My 15 Month Old Son Hits His Head with His Hand/hands Once You Tell him,"NO!"

My oldest who is now three went through that same thing around that age. That is just his way of venting. Everytime he did that, we just sat him down and held his hands very gently and started to talk about what was upsetting him. Now when he is upset, he automatically will come and sit in my lap (most of the time) and he says "I am having a hard time" then we talk. I took him to the doc. when he was smaller. His doc. is the one who told us that this would work. It did!

My 19 month old just started bout a month ago as well. He's the last of 3 boys and all I can say is as long as he doesn't start hitting it on the wall or the table or anything hard really theres not much you can do.

Good luck

The responses are very intersting to me because everyone responding is saying "My son!" is this a boy thing???

This is normal, just monitor that he doesn't hurt himself. Also, look at the action leading up to your son's behavior. Like, did you give him a warning first and then say "no." What was he doing at that time?

I've been teaching my son since he was very young that feelings are okay. You know how some parents say "Don't be mad." Well, I tell my son that it's okay to be mad and then offer suggestions, give boundaries, etc. as to how "mad" manifests itself. So, it's okay to be mad, not okay to hit or throw. When he would cry, I would tell him to "breath in and breath out" and count to ten. And I would do it with him. So, now the tantrums are brief and he calms himself down fairly quickly. Plus, he can tell me how he feels- if he's mad or frustrated or tired.

This whole idea of validating feelings is important. We don't want our kids to grow up and second-guess their feelings, and we do want them to be responsible and choose good actions. It's like when I argue with my husband, sometimes I just want him to say to me "Honey, I hear you and I get how you feel." When he does this, I find myself calming down because I just wanted to be understood. Same thing with our kids.

Continue to give your son boundaries AND the vocabulary with which to express himself now and later in life. Good luck!

Take Care,
F.
www.discoverytoyslink.com/fatimac
(We have a wonderful teaching rhyming picture storybook called "THE WAY I FEEL" on sale now for only $9.99)

All four of mine did some variation of this around that same age - two of them by slamming their heads on the Pergo (argh!), which needless to say *really* alarmed us. We found that as their ability to communicate improved, the head-banging routines diminished. Our pediatrician gave the same advice as others here: Don't give it positive attention, don't worry about it unless he's doing actual harm to himself, and try not to let it get under your skin. Definitely try not to reward it - otherwise they really will ramp up the behavior.

This *is* a phase, the overlap between a passive baby who lies around waiting to see what happens next and the toddler explorer who decides for himself what he'll do next. It's tough to realize that you CAN do all sorts of things, but that the Big People have a veto power over this new-found freedom.

Honestly, this sounds like a pretty smart little guy. Here he is, only 15 months old, and he doesn't like what he's being told. He understands that he's being told to stop, he doesn't want to stop, and he wants to argue his case with you. Not being able to blurt out, "Oh I say, Mother, I see no harm in continuing this activity! Why don't you scamper off and read a magazine, whilst I continue {hitting my friend with this toy, pulling all the silverware out of the drawer, chewing on the TV remote}?", he's attempting to change your mind with his non-verbal skills.

If you're going to worry, worry about keeping up with a smart little boy. Once he starts using words to argue his case, methinks you'll have a tough row to hoe. ;-)

The fact that he looks at you before he starts hitting himself after you have said "No" to him suggests that he may be doing a little bit of attention grabbing behavior, which is completely normal for children to do. I know it's hard but try to ignore it when it is happening so that he is not getting any payoff (i.e., your shocked look, your rushing over to correct his actions, your expressing concern over what he is doing) for his self-injurous behavior. And when things are calm, you can try reading a emotions board book to him and try to teach him how to label his feelings. Raising kids is like trying to capture an ocean wave in your hand -- they are constantly changing and going through the motions so what you from one minute (or day, or week, or year) is not what you will have the next.

My son did this same thing at about a year old. I was very concerned at first and discussed it with his Dr. She said to ignore it and he would stop. He finally did. He was actually banging his head on the floor. The pediatrician said as long as he wasn't banging his head on concrete or tile floor then not to be concerned and it would stop on its own. I know it's hard to watch your kid do something like this and want to intervene, but I promise it will stop.

L.

My son used to do this a lot. He still does it every once in a while. Sometimes he would get so mad he would hit is head on cupboards and doorways. It was very scary. I was very worried at first, too, because I've heard that repetitive head hitting can be a symptom of Autism. I talked to his pediatrician about it, and he reassured me that it is normal for his age. It's just a way to throw a tantrum basically. He said the best thing to do it just try to ignore it. He probably just does it for the attention. I wouldn't worry about it too much. You could always just talk to your pediatrician about it, too.

It is a phase. He doesn't understand why he is not allowed to have something or do something. He is mad. He doesn't have the words to express his anger yet, the only thing he can do is try to show you he's not happy with "No". If you're really concerned talk to your pediatrition for your own piece of mind. This age can be very difficult for some strong willed kids. They are now able to do somethings for themselves and communicate with you in different ways so he knows you know what he wants, he just doesn't understand why you won't give it to him.

My son is almost three and a half and still does this. It's because they have aggression when they're told no and they know they can't hit you. He's most likely not being hurt. I just tell my son we don't hit. I don't specify who/what he can't hit. I just say, WE don't hit. If he has enough respect for us to not hit us when he's mad, he needs the same respect for himself. I ask him if he's angry, sad, etc., and why. That way he learns to use his words for emotions and if he's just throwing a fit, I tell him he can go in his room and hit his pillow. I think it's more of a boy thing. He'll be fine. Just try and help him to learn all these feelings he has because now he's learning words he can match up with them. Best of wishes.

Hi,
I am also a first time mother of a 12 month old. My baby just had his 12-month well-baby check up. The pediatrician exactly told us about these kind of behavior (he has none right now, but may develop). He told that we should completely ignore the baby for his tantrums and head banging and stuff if they occur. So the answer to your question is that it seems OK if he does that, just don't make it a habit by giving in to what he wants. Just distract him.
Best.

Hi R. -
My son did this at about that age. We decided not to give it any energy by ignoring it and he stopped doing it after awhile. I'd only be concerned if he is repeatedly banging his head continually against hard objects or something (which is a sympton of autism). But it sounds like your kid is a normal little boy who is trying out different communication styles.

Hope that helped...good luck to you! - L.

It's completly Normal, it's just a phase. I watch kids and I have alittle boy that is 17 months and he does the same thing. His mom say's her Doc. told her to ignore him when he does this as long as he isn't harming himself ( hitting his head on tile etc.)
Good Luck

Hi, my son used to do the same when he was about 20 months old, and he did that for some weeks. He is 28 months old now. I was said that it is pretty normal, like tantrums, but I still felt really bad. What I did, and it helped, was holding his arms and looking at him I told him that it makes me feel really sad when he hurts himself, and he stopped doing it. They understand a lot.
I hope it gets better!! Take care

A..

Hi R., Sounds like a classic case of give me my way or else!! I would suggest walking away. This is a very clear sign that his new little antics aren't going to work. This is the age when kids learn exactly what kind of power they have over mom and dad and a great time for you to let him know that at 15 mths old he has NO power. Belive me, he will stop when he doesn't get the reaction he's looking for. I have 2 sons, ages 15 and 25 and they love to test the waters!! Good luck, L.

Its just a phase he is going through my little cousin went through the same thing and you just have to tell him not to hit himself and let him not to do that It will be ok

Try time-out. Find a chair where there are no distractions. Touch him gently on his arm, speak in a low, stern voice and tell him that the tantrums are not appropriate. He will try to get away, put him back in the chair for about 11/2 minutes.

I hope this helps.

it might be just a phase... Some kids are "headbangers" and will beat their heads on the floor, wall, etc. Try giving him something else to bang or better yet, to squeeze. Say "you are frustrated because the dog's tail is not for pulling. Squeeze your hands together like this." and show him how to squeeze his hands so that he can express his anger without hurting anything or himself. After a while, he will learn the words associated with anger, frustration, disappointment, and he will use words and together you can find an acceptable outlet for those feelings (running fast, shouting loud, breathing hard in and out, or just being by himself for awhile)

The key thing in what you wrote is that "He gives me a look then starts to hit himself". He's making sure you are watching BEFORE he does anything. He is looking to see if he's going to get attention for doing this (or if you might change your mind from NO to giving him whatever it is he wants so to prevent him from throwing a fit or hitting himself). Make sure he isn't hurting himself and then ignore him and whatever you do, DON'T give in and give him whatever. The more you react, the more he'll do it.

Both of my boys would bang their heads on the floor...they never did any major damage and after they gave themselves a couple of headaches they stopped. They figured it wasn't worth the effort (and pain) since they were ignored while they threw the fit AND they never did get whatever they were throwing the fit for in the first place.

oh god! my 2 year old girl does that sometimes. i was HORRIFIED the first time i saw her do it.( especially out in public and people look at you like you beat your child and that's where she gets it from...GOD!) ~I say " no hitting" and then justify her feeling s" I know you are mad/asd,etc" but we need to stop..or go...etc" (reiteratevwhatever it was that set her off). I block her hands and try to get face to face with her so she focuses on my words and my face...if she's being dramamtic or it's obvious she's trying to get attention...I ignore it and she will stop. good luck...parenting is crazy, isn't it??

I think it's just a phase. My son used to do that whenever he got mad, but he grew out of it. My 21 month old daughter bites her hand and then slaps it when we tell her no or take something away from her. I'm not making a big deal out of it; hopefully she will stop soon.

This is completely normal behavior for a 15 month old - know that he is not really hurting himself, he is continuing to perpetuate the behavior because he gets a reaction out of you when he does it. Saying things like "Don't hit yourself" or "we don't hit ourselves" just gives him more motivation to continue - at this age, children dont really differentiate between positive and negative attention, they just know that attention is attention. Im a child psychologist and a special ed teacher, and have seen this many many times in otherwise normally behaving children - many children his age will go beyond the hitting of themselves and bang their heads on the floor or walls all for the same reason - attention. Even very young children understand the power of inappropriate behavior to manipulate parents, and at 15 months, he is really testing all limits and control in order to see how far you will let him go.
It IS a phase - when you tell him no and he hits himself, ignore it completely. Do not allow your facial expression to change when he hits himself, and follow through with your NO by removing him from the situation or giving him a time out (children understand the meaning of time out as young as 9 months). Do not allow him to manipulate you with his self hitting to get his way. You still must convey that YOU are in control, not him, and nothing he can do will change your mind. Once you start ignore the behavior and he sees that it does not have an effect on you or the outcome of the "no", it will begin to go away. When the hitting of himself no longer works the way he wants it to, he will have no reason to continue it. It might take a little while, but just stick to your guns and ignore the behavior.

My son does the same thing, he's 5 years old. Not necessarily when we tell him no, but say an idea comes to him, he'll say "why didn't i think of that!" & then hits his head w/ both hands, more like a 'knocking' on his head. He's actually been doing this for a while, not every day, but here & there. We never had him looked at by a doctor or even mentioned it. It's more annoying than anything else. Not sure, but seems more like maybe he experiences frustration? I'm not sure this will help you, but at least you'll know you're not the only one who is going through this! Good luck!

R.,

I can't be much help as far as "normal" behavior for a 15 month old because I have a 3.5 year old who is autistic and a 7 month old who appears to be "typical" at this point. But I can tell you based on my experience that if you feel something is wrong, you are probably right. And if you go to your regular pediatrician, they will likely downplay your concerns and tell you to "wait" until your son is older and tell you he'll outgrow it. Well, maybe he will and maybe he won't. Mine certainly didn't. So if you would like to have him evaluated and you are in Las Vegas, the place you want to call is Nevada Early Intervention. You can find the number via the yahoo yellow pages. You can self refer (just call and make an appointment) and all of their services are free of charge. If you aren't in Las Vegas, your pediatrician's office should be able to give you the name and phone number of whatever service is in your area. I think having an evaluation is a really positive thing. If there is something wrong, you can get appropriate services (services are free through EI too) and if nothing is wrong, you can at least quit worrying about it.

Good luck!
T.

My son, now 3, did this about that age. Our peds said it was a phase and sure enough after a few weeks, he stopped. She said it was a way to express frustration because their verbal isn't ready to tell us how they feel. Not that it wasn't incredibly disconcerting as a parent. Since he's looking at you before he does it, he's gaging if you'll respond and making sure you're looking. I'd try to redirect or distract him with something else. Just don't give in to whatever you said no to. That will start a huge snowball effect with other things later. Good luck!

Hi R.,
When my son was about 18 months old he used to bang his head (h***!) o* the floor/door/wall when he was frustrated. I even have professional photos with him having a big red mark on his forehead because he was frustrated that he couldn't play with all the props in the studio and he banged his head on the floor! Needless to say, it scared the pants off of me and my husband. Our pediatrician said that it is not unusual, and that they will not do it hard enough to hurt themselves. She said the best thing to do is to basically ignore it. She said that the more attention it gets, the more they will do it. Thankfully, it was a short-lived phase for my son. I think that he outgrew it in a few months. I think that it is just something that some kids do when they are frustrated, but if they are rewarded with a big reaction, they will continue to do it. Good luck!

- A.