running for a change as soon as he poops, remind him that poop goes in the toilet, and give him a bath after...he might start to tire of it! At his age, he should train in a week, unless he's super stubborn!

It's going to be really frustrating the first several days and feel like you're getting nowhere. I started potty training my daughter when she was 3.5yr at which point she was pretty articulate and understood everything. But not with the potty training! One day after sitting on the potty for 45 mins (because she kept saying she'd go), I made her get up and she peed right next to the potty within the next 5 mins! But what ultimately worked was a reward system. I placed her potty in an accessible part of the house (where she could get to asap from anywhere she was) and placed a chart right above it. I got some cheap reward stickers(the kind teachers use - doesn't matter what - you could get some with your child's favorite character). I wrote my daughter's name on the chart so she knew it was hers and felt some kind of ownership. The chart was basically a grid with the day/date written on the leftmost column and everytime she peed in the potty, she put a sticker in the first block for that day. If she pooped, she got 2 stickers, using one block for each time. The process gets started over on the next column the next day. If she failed, she got a sad face. I'm happy to say she got only 1 sad face in the 10 days it took to get her trained. She chose the stickers and put them on the chart herself, which she was really excited about. I also took the precaution of sitting her on the potty every couple of hours (after she actually peed) and asked her to notice how she felt when the pee was about to come out so she'd be able to recognize the feeling. Loooong post but hope it helps! And don't give up unless you feel she's really not ready yet. Good luck!
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Funny as this sounds... I had a friend tgat went through the same thing and tried everything! One day she was fed up and said something like.... You cannot turn four unless you go potty on the toilet. She said he instantly started using the potty from that moment on.

My oldest was hard to potty train so I decided with our 2 year old I would get an early start I would have started sooner but we moved in May and I didn't want to much change all at once. He is very stubborn and was throwing a fit if you even mentioned going on the potty to him but last week I said enough is enough. I heard about the 3 day bare bottom method at playgroup. A few days before you tell them see this stack of diapers it will be gone tomorrow and we aren't buying anymore. Day 1 as soon as they wake undress them waste down and let them run free as soon as they show any sign of needing to go you put them on the potty if your child has an accident you go and get the paper towels and say that's okay but this is what we do when we have an accident and have him help you clean it up. Day 2 you go for a short outing like a 20 minute walk or something and just put loose fitting pants/shorts on him no underwear no diaper the rest of the day spend naked waste down. Day 3 you get to go for 2 short outings. The catch is you are supposed to put underwear on them for 3 months and you should let them be naked waste down at home for like the next 3 months too. So far I haven't had to ask my 2 year old to go potty he goes right on his own and we haven't had an accident yet and we are going on day 7. They also say you shouldn't put a diaper on for naps or bed because it can confuse the child but we put one on for bed and haven't had any problems yet.

My son turned 3 in June & we found the book "the Idiots Pocket Guide to Potty Training Problems" very helpful. Within a couple weeks he went from him refusing to use the potty to wearing underwear & only having a couple of accidents a week. I highly recommend the book. Good luck!

With my oldest I had luck setting up a long term sticker chart. He had to collect 10 stickers to get a prize, and when he had reached 60 stickers we took him to the children's museum in Boston. By the time he got to the end of the chart he was forgetting to put the stickers on, and was fully trained by the end of the week, except for some accidents overnight. I also made him clean himself up after daytime accidents. I reminded him that if he had gone when he felt the need he wouldn't be wet, or messy.

Hope that helps. And no matter how he fights stick with it. If you keep starting over so will he. Take the option of diapers away.

Hi K.-
My daughter, 3, was very stubborn as well. She started potty training and was doing well then she decided that she was not going to anymore and would throw fits trying to get her to go. We tried everything like you did, stickers, surprises, underwaer,3 day bare bottom method, potty, the insert to the potty, taking her favorite toys away but nothing worked. Finaly we warned her for 1 week that on this date if she did not start we were going to pack up ALL her toys and she would have to earn her toys back one at a time. So the day came and she refused to use the potty so we went through the whole house and packed up her toys and put them where she could not get them. The first 2 days it did not phase her on day 3 she asked if she could play with her toys and we told if she went on the potty she could earn 1 back. She went. She was able to pick out a toy, she went for a few times then, she opted not to again so, she lost all her toys agains and she had to start over earning her toys 1 by 1, after about 2 1/2 weeks she was potty trained, but we remind her every once in awhile that if she goes back to not using the potty she will lose her toys again. I don't know if this will help you but it worked for me so its an idea. Good luck.
K..

Potty training is all about control. Think about it, what else in his world does he have total control over? So the trick (at least with my very stubborn daughter) was to give her the rules and the control.

We told her we were switching her to underwear when she turned three (she was ready). It was accident central around here. Finally, after trying lots of different things, all of which led to lots of crying and no real successes, I said to her "you're a big girl. You know how to do this. We're not going to talk about using the potty anymore." Then I didn't. She still had to wear underwear, but I didn't ask her if she had to pee or poop - ever, didn't specifically invite her to come to the bathroom with me, bit my tounge when she was practically hopping up and down from needing to go. I praised her but didn't make a super huge deal out of it when she did go. After about 2 weeks, no more "accidents." The thrill was gone. She didn't control me anymore, but she still felt in control of her own body.

I think that the biggest thing is to get rid of the diapers and don't go back. The laundry is a huge pain, and you'll probably end up throwing out quite a few pairs of underpants. And if he won't wear the underwear, let him go without. But no diapers.

I hope this was helpful. The hardest thing was training myself to not say anything to her. But it really did work like a charm.

Good luck. Potty training sucks.

Hi K.,
First let me say every child is a little different as to what motivates them. You have to figure out what their 'currency' is that is most important to them to use as rewards/discipline. That being said, it sounds like your son has the physical capability for potty training if it has worked for a month or even a couple of weeks. If there is a block of days where you can just stay home, my recommendation is to have him wear big boy underwear (or the padded more absorbent training pants and nothing else on the bottom. Use all the encouragement devices you have previously used when he does use the potty, but if he wets, leave him in the wet underwear. Chances are that will be uncomfortable enough to convince him to use the potty next time!
Good luck!

Ditch those diapers completely and use the summer weather to your advantage. Don't go back to using the diapers. This is a power struggle. He knows he should do it, but he is trying to take over the control of it and he knows you're frustrated. So instead of taking away things or telling him no school (which obviously doesn't phase him) you are just going to have to bight the bullet and make him do it. Make him wear the underwear (and not pullups, he needs to feel that he's wet and be really uncomfortable). When he has an accident he has to stop whatever he's doing and help you clean himself and his underwear up. Make him put the clothes in the wash or have a bucket of water for him to rinse out his soiled underwear in (with your supervision of course). If he has to take such a long break from his playing eventually he'll see it's not worth it and going to the potty is his best option. And when he does use the potty the whole house has to make a huge deal out of it. Party hats and noisemaker kind of scene. Be completely goofy and silly. Most importantly relax. Even if he doesn't quite seem to "have" it when he starts school other children are a great motivator. Send him to school (with a change of clothes) and hope for the best. If he has an accident at school that won't be very pleasant for him. Kids could even make fun which is okay because it will make him more aware. Chances are he'll surprise you though and will never need that change of clothes anyways. At least not for a potty accident, but maybe for a craft accident ;). Never let him see you frustrated though. Keep your cool. If he knows it's getting to you he's going to keep pushing it. Believe me, I have one like that. She doesn't have a care in the world if I take something away from her. It just rolls right off her back. She's 7 now. When I was potty training her she didn't even mind the pee trickling down her leg. It drove me nuts, but I stuck to my guns and she was actually potty trained younger than her older sister. I couldn't do it with her the same as I did it with her older sister. Prizes and stuff worked for her older sister, but my younger one just didn't care about that kind of stuff. My approval was much more valuable to her and after a few times of not being able to play with her sister to wash out her underwear and me being super excited when she used the potty she got it. Your son will too.

Someone told me that it is illegal in Massachusetts to require that a child is potty trained before starting school.

Hi K.,
I am in the same situation with my 3 year 2 month old son. I have no ideas - but wanted you to know you are not alone!!
I think it is LOUSY that a preschool is insisting he is potty trained. Some kids - especially boys - take a lot longer to train.
Good luck - I'll interested to see what other ideas people have. Take care,
J.

K.,
first you need to relax. Second try a reward system like every pee gets a sticker every poop gets a tatoo. you get 5 of them child gets to pick that nights desert for the family. Also a school can not deny a child because they are not toilet trained this is against the law. They can however say you need to come change the child.L.

Ugh, how frustrating. Potty learning can be such a challenge sometimes! I think what it sounds like has happened is a huge power struggle. Trying and stopping has made the situation worse and you son has picked up on that and is not going to make it easy. Really the only way to get through this bump right now is to just do it and not look back. I personally have never had success with bribes of any kind- then you get stuck in a rut of the bribe (as you know- it stops working). If you never start a bribe, there is nothing to fail in that sense. The best, simplest method is just to take away all diapers/pull ups and never look back. YOU take the control on that and don't make it an option for him. You have given your son the power to choose to stop using the potty after being trained for weeks at a time. It sounds as if he is very physically ready so what you are dealing with is an emotional power struggle that rightly has you very stressed. He also knows that and is working that to his advantage.

A GREAT place for support/info/guidance in the following site:

http://www.3daypottytraining.com/

The "3 Day potty training" method is wonderful and highly successful. It basically entails 100% taking away all diapers and pull ups and going straight to underwear. You don't leave the house for 3 days and literally follow the child around and put them on the potty and it helps to condition them to use the potty. It also helps them to see that you are serious ;) and that this is it. Their success is the reward. There are NO Pull Ups, NO bribes, and guaranteed success. It takes dedication and committment to the system by the parent, but if you are determined and you follow the steps, it will succeed. It is a downloadable e-book (cost about $20) and website with info. It is invaluable adn worth every penny.

Good Luck!

C.

Hi K. - I'm nto sure what your current tactic is, but I would try just backing off for a little bit?? I agree with lots of posts, this is a lot about control. Maybe stop 'caring' for a while... just let him know that he can't go to school like the big boys til he goes on the potty, no big deal. I know how frustrating it can be for sure! Good luck!