Potty Training - West Palm Beach,FL

Hi D.,
Get the book "Toilet Training in Less than a Day," by Azrin and Foxx. Since he already knows what to do, focus on the "potty practices" which teach him what not to do. Practicing going potty and wet pants are NO FUN! Once he learns that, you're home free (plus you won't need candy anymore.
Good luck,
S.

I hate to say it, but if he is not pulling his own pants up and down, then he is not completely potty trained during the day. Even my 20 month old will pee and poop in the potty if I put him there, but he is nowhere near potty trained yet. It can be quite a lengthy process, I know, and your little guy is still in the process. Let him know he does not earn a candy unless he does the entire thing by himself, including undressing and dressing himself, flushing and washing his hands. Some kids take longer than others, but a good clue for when they are truly ready is if they stay dry all night and go to the potty on their own in the morning. At that point you know he is capable and you can eliminate diapers altogether (yes, even at night). As for the candy, once the process is complete, he WILL stop asking for a candy every time. Going to the potty will just be a part of life, and when he's done, he will just go back to whatever he is doing. He is not quite there yet, but sounds like he is close. Keep up the good work.

My boys are 4 and 2 now but we did go through what you are when my older one was 3. I do agree with the other mamas that this will pass as it did in my house. As the older one gets better at handling "sharing mommy", the regression will lessen.

One thing I did was when I knew that I would have to handle the 2 kids for a day without Daddy, was talk to the bigger one before the day and warn him what was coming up and letting him know how I was going to be relying on him to step into Daddy's shoes. I tried to make it a big deal that he was going to be a big man. I would remind him as often as possible before the day and all through the day. It worked most of the time, but he would have some moments in there.

As far as getting them off the treats. We didn't use treats, but had a reward system using cotton balls. Once the cotton balls filled the container up to the line, he got to go to the store to pick out a toy. But each time we completed it, I would raised the bar higher and higher to be able to get a cotton ball. First it was just going potty. Then potty and pulling up pants. Then potty, pulling up pants, and flushing. Then all 3 plus washing hands. Then all 4 and turning off the bathroom light. That's as far as I got with the older one before he no longer needed to be bribed to go potty.

I used the gold star method instead of candy. So many stars and then a treat was given. Which doesn't have to be candy. It can be going to the store and getting a small toy, ice pop, renting a movie, going to the park. The best part is you choose how many stars need to be accumulated. Make a chart and let him put the stars on it. You can change the reward each time and tell him upfront what he's working towards. That helped me. Good luck.

Hi D.,

I feel as though I could of written almost the exact same request for help. I also have a 3 year old boy who is regressing on the potty because I am busy with his 4 month old brother. Isn't it hard not to get upset with them over an accident when you know that they know better? I hope you get some good helpful tips. You are so funny about the dentures! Take care and I wish us both luck!

The defiance issue, I can't help with.
You might consider making HIM pulling his own pants down and up as part of the requirement to earn the candy..
As for the candy, just be patient. He will get tired of it. What are you using? When it is gone, "forget" to buy more for a day or so.. buy a smaller bag, buy a variety bag.. so that there will be a flavor he doesn't like also.. when the "good" ones are gone.. don't buy more. Just keep offering the "yucky" ones and he'll quit asking. Also, if he is really good about using the potty.. spend some time away from home and conveniently "forget" to bring the candies along...

My son loved getting to choose a lifesaver each time... but after a while... it wasn't THAT big of a thrill. And of course, we only had the banana flavor left and he happened to like the green apple... LOL. Trust me, he will NOT be still asking for candy a year from now. You will find that he wants to get back to whatever activity he was involved in prior to using the potty and forgets...
And Mom, remember... you can always take the bag of candy and remove some of them after he goes to bed at night. He will not notice that there are a few less in the bag. But the bag will empty faster so you can forget to buy more... :)

Wow-it seems like you have your hands full!
If you think he is peeing in his pants to get attention, then you to make sure you gie him NO REACTION at all when he does this. Negative reinforcement can act like positive reinforcement--especially with potty training. Say nothing--just get him changed and cleaned up and have him help as much as he can.
As far as the reward system, I would keep it going until he's gone at least an entire week without accidents.
I would also suggest changing it up a bit maybe and making it a sticker chart where he earns so many stickers (5? 10? up to you) and THEN gets a piece of candy or some other rewards....
Good luck, an just try to remain patient and calm with him.

This WILL pass, I promise you. We have just dealt with the same issue. My son is 3 and was fully potty trained, then all of a sudden, went backwards and would pee in his pants if he got mad at us or when we would put him in time out. Then it also got to be he would have accidents because he was too busy playing and did not want to stop playing in order to go to the potty. Don't go backwards and put him back in diapers or pull ups. It took a few weeks of us constantly cleaning up after him, but he is now over the last 1-2 weeks had only 1 or 2 accidents.
Just keep being consistent, look for the signs and physically take him to the potty if he does show signs of needing to go. We never chastised him for having an accident because we did not want him to have a negative association with going potty. We would just keep reminding him that he is supposed to use the potty and not the floor!!
I know it seems like it won't happen, it certainly seemed that way for me, but it is finally happening for us, so it will for you!!
(PS - we never did the candy treat thing, but you could give him an M&M for every time he uses the potty and not the floor, and then when this gets to be more consistent, drop it down to getting candy when he has had a full day of no accidents as a way of reducing the amount of candy he gets).

D.,
My son was almost three when our baby was born and he did the same thing. It's all about attention! Jacob sees you changing Hayden's diapers and spending that time with him and he thinks he'll get your attention by peeing every where. My son even had poop accidents during this time. And it was the worst two weeks of my life, so I thought at the time. I did however live through it. My advice is, DO NOT put him in diapers. When he has an accident do not yell that shows him that he got your attention, just throw a towel over the mess, clean it up and change him very quickly with no talking at all. He will soon see that peeing isn't getting him the attention that he wants and he will stop. You are going to have to let him help with the baby as much as possible. Obviously when daddy came home he wanted his attention and that's when the whole debacle started. Make sure that both of you are giving him a little bit of one on one attention time. They'll get your attention any way possible.

Hi D.

Well, misery loves company...that's about all I can offer. I'm going through the same exact thing you are with my son, Joshua. He'll be 3 in December. We also have an 8-month-old baby. I'm guessing that the "accidents" are attention getters. These guys have been through a lot with their new siblings. Also, Daddy isn't around so much b/c he's working, so the boys are acting out to let us know they want more attention and they are mad. Patience and love are best route, I think.

As to the treats, I'm finding that Joshua asks less and less for his M&Ms. I would just continue giving the treats for now and, in time, he won't ask anymore. Or, change the treat to something healthier and tell him the store ran out of that candy.

Good luck!!

Dear D.,

it appears your 3 yr old needs more attention and reassurance that you love him just as much as the new baby.

Alot of children experience the same when they think the new sibling is now taking mom and dad away.

Please pray for patience. I also pulled my hair out with two kids and please beleive me when I tell you I regret
every tantrum I had.

The only strategy that works like a charm in any crises is
self-control and kindness, even if your having internal
anger-convultions.

God Bless you for reaching out to us moms that have been there and wish we had conquered the negativity that anger
causes all involved. D.

I've never used candy as a reward. I use those Gerber gummy snacks found in the baby section of your local grocery store. I only give ONE treat (not the whole bag) for a reward and I do NOT give those gummy "treats" for any other reason but for potty training so that they are ONLY associated with potty training. I'd stop the candy. Switch to the gummy treats (healtier) or use small stickers. I would say that your son is peeing for attention.

as a preschool teacher, i would see a lot of this, particularly when a new baby came into the picture. i agree with what the mom before said, that jacob sees the baby getting all this attention for diaper time and misses that spotlight. you can rest assured that he will get potty trained...he won't be a pants-wetting grown-up! he's just feeling a bit shuffled to the bottom of the deck now. what we would suggest to families going through this is: start the day normally with underwear, but if he pees in them, matter-of-factly (no big attention..."oh, i see you wet your pants, i guess you have to wear a diaper now") put him back into a diaper. when he soils his diaper, point out how uncomfortable that must feel..."oh, i see your diaper's all wet. doesn't that feel yucky on your skin? daddy and i dont like having pee in our pants, so we use the potty. hayden's not big enough to go, so she has to wear diapers, but we all get to go in the toilet!" then give him the option of getting back into underwear, or choosing a diaper again. of course, when he uses the potty, praise big and point out how much more comfortable that is. don't push the "big boy" thing, because he might be wishing he was still the baby. be sure to baby and cuddle him in many other ways, so he gets that attention when he's not pee-soaked, and the power is removed from the diaper situation. you know he's already capable, he's just vying for your attention, so just give it to him in other ways! dont stress the diapers, they're easier for everyone right now and when he's ready, he'll ditch them.
good luck :)

D., hey...take a deep breath. Yes, he's doing it out of anger. You're right. But he's just 3 years old. He's got a brand new sister. He's no longer the only child, the baby of the family. He's still trying to adjust to life as the firstborn, not the baby. Little sister gets to pee in her diaper, so why can't he get that kind of attention anymore that you lavish on her while you change her diaper?

Before you try any techniques to alter his potty behavior, try finding a way to give him more attention that is not potty-related or discipline-related in any way whatsoever. You can TELL him he is loved just as much as he was before baby sis came along, but he's not going to understand, accept or FEEL this until he gets something tangible out of it. Get him feeling more loved and adored again, then when he's calmed down, try to gently remind him that big boys (like Daddy) all use the potty and don't pee on themselves.

And hey -- if candy will get him peeing and pooping in the potty again, give it to him! Pick your battles. You can try working in a different kind of treat if you are afraid of the sugar. Does he like cheese doodles? Yogurt bites? Fruit? Little cheap party favor toys like plastic cars? These come in blister packs of 4 or 6. A couple of these cheapo toy packs will last a couple of days, and if you vary the kinds of rewards he might get -- surprise him, in other words -- he will seekt the reward more frequently just to see what he will get next.

Get some help with the laundry, etc. The kids themselves are way more important than anything else.

Remember the poem they used to give all new moms? It ends with the lines,

"...and children grow up, I've learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs; dust, go to sleep!
I'm rocking my baby, and babies don't keep."

Your boy is crying out for attention, and that's not a bad thing. He's using the one thing that seems to be most important to you right now -- the potty -- because he can't tell you in words.

So go easy on yourself. Kids' maturity isn't a straight line. They progress forward, they regress backward. Then they go forward again. We adults have similar cycles. It's a human thing.

Peace & cyber hugs,
Syl