Parents Who Has Kid/kids with ADHD. How Did You Know?

Updated on April 20, 2012
K.J. asks from Picayune, MS
13 answers

My 4 in a half daughter is been going threw a "phase", I'm guessing? Her behavior seems to be getting worst. She started Pre-K back in August and later at the end of the year (I'm guessing) towards now she been not listening to what we tell her to do. Goes in one ear and out the other.

Use to be that she would listen to us and sometimes will not, but she would listen to anyone else(grandparents,uncles,aunts etc.) Its getting now where she will not listen to her grandma if she ask her to "sit" or "don't do that, you'll get hurt". My mother seen a change in her.

My younger brother was hyper when younger(I'm guessing he had some type of ADHD). He wouldn't sit still. Got lost so many times as a child in stores b/c he seem not to have a fear in the world. My parents never wanted to put him on medicine and as he got older he out grew it.

Back to my daughter! I don't understand if its a phase or is she leaning towards ADHD? Last week after her t-ball game, I held her hand almost to the parking lot because I knew she would run off from me. "Mom",let my hand go and I'll walk. BIG, mistake I made. She took off threw the parking lot along with her older sister and brother. Her siblings ran to the van and waited but not her. Freak me out beacuse she wasn't near the van. I got her siblings in the van and lock the door and search for her in the parking lot. I had the fear that someone picked her up,or would get hit by a car etc. Lucky she was spotted and found her across in a tent-like thing running and laughing. I tell her so many times that someone is going to pick you up etc.

Today was another day. My husband and I took all three of our kids out to the park. We told all of them before we got out, That nobody runs off from us or we would leave. 10 minutes into my daughter took off running from us. We both called her name. She kept running and laughing. We finally caught up with her and ask about leaving. "NO!" I'm sorry. First warning. She went back with us to where we were before. We told all of them to walk back to other "area". She took off running the opposite way. Looking back at us and kept running. Finally we had enough and left the park.

Her teacher at school says she so good and doesn't talk etc. After school she turns into a different child when we pick her up. So I don't understand whats going on with her. I don't know rather to talk with her doctor or what. Parents with kids who has ADHD how did you know?

Just need some advice. I feel like a bad mother. I feel like I did something for her to act like this.

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So What Happened?

Thanks for the advice. Been thinking alot and I think she's testing me and her father to see how far she can push us. Today at her sister's baseball practice, I told her the first time she ran off she was sitting in the van with me and wouldn't played with her cousin. She actually did good. Ran around with her cousin and played in the sand. Stay in my sight. So maybe I jumping to nothing.

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M.B.

answers from Austin on

Well, as far as the situation in the park, you had already warned her that you would leave if she ran off.

Frankly, at that point, when she DID run off, I would have taken her and sat with her in the car while daddy played for a little bit with the others. You had already told her what the consequences would be... I hate to punish the others, but if she won't behave, she doesn't get the privilege of playing at the park.

Same thing as when in the store.... if she runs, you leave immediately. Even if you have to leave the full cart.

Only by her losing privileges will she begin to see you ARE serious. She knows she has to behave at school, so she does.

I will say, however, that some kids with ADHD or other issues work SO hard at being "good" at school, that they pretty much HAVE to have an "outlet" at home.... that is where they misbehave.

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A.G.

answers from Provo on

4 was THE absolute push limits age for all of our kids...even the angelic ones ;). My mom's advice to me was, "Stop talking and just do - if it involves safety of a child or others - no warnings". Warnings make me less patient and more likely to get irritable - I do better being firm, but kind, when I have a plan in place, my kids know it, and we stick with it. We are in the diagnosis process with my son - ADHD being a possibility. That being said, I can't say for sure...but I don't think your daughter has ADHD. Don't let yourself feel like you need a diagnosis to feel better about your parenting. I'm sure you're doing your best...take what advice you can...think and study things out and keep working on whatever she needs - diagnosis or not. I think she's just going through a 'push the limit's' phase - expectable...but definitely not acceptable. You may also want to keep a food journal and see if any foods seem to make it worse...I've heard that can be beneficial :). Good luck!

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T.S.

answers from San Francisco on

If she has ADHD it will show up at school. If she's only acting that way with you then there's something else going on.

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T.S.

answers from Washington DC on

My son has ADHD and while being different from your daughter doesn't mean she can't have ADHD as well... our experience WAS different than what you're describing.

First, it wasn't a phase. There was no point at which my son STARTED to be hyperactive... he was super active from the beginning.

Second, his behavior was never about not LISTENING. He had/has very low impulse control so often even knowing not to do something couldn't stop him from doing it in that instant... BUT fixes like "hold my hand" worked really well.

Third, it was the same at preschool, at home, at play. Maybe most at school actually because he often got overstimulated by everything happening with other kids.

The big things we DID see in him were:
-An inability to be still (really from the time he was a baby). He was in constant motion. He could not sit still through a meal, a tv show, a conversation, a game, nothing. And he would move without knowing he was moving.
-He broke everything. Toys were always being broken or lost. It would devastate him that he had ruined it, but he'd break the next thing the next moment. Pages were constantly ripping in books (pop up books were the worst because he'd just open them too far), arms dislocated from dolls, building sticks breaking.
-He was/is EXTREMELY bright and noticed EVERYTHING, like there was no filter for important vs unimportant information. He would read every street sign, license plate, and menu, and interrupt conversations from across the room, or wander away from his own toys to pick up something that dropped on the other side of a playground.

To me, it sounds like your daughter is just being 4 years old and testing boundaries. If you think it's something more... or even if you don't... you can talk to her doctor. We forget that pediatricians often have helpful information about all aspects of child development, not just the medical stuff.

HTH
T.

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K.S.

answers from Miami on

1. Kids that age tend to get into something and they really do not hear you. Kinda tuned out so to speak. 2. My kid took off away from us boy she'd be in such big trouble. If you dont pow pow I'd leave her home next time and say I cannot take you because I cannot trust you to listen. Its all a game to them until someone gets hurt. 3. Watch what she is eating for the next week certain foods and colorings affect how they behave. 4. If she is being that good in school she might just need to let off steam but has to learn to tunnel it to a safer activity.

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C.W.

answers from Washington DC on

I really questioned whether my son had ADHD, as he is hyper and has trouble sitting still, doesn't listen (at least to me), and is impulsive. He looses focus in groups. His doctor told me that he does not have ADHD. She said that if she asked a child with ADHD to come over and do a task one on one, they would not be able to sit still and concentrate long enough to do the task. My son loves one on one attention. He will sit one on one and focus and complete tasks. For him, a lot of his issues are spot on for sensory processing disorder. I also think kids of this age love to test their parents and see what they can get away with.

If her teacher is saying that she is focused in school, I am guessing that ADHD is not her diagnosis. It would be worth it to you to have her evaluated by an Occupational Therapist to see if she has a sensory disorder.

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J.G.

answers from Chicago on

Sounds like normal 4 year old behavior to me. Ain't it fun?

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J.S.

answers from Hartford on

ADHD is not a phase. ADHD tends to have many issues regarding school, school work, homework, transitions, poor impulse control, sleep issues, emotional immaturity for the age, a need to be in constant motion, constant talking, easily distracted, difficulty focusing on tasks, and the harder the task the worse it is... and the behaviors are consistent from day to day and place to place.

It took me YEARS to figure out that my eldest daughter has ADHD because she was like this since before she was born. From the moment I first felt her flutter in my belly she never stopped moving. She would move toward sound and light, not away from it. She hasn't stopped since and she's 11 1/2 years old. She talked early and she wants to try and do everything. She has to be everywhere and be included in everything with everyone. She has trouble falling asleep but is usually the first one awake every morning even when she's sick.

She was my first, and I had nothing to compare her to. If I had my youngest daughter first then I would have had her evaluated much younger. I just figured "this is who she is." Well, it is who she is, it just happens that it's ADHD. And it's not easy to parent her because she doesn't want to be parented. She never has. That's partly because her ADHD is paired up with ODD. The joy.

Anyway, your daughter sounds delightfully typical.

J.W.

answers from St. Louis on

At four you really can't tell. I have ADHD, makes it very easy to spot, also makes it very easy to help my kids cope and excel in life.

ADHD is not being hyper, it is not about forgetting things. I wish I could explain it better but my mind is just barely awake at the moment.

Sure she could have ADHD or she could have just been caught up in enjoying the moment.

A.M.

answers from Kansas City on

you're not a bad mother sweetie, we all do our best.

i will say at first read, this post sounds behavioral. she only does it for certain people - if she is ok at pre-k then there's no reason to worry about adhd or whatever, imo. if she is capable of behaving at school, she is capable of behaving for you or grandma or anyone else. it's not that she "cant". you know that. it's that she's not. it's up to you to figure out why and stop it.

you told all the kids that if anyone ran off, you'd leave. then you gave warnings instead of following through. *bam* there's your answer.

i never allow my 5 year old to walk through parking lots without holding my or his dad's hand. period. we started as soon as he was walking - if he fought it, he was carried, no argument. kicking, screaming, whatever. at 4 it's a little harder but it's a safety issue - there shouldn't be any compromise on that one. it does sound like you should crack down a bit more. she's 4. she is getting away with it. i feel like it's time you put your foot down. good luck.

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P.B.

answers from Shreveport on

maybe talk with your peditrician and then a social worker will look into it...
Yes, our grandaughter is taking meds right now but had to change it as she doesn't want to eat with this meds....she a different child on meds...good luck

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S.T.

answers from Houston on

It's kind of like a constant thing. My son is 9, but interacts better with children half his age. He has trouble making and keeping friends because of his impulsive outbursts, and silly things he is always doing. He jumps out of his skin if you call his name too loudly. He drops his pencil about 500 times during a lesson. He has trouble with fine motor and gross motor skills like writing, running and catching a ball. He is very bright, and he notices EVERY tiny little detail about every tiny little thing. He obsesses about stuff, like hand washing, and playing with certain toys. He will only play with Thomas engines, and won't even enter into a conversation about anything else. Didn't sleep a night until 5 years old. Bursts out with things in class. CANNOT, and I mean just can't stay quiet when he needs to, his whispers are like foghorns. Strangely overempathetic sometimes, and not a bit other times. He is VERY different to other children, noticeably so, including his sister. He is in trouble all the time at school, goes to the headmaster at least twice a week. It is not just hyper behavior - my son is actually not that hyper, he can sit and read a book for hours, it's more the distractability, and the inability to finish tasks that give them away.

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