Please Help Me Teach My Son to Sleep in His Own Bed in His Room.

Young children just like to sleep with Mom and Dad.
He is young, and also at these ages, they have night-time fears and night mares.

When I was that age, I did that too. My parents, thought no big deal of it. I crawled into bed with them in the middle of the night. I just liked to be close to them, and felt lonely & scared by myself in my room. And I grew out of it. Most kids do.

It will be fine.

All the best,
Susan

I know many would disagree with my approach but I ended up bribing my son. He was coveting a bridge for his Thomas the Train set. After hearing about it for the 100th time, I explained to him that the bridge is a special big boy toy. Big boys sleep in their own bed all night. If he wants to earn the bridge, he needs to get 10 stars for sleeping in his bed all night. It worked fabulously. In fact, once he came in my room at about 2am, but didn't want in my bed because he was "earning a bridge." He just got a little scared, wanted a hug, and asked me to take him back to his bed. This was over a month ago. The bridge was not cheap, but he continues to sleep in his own bed every night. I also should add he wakes up very proud of himself for sleeping in his own bed. Good Luck

We had the exact same problem at about the same age. I am not fond of letting our son sleep with us and when he does, I can't sleep! We started leaving a pillow and a blanket on the floor for him, so when he did come in, he didn't cry he just crawled in his own bed. Then, I started hanging out in his room with him more. We would read books, play games and watch movies in his room. It didn't take long before he started staying in there all night, but on the rare nights he would come in our room he would bring his own blanket and pillow and he'd plop down on the floor. Hopefully, he will start staying in his room...good luck :)

I had with both my girls the same and my husband used to complein in the begining....but I told him that my little brothers did the same and my mom always was very patiente with them and never forced them to stop. For me to have an healthy girl was very important so I started to do some reserch to keep my husband quiet. Becouse for me was good to make my girl happy. One day I read that letting the children come to the parent beds until they will stop by themself was healthy. Children that get into the parents beds are more emotionaly healthy. I sill believe that this is true. My girls are now 10 and 7 and are very happy girls. they stoped coming to our bed when they were about 4-5 just did it all by themself.
So my advice is not to worry and give time to your son. even more try to enjoy him as much as you can, becouse they grow up so fast that you won't even realize when he will be having a girlfriend.
italia Ponk from the netherlands

First, things first...please don't think of this as 'training' your child, this time needs to be handled with love and guidance and PATIENCE.

Here's the thing...as he been allowed to sleep in your bed before? How long has he been in a 'big boy' bed? Once you've answered those questions for yourself, it's best to sit down with your hubby and come up with a game plan.

IF you don't want him coming into your room you need to start NOW with being consistent and setting up some kind of framework for this. I agree with one poster who mentioned Super Nanny, she seems to have some good insight for parents who want to practice sleep seperation techniques. But, again you NEED to be consistent. Pick a Friday night and start there, so everyone can be rested by Monday. Don't hesitate and don't cave in. My friend used Sleep Seperation because she's preggers and due very soon and didn't want her son to 'miss' her at night, and it's worked well for them.

The basic idea is to start out putting your child to bed, and keep putting them back while sitting in the room and saying doing nothing...all the while returning them to their sleep spot. Do some research and see what method will work best for you and you family and then again make a plan.

I'm a fan of doing what works for the child and not what I NEED, but what WE as a team/family can do to work together.

Also, during the day you can talk to him about sleeping time...that HIS bed is HIS sleep spot and Mommy/Daddy have their own sleep spot. Talking to kids this age is very effective and I think people don't do it enough. They really understand more than we think most times.

Good Luck!

We co-slept with all three of our children. We set up a bed next to ours, so they didn't feel alone or scared. It allowed all of us to sleep peacefully. They all ended up in their own rooms and beds, but in thier own time. This is a personal thing as I'm sure you've gathered by reading the different suggestions, so you'll have to go with what works for you and your family. One thing you might try when he wakes up (if you don't want to co-sleep) is to take him back to his room and snuggle with him until he goes back to sleep. He is still so young and probably frightened when he gets up and is all alone. Punishing him or getting angry will not solve this issue. Just an FYI!

Good luck!

I am having the exact same problem with my 2 year old - but instead of her coming into our bed, she yells from her room until we finally give up and bring her into our bed. (I'll do anything at 4AM to get some sleep!) Last night, however, I put a sleeping bag on the floor with a bunch of her stuffed animals and dolls in it and told her they were going to sleep next to her all night - instead of Mommy or Daddy. Surprise, surprise - it worked! She slept until 6:30 this morning - and so did Mom and Dad! :)

Good luck with your son's sleeping. But remember - don't worry about it too much. They are still babies - and they won't be for much longer. This time will pass, regardless of all the tricks we come up with. A few years from now we will be wishing they wanted to jump in bed with us and snuggle!

All three of my kids did this at one point or another. We would put blankets at the foot of our bed so that when the child came in, they would take a blanket and sleep on the floor. After a while, that became tiresome for them and they stayed in their own beds. They look at this differently from us. They see Mommy and Daddy getting to sleep with each other and don't know why they have to sleep alone. It will pass.

Begin by frontloading your son - telling him what is going to happen/change when he wakes up at night. I suggest that you snuggle him up in the early evening and tell him that you are concerned about his night waking because (very important to offer a because so your child begins to understanding reasoning and choice) sleep helps his body grow and keeps him healthy. Tell him that if he wakes up you are going to whisper to him that it is still night time and walk him back to his room without anymore talking - snuggling, kissing, consoling is its own reward for waking. Be consistent.

He is also likely in a stage of disequilibrium - an exhausting time when he is adjusting to his ever-developing abilities. Putting him to bed a half hour earlier might help, too. Good luck.

Really, it would help me to know his prior sleep habits, etc.

Some things to consider:
-Can he soothe himself to sleep?
-Does he get up for another reason- to go potty? And then just goes to your room... maybe he would be fine if you just walked him back to his room?
-Do you have a consistent and simple sleep routine for bedtime?
-What time is his bedtime? Nap time? Is he getting the appropriate amount of sleep?
-What does he eat/drink/do before bed?
Check out this blog entry for some specifics: http://www.lullabyluna.com/2008/12/happy-new-year.html

-He needs to learn that when he wakes up in the middle of the night to go potty if he needs to, but that he needs to go back to sleep.
-If he has a clock you can tell him what numbers it needs to say before he can wake up- if it isn't those numbers he needs to go back to sleep (there are also night lights that you can set with a time and when they turn orange it means you can get up).
-You need to be consistent. Even in your tiredness of the middle of the night, you need to silently/calmly take him back to his room, tuck him in and give him a kiss. If he gets up again- take him back again. Do it as many times as needed. Make sure it doesn't turn into a game :).

Good luck. Feel free to contact me with more specifics or to help you create a plan. With older children things can be much trickier.

C., sleep consultant, sleep blog writer www.lullabyluna.com, mother of 3

Hi,
My daughter did this as well and it would be several times a week. Mom was usually the one she wanted so I didn't get much sleep. It turned out that she had sleep apnea (because her tonsils were so big!) and was waking herself up and didn't know how to get herself back to sleep. I gently guided her back to bed and tucked her in, I didn't want her to get in the habbit of sleeping in our bed. My husband and I decided to have the tonsils removed at 3 1/2 years and ever since then she sleeps through the night.
Don't know if this is the case with your son but with her it was easy to tell by listening to here breath while she slept, there would be pauses in her breathing where she wasn't taking a breath and then all of a sudden she would take a really big breath. She also snored really loud which gave us another hint.
Good luck,
G.

My daughter had this same problem! She was 3 before she slept through the night! She turned 4 last week and started coming into our bed at night! We would wake up and she would be snuggled next to my husband! I think that often times it is a bit of an insecurity for them! What i did that worked it I bought a very special book that we read just before bedtime! It was a book on how much i loved her and how she was safe! We would snuggle and then i would say prayers and turn the light off! The first night i would sit next to the bed and within 15 min she was asleep! The next night further away and within 10 min asleep! keep going until by the end of the week you are by the door and they start realizing that they don't need you right there to fall asleep! Hopefully that will work out!
E.

I know that this may sound strange but a technique that I found really worked for my best friend was one that we watched on Super Nanny. What she does is:
When you put your child to bed say your good night and tell them that it's bed time. When they get up you say "It's bed time sweetie" and that is it. The next time that they get up you don't say anything. You just pick them back up and put them into bed. You keep doing this until they are fast asleep. It may take some time to do, but I promise that with time it does get better. She has not had a child even get up in the middle of the night for the past 6 months. it did however take a week or so to get it down. Be patient and he will eventually stay in his own bed.
Good Luck!!!

L., You have to be consistent with whatever you do. IF I were you, I would put him in his bed with the night time ritual, kids love this, and then when he gets up in the middle of the night to come in to your bed, gently tell him no, and put him back in his bed, consistency is the key. You might have to do this several times a night and for several nights in a row, eventually he will get it. My daughter was 2.5 when we put her in her own bed in her own room, after rooming with us in her crib and our bed, she got up the first 3 nights and tried coming into our bed and I didn't let her. Now a year later, she has woken up crying and having nightmares and such and I do the same thing, put her in her bed and calm her down the best i can and then I go to my own bed. For one week, she was having night terrors, where they appear to be awake screaming, crying and such, and then they go back to sleep and remember nothing of it in the morning, that week was horrible, but I was consistent with her.

Good Luck!
M.

Hi L.,
is this your first child? Unfortunately, it's very common that way and not necessarily just first born. Some are born independently sleeping in their won rooms and one, just one out of the rest will have that where he/she will climb in bed with the both of you just for comfort and security. When our eleven year old turned three, the Daddy would carry him back to bed after he is sound asleep in between us. Some nights he just have some scary dreams and feel scared to sleep alone so he rushes or climb in bed with us. When he turned four and five, he started climbing into the oldest brother's bed and scooping so close to feel his older brother just so he knows someone is with him...lol. He is now eleven years old, and the youngest of the seven (yes our oldest one is 30 years old...), and he would fall asleep in our bed because he likes watching TV in our room. So the Dad would walk him back to his room while he is stil in the middle of sleepiness. So we decided to move him right next to ours. Last three at home and the rest of our boys are grown and left...Its not a bad thing your child is doing. I've seen it, been through it myself, and studied it...lol...sometimes for some odd reason, he just need that security and comfort to feel protected at night. Some children are scared to be alone at night. They look in the dark and thought they saw figures or shadows, so they tend to seek security and protection in the comfort zone of the parents...hope that made sense... :)

Our baby girl was waking up every night at around 2 0r 3 am. It was so hard to just go in there an shhhh her back to sleep at that hour so I would just take her into our bed with us. She eventually realised that that is where she'd rather be, so it became a habit. i got real sick of that, so as soon as I put my foot down and just stopped bringing her into our bed, she stopped waking up. You could just do the same thing. When he realises that he is not going to get to be in your bed, he will sleep thru the night. Since he is 3, you could put a gate up at the doorway.

Everything depends on the child's temperament and yours. We co-slept with both our girls, and when it was time to move to a big girl's bed, my oldest was excited. She comes into our room about once a year, if that, and sleeps through the night without any problems. She's a very easy kid. Our youngest, however, has taught us what it is to be parents. Very spirited, very energetic, not a good sleeper, did NOT want a big girl bed, and not easy to sleep with. It's been almost 2 years since she moved to her big girl bed and only in the last week has she stayed in bed all night. We walked her back to her bed in the beginning, very consistently, and that lasted about a year and a half. We've always had bedtime rituals, so that wasn't it. I understand kids at 3 have very active imaginations and there are suddenly monsters in their rooms and scary things in the dark. We had stuffed animals watching over her, monster-be-gone spray (water in spray bottle), security checks, anything and everything we could think of. Then we tried out and out bribery. A sticker chart with a picture of Legoland at the end, and little rewards along the way. This worked for a night. Then she was back to either coming into our room or screaming in her bed until one of us went in there. We've been so sleep deprived that my husband fell asleep while driving. We needed something else. Punishment to go along with the reward. We sat her down and explained how we all need sleep, it keeps us healthy and it keeps Daddy from falling asleep at the wheel. And then we dropped the bomb - if she woke us up, there would be no TV at all for anyone the next day. She loves TV. Covets it. Begs for it. She gets an hour of it every day. She was mad, wouldn't look at us. Then slept through the night. Then she tested us the next night, woke us up, and there was no TV for anyone all day, even after they went to bed, my husband and I didn't watch it. Since then, she's slept in her bed all night. Every morning this last week has been a party for her being a big girl and staying in bed all night long. This weekend she gets to go somewhere special because she'll have reached ten nights. 50 nights is Legoland. But the best thing is, she's very proud of herself for sleeping through the night. It's been hard for her, and we needed to find a way to make it easier, or at least more appealing. Good luck to you and your son. It'll happen. Experiment. And trust your instincts.

I'm not sure if this is really treating the source of the issue, but we created a "nest" by our bed that our 3 1/2 yr old sleeps in. It has helped him get to sleep with less fuss and we don't have to deal with the in the middle of the night stuff....he sleeps solid the whole night. good luck. it's hard, I know.

my 2 year old rarely ever gets to sleep with my hubby and i. usually if she wakes up in the middle of the night i do this.
i take her potty and change her if needed. then i take her back to bed. shes only 2 and cant open her door yet so i keep it closed at night.
just be firm with your son and tell him that hes a big boy now and he needs to sleep in his bed not yours and that startig to night everytime he comes to your bed you will take him back to his. he will catch on soon to the new routine. good luck!

Check out Supernanny's website. She does this quite often with the parents that she helps.