Looking for Advice from Other Moms with Boys...

I think a ball that he could sit on by his desk and bounce as he sits might help. I think Cold Spring has started having them rather than chairs for kids that need the extra movement while they are in school. It sounds like it helps with this. I know my daughter has been very energetic since the weather is colder and isn't able to play outside as much and with all the rain, etc. Even though she's a girl, I can relate to the high energy level. I plan on having her using a ball at her desk when she does start school because she never sits still but is very smart and learns things extremely fast. I think that is the only way we won't have a similar situation.

It sounds like to me that you have a very smart and energetic little boy! I know that all of this must be extremely frustrating, but honestly, I think that it's just a phase... "and this too shall pass..." comes to my mind!

Since you have been able to stay at home with him, I'm thinking he's quite advanced. I honestly think that he's BORED at school. He probably already knows most of the things the teacher is trying to teach him! Maybe you could ask if he could be given more challenging things to do? I would definitely see if maybe he would like to learn more new things at home if they aren't willing to work extra with him at school!

Also, "boys will be boys..." Maybe he just needs some more physical activities... Do you have anywhere you can take him to play if it's too cold outside? Or could you get him involved in swimming or karate or something physically fun for him?

Good luck!!!

Ask Dr. about ADHD. My now 14 yr-old son was really nasty to other kids in class, restless, inattentive and so on. He is smart, but cannot attend (still). My adult son (33) probably had ADHD, too, but we struggled through it, and recently he was diagnosed with ADHD. Wish we had addressed it years ago!

As a mom to a 3 year old boy - I completely understand where you are coming from. He also started demonstrating some of the behaviors that you listed that your 6 year old was doing (which makes me concerned for my sanity that my 3 year old is already doing! LOL!!!) Anyways, my son was at home with me for 6 months and then he went to daycare all week and pre-school 2 days a week and as I said was doing the same things. We and his teachers decided that it was just his way of dealing with not being with me all the time and going through the transition of leaving mommy during the day. He has finally started getting better. His not perfect yet, we still have lots of issues but we are just trying to work on one thing at a time with him so as to not overwhelm him. I also try to have some special one on one time with just him and me everyday and that seems to help us anyways.

I hope this helps or at least lets you know that you are not alone out there!!!

J.

Aaah boys... they are a whole different breed :) I have 3 boys and then a girl. My youngest boy is also in kindergarten and just about 6. He is also VERY active and has trouble sitting still for anything. We knew this going into kindergarten and he has "movement breaks" during the school day to help get the energy out. They basically have someone take him and a couple other kids to the gym for 10-15 minutes and just let them run. Once he gets home we make sure time is set up for him to just move. We suggest simple activities that allow him to just be active. His favorite is running around the kitchen island. We say "go" and he runs around the island until we say "freeze" and then he has to take on the shape of an animal or thing and we need to guess what he is. Whenever it seems he is getting a little restless, we start a physical activity like this to help him get his energy out and his behavior has been great.
Good luck!!

I, too, have a six year son who is "spirited." He loves to help "clean the house" and "do the laundry." He is extremely bright and has a vivid imagination. At school he is also quite active, however it has not negatively affected his academic performance. Taking him in public has become a lesson in patience for his father and I.

His first grade teacher has allowed for his "movement" by allowing him to stand by his desk to do his work and giving him tasks to complete when he seems overly-agitated (trips to office with paperwork, etc.).

A book I found paritculary helpful is "Raising Your Spirited Child: A Guide for Parents Whose Child Is More Intense, Sensitive, Perceptive, Persistent, Energetic," by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka.

You're doing a great job!

I have been thru this with my now 16 year.. all his issues started when he started school. Looking back I wish someone had given me in the insite that the behavior could be ADHD and after several years of frustration with his behavior he was diagnosied with ADHD and Anger Behavioral Issues. I would seek an appointment with your Dr and discuss the issue with him/her. While we tried medications he had bad reactions to all of them so the normal cures did not work for us. But from what I understand if you get them started early it can make school and enjoyable experience for both teachers and student.

K.,

Ive read through your responses and I while I agree to NOT jump on the ADD wagon just yet, I would not totally rule it out. I have a 15yr boy who was just like yours in kindergarten. He did really well academically for the first few school years and had a bundle of energy, then he started to struggle a little with grades around 4th grade. We had him "tested" for ADD and was told he just need tutoring. After 4 years of tutoring he was getting worse so we took him to see a counselor who said he was ADD without the hyper part. He sent us to see a specialist who recommended meds. We were reluctant to start on meds but as his freshman year ended he was barely passing. He started taking a small dose of a ADD med. The difference in his grades and attitude is amazing. His "personality" hasn't changed and no side effects with the med. I really wish I had listened to my gut all those years ago because to have seen him struggle not only at school but with makeing and keeping friends it was very disheartening. It is NOT a bad thing to have ADD and there are many ways you can help him without meds if needed.
But remember he is a boy and they do have times where sitting still can be hard. :) wish I had some of that bundled up energy!

Good Luck
K.

ahh yes the "spirited child" is what they call them these days. My son is only 19 months but i have a feeling he will be this way. my oldest nephew has always been like your son very very bright. Try to find things that will engage his mind to keep his hands and feet under control. (at age 4 my nephew removed the electrical box from the outside of the church next to his house in under 5 mins while my sister went downstairs to start laundry) My nephew loves to learn so we give him everything we can to keep him reading. before he could read we told him facts adn had him think about them tell us what he thought. Ask your son to make up stories in his head to tell you when he gets home from school. My nephew was in trouble a lot in school when he got teachers that didn't understand. he would speed through his work and then sit and doodle to keep his brain busy and the teacher would yell at him. Try to encourage your son to keep his brain moving with out moving his body and mouth. It is also true that boys are boys, kids are kids it is hard to contain the energy so don't be too harsh. I was lucky enough when i was in school to have teachers that understood that letting me focus on my own thoughts after my work was done was what work best for me. I liked to learn but i hated being forced to sit for this amount of time. my nephew is in 5th grade and he has a notebook used ONLY for doodles while at school. a few months in and no "behavior" problems have been reported. you can also talk to school counselors about getting books they recommended some to my sister when my nephew was in 1st grade. When we ask my nephew why he does the things he does he says "i just wanted to see what happened" he has put things in the microwave, thrown eggs at the house, mixed things you name it he has done it. He favorite thing has always been to tape things together. LOL Remember to breathe and a heartfelt good luck. i feel your "pain" :)

He sounds like a very intelligent little boy. School academics must not give him much of a challenge and seem boring once he completes his work. So he takes out his frustrations in the comforts of home. By virtue of creating "mixtures" and assessing the ability of his body to fit through the cat door is genius. Observe what creative direction he might be interested in such as music, drawing, making things with clay or building 3D objects with paper, maybe even learning some form of creative dance. Perhaps you might think sports is better for a boy but truly, a creative endeavor will stimulate his mind, fulfill his tactile urge and nurture his spirit.

I know a guy who was very active as a young boy, at age 6, his Mom started him in piano lessons. 38 years later, he still plays piano and even guitar, has been involved in bands and even has taught music to children.

Please don't get all consumed with what seems a negative trait but look at what and how he gets into these situations and recognize a potential. All of this will require great attention and focus on your part so be prepared to do some work. It could be a lot of fun and something which can become a family venture. Maybe begin a singing night or creative work night.

Sounds like you are a very good parent, concerned and very loving and open for some ideas. If you have tried this already and it didn't work, then definitely talk to your doctor and see what they say. I am not for medications for myself and will not endorse them but I do not oppose others if they discover this as an answer. This is a case by case analysis, one that also needs much focus and attention.

Enjoy his spirit, his intelligence and remember, all messes are cleanable and not worth the energy that anger can invoke.

Peace and creative resolutions!!!
K.

Hey K.-
I know what you mean!! Our oldest had pent up energy as well. He is an outstanding student, but just had too much energy. We had to focus that energy into something positive. We turned to Tae Kwon Do. Our son would come home just bouncing off the walls, and would act out. Once we could streamline the energy he was loads better. I just think when they are used to daycare, or home in this case, they can go outside lots more, and are able to get rid of that energy. Once they start school, they are expected to sit all day long with a few short breaks. At least in our case the TKD helped because he could use up that energy, but it also taught him respect, listening skills, leadership skills, and time management. He is now a 2nd degree black belt and has been involved for 6 years!! We started him when he went into kindergarten. If TKD isn't the answer for your child, then maybe gymnastics, or another activity that can help. I hope this helps and good luck.

this is so typical for boys. then you get told he has ADD and he needs to be on meds. this is NOT the case with your son. hes doing well academically, so hes NOT ADD. true ADD, the child would not be able to concentrate to finish a task no matter how hard he was trying. your son is just active! this is a GOOD thing!!! its sad that schools are not set up for boys, they are set up for girls. girls typically want and are able to sit and listen and boys typically are not. its totally not fair :P

you could practice with him at home, and see if that shows any improvement. you could talk with the teachers and see if they can find a different way for him to learn. a classroom in the duluth area had removed all the chairs and let kids sit on those big exersize balls. sure, there was bouncing and moving, but the kids paid more attention and were less disruptive than when they were sitting in normal chairs. ask the teacher, or go to school administration and see if that is something they would be willing to try, even for part of the day or something. it might cause some issues because a teacher is going to think that its more disruptive, but its really worth a shot. especially if you try it at home and it seems to help him there. :)

good luck! and, like i said, hes most likely not ADD. :)

I agree with the responders who said NOT to jump to the ADD/ADHD conclusion since he is doing well academically. Kids need to be active and to get strenuous exercise every day. Boys may be this way more often, but I have an active girl. She goes to Karate multiple times a week and to swimming, we also walk/bike/scooter often. She needs activity every day. I would check into the types of physical activities that are available to you and that he might enjoy, and/or increase the frequency of activity at home.

A book written on this subject, written by a doctor who is also well respected on the subject of ADD/ADHD is "Spark" http://www.amazon.com/Spark-Revolutionary-Science-Exercis...

K.,

It sounds like he is bored at school - especially if he is doing well acedemically. He is a boy. He is 6 years old. Very few boys can "sit" at that age. Some teachers can handle it - and some can't. At home it sounds like he is screaming for attention - and it could be the same thing at school. Not that you excuse the behavior, but maybe you could set aside a little time just for him and see if that helps. I would try that before anyone even brings up ADD/ADHD. Too many people are quick with a diagnosis - and often when you are dealing with a kindergartener - it is something they will grow out of. Give him a little extra attention and love on ONLY him for 10-15 minutes and you may see great changes.

Lisa, mom of 4 boys

Hi K.,

This has nothing to do with it, but I can't believe you have 3 kids born so close in October, albeit different years! That must make for 1 wild week of birthday parties. ;)

Anyway, I just wanted to say that since you already have a dr's appt, something you could ask him/her is for an ADHD assessment: see how the clinio goes about doing that, can s/he give you a referral, etc. I am a family therapist, and some of the behavior your son is experiencing (especially in a school setting) might be indicative of this. ADHD people are usually quite bright and need to be challenged in order to stay focused, otherwise the hyperactivity takes over and they become restless, have difficulty sitting still, have trouble waiting their turn, etc. It might be worth it to see what (if anything) is going on. Could just be that he is acting 6, but it sounds like the teacher is concerned about the behavior, as are you with some of the new behavior he is displaying at home.

You don't always need to medicate ADHD; there are plenty of cognitive-behavioral therapies out there to help manage some ADHD symptomology. So if that is something that concerns you, be sure to mention your thoughts on this to the doctor.

Good luck - feel free to msg me if you have any questions.
E.

K. - boys definitely need to move around more, be more physical, etc. I would rule out ADHD or ADD right away, just so you know what you are dealing with. My nephew was just diagnosed with ADD -he's always been very bright. My brother is going to try to deal with it through diet. Keep a log of what your son eats to see if there are some foods that seem to trigger his behavior. Things to watch closely are sugar, food dyes (color # anything), MSG, corn starch, white flour, etc. Try to cut out all sugar, especially in the morning, and see if he improves. Make sure he's "getting the wiggles out" with big motor activities as often as he can. Reward him when he does sit still and behave appropriately (not with food).

They made a huge mistake when they took gym class out of the everyday part of school. Especially with elementary schools. And recess is not long enough to work out all the excess energy they have. I have two boys and a girl, and my oldest is almost 12. He was the same way! It is typical behavior for boys. They are not able to control themselves. Aaron my 12 year old got in trouble all the time at school until 3rd grade when he started settling down and being able to sit still and control his excess moving and talking, but my 5 year old is an angel at school, but then when he gets home he has so much pent up from the day that I go crazy trying to keep him from fighting with his little sister or deliberately disobeying me. Sounds like your son is a mix of both worlds. Getting a little out of hand at school and at home.
My advice would be to trust your own instincts. Aarons first grade teacher tried to tell me she was almost positive he was ADHD, and I refused to listen to her and am glad I didn't. He has done so wonderfully in school and is in the top 10% of his school not just his class acedemically, and has done great since he outgrew the fidgety little boy stage. Thomas, my kindergartener, had conferences two weeks ago and I told his teacher of how he is acting out at home and wondered how he was at school. She said he was doing great, and suggested I think about where I let my hair down. She said she would not expect a 5 year old to be able to keep it together both at home and at school. We do not tolerate his bad behavior at home and do timeouts, but at least now she helped us to understand why he acts that way at home. Home some of this helps. I know it would be so much easier if you were hearing more positive feedback from your childs school, but I think maybe his teachers expectations are just too high?

Hi K.,
Part of the antsyness is the age. But I would see if there is "special" jobs he can help with while the class is in line and I would suggest having him sit closest to the teacher when they at circle time. As for all of the fun things going on at home, he should learn that the things he's getting into is dangerous and you shouldn't have to lock everything up! I would take away special toys when he misbehaves. I would take it away for a few days before he can get it back. There was on point with my son he was in 3rd grade and we cleared out all of his toys for a month because he was misbehaving at school.
GOOD LUCK!

M. C.
I have to kids 12 years (son)& 10 years (daughter).

My son is almost nine, and does the exact same things. He's a very bright boy and at the top of his class. I think it's a mixture of boredom and the need to explore. Caleb has always been a hands-on kind of kid, and he loves to see cause-and-effect reactions to things; he just doesn't always think things through.

Being impulsive is part of being a child. As he's gotten older his behavior has improved, since we can discuss "good choices vs. bad choices" much easier, but it's been a long road. Just make sure you discuss with him making good decisions and what is appropriate at school and home. Good luck, I know how frustrating it is!

I think the problem is chromosomal. Your child has an XY chromosome. Therefore, he is a boy and he acts like one:). I have seven boys. It's a trip, isn't it? Though I don't own any dog shampoo or carpet deoderizor, I have been through many experiences almost exactly like those. And no, it doesn't matter where you hide stuff. Boys were made for treasure hunts. That will come in handy later when you need help to find stuff. I don't know what to suggest for school, because it truly is a poor match. Public school is not structured with normal, healthy boys of this age in mind. Just check out some statistics to see how large of a percentage are on medication for this type of behavior and see if it matches with your common-sense gauge. Six-yr-old boys are often not wired for standing in line, carpet time, and many of the other structured behaviors required in this setting. And this active behavior is not a sign of trouble to come. In every one of my sons' cases (except one who is still 6), this "troublesome" stage developed into more mature stages which could make more helpful use of this energy. (Though I hesitate to underestimate the value of what they do at this stage. They learn so much about their environment, themselves, etc... while doing these things that drive us nuts) My boys are a delight to us and to many who comment on their behavior (we get comments nearly everywhere we go). So I have concluded that this is not "bad" behavior. It is just terribly inconvenient for us or whoever watches over them and picks up after them until they grow a little older.

Without knowing you better, I don't know what to suggest. Homeschooling is a super option because they can learn SO much if given the freedom to do it in this way which is obviously natural to them. Even keeping a boy home until he is seven or eight can help tremendously, and very little is required from you during these ages. In the public school, you might find a teacher who would cooperate with you in using an understanding approach to allow boys to be boys at least up to a point. Consider the success of the Montessori schools. They work in respect of this natural passion to learn and explore and seem to have proven that it brings great results. Isn't that enough reason to try to give a little room to these little ones who are actually learning so much more than we could imagine?

Make sure he's getting plenty of exercise after school. Ihave two boys and they always act up more when they haven't gotten enough exercise. Check out Mary Sheedy Kurcinka's book, "Raising the Spirited Child." Maybe talk to his teacher again to make sure he's sufficiently academically challenged at school. Also, can you get him something like a Swiss disc to sit on at school? They are avaialable on line and in certain catalogs. They are kind of a gel like substance and you place it on the chair so the kids can wiggle a little without being disruptive. I think it's a good thing to mention it to his doctor at his check up. It could just be that he's got excess energy or he's seeking attention or it could be something else like sensory issues.

i have four boys. None of mine have ever had a problem like yours. You are not a bad parent so don't believe anyone who says you are. It sounds like maybe you should think about having him tested for add. My nephew has it and when he was little he had a hard time sitting still and other things.

hi, my 11 year old grandson was very much like that as a little boy - I had to go to head start with him since he was so active - never sat still, was into everything. It turned out he is highly gifted and just very curious and was not being given enough to stimulate him. We chose to forgo regular school and are homeschooling him. now he is doing great - way ahead of where he would be in puplic school and has his intrests and energy directed into good activities. I take him to the Childrens musium, the local University musium, the library, the park, out to eat (Burger King, McDonalds, Chinese resturant, etc) several times a week. He is in a homeschool Gym class every week, and of course has all sorts of computer stuff to do.

You may well find out your little guy is also gifted and just needs more than puplic school can give -

I am very disappointed in Kindergarten today. They don't fit the young child! When I went in 1985, it was play-based, like preschool. We learned a ton, and mostly through play.They simply can't expect a young child to sit still and behave like it's third grade, can they? But, they do.
Since I CANNOT find a kindergarten that is play-based, I'm doing my best to find one that is innovative enough to be very hands on. I am thinking about having my three-year-old do a year of Pre-K before kindergarten (not that that's the perfect solution, either, but at least it's not kindergarten right away).
I always thought that someone should open a school that is movement based, that includes preschool and kindergarten. Gymnastics and movement would be a big part of all the curriculum. There are such things, though it's rare. It should be in every school!
I wish the old kindergarten could come back.

This is why I love this site- it tells me we are not alone in the battles we face. My son is the same way at times. I guess we should be glad we have curious children not couch potatoes! It still is perplexing when they behave this way. When you figure out something that works let me know!

Little bodies need to move.

Although it is convenient for kindergarten teachers, it is not normal for 6yos to be able to sit still (or to be sitting still) for any length of time. It is also not healthy to train children to be sedentary.

When he's home, you get to deal with his physical and psychological reaction to being controlled, sitting/standing still and feeling stressed at school. This is the cause of his behaviour.

I mean: his behaviour is a completely normal reaction to what is happening in his life at school. Even if his teachers haven't noticed that well-behaved little boys end up doing this 6 times out of 10.

could the change in amount of activity be partly responsible? Perhaps some sort of run jump play for awhile when he gets home would help get the energy out? Something is causing him to act out, perhaps he's having trouble with a kid at school or adjusting to not being home? Good idea to talk to the doctor about it and continue to talk to the teacher. My 6 yr old is having a few issues with this at school, nothing serious, but you are right that some of it is typical 6 yr old behavior. Good luck!

You aren't a bad parent, your son is just active and hasn't learned self control yet. Most boys will be jumping around and getting into things that they shouldn't. He just needs to have some self direction and self control. Try having a half hour each evening when he needs to sit at the table and do "homework" or play a game with him. Have him read you stories when he starts reading, until then sit with him and read him stories that will keep his interest, not the picture books... but a book that will take more then one setting to read. Read a couple chapters and get him excited about what may come next. He sounds like a very smart child and make sure he knows that he is, especially if he is in trouble at school often. He will learn self control as long as he is getting to practice it at home as well as in school.

Checking with his doctor sounds like a good idea. Also, you can ask your son why he did those things. (Just one at a time) In order to get honest answers from him, it will help if you're open to really hearing his perspective. And have you lovingly shared with him what it's like for you when he does those things? You may have had these conversations already. If so, do you have a sense that you and he are on the same team, or are you adversaries? Our 15-year-old has always been pretty much self-absorbed, so if we don't like his behavior he will change it only if there's a consequence that's directly connected. Our 6 has more of a social conscience--he will get carried away having fun with messy things, but he's genuinely sorry later. Every kid is different--enjoy the ones you have!