Pflugerville Moms

Hi L. -

In reading all that you have said I feel very sad for your son. I think you need to do more for him than finding him friends.

These are my thoughts -

Talk to his father about doing other activities with your son - i.e. hiking, going places, etc.. maybe just once per month.

Is there anyone else that can help with your mother/grandmother besides you? I would delegate that and cut that time down for yourself to some hours instead of "tons" of hours.

You need new friends - your old ones are self-centered. If you can consider that you would like new friends and open your heart to that - it will happen for you - you just have to want it. Trust in that and know that you deserve to have wonderful friends.

I would get some tapes or books on bullying and educate yourself and your son on why he is getting bullied - most kids who get bullied have certain mannerisms, body language that all shouts - "I deserve to be picked on. I cannot stand up for myself and I don't value myself enough to do so." There are camps for kids who are bullied teaching them to be more aware of themselves and build their esteem, self-confidence, etc... This is a crucial issue and if not dealt with, it will haunt your son for years to come. His school may have some information on it - they should. They should also have some sort of education on bullying for all kids to watch - this has become widespread throughout our country - to catch this and stop it, within the schools - to educate everyone involved on this issue. And, if you get someone to help with your mother/grandmother then you will have time to help your son in this way, investigate and educate yourself. If you cannot delegate, then limit your time there and when you explain that it is for your son, they'll understand. If not, then you will need to stand up for yourself and your son's needs. It is crucial for him.

Also, talk to your sons' teachers and ask their input - about anything they notice your son needing help with. They would also know about which kids would be a good match for playing with your son. The teachers are an invaluable source.

Lastly, if your son has taken on the clown-type role of making others happy, this is the clown/mediator role. If your son is doing this it is a learned behavior sometimes to relieve stress in situations, trying to make others happy, seeking harmony and basically not liking or dealing with any type of disharmony. I'm just saying - be aware of any of these tendencies. Once you watch for this and as you know your son well, decide what it is he is really doing here, it is important that you start loving him more in this area.

What I mean is to help him gain more security and feeling fine in conflict - trusting that things ultimately work out the way they are meant to. And, to validate any feelings he has that he may be hiding behind that happy face.
It's okay for others to be upset, unhappy, angry, frustrated, etc... is what I am saying and a very important lesson for and from you to teach him this over time.

Stay positive, keep loving him, and yourself too! You are both worth much happiness and know that you will find it soon!

Alli

Hi L., I have a 9 year old son, and an 11 year old son. My 9 year old loves soccer and needs a friend who wants to play outside more. The 11 year old is more of an inside kid, but has a great time when forced out of doors. My kids are at Murchison. If you are interested, we can try to get them together some time. We moved here at the beginning of the school year from Idaho, so we're still making friends, and adjusting to our new surroundings. I'm a SAHM of three (we also have a 7 year old daughter).

Hi L.,
Why not make a play date? Maybe just don't call it that. Ask your son if there is one person in his class that might like to come over after school one day? P-ville has some great parks and pools that are open now and not too expenive, would he like a swim team or something of that nature?

I won't fit the bill for a playdate...my girls are 7 and 8 but I had a few questions. Has he had friends his age in the past? When he interacts with his friends at school, how does that go? Does he seem interested in being friends with anyone from school? What does he enjoy doing other than screen time activities?

Hello L., my name is Gail. I have an 11 year old (as of March) that has been the only child up until now. I'm currently pregnant at the age of 34. I understand what you are saying about being your child's only playmate. My child is very atlethic and plays in a lot of sports, but when we are home. It's me and him. Which is most of the time. We love being outdoors. If it's fishing, kiting, shopping, or just walking around the neighborhood. We were planning on going to the Austin Zoo this weekend. Even the museum tonight. We would love to get to know both you and your son.