Still Not Potty Trained

This will be hard to hear, but STOP, just stop. Put him back in pull-ups/diapers (because pull-ups are diapers). Then after maybe a week or so, start taking him whenever you or your husband go potty, read him a story while your there or interact in a positive way. Trust me, if you stop and don't say anything to him about it, he'll start asking you to take him. You're in a power struggle and he needs to think he's in control, the only thing he can control. Once he does use the potty, make a big deal, clap, call grandma and grandpa, whatever. While he is on the potty, read a book, sing a song, talk, be very positive and take those few minutes to stop whatever your doing and interact with him. I have no at least 20-30 moms who have done this and in a month or so are completely potty trained. It's not that he doesn't know how to go potty in the potty, it's that he doesn't want to. Good Luck!!

1 mom found this helpful

suggest his poop is missing out on the party in the toilet. all the other poops get to go. this suggestion was from my pediatrician who made the video "potty time". Good luck. It's hard.

S.: I have 2 boys and both were not potty trained until they were almost 4 (I actually think one of them WAS 4 by the time he was, but it was so long ago I can't remember). I tried everything, absolutely everything, but I realized that it was ME trying, not the boys. You have to make it THEIR problem, not yours. Do not be the one who cleans him up, make him clean himself up and even get him into the tub and mop himself up. Give him a bag to put his wet clothes in and let him help you do the laundry, too. He will get tired of this, believe me. You can also explain to him, sadly, the things he will not be able to do because of this problem (like going to the movies, sleepovers, etc). You would be surprised to hear how many boys are supposedly "trained" who are not, it is definitely a guy thing! Good luck and hang in there! S.

My son has been potty training for more than a year!! He started at daycare at roughly 2.5, by 3 he was doing all his poops in the toilet and peeing but having many pee accidents, and now after turning 4, he is finally having less pee accidents. He never fully pees on himself, he just leaks becuase he waits too long to go. In the beginning, we bribed him with gummy bears and we had a song and dance every time he used the toilet. Now that we are losing our patience with the pee accidents, we require him to go at least every 2 hours, before we leave the house, anytime I go, or anytime he seems wiggly from holding it. If he pees himself, he has to change on his own, and we sometimes make him take a shower (with a pull-down shower head) to clean him up. He doesn't like that. We bribed him for a while with treats if he could remain dry all day. Now he gets no bedtime books read by Dad if he wets that afternoon or evening. I know this sounds harsh, but we know he is finally at a stage where he can prevent accidents; he simply doesn't care. I can never get over friends who potty-train in a weekend. I had no idea it could take this long. Night-time training will be our next struggle, and I guarantee my deep sleeper will wet the bed until he's at least 6!

you have to figure out what he wants in exchange for pooping on the potty. for my son it was getting in the big pool. it wasn't really candy or watching movies, though we offered him those as well. he can do it; you have to figure out what to give him in exchange for doing it. it's a power struggle now and i personally don't find a problem with 'bribing' him to do it.

Have you tried having him change himself? My daughter is 3 and we have had a couple set backs on potty trining too. She goes when told but won't tell you when she needs to go. What has worked out now is having her change herself when she gets wet or poopy. She is afraid of pooping in the potty. For that, we have a special snack and when she poops in the potty we make a HUGE deal out of it. We clap our hands, say Hooray!, sometimes we call daddy at work and tell him and he talks to her and tells her he's so proud of her. Then she gets her special snack that she only gets when she poops. So far it's working out!

Both of my children were late bloomers when it came to potty training. All I can say is that they eventually do get it. People judged me, criticized me (not my husband, by the way), just me, and frankly, when they got it, they got it. Some learn how to go potty before age 2, and some don't get it until 4 or 5. That's why pull-ups come in all sizes, now. I did the potty videos when my daughter was 3 1/2 (closer to 4), and that seemed to make the connection for her. I'd sit her potty nearby as she watched the movie, and she finally got it. Mind you, I had tried all of those things when she was 2, but it didn't work then. Rest assured, your son won't be six and in diapers! I think parents are usually more ready for the potty than the children are. Follow his cues and take peace in knowing this is only a season, until the next developmental milestone hurdle presents itself.

Sometimes it's in their timing not ours. Sorry. With all 3 of my boys, I sat them backward on the big pot without any seats. They loved it! They were all trained early. My sister however, tried and tried to train her son. He was 4 before I watched him one day and just out of habit placed him on the big pot backward. He loved it! She was thrilled and in disbelief all at the same time. Something so easy worked for him too. So what do you have to loose? Try it, it may work.

And please, don't let him manipulate you into changing him when he knows what he did. I would always make the yucky face and tell mine how bad they stink. Then they had to take off their own messy underware in the bathroom. Yes it was work but they didn't like doing it.

Keep up the good work mom! You sure do have your hands full with a 2 & 3 yr old! WOW! You go girl!

Take Care,
N. :) SAHM homeschooling 3 boys 12, 8 & 2 yrs old and married to my Mr. Wonderful for almost 15yrs. I love to help other moms, who want to become SAHMs, reach that goal.

I was very lucky that I did not have much trouble potty training my daughter. I remember my mother telling stories about how she left the same wet cloth diaper on my little brother all day & the next day she told him that he needed to go potty like a big boy so he didn't have to wear the same diaper all day again. He decided he did not like the feeling of the wet cloth diaper so he decided to be a big boy & go potty. I know that she probably would get in trouble for that now a days but it worked for her 30 years ago. Good luck

I was convinced my daughter would be that one kid going to high school in diapers! She just did not care for the longest time! We watched videos, read books, talked about it, gave rewards everything! Only when she decided to do it did it work. She was nearly 3 1/2. And it didn't happen overnight, it took a LONG time. She knew how and understood, but still didn't want to use the potty. It got to a point that she would take off her underwear and put on a Pull-Up, then hide and poop, so she definitely understood. She would get mad and cry if we tried to force it, so we backed off. I've read that it can be a control issue for kids.

We also would do 1 M&M for trying and 2 for going etc. Then we used a calendar and put a sticker on each day she went potty. After a certain number of days she could have a big treat (We used Chuckie Cheese, and then a doll she wanted) I think it helped her to see a bigger picture. We let her pick out special big girl underpants.

I guess just try to make it fun, let him read some books while he tries and make a big deal when he goes.

Good Luck!

I wouldnt sweat it too much. I can say that now that my 3 1/2 year old is finally potty trained!...LOL My daughter absolutely refused to be potty trained! She turned 3 in May and was no closer to being potty trained than a 3 moth old. She actually told me one time she doesnt want to stop pooping on herself!...LOL My husband and I tried EVERYTHING until we gave up and decided to let her clean up her own mess. We put underwear on her and everytime she did number 1 or 2 we sent her into the bathroom and told her to clean up. Of course we had to clean her up further, but she got tired of having to do it. I swear she was trained in a week or less. It's been about a month now and she sleeps in regular underwear and she hasnt had an "accident" since. So i guess you just have to relax and be assured (like everyone says) that they will do it when they're ready.

We told our lil guy that he was a big boy and that he didn't diapers anymore. I thought it would be hard b/c he has a lil brother still in diapers, but he took right to it. Explain to him that he is a big boy and big boys don't go potty in their big boy pants, but that accidents do happen. We did a potty chart w/ our son. He loves cars so we got car stickers an everytime he went he got a sticker (1 for pee and 2 for poop). Afte so many stickers he got to go to dollar tree and pick out a toy car or any toy of his choosing (as long as it was age appropiate. You may want to try this with your son with what he is interested in. Oh with him pooping, I had to keep an eye on my son, for he would run and hide also, I just had to catch him, and tell him he needed to do that on the potty, then took him there. I hope this helps you out, or gives you ideas on what you could try. Good Luck. hang in there, he will get it.

my son turned 3 in march and did not use the bathroom until june. he understood the process, but was not ready until one morning in early june he woke up and went pee and poop so much that it fell and got him all messy. i explained if he wore underwear and used the bathroom that would not have happened. so we got him changed, bathed and then he asked to wear underwear that day. we decorated the potty seat (that sits on the floor) with stickers. the first day we had a few successes. the following day he got it. we had setbacks, but when those happened i had him clean up. so moral to the story when he is ready it will be easier for both of you.

a friend of mine recommended a video clip called elmo's potty time, and another the dvd and book once upon a potty for boys. we did watch both of these, but i still think that it happened when he was ready.

My son turned 3 last Friday and he was making a lot of great progress on potty training and then all of a sudden, he backslid. He has become afraid to go #2 and instead of going to the toilet, he retreats to a corner and goes in his pants. But you know what, we are just plowing through. I have some help because he is in preschool and they have an all or nothing approach. So he starts every day in underwear, they put a pull up on during nap and take it off when he wakes up. He has made it through 4 days in a row with dry clothes but still has some accidents in the evening at home. When he makes it through the day, I reward him with a few Gummi bears, and at home when he goes to the potty on his own, he gets a sticker and high five! Don't give up and try to let go of your frustration. I just keep talking about it with him to get him to verbalize what's holding him back. Also--whenever he does have an accident, I require him to clean up what he can so he understands the extra work required when he doesn't go to the potty. Of course, he needs a lot of support but I go so far as to hand him Bleach wipes so he can clean up his 'doo doo' from the floor if need be. He's not resistant but he does get tired of having to clean up his mess.
Good luck. Hang in there. I'm told boys are just harder.

You need to take it a step further make it yours sons job to get to the bathroom. Don't change him right away. Say your busy you will in a little bit. Make it uncomfortable. Than make it a big situation. Make him clean his bottom when you change him and get new underwear on. Make the problem with his dirty underwear HIS problem NOT yours. He will potty train alot quicker that way. Give him a chance by taking him potty regularly but aside of that he's his job to go and clean up if he doesn't.

don't get freaked out! My son was well into 4 before he got it right, he's 5 now and i still have to come to the rescue in the 'wipe' department. It's hard, especially when your surrounded by other Mom's bragging about the conquests-don't let it get you down!
Find his currency and use it. My son went on the potty for tattoos. Weird but it worked. He was covered and often asked tattoo'd adults if they pooped for theirs- god love the bikers and the sk8ters for ALWAYS going along with it!
Now he gets things accomplished for Transformers, 5-10 good deeds gets an order for one online, and he gets to pick it out. Don't let it get you down, not all kids are potty trained by 2 or 3- they are usually the exceptions!

I have five children (soon to be six in the next few weeks) and have always let them 'set the pace' for potty training. Each of my children were over three years old (under four) when they finally 'got it' and stopped wearing diapers. I have learned that potty training has to be done when they are ready; not necessarily when you are. Every child is different so don't let other mothers stories intimidate you...several moms would tell me how their kids were trained before they were even two years old. That is all well and good for them, but don't stress out about the timing with your own child. He isn't going to start Kindergarten and still be in diapers! Just be patient...he'll let you know when he is ready.

You have alot of advice already, but this is a hybrid and worked well with all of our boys (each was very different and one a real rebel). First, the age 3 is a perfect time for boys. Second I agree it has to be THEIR process, so if you have done all the pre-prep of vocabulary,having a potty chair, etc. I suggest you choose a leisurely Saturday morning with his favorite cartoons in a room with a floor that can easily be cleaned. All week you simply TALK about how on Saturday (or whatever day you choose) while watching cartoon XXX he will use the potty and when the show/morning is over he will be a 'big boy' and won't need diapers anymore. Talk talk talk all week. Place the potty chair in the room where he will watch the tv around Wednesday. DO NOT use the chair, just mention it is there so he sees it.

On Saturday, dress him in a long shirt with no diaper or pants or shoes, be sure he has had plenty of fluid before the cartoon, make a big deal of talking about how this is the day (before the show) and then a big deal about heading to the room a few minutes only, before the show. Act busy doing something else in the room, point to the potty chair casually and say, "be sure you go sit there if you have to go...you can keep watching the cartoons." give him some juice and see what happens. if he dashes but misses---nbd, clean up and briefly say, "that was great, better run faster next time". If all he does is wet or poop in place, he is not ready. After the show, have him help clean up and simply say, "well maybe next time." Next time should be in about 2 weeks. Do nothing but talk occsaionlly in between and repeat on another Saturday. The second time maybe buy a small toy related to the cartoon and tell him during the week that HE should ask for the day he wants to get it by using his potty while watching the show. This works and is so simple and non-repetitive. There are loads of variation on this. For example: By the time of our third I simply told him for about 2 prior months that when we reached our vacation destination of many driving hours in a car, he would no longer need his diaper. I announced dramatically on arrival and when hauling in the suitcases, "We're here!!!! No more diapers for Johnny. Cool" It worked with no further "training". We found the bathroom, each announced how we needed to use it after the trip; he pulled off his diaper and used it too and afterwards slipped on his real underwear without alot of fanfare. Done. Only one slip-up by not making it there fast enough the next day. Dry at night too. Pretty funny.

Don't give up, and don't pressure him. My 4 year old had to go on laxatives this summer because he was too worried about going poopie on the potty. We got that under control, and he's made the decision that going on the potty is way better than in his pants.

What ended up working for us was switching the players in the game... Daddy started taking him potty and between his different tactics and just the actual change in person, it clicked for him. My husband has always been a hands-on kind of Dad, but I pretty much was doing the potty thing. (He works outside the home, I'm home with the kids). For whatever reason, though, our son started going on the potty and hasn't had an accident since.

I know it's frustrating, but be sure not to pressure or give negative feedback. I felt terrible seeing the X-ray of my boy's belly and see his bowels compacted from stomach to rectum. He just made himself sick over it. Now he's fine.

Good luck. Take a deep breath. He'll get it.

Do you change him when he asks to be changed. At 3, he can change himself or sit with the consequences. The best motivation is to ensure that he finds it easier to go in the potty rather than him have to change himself or clean himself up. I know that this can be messy and not as "clean" as it should be but the point is for him to want to use the potty... and that there are consequences when he doesn't. You can go behind him and clean and even show him how to clean, but he must be doing the work for him to be motivated to change.

Every child is different that is for sure. He may not be ready, or as others have said it is a control thing, especially if you have been working at it for awhile. Maybe back off the potty altogether for a bit and work on the otehr skills (pulling up and down his pants when he gets dressed, flushing the toilet when others go, washing and drying his hands a few times a day). That way he is working in small steps towards the goal and will have all those things down pat when he is ready to potty. It can be overwhelming for kids to have to try and get all that stuff learned as well as actually going potty.
On the poop issue. MANY boys have more issues with that and will hid a poop in a diaper long after tehy are trained to pee. Make sure he is eating a good diet, because if his poops are hard (ie uncomfortable coming out) he may resist going.
Good luck!
K.

Your little guy just may not be ready. It is a control thing for him. (you have to figure at 3 you don't get a whole lot of say in anything) With my son we bought a car carrier which he recieved right after he pooped on the potty the first time and then each subsequent time he recieved a car to go on it. By the time it was full he was done. Maybe try something like that or reward system with candy, targets in the toilet to aim at but don't make this a huge issue. He will do it when he is ready.

Lots of good advice here. I'll tell you what I agree with and what worked for ME/us.
I'm basically lazy and didn't want to do the whole clean up thing before he (boy 34 mos)was ready. Then I read a child-centered book called, "toilet training". It suggested getting the doo-doo part of the job taken care of FIRST.

I would stop all efforts for a little while and make it a non-issue for a while. Then see if, while wearing pull-ups, you can get one successful urinating episode a day. (ours was just before bath while the water was running... sometimes I even poured warm water over him while on the potty). Lots of praise, make it fun. And talk about when he uses undies he'll be clean all the time - that'll be so wonderful FOR HIM!

Then, when my guy started a regular bowel movement TIME, I anticipated. I had to fight him to change his poopy diaper, so sometimes I waited until it started to sting. And, I set up a bribe: get doo-doo in the potty and go shopping for his toy he's been wanting. (you know all those times you say, 'NO' to something he wants, make a deal with him. This does not continue for long but gets him motivated). Be sad for him, (not to get it this time) be excited for the possiblity with him. This took about two weeks after his first success to get it regular, and the 'gift' got smaller and smaller.

Then, we turned to urinating more frequently for stamps/skittle/stickers, and finally, daddy picked a weekend and they did it all together; drinking and wee-ing standing up at the toilet.

This is about him learning about his body signals, and getting attention good and bad for this personal body function. And, it's kind of a right of passage... does he want to grow up or stay your baby for attention?
Love him through it!
I hope some of this has given you an idea you can use.
Good luck.

He is just not ready. MY son was almost three when he potty trained and it only took about a week after he decided to do it. This is something that you can not force and has to be on his timeline. Please remember that he is a little boy and that this is the one of the only things in his life that he can control. Hope all works all well for you and your little guy.

I know a lot of people will hate this suggestion, but it worked for us. My son had turned 3, and was still not potty trained, despite trying what seemed like everything. He even had to stay back in the 2-year-old class at school and all his friends went up to the 3's and that still didn't motivate him.

What I did was I went to Target and bought a bunch of little toys...some things like coloring books, crayons, watercolors, paints, little trucks, a few small stuffed animals, etc. And a few bigger things. Then I wrapped everything and put it in a big bag. I told him whenever he went in the potty, and not in his pants, he could open one present. And if he made poop in the potty, he got to open one of the big presents. We were pretty much there by the time the presents ran out. By the end, he was even forgetting to ask for his present when he went.

It actually kind of worked too well, because he would run in there all the time to squeeze out just a little in order to get a present. So we substituted coins for his piggy bank for presents when it was just a little bit.

I know a lot of people would disagree with what is essentially bribing, but it worked for us, and it's not like he expects a present now for everything he does. At the time, I also had a newborn at home, and nothing else was working, so we did what worked for us.

Please stop. That's my advice. Not to sound harsh, but it sounds like you're getting way too emotional and that's the worst possible thing to do when potty training. He's probably still too young. Boys come to it later than girls, and they're usually ready to start around 3 and finish around 4. For him it's probably become a power struggle. I would stop for a few weeks and come back to it with a more positive and patient view.

My son didn't potty train until he was a few months past his third birthday. To get him trained we had him run around the house naked (well I kept him in the living room). I set my timer every half an hour and took him to the potty. It felt like we never left the bathroom for a while there but it happened eventually. My son still took a while to learn well, it took almost two months before he would tell me that he had to go potty. He usually waited until I put his pull-up on him for naptime to go poop but when he did we would go to the potty and say bye bye to it and I let him flush. There were times when I thought he would never train and I was constantly cleaning up messes but it happened eventually. Best of luck to you and your son.

I don't know why it takes some children longer to get potty trained than others. I'm sure it has nothing to do with intelligence. My neighbor lady also had a 3 year old boy that would go and hide to fill his pants. For some reason he did not want to use the toilet even tho he understood the process. Relax. He will get onto it soon. AF

I agree, take a break for both of you. Then let him pick out a $10 or $20 toy at Target and tell him when he poops on the potty he can have it. The day I did that my son went and sat on the potty every 5 minutes for 3 hours until he pooped on the potty, it was a great breakthrough. We did small wrapped gifts for peeing, but he needed to be in control and self-motivated for the pooping. He also picked out a set of trucks and then for a week afterwards he got one when he pooped on the potty. Whatever you do, keep it positive. If you can't do it for a month or two, just wait until you are ready. Good luck!

just stop doing it.

when he is ready he will do it. either through pier pressure if he goes to day acare or by seing other people do it.

the more you push the more damage you do.

my son is two and a half. but i am working on him.
this is how i handle it.

when ever he wakes up i put him on the potty, before he gets in the bath right after dinner i put him on the potty.

if you can after you give him a drink put him on the potty.

get rid of the timer, do you pee on comand?

when ever i go potty i ask him do you need to go.

i send him in with his dad so that he can watch him stand up and pee (cos well i cant do that.)

dont tell him what you are doing dont make a big deal out of it just do it.

the bigger the deal sometimes the more scary it is.

and remember just cos you think he understands dosent mean he is ready to take that step. it is scary.

i dont recomend that you even go with the pant untill you have successfull times (so for maybe two weeks stargit ish)
because other wise you are setting him up to fail and the more he sees you frustrated the more he gets frustrated and that all just back fires.

mel.

I have a son who did not train till he was 4 years old and he is now a student in college and he definately does not wear diapers. He is very stubborn but other than that he had no major developmental issues.He was actually on the very mature side. Don't let society tell you he has to be trained. Just keep talking to him about it. Try setting a date-like new year or his birthday and ask him to choose to wear big boy pants and use the toilet. Sometimes boys respond to being given the reins so it is thier IDEA and not ours. good luck but don't worry he won't go to college wearing a diaper. L.

Hi. My 3rd child did the same thing. I tried everything and he understood the process, but could not make it happen. My doctor told me not to push him. He just was not ready. She told me once a month try to wear underwear for the weekend, if he was capable of controlling himself he would pick up on it. If not go back to pullups for a month. And try again. I know what you are thinking the same thing I was. This is not the answer I want I just want him potty trained. Unfortunately it took us about 4 months of doing it that way. It did eventually work for us, and he was not as frustrated and neither was I. We just waited until he was ready.

Based on experience with my son, try using a sticker sheet and stickers as a positive reinforcement. For the first day, I brought him to the bathroom every 30-45 minutes. For the first week, bring him to the bathroom every hour, and then the following week, bring him every hour and a half to two hours. This will give you two a general idea as to how often he needs to use the bathroom and the time of day he usually has to poo. If he has accidents, don't change him until the next bathroom break. This will probably make him not want to have a wet/dirty underwear due to the feeling.