Potty or Bust....

My g/friend and I were just talking about this today! My son is 3 1/2 and literally just started PT the last few weeks. We had a lot of false starts, but finally some smart mama's on this site told us to let it go for awhile-he wasn't emotionally ready. Totally true. It all started with us letting him play outside naked so he could see himself pee. Then one day I caught him pulling open his diaper to watch himself pee and we were off to the races.

I really didn't care that he wasn't PT till now, but I know subconciously the only reason I pushed him a few times over the last year is because of the gma's. "is he PT yet", "Are you going to Potty on Gma's potty".."you kids were all PT by the time you were 2"...blah, blah... so even tho I pretended I was ignoring them I actually wasn't. I mean-why was having your kid PT by two viewed as some mommy milestone in the 50-60's-that I was supposed to still live up too!

So in a nutshell-don't stress over it. Just talk about it a lot and watch for ready cues and go from there.

BIG suggestion. Wait until your daughter WANTS to use the potty. She's only on the leading edge of the success spectrum – many, many children don't get there till many months later.

All this energy you're investing now sounds great, and mostly positive, but she may not yet have learned how to recognize urges. If you are putting too much of YOU into the process, you could keep distracting your daughter from those subtle sensations inside that SHE needs to connect with before potty training can be a success. Once she's truly ready, and this occurs at different times for different kids, the process may take only a few days.

Readiness is physical AND emotional. Until both are established, training will just go on, and on, and on. Sometimes that ends up sabotaging emotional readiness.

Here's a wonderful, informative website you might find helpful. It gives a few variations on"readiness" checklists, plus tips on various training strategies, the best ages to start them, and the advantages and disadvantages of each approach: http://www.parentingscience.com/toilet-training-readiness...

My 2.5 yr old picked out the little cheer singing potty and would sing and play around the potty but didn't want to consistently use it (this was 6 months ago) and she didn't want to keep diapers on. I just stopped taking her.

No pressure at all. She'd watch elmo's potty dvd when SHE wanted to.
One day she came up to me after watching elmo's potty time and said mommy I wanna use the potty. After that she's just been in potty overdrive. She wants to sit on it for 10 mins every 30 mins lol. I give her praise, tell her what a big girl she's being but I don't do physical rewards (stickers, treats), I heard it turns it into a game. Either way, her reward from me is I said if she puts her pee and poop in the potty I will get her big girl underwear like mommy and she is excited about that. It doesn't work for every child, some need the underwear for motivation to use the potty. I think the more casual approach works more than making a big deal out of it :) as in pressure, what you've done is very positive and awesome, I think for her to use it your going to have to step back and let her tell you. A week in my daughter wanted to use the big potty instead of the little one so I went and got her a stool and potty seat attachment and she uses the big potty.

I have a strong-willed daughter and it worked on her :)

A friend's daughter was transformed when she watched this. Not sure what clicked, but it suddenly did! Your library may even have it. :)
Once Upon a Potty For Her dvd

My guy is a little younger, 26 months, and we are in Day 5 of PT. I made the mistake of letting him watch the Pull-ups DVD, ( I sent for it before I decided we weren't going to use pull-ups) because he liked hearing and doing the "Potty Dance." But even after he picked out his froggy potty (the ones that sang or flushed scared him) he just wanted to dance around it, lol : ) So I put training on the back burner a couple of weeks and we stopped watching the DVD.

He knows what "pee" and "poop" mean, he has a distinctive look when getting ready to poop, and he was taking off his diaper, all signs he is ready to train, which is what is recommended. The potty has been sitting out for him to sit on whenever he wanted, so he wouldn't be afraid of it, and Sunday morning I said "We're going to sit on the potty and try to pee or poop," and his reaction was "No!" I said, yes, and let's watch Arnold (his teddy bear) use the potty. I praised Arnold and my guy picked him up and said something like "Arnold use the potty" and then sat down. And got up, and sat down repeatedly, but I kept talking to him, directing him back to the potty, giving him books, and showing him his cute new underwear that he'll be able to wear when he starts telling me he has to go potty. He gets a sticker ~ I got the book "Big Boys Use the Potty" on Amazon.com, which includes a sticker rewards book and stickers, and it's also available for girls, too ~ each time he uses the potty, and got a Teddy Bear one when he first went pee on Day 1 and pooped on Day 4. I like that this book shows an actual boy sitting on the potty, not drawings or cartoons, as does the girl's version.
http://www.amazon.com/Big-Girls-Use-Potty-Publishing/dp/0...

He has used the potty each day to pee at least once, and it is getting easier to get him to sit. Today when I took his diaper off he said, "The potty chair." and I said yes and he went and sat down. He went pee pee and then I could see he needed to poop and he was using incredible strength to hold it in, legs locked together at the knees, teeth clenched, buttocks tighter than a drum. I said, "Oh, good, you're going poopie!" and he said "No!" I immediately pushed down on his thighs firmly enough so he couldn't clench and he pooped almost instantaneously. (I don't ever want him to hold it in and suffer like the little ones I've read about here.) He jumped up when he'd finished, i praised him profusely, and he was quite proud of himself, whereas he'd been embarrassed the first time yesterday. Hopefully he'll remember next time that it's OK to poop in the potty : )

My point in telling you our story is that it will take some time, possibly anywhere from 3 to 6 months to get your daughter fully day trained, night training will more than likely take longer, though girls are somewhat easier to train overall. (I've trained both.) Plan on being consistent to see results, even if it seems it's taking forever. Right now you want to teach her that the potty is where she's to go rather than in her diaper, that she needs to stay seated for at least 5 minutes "to try" and if you have to tape her diapers on when you want them on her, tape them! Try wrapping the tape around at least once and fastening in the back, it's harder for them to undo, and hopefully she'll get the message and leave the tape and diapers alone. I had to resort to onesies myself, and it's hard to find them in 3T :-/ But we stopped trying to take our diapers off, even when that's all we have on, whew! : )

Set regular times tor her to sit, in the morning after breakfast, then at regular intervals throughout the day so she becomes used to doing it. Have her sit in from of a favorite TV show so her mind is not solely focused on the potty and she relaxes, that helped us. I'm trying to teach my guy it's a normal thing to do, that we all have to do it. Use the bathroom yourself when she's sitting so she sees it's not just her.

Rewards and treats don't work for all children, my guy loves stickers so he's more apt to try so he can get one. (I don't recommend M & M's or other candy as a reward myself, because i don't like to associate food with cooperation.) Sometimes going to the store and picking out new underwear to wear once they are in the habit of going potty is an incentive, (you can show her the panties while she's sitting and tell her she'll get to wear them when she starts using the potty) others benefit from seeing their peers use the potty so if you have friends with trained children spend some time together, have books that show children on the potty, if she wants to go to preschool play that up, "You have to go potty by yourself if you want to go to school, " etc. The one thing I try not to say to my guy is that he's a "big boy," because some children don't care to be "big", they're content being "little", which will make them determined NOT to use the potty. (I change the words when I read him his books and just refer to them as boys.) I tell him he's doing a good job, that I love that he's "trying" and if nothing happens that he can try a little later.

Try to find what motivates HER, and develop a schedule that works for the both of you. If you want to concentrate on certain times of the day to potty do just that. (Right now since I'm trying to get him used to the idea so I'm concentrating on the morning, in a day or two I'll introduce the afternoon, so hopefully we'll have the day covered in a few weeks.) Try not to rush her, but expect her to learn, she's capable, and don't give up. Think of YOUR rewards, no diapers, woo hoo! : )

*He just woke up from his nap and ASKED to use the potty!!!

The clinical answer would be back off, and don't talk about potty for awhile and try again in a few months....BUT...this is what worked with me. REVERSE psychology. Both of my kids potty trained quickly at this age when I did not want them to. My son potty trained a week before we were going on a 1200 mile road trip- I was hoping he would still be in diapers because that is much easier, but NO, he refused to wear diapers and we had to stop every hour and half. No accidents the whole way. Go figure! My daughter potty trained during the two week period when my washer was broken. (with many accidents but she refused to wear a diaper and now she is basically all trained up). So if you DONT WANT THEM to be training they will do it. Reverse psychology is the way to go!

Duct tape the diaper. Wait 6 months. 2.5 is too young for most kids!

Oh how I feel your pain! I am going through the same thing and my daughter is 3.6. I have just backed off totally and said when you are ready let me know. She starts preschool in sept so I think that will be helpful when she sees other kids lining up to go. Well at least I hope!!

I think you have some great responses below (quickly read through). I particularly like the response that she needs to be ready. My daughter's school/daycare does a cold turkey at 2.6 (2 weeks and lots of clothes) - they say it's not even worth trying until that age unless they are truly initiating themselves (which our daughter did at 2.1 but not consistently). Good news for you, if that summer is here, and I think it's the best time to potty train; less clothes to soil, can go to the beach, be naked... you get it.
I also agree to incentivize your child (i.e. reward good behavior). We used a sticker chart. I engaged my daughter through the entire process. She helped pick out which stickers were special to her, we blew up a photo using power point, and printed it at home and then laminated it. We stuck it on the wall behind the big potty (we used the seat that goes on top, so we weren't having to to another transition from the small floor based potty to the one we all use) with the stickers in a clear plastic bag. She also picked out some of her own underwear (Hello Kitty, different animals, Dora and a beach theme).
So, I guess, I'm pulling together a few ideas from below and letting you know what worked for us! Oh, while I'm not a huge fan of crocs (the shoes), they are perfect for potty training and accidents, which are inevitable. You can quickly wash them and they dry quickly! Our daughter is now 3.5 and she does still wear pull-ups during the night... she just doesn't wake until she's soaked through. The next milestone for us. Best of luck - she will get there!!!

They'll be trained when they're ready. Spend all the money you want and do crazy things, but she'll get it right on her own time. Even with exposure and discussion and encouragement and lollipops and cute Hello Kitty underwear prize, mine didn't take to it till she was about 2.75, and she's been a trooper since she was 3 with the #1. A few months later and lots of grief she's getting the #2 tackled. Good luck, have lots of cleaning supplies and extra clothes on hand, and BE PATIENT! at least you'll have some (not so) humorous stories to tell her when she grows up and is pottytraining your grandchildren! : )