My daughter is 2-1/2, she will be 3 in December. She can wear underwear and keep them dry for hours on end. She has definite control of her bladder and bowels. She knows when she has to go. The problem is she absolutely refuses to even sit on the potty. I have explained the concept and I know she understands it. I read her books, DVDs. I will ask her where does the peepee and poopoo go and she says in the potty, but everytime she has to go she says "Mommy I need a diaper" I have tried everything, even refusing to give her a diaper and telling her if you need to go, go in the potty, but she will hold it for hours and hours on end and then I dont think that can be good for her either. I feel as though she has mastered almost everything about potty training except the actual putting it in the potty part, which is really the main part. Just wondering if anyone else has had a similar issue????? By the way I have both a little potty for her and a potty seat that goes on the big potty, so whatever she likes more. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
make a behavior chart. Put up a sticker everytime she hit the potty prize after obtaining a certain # of stickers.
or dry out potty bowl and paint a bulls eye on the bottom. Make it a game.
Sounds to me like a simple solution ("sounds", I know... but...)
Just tell her (when the diapers run out) "We don't have any. You'll have to use the potty." Don't buy any more. The end.
(Let her get the last one out of the bag so she can SEE there are no more. )
---And don't go buy more the next day.
Tell her it's time to start putting her pee and poop into the potty, and "which one do you want to use?" Then do a pee-pee and poopy dance after she has success! Try not to pressure her about it, or ask her if she "wants to try it", just be matter-of-fact. If she is nervous about it, just ask her if she wants you to help her, or does she have any questions about what to do, or what it will be like, or does she want to be the one to flush? Just don't frame the idea of actually using it as optional!
A slightly different approach might be to tell her that WHEN they run out that's it, (so she can try it out BEFORE she has no choice) and offer a reward/incentive for using the potty -- you know, the sticker chart concept.
Good luck. Sounds like a smart kid!
Hi S.,
Get the book "Toilet Training in Less than a Day," by Azrin and Foxx. She has the prerequisites, she just needs to know what to do, but more importantly, what not to do and this book will teach that.
Have fun!
S.
My daughter is three and has always been a late bloomer. She did not take a step until her first birthday and that day ran around like she'd been doing it for years! She didn't talk, no baby talk no funny sounds, just one day started with half sentences like "put my shoe on?" So it should have been no surprise to me that potty training should be the same. But I was surprised and worried and upset, but I shouldn't have been. My mom kept saying "don't push her, when she's ready she's ready!" I really should have listened, because just like everything else one day we had some children her age over. One of the little girls was potty trained and asked me to go potty. Sure enough Arielle decided she needed to go potty too and that was the end of diapers (except at bed!!! which she's getting better at that now too)! Moral of the story is...there's no sense in pushing...you've DONE all that YOU can do...the rest is up to your daughter ...she will NOT be wearing diapers forever haha...so you can probably relax and let nature take it's course...But trust me I know that can be hard to do :) Good Luck!
You have a lot of good advice already, but I'll share my experience as well. All of the research I had done on this issue were in agreement: if there is a power struggle, give the power to the child and they will do it on their own when they are ready. Well...all the experts also say that every child is different. I gave my son the power to choose when he was ready and he was perfectly fine wearing pull ups forever. I wish I was exaggerating, believe me. I tried all of the ideas that have been given to you and nothing worked. Hopefully your daughter will not be so stubborn. I even went so far as to buy the smaller size so they would feel too tight! At age 4,(yes, age 4) his father finally put his foot down and said no more. He was potty trained within 2 days. One thing that may have helped was that, if he HAD to do it, he decided to do it while all alone in the bathroom. (demanding privacy) He got his control back that way I guess.... Well, you are not alone and if you have any questions, let me know. Good luck!
With my oldest two (girls) I basically got them all used to the idea of using the potty, and then one day, starting as soon as we woke up, I said "Today is the day you will start using the potty! Aren't you excited?? You are a BIG GIRL today!!" Not, "do you want to" or "lets try" just "Today is the day!" We sat on the potty ALL DAY LONG. I brought a radio in, books, snacks, whatever I could think of. She would ask to get up, but I would tell her we were waiting on her to pee pee in the potty, and as soon as she did she could get up. She would hold it and tell me she didn't have to go, or couldn't, and I was very kind but firm about not getting up until she used the potty. Finally she couldn't hold it anymore and peed, and we all jumped up cheering and clapping and hugging her, telling her what a big girl she was and now she knows how to use the potty. I had some plain training panties for that initial potty training, but as soon as she went three times in the potty, I took her shopping for whatever panties she wanted.
We still used pullups at night, until again, one day, I just said "We are ALL OUT of night time diapers, so now it's time to start sleeping in your big girl panties." I explained that I would leave the bathroom light on, and they could get up anytime they needed to use the toilet and they wouldn't get in trouble. Never had a problem.
My son, on the other hand, was a different stry. He knew he was SUPPOSED to use the toilet, but he refused. He hated it. He would cry and beg for a diaper, and end up having an accident in the floor if I told him no. I tried all the same methods I used with the girls and no luck. I was desperate, so I made a "potty chart" and bought some stickers, and hung it up next to the toilet. I told him every time he used the potty he could put a sticker in the square. And just like that, he started using the potty. To this day I am not sure why it made such a difference to him, but it did.
I hope you can figure out what works for your little one! I know it is frustrating.
Why don't you get her a doll baby that drinks from a bottle and wets and then have her show her baby how to use the potty. Every time the baby uses the little potty you can have your daughter reward her with a sticker on a chart. Then maybe you can let her earn a sticker too.
I trained my younger son at the same time as his older brother and the little one picked it up at the same time. Soon they were going together to see who could peepee the longest.
Gummy worms worked for us. A friend of ours took small toys and gift wrapped them, put them in a basket on the back of the potty and told her child that everytime they went they got a toy. The hard part is making them forget about the toys once they are fully potty trained - I just tell my son that he's 3 now and doesn't need it. It's now expected that he does it and he hasn't reverted.
My son (now 3 1/2) did the same thing! Especially for # 2 he would request a diaper. I was frustrated and thought I needed to do something to teach him, but he eventually did it on his own at about 2 1/2. Once he decided he could do it he never went back. He didnt' like the idea of sitting since he was so used to standing in a diaper. I put some special books (including one called THE POOP BOOK, which was a big hit) in the bathroom and as long as he was sitting on the potty we would read them. It took a long time for him to relax enough to urinate, and conversely longer for him to concentrate enough to make a bowel movement. I guess my advise would be not to stress and to get her comfortable on the potty. It's also great, as you said to give her a choice of the big potty or little potty.
One other thing I did which helped was to comment to him very overly sweetly when changing his diaper that his bum was a little red or ask him if it was sore from going in his diaper. I told him in a very sympathetic/poor baby way that his "big boy poop and peepee" wasn't like baby poop and was not supposed to go in a diaper and therefor made his bum sore. I would offer him desitin or something to make it better (although there really was nothing wrong). He did not like the baby association at all especially since I was really acting like I was babying him. A little reverse psychology never hurt... I am convinced that was part of why he made the cold turkey switch.
Good luck! She'll come around!
If she is refusing to use the potty--you need to bump up the rewards system. Potty training is a series of steps that a child needs to learn, which include using the potty--so break those steps down and reward her for accomplishing each step.
Here an example of the steps:
Telling you she needs to go
Going into the bathroom
getting undressed
sitting on the potty
using the potty
flushing the toilet
getting dressed
washing her hands
If you reward her for each step, you will set her up with many successes with the entire process (instead of one failure for the both of you) and both of you can get excited again about the potty. Buy a bunch of stickers and start giving her one every time she accomplishes any of these steps! You can make a chart with each step or just simply give her one every time she does a step (my son loved to wear the stickers)--or both--one goes on the chart and one goes to her.
There is a great book I got when we were having some potty training issues, and it's really one of the best books I've read regarding potty training--and it's not even that long--called The Pocket Idiot's Guide to Potty Training Problems
http://www.amazon.com/Pocket-Idiots-Training-Problems-Gui...
It really deals with little bumps (and big bumps) in the road of potty training that so many other books don't address and gives clear positive ways to handle them. I highly recommend reading it--you will get some great ideas and she'll be potty trained in no time!
Dear S.,
I have a preschool and we potty train 5-10 little children a year. My suggestion is to continue with training pants and give her lots of water to drink. Your situation is not unusual, and this too will pass.
I have had very similar situations here at school. Many times a Mother and I have had to have a "conference" with the child and discuss that the time is up and to be a big girl, she must use the potty, diapers or the passifier will no longer be allowed at this school(child was 3). She was using the potty the next day and took her passifier home, and the power struggle was over. Of course, this child was slightly annoyed with me!
Remember who is the parent and who is the child. Children can be very strong willed, but I'm sure you don't want a 4 year old in diapers. (I've seen this, too)
Best regards,
Ms. K.
I own an in home daycare and I too am helping a three old boy. He used to refuses to go unless I asked him every 45 min or so. We also went to a website with free help www.kidskandoo.com. They allow you to design a special sticker chart with your child's name on it and you can reward them with their favorite characters in sticker form. We've been open for a little over a year and so far it works great. This boy now goes on his own.
I hope this helps!
D.Snider
Hi, Suzanne. Well, I think it's time to ask her why she doesn't like the potty. Maybe she's afraid of the hole she has to sit on. Maybe some idiot told her that the "toilet monster" will come up and grab her while she's sitting there. You'd be surprised how many kids have been scared this way. My own sisters used to torment me this way, and it took me many years of my childhood to stop being afraid of the toilet bowl. Even as a teenager, I could not go to the bathroom in the dark in the middle of the night. I finally realized that I was scared of absolutely nothing; however, I still have a weird distaste for plumbing, drains, and stuff like that. OK, sorry, that's probably too much information, but the way I was tormented was very traumatizing, and I wish kids would stop scaring each other this way. ( :
Seriously, ask her, very calmly, very sweetly, very patiently, and see if she can tell you what she doesn't like about it. Maybe if she HAS been teased about the toilet monster, you can give her a special little teddy bear or tiger or lion to protect her while she's on the potty. Maybe a toy gun or a squirt gun would do it. Maybe if she believes it's a water monster, she should have a dolphin to protect her, as dolphins are believed to be protectors of people in the water. Maybe Spongebob Squarepants? Find out what she likes and what would make her comfortable.
You would be really, really surprised what little ones get scared of! A little conter-fantasy can be very helpful.
Peace,
Syl
A friend of mine potty trained her daughter by having a spot outside where she would go and stand/squat if she needed to go and wouldn't use the potty. Once her daughter got used to going in a particular spot, it was fairly easy to move that spot to the potty. I think it took 4 months to make the complete transition from diaper to spot outside to potty. It was especially amusing to see her standing in the rain pooping, because she was determined NOT to use the potty. Over time, she realized potty was much more comfortable than standing in a corner in the backyard. With either potty you use make sure that you daughter can plant her feet firmly on the floor. Children have trouble relaxing their muscles enough to go if they can't place their feet firmly on the floor or a stool.
