Potty Training Gone Wrong

He is not having accidents. He is upset that there is a new baby in the house and is letting you all know it!
So, you say that babies make messes in their diapers and clothes. Since he is still pooping and peeing in his clothing that he is going to need to go back into diapers. (said in a sad voice) Then you say something along the lines of "You are a big boy and we were SO PROUD of you going potty in the potty. But, you seem to be forgetting how to do that, so we are going to put you back in diapers until you remember. When you want to go potty in the potty you let us know" and then you wait. When you go on vacation you should bring diapers for both.
This takes the stress off the mother (cus it is stressful cleaning up pee and poop clothes all the time!!) and stress off the boy. Now he gets to decide when he is going to be a big boy.
L.

Yes, it's definitely the new baby. He is regressing and wants attention. The best thing for her to do is to not make a big deal about it, clean him up, and give him extra attention. She could even put him back in a Pull-Up again for a while to make things easier on herself.

He wants to be babied again, like the new baby -- she should give him what he wants.

Needs that are not fulfilled do not go away, so anyone who recommends that she take a hard line with him over this is just wrong, sorry. I like Laura's idea, above.

My older son was three when my younger son was born. It definitely impacted his potty training having the baby in the house. In addition to the great suggestions below, be sure not to make a huge deal out of the "accidents." That was my mistake- I kind of shot myself in the foot by giving him too much attention for the accidents, therefore encouraging the behavior. It was, frankly, one of my biggest parenting challenges to date because I screwed it up so badly! Just put him back in diapers, be very matter-of-fact. I had to keep repeating to myself...he will not wear diapers to high school... he will not wear diapers to high school... this will end eventually!

This behavior is actually quite common in 4y, with or without baby.

When he messes, take him up to the shower, give him a shower and redress him in the bathroom. Have him carry his soiled clothes to the washer. It should only take a few showers and trips to get him at least peeing in the toilet again.

Ask him to help change the baby. Take the diaper to the trash, etc. Right now he may see that baby is getting attention that he is not. If he sees the messy, smelly side to it, he may stop.

As for your if you plan on going swimming, buy some little swimmers underpants.

Hi, M.:

Have you thought about asking your 4 year old, what he thought about the baby pooping in his diaper?

Does the 4 year old see the results of the momma changing the baby's poopy diaper?

I am wondering about the process that the momma uses with the baby's pooping and peeing in the diaper!

Then compare that process with the process she's using with the 4 year old.

Maybe that will give you all a clue.

Ask the 4 year old if the baby gives a sign that he is going to poop or pee?

Be a detective and see what you learn.

Good luck.
D.

My two questions would be directed at the child:
1) "Why are you pooping in your underwear?"
2) "What can we do to help you figure this out?"

At this age, he's well past the age when this can be a top-down activity (in other words, a 2 year old can be trained by an adult as to the proper procedure - by 4, the child pretty much has to want to do it, or it's going to be a failure). Perhaps he'd like to work toward earning a special toy, or an activity with mom or dad, for being accident-free. But I'd let him decide that. I don't think I'd be punitive, but neither would I tell him it's all okay. He's really too old to be pooping in his pants, and you'd be doing him a disservice not being honest with him about that. He needs the adults in his life to get behind him on this and help him figure it out ASAP, but at the same time, a 4 year old is acutely aware of being treated like a "baby," so I think I'd actively involve him in figuring out how to solve this problem.