Please Help with My 18 Month Old Sons Tantrums!

As in my son, the terrible twos can come early. My son was also a head banger. The doctor told me it's normal. It's how some children self soothe when they get frustrated and they can't get their way, especially when they don't have other ways to communicate. As he got older, the more he talked, the less he head banged and as long as he's safe, just go with it. I also ignored it and think it's best because they are always trying to get a reaction. Time outs and taking away a beloved toy and the tv worked best for my son. Good luck.

Ouch! (banging his head into the wall). My son is interested in the power cord too. If he starts getting upset..one word..redirect. We usually go outside to see the bunny. Or I pull him around in his wagon. It works every time. He has totally forgotten about what he was upset about.

What your son is doing is 100% normal and has nothing to do with red dye #40 or sugar in his diet, and quite frankly the idea that sugar and red dye are the root of all evil is getting old. I have healthy, well behaved children who eat the way I ate as a child: a balance of healthy foods and a childhood full of fun foods like cookies and candy in moderation. Now if you had said he freaks out like a madman and bangs his head after eating sugar or candy, that would be a different story (my niece actually turns into a crazy wild child after sugar/candy -- it's like she has an allergy to sugar and/or dye, which is not the "norm" for every child).... But what you are describing is normal toddler behavior. Every toddler is different-- mine never were head bangers, but I know many of them are. When my children (including and especially my now almost-three-year-old) started a meltdown from being told he can't do something, I would pick him up and put him in his room. I would not close the door, I would not yell at him, and I would not ignore the behavior and allow a tantrum in the middle of the living room. I know I myself get frustrated about things I can not control, but as an adult I have learned not to throw myself on the floor and scream (though sometimes I really want to!!) As a toddler, he should be allowed to be frustrated -- his world is constantly controlled by others and being told he can't do something is frustrating. So putting my child in his room gives him a safe place to go ahead and be frustrated to his heart's content. The idea was that he could NOT have a tantrum in the living room (or kitchen or where ever) because the rest of the family shouldn't have to see or hear it. As soon as the tantrum is over, he is welcome to come and join the rest of the family. For example, my son wanted a snack one day before eating his lunch. I calmly told him he needed to eat his lunch first. He tried having a meltdown, both as a way of showing his frustration and as a way to test and see if it would get him what he wanted. I picked him up and put him in his room and told him he needed to eat his lunch before having a snack. He cried in his room for a few minutes-- I'd check on him and he'd fuss at me so I walked away. After about 15-20 minutes or so, he was quiet. I looked in on him and he said he wanted his lunch now. I know your son is a bit younger (mine was 2 during this particular story) but you get the idea. To be proactive and stop tantrums before they start (or after they begin but before becoming full blown) I give my son choices so HE feels like he is in control and not being constantly told what he can and can't do. In the case of the power cord, that's a safety issue so it's not an option for him to play with it. So you need to come up with 2 choices and you have to be able to live with both choices. "You can do ____ or you can do____, but you can not have this power cord because it's not safe." You can even give him 2 different pillows and tell him he can bang his head on this one or that one but not on the floor.
DMK

My son went through a phase of head-banging when he would get mad or very frustrated. I asked his pediatrician about it and he advised me to have a very calm reaction and simply pick him up quickly and move him to a soft surface (like a bean bag chair or pillow). Then say you may hit your head here and then walk away. He also told me that the head-banging is usually self-limiting - it other words the child will likely not hit his/her head hard enough to cause any serious injury (they might get a bruise though). I followed his advice and eventually my son grew out of that phase (it took a while though). He still has tantrums, but he is only 2 so hopefully with time they will go away as well. Good luck!

WHile ignoring the behavior may work for some things, it probably won't work for a tantrum. Instead, I would try to be as undestanding as possible to his frustration....while it may not seem warrented or reasonable to us as adults, not being able to do or get something, feeling controlled and often not understood are things that can be very upsetting to a child. Try to be procative and anticipate things/times that can spark a fuse and avoid them or redirect if possible. Usually when mine start to melt down I immediately change the tune and get all upbeat and invitre them to join me, help me, come with me, etc to partake in something else to get their mind off of what is stressing them.

I saw a couple people mentioned watching his diet and avoiding processed foods with lots of chemicals, dyes, too much sugar etc. It's est to stick with things that are REAL FOOD rather than packaged, processed, pressed and shaped 'stuff' that we eat and we now feed our kids! There is real evidence and research that these chemicals and non-foods that we consume DO play a part in our childrens behavior and health. Dr. Sears has a new book called NDD - Nutrition Deficit Disorder and it is all about how it affects our childrens learning, behavior and health.

Eiher way, your little one sounds very normal. Try to be understanding to his situation and know that this is part of his development and growing processes as he tries to work through this difficult stage of feeling controlled and still trying to effectively communicate. Hang in there, for yourself and for him :-)

I had the same problem when I was pregnant with my second child. There is a book called 1 2 3 magic. It really helped. I am also a teacher and I reallize that it is hard to watch your own child have a tantrum but they will esclate if you don't stop them now. Trust me!! Ignorinng is definately the answer - but even eye contact is attention! It is definnately tough but if you stick to it, your son will turn around. I definately understand. Also stay with the plan if not old habits are easy to slide back into - eespecially when number 2 comes along!

I don't have a solution, but I have the same problem! The fits aren't so bad, but he will reach for things (powercords here too!) and look right at me with a smile on his face and touch it just to see what I will do! I say no, I redirect, I move him to a different room sometimes because he becomes obsessive over it and keeps going back to it even when I try to redirect! I'm curious to hear what solutions or insight you receive so I can try it out too!

1st make sure there is NO sugar in his life, NONE,
Then either see he gets food w/ b vits, or do a supplement.
lack of these effects behavior
then go to ChildrensBehaviorHelp.Com- they are amazing w/ answers- but do the get sugar out 1st
k

Trying to bring his attention to something else may help. Oddly, when I say "absolutely not", my daughter knows that it is bad. Also, when I have a worried look on my face is seems to be more effective where she sometimes realizes it isn't funny. Time outs and such aren't really effective for your son's age and obviously when we say "no", they seem to gravitate to those things more. Try to hide as many cords as possible because they could be harmful, but also try to have something near by that is safe and will redirect his attention for when he is doing wrong

D.
I know exactly what you are going through. My son, now 4 1/2 went through this at 15 months. I was spared this with my older two so I was completly at a loss. A strong willed child needs a patient approach, as I keep telling my husband. I gave my son choices instead of telling him he couldn't do or have something. Also, before I let him start something like play a game I would tell him how long he can play and set a timer. He started settling down and the tantrums started to become less frequent. He is still challenging us but usually we can avoid a melt down and now when he does it usually only involves crying and a lot of dirty looks.
It is goning to seem that nothing is working. When he did have a tantrum I would tell him what the rules are and that I would not talk to him until he calmed down. Of coarse safety is first, sometimes you will need to hold him down to keep him from hurting himself or others. I usually did this by putting him in my lap and holding his arms and legs like a big bear hug until the stuggling slowed. He would bite, throw things, scream, hit his head just as you discribed. Usually his crying changed and that was the clue that it was over and I talked to him about his behavior and what he should have done. I also always insist that he apologize for his behavior. I hope some of this helps. And take a deep breath becasue your gonna need it. If you ever need to share or vent feel free to send me a message.

K.

Sounds like a smart and mature 18 month old. You should treat him accordingly. Pick him up and deposit him in his crib. When the fit is over, go and get him. Do it over and over and over. He will learn. Best of luck!
Jen M.
Mom to 3 boys ages 5 yrs, 3 yrs, and 1.5 yrs.

Have you tried getting him household toys that can replace your real and potentially harmful appliances.

this too shall pass...you can NOT REASON with an 18 month old, I don't care WHO tells you that you can.

You simply need to NARRATE all that he is doing ("wow! you're really FRUSTRATED! you really WANT that. it's SAD that you cannot have that. it makes you ANGRY!")
while trying to then re-direct and go about other things.
Easier said than done! my second son is NOT EASY to redirect at ALL! but slowly we get there...

check his diet. get rid of artificial dyes and corn syrup sweetener. change your cleaning products.

and check out this site:
http://joanneaz_2.tripod.com/positivedisciplineresourcece...

As long as he does not get the result he is looking for when he throws his fits; he should grow out of it. It will take time though.

Sorry, dear; but your son is acting like a baby. Everything is a game at this age, and it does follow us throughout our lives sometimes. Count to ten and breathe when he starts this nonsense. Ask him "Are you quite done?" "You are really good at that..." all in your newfound calm voice.
Hitting, spanking, yelling etc only makes it worse.
What he needs to see is YOU in control - not over him, but of yourself...
Good luck. It's an exhausting phase (that will transpire into the next)
Blessings, S.

Sounds like you are doing a good job so far. Some things just need a little time to work or for them to outgrow. So hang in there.

Rather than tell him "no" (which at his age, it might seem like you are saying it a LOT), try telling him "that's not a toy, it can hurt you" and then redirect him to something else. It might elicit less of a tantrum response than being told outright "no". You cannot ignore the "cord" playing efforts, and if you can get to him before he reaches one, perhaps you can head off the tantrums, too. But, once the tantrum begins, you are right to ignore him. I wouldn't even watch him to be sure he doesn't hurt himself, (If you are concerned he will, put him in his crib or soft surface like another mom suggested), because you are still giving attention by the act of watching. If he's not on an acceptable surface to throw his tantrum, put him in/on one, then walk away to another room.
And hang in there. It will pass. My son went through a stage where he would hit himself in the head with his fists when he was angry/frustrated. My showing worry seemed to encourage him (my reaction gave him the attention he was seeking). When I decided he wouldn't hit himself hard enough to actually hurt himself, and just said flatly "I don't like it when you do that" and then walked away, they stopped almost as soon as I left the room... a short time after I initiated the "new response", he quit altogether.
Have patience. You're doing great! And boys are such boys! LOL