Potty Training - East Northport,NY

Hi Kristen,
First of all, hang in there!! I am in the same position as you right now. I have twin girls who just turned three. They are in underwear and in general are doing very well with potty training. But occasionally they do have accidents and there have even been days when one of them seems to completely forget how to use the potty! Just a few days ago she wet herself 4 times before lunch. But you do need to just stick with it, do not go back to diapers. Stay persistant so they know this is how it's going to be, they need to use the potty and that's it. I do believe the weekend thing is because her schedule is different. I find myself not as diligent with telling my girls to sit on the potty and they forget to go because things are more hectic, more people are home and exciting things are going on. I wouldn't worry too much, things will work out. Maybe you could try setting a timer for an hour to remind you and her to have her sit on the potty.
As for her holding it, I would definately try to relax on that issue. It sounds like a definate power struggle is in the making. Just set specific times for a "potty break". That's what I did with my girls when they started to fight me. Tell her it's time for a potty break and have her sit on a potty. If she sits for five minutes or for 30 seconds, leave it up to her. She will get tired of being wet and if she sees you are not making a big deal out of her not going, she will change. Just make a really big deal when she does go. This is what is working for me. We also do a star chart to help them see what a good job they are doing. Hopefully you will find something that works for you.
You are not alone!!! This is the hardest part, I think, and definately the part I absolutely hate! But it too will pass, just be strong and keep telling yourself, noone goes to high school in a pull-up! Good luck!

Hi K.,

At 3, I wouldn't present the toilet as a choice, it's simply what is expected and what you do at 3 years old. I wouldn't give the option of diapers - other than for naps/bedtime/long car ride. I would use the triple layer cloth training pants with the waterproof outer layer, which will absorb much of an accident. I would take her to the bathroom about every hour and a half. I would not force her to sit an extended period of time til she goes, 5 minutes is sufficient. Then if she pees in her pants, she's sitting in wet. Eventually (or really soon) she will figure out that it doesn't feel great to have a wet bottom. I don't believe in sticker charts and rewards - especially at 3 and over - because it reinforces the idea that this is something they are doing to please you and that they can choose to do or not do, rather than something that is simply expected behavior at this age.
Good luck

It's usually a control thing, both eating and elimination are things that we cannot force. I found that incentive worked better than pressure with My DD She's seven now but the summer she turned 3 she wanted to take swim lessons at camp but the kids had to be fully potty trained to go to the lessons. Try to think of big girl things that she'll be willing to prove herself a big girl to participate -- outings that you can't go to with diapers or change in case of accidents for example. It's best to think of things where you can show that she really can't go unless she is ptty trained because that way it is not your idea its just the way things are.

Hello. I have been potty training kids for 15 years in my preschool and the best advice I can give is to never go back to diapers. This only shows the child she one the battle over being able to control when she goes and if she goes. Children at this age bassically realize they do not have control over many situations .However they figure out very early on that there are only two things they can control, eating and going potty. Use a lot of encouragement. If your child has a favorite toy, activity or food use this as the reward for doing pp or poop. Start off offering the reward everytime she lets it go into the potty. Than as she gets better use stickers on a sticker chart and tell her when you do three pp on a potty you will get the prize. Than as she becomes more proud of her self increase the amount of times she must let it go on the potty before she recieves the prize. This worked for 90% of the children in my care. Remember the reward has to be somthig she does not get on a regular basis, ie. candy mmms or a toy or trip to Mcdonalds. Good luck and say no to the diaper or pull up and yes to success.

Sounds like you have created a power struggle. You can't force her to go or it will get worse. She knows that this is one thing she has total control over and she realizes that she has something over you now. Don't put her back in diapers but DON'T force her to go. Let her run around the house naked if she wants to. You can ask her if she wants to go every few hours, and if she says no, don't make a big deal. Yes, she will probably have accidents, but don't get upset or discipline her for it. Tell her it's ok, that everyone has accidents and ask her to tell you the next time she has to go. Just relax about it and she will decide in her own time.

Dear K.,

I own a pre-school and have potty trained hundreds of children. I once had a four year old who refused to train. He would sit in his chair and just urinate all over the floor. If you make an issue it will become a power struggle. So i would try to remain calm and persist. I WOULD NOT go back to diapers. She is old enough to know what she is doing. She could just be looking for the attention even if its negative. Have you tried a reward chart? I am not a believer of buying toys buy reward I mean a sticker chart. And maybe after five stickers she can go with mom and dad to the park, or for ice cream something that she enjoys doing with you and your husband that is fun. Try not to get angry, try not to scold. When she has an accident use little words just change her into new underwear and go about your business. Eventually when she realizes she is not getting any response she should give in and continue to go on the potty. I would get cloth training pants instead of regular underwear because they absorb more and saves you the big mess, yet they still feel like regular underwear. I know its hard but you can do this Good Luck!!!

I know you dont want to start over again, but my advice would be to just ignore it for now and start again in about a week or if she asks to go. You kind of have to trick her into thinking it's her idea. This is one of the only things you are not in control of and she knows that. No sense in stressing yourself out, just give all of you a break for a bit and try again at a later date.

I had the same problem with my son about a week into potty training. After the first week of being pretty good about going when I told him, he would flat out refuse. No matter what I did, I could not get him to sit on the toilet at all. He would scream, arch his back, stiffen his knees etc. I learned that that was his way of telling me that he really didn't have to go at that moment. We started letting him tell us when he had to go. I would ask him after an hour if he had to go and if he said no, I would wait a bit (maybe 15-30 minutes) and I would ask him again. I would remind him after every no that he needs to tell me when he has to go. When he had an accident, he had to completely change himself and if it was a lot and we were home, I made him take a shower to clean off. That got old really fast and after less than a week, he was having less and less accidents. I sometimes did/do have to make him sit, like when we are getting ready to leave the house or I know by the way that he's acting that he has to go, but it is a lot less than before and we don't have that power struggle that we had before when I tell him he has to go now. Good luck and don't give up. My son is VERY stubborn and it took over 3 months before I could say he was "trained." Stick with it, it really does get better.

I agree with NOT going back to diapers...with having accidents on the weekends...well yes it is that Daddy's home...not that it's him, but that the schedule is off during the weekend...I would come up with a schedule for her to go on the potty and I wouldn't make a big deal about it...after a while of being wet/messy...she'll go....when she wets herself, stay calm and have her take care of it...get new clothes and get dressed, putting the wet clothes in the wash...it gets old quick...she's old enough to do it and she's proven she can...she'll do it, give her a week or so.