Potty Training 101 Help Please

My son was at daycare three days a week. He was interested at using the potty at home but not at school. Instead of fight it we had underwear days (weekends and any weekday I was with him) and pull-up days (daycare days). This worked for us because he didn't fight the underwear days because he knew he was going to have a pull-up day soon. I know it doesn't seem that logical and even at the time I thought it wasn't a great system. However, it worked really well. Once he was confidant at home he eased into using the potty at school too.

Hey there - buy, read, digest and use Happiest Toddler on the Block. It has very solid advice on all toddler topics, including potty training. It worked with my special needs, language and concept delayed three year old (who didn't know the meaning of word on,in, etc - very important for you know sitting on the potty and peeing in it). If it worked for him, it can work for anyone.
Key to success - reward the sitting on the potty (not the pee or poop). Give stickers (or your choice of reward, we went with chocolate chips) for sitting, whether they produce anything or not. It keeps it all positive, all the trying is rewarded. Eventually, they have success, at which point, you act casual and say "awesome sweetie, let's wash your hands and get your prize." Like they have been doing this forever. This system doesn't rely on being naked all day. It relies on the caregiver inviting the kid to sit on the potty occasionally. Once they start to use the potty, you invite them more frequently.
Good luck - and I can't recommend that book enough.

I'm sorry, I don't think what I have to say will be what you want - I would tell you to wait until he is very ready, and showing you signs of such. You don't need to "potty train him" as much as you need to facilitate his "potty learning". When he's really ready, he'll demand it. I know boys usually learn later than girls, but even still, I think 2.5 is a bit early...then again, I don't know your child. :)

Just let him watch you use the potty - explain WHY you do it - and how it's cleaner, healthier, and easier to use the toilet than to wear diapers. Do you use cloth or disposable? Cloth diapers tend to make it easier for them to make the transition, because cloth helps them feel the wet against their skin. That way they really do know when they've gone, and can tell you they don't like it and need to get cleaned up.

Good Luck with this, and with your impending baby!

Hi - i am a mother of 3 (ages:7,2(almost 3)and 15mos.) Now i don't know if I should really be giving advice because it took me forever to potty train my oldest (a boy) and now my second was virtually completely trained and has now completely reverted back to diapers. But someone just told me that they were using a puppet. Everytime they asked their child to go he said no but if the puppet suggested it he was very excited. I was going to try it. I think that the teachers at daycare will have an easier time then you will at home. But that is usually how it always it. The children are more interested in testing boundries and pushing limits at home with their parents. At daycare there are possibly other children that are interested in it too and there is more of a routine. So don't worry so much about what goes on there, just speak to your childs teacher and let them know that you want to start trying and gain their support. I think the biggest mistake i made with my oldest was that I felt a lot of pressure and put that on him. It became a tug of war and a battle of wills. I am trying not to do that this time around but now my second son has completely regressed. So maybe I'm not much help.ALthough I have to say I am not as misserable this time. I really don't care so much that he is still in diapers. If your son likes to be in control and he knows that you feel a pressure to get him in underpants before his sibling comes it may be a recipie for disaster. Maybe give yourself a break and think of it as if he is out of diapers before the baby great but if not, oh well. A lot of times they regress anyway when the new baby comes. Other tricks I have used are: sticker chart, candy rewards, and trying to pee on the cherrio. Don't be nervous. No one ever goes to H.S. not potty trained so it will happen. Trust your instincts because you are the expert on your kids. Sorry I went on and on, I hope there is something useful in here and good luck. K.

Hi L.,
I will try to be as succinct as possible, so if I gloss over something and you have a question, please feel free to get back in touch and I will try to explain better.
First, determine whether or not he is truly ready. Yes, it would seem to be easier to deal with a new baby if the older one is trained, but the last thing you want is for him to regress when the baby comes. We approached the issue for almost two years with our older child, but she was very resistant. Doctor told us not to worry until she was 5--she was 22 months when Santa left her a potty, but was finally trained at 3 1/2 years. I wanted her trained before our second one was born (first just turned 3), but also didn't want her to "forget" once the baby needed our attention. So we left the potty out, but didn't push the issue. I really didn't mind having two sets of diapers to change--it really wasn't that bad.

When she turned 3 1/2, though, I felt it was time. The baby was almost 6 months, so it seemed like a decent time to try. She resisted like mad, but through trial and error we figured it out. Here is what worked:
I took one solid week when everything was devoted to this. She was naked during all waking hours of the day. Every time she went on the potty, she received a Hershey's Kiss--until she figured out to go a very little bit a lot of times to get more chocolate!!! Then that was only for poopy and stickers were for peeing. I also made up a stupid little song that I would sing every time she used the potty. We eventually graduated to the "big girl" potty and used the chocolate/stickers again to get her to use the regular toilet. The first few days were impossible, but she started to get the idea. I ended up keeping her naked for 2 weeks rather than 1, but it worked. This was recommended to me by others, and also to do it in summer when she could play outside and not make a mess inside--unfortunately. I picked a week when it was cool and rainy, even though it was August. SHe also began only going when I started to nurse the baby, so I would say that I was nursing, she would run, and I would go help--before I actually nursed. I had been right (as far as she was concerned) about her thinking that the baby was taking away attention that she wanted.

Please let me make this clear--I have never been one to condone bribes like chocolate and stickers--until I could find no other solution. I was at a loss. After days of trying, I had my husband bring them home to see if it would possibly work. It wasn't a magic charm, but did help the situation.

So here is my advice--if you can take one to two weeks to devote to this endeavor, that would be great. No worries about daycare or your MIL. If not, check with the daycare to see what they recommend. If you and the daycare are on a similar track, you can tell your MIL what the plan is and ask her to follow it as well.

By the way--congratulations on the newest addition to your family! They are so much work, but so well worth it!

Hi L.~ I am having difficulty with my son too. I know that rewards and praise work. Good luck to you. Sometimes the preschool/daycare helps kids potty train.
C.

Hi!

I found it very easy to p/t my three kids... still in the process with # 3 who isn't quite 2 yet. What has worked for us is giving choices, this gives the control to the child. Starting with the introduction to the potty (big & little); let him join you to see that you (both) use the potty; (we sat our son until he was tall enough to pee without having to tip toe), we started all of them facing the back of the "big" toilet and they changed when they were ready; when we visit or travel I try to take the small potty with us allowing for a choice "would you like to try grammie's potty???" Then, "Today, would you like to wear your diaper or big boy undies?" (Another choice and I would save this one for home & MIL if she doesn't mind!) My kids needed to strip naked at first, it was quite comical.

Enjoy this milestone. Don't rush, don't pressure him or yourself. It will happen! And remember, it is perfectly normal to be doing really well, then regress, only to shine again! But it always works in the end!

Traveling with a potty on board= no worries about public toilets; It keeps you on track and you can stop anywhere, not just rest stops! Line with a plastic bag (grocery, Wal-mart,...) for easy and quick clean up; bring along baby wipes and disinfecting wipes and hand sanitizer.

Best wishes! K

I tried initiating the toilet training of my daughter in time for my second child to be born, and every attempt was a complete disaster until she herself decided she was ready. Then it took one day, no joke. I ended up having two children in diapers for about 8 months, and it was really no problem. If you force toilet training on a child who is about to become a big sibling, it may all reverse itself when the baby comes anyway. I would recommend talking it up, describing how incredibly cool it is to use a big boy toilet and how annoying diapers are and how he'll never have to wear them again after he learns to use the potty, and then let him come to it himself.

I agree with the others. Make sure he is ready. I spent a year of my life working on potty training my son who obviously wasn't ready. He was my first. Most of my friends who had multiple kids told me to give it up, when he was ready, he would go. They were SO right. It was like clockwork for him. I think about all that time i wasted working on it. Videos, books, m and m's! He was 3 1/2 and one day he decided, no more diapers and hasn't worn one since. A few accidents here and there..but nothing major. I still put a pull up on him at night, but he tells me he doesn't need it and usually he does wake up dry. I need to get him a mattress pad, etc..so that is my fault.
So, maybe he's not as ready as you were thinking..that's exactly what happened to me. And having the new baby in the house might make him regress a little anyways. I would let it go for now. Make the potty available to him if he wants to try it...then once everyone is adjusted with the new arrival, try it again.
Good luck!

Hi L.,

One thing I learned with my son is that you can't force them to go on the potty and the more you push the less likely they are to do it. That's the one thing in their life (besides what they eat maybe) that they can control. You can try making a big deal of him when he does go on the potty with charts and stickers and little prizes. Maybe have some big toy be an incentive that he'll earn when he goes on the potty all the time and wears underwear all the time. It may or may not work. My second child was born when my son was 2 1/2 and I wanted him to be potty trained by then - it didn't happen. My son was 4! At that point it was just ridiculous and he was old enough to understand everything. So I told him that when he turned 4 we were throwing out his diapers and he could only wear underwear. The first day didn't go very well. He didn't poop at all and he kept peeing on the floor. But that was it. After that 1 day he was fine and never looked back. He had a couple of accidents here and there and he still wears a pull up at night. For a while I was at my wits end I didn't know what to do, I tried so many things and it was frustrating and discouraging. But now - a year and a half later - I barely remember him in diapers. Just tell yourself that no matter how hard it is he won't be graduating high school in diapers. It will work itself out and he'll do it when he's ready, but it might not be exactly when you had it planned. From a lot of the things that I've read, if the parents work full time they should actually plan a specific week to potty train and take that week out of work and that's what they devote the whole week to. That might not be a possibility for you, but maybe a long holiday weekend or something. The key is getting them in a routine with the potty before they're going to different places. I wish you all the best.

Jen

My daughter will be 3 in Feb and just got potty trained a few months ago. I had been "trying" for about 6 months. She wasn't interested at all. I would just leave her diaper off for a whole day-usually a crappy rainy day so I wouldn't feel badly about her not being outside. She used to SCREAM because she didn't want to go on her potty. I did it maybe twice a month-if that-and one day she just started using it. She's had 2 accidents including the day I tried to train her for the last time. He'll do it when he's ready. Boys also tend to be older than girls. I know it'll be easier for you when the new baby comes if he's trained but chances are he'll probably regress anyway after his little sibling is born. He'll do it when he's ready so don't be worried!
Good luck!

Potty traing is quite easy if you wait until they're ready. My son trained completely in less then a week after I brought his baby sister home from the hospital. Seeing those little diapers on an infant made him realize he wanted to be a big boy. We also offered an incentive of a prize for going on the regular toilet & we only used the potty for couple of days. It may work for you. We had tried the schedule thing prior to that & it really just trains the adults. lol

To be perfectly honest i wouldnt' push it. The more you push it the longer it will take. Here is what i did with my daughter. I had her run around in underpants when we were at home and pull-ups or a diaper when we were out. We made a big deal when she actually went pee-pee in the potty -- but didn't make a big deal out of it when she had an accident. I also didn't push her using the potty. If she felt like it-fine-if not that was fine too. We did, however, talk about it a lot. It was strange... one day, about 2 months before she turned three she just got it. Poof. It was then we could start to make short ventures in underpants outside the house. She turned three last Sunday and we still havne't gone poo poo in the potty yet and we still use pull-ups for longer car trips or trips where there is no bathroom in the imediate area and, yes, we still do have accidents but they are few and far between.

But.. to be perfectly honest it was easier with her in diapers. Her bladder lasts about 20 seconds and it seems like every single place we go to we need to use the bathroom! It's a royal pain in the neck -- not to mention icky. Anotehr problem is I have to drag my 20 month old and my big ole pregnant belly along in those little stall along with us! ugh! :)

good luck!

You cannot make a child potty train. They can only potty train when their bodies are ready. Keep trying but just realize it cannot be something you make happen on your time table.