Parenting a New Teenager

This is really difficult, because her father is allowing her to date. If you can't get him to change that, I think you will have to go along with it also, otherwise she will just really rebel against you.

Just try to really supervise her on these dates and teach her the proper way to be involved in a "relationship" at 13, if you can. Good luck.

Sounds like you all need to sit down ans discuss what is best for your daughter. Perhaps compromise, she can go on "group dates" or chaperoned until she is x yrs old or all parents feel that she is capable of making the right decisions. at 13, she definitely does not need to be going on "dates" alone!

This is a little tough. Yes, she is too young, and it isn't right for her Dad to be going against you and letting her date. But I do agree that she will think you are stricter. I went through this growing up, but at a little older age. I was in high school. My mother let me do so much more than my father, so I stayed with her more.

My advice would be to get to know the child and his parents. I wouldn't agree to outright dating, but bowling would be fun. So it's a compromise. Tell her you love her and feel she is too young for dating, but realize she enjoys being around him. And that she can (tell her a few things you would be comfortable with) as long as you can spend time with him and get to know him, and meet his family. You could even all go to the zoo together, seeing how they interact when they are together. The more you know the boy and where he comes from, the more comfortable you will be. But on the other hand, let her know exactly what you are comfortable with her doing, like bowling.

It is tough. Your little girl is growing up. And having split households, and him having his own set of rules is hard. You need to get together with him and say, you think she is too young but you are willing to allow ---- . And you hope that you can work together with him on anything further. It's a very important time to have consistency. And yes mom, she is young, but you compromising in some ways is important to her. You should take this time to really talk it out and get closer in your relationship.

Good luck, stay strong, and .... Talk.

13 is indeed to young. You might be resented but you have to go with what you believe. Ask her father to do the same. If they are to hang out it could be for a movie at your house and only with parental supervision. You can trust her but you dont have to give her rope in which to hang herself. As teens we know how easy it is to get caught up in the moment and this causes teen pregnancy. At 13 she is not mature enough to understand the games guys will play like if you really love me you will do iot with me or if you dont someone else will.

i think you need to do what you feel is right. do not be afraid to be the strict parent. you need to do what is best for your daughter.

Dear Y.,

I feel going to the movie or bowling in groups is fine as long as they are not out late and are dropped off and picked up by a responsible parent. If they want to go on their own (using public transportation or walking), that’s fine during the DAY. Anything after 5 PM would require parental transportation.

Curfew for a 13 - 15 year olds, 9 PM - 10 PM at the latest unless it’s a very special occasion such as a school dance. Curfew for 16 – 17 year olds, 11 PM, unless it’s the prom and then some very strict guidelines should be in place.

If it is possible, arrange to meet with her father and stepmother; it would be a very positive thing if you all could present a united front. If this isn’t possible, don’t worry about be “THE HEAVY”. You can be sure that Natalie Holloway’s mother and many mothers like her, whose children are dead and/or missing, got pregnant and/or molested etc. wish they had been “THE HEAVY”.

I would not hesitate to show my child a few stories, so she doesn’t think you are totally unfair. For the record, none of those girls thought anything would happen to THEM!

Blessings…..

Hi Y., I think 13 is way to young to have a boyfriend let alone go out on dates. Group dates are one thing, but not just 2 of them. We had a rule...not dating till 16. My daughter had alot of "boyfriends" they would come here, go out with lots of people but never had alone time. Kids these days are growing up way to fast and need boundries. I hope it works out for you. She may be mad at first, but it will work out in the long run. Good Luck

I would have a serious conversation with her about dating, love, sex, setting healthy boundaries with boys, what to do if she in a compromising situation, etc. I would let her go on mini dates. For instance, bowling, a movie or ice cream. I would advise against long dates that are unsupervised though. Most likely the boy she is dating now is not going to be her life partner and it's important for her to have balance in her relationships. Make sure you know who she's with, when she'll be home and have a conversation with her boyfriend's parents. You may also feel more comfortable having this boy over multiple times before you let him take your daughter on a date. Teenagers need and like boundaries. They will fight it at first, but they like know what to expect from you. If she breaks your trust, then restrict her from dating. If she proves trustworthy, let her continue to go. It's important for you and your daughter to have open conversations after the date is over. Find out what they did...if they had fun...why or why not...if she felt comfortable, etc. She will be more willing to open up after time if she knows you care and aren't going to be upset if she does make a mistake. With all that said, if you have good communication with your daughter, you will know better if your daughter is ready or not. After talking to her, you should gain a better understanding. You are her mom and you do know best. I wouldn't worry about her resenting you. Parenting is not about being your daughter's friend, it's about preparing her to be an adult. I hope this helps.

Hello YolynnS: Welcome to the world of crazy teens.
Since you have 2 families I wonder if you can find compromises. We did not let any of our children date until they were 16 & then I encouraged double dating. Yes they went on group activities and I know that mr or miss wonderful was there as well but it was all well chaperoned.
I know that kids seem to be getting to do adult things much younger but my question is if they are "dating" at 13 what are they going to do at 16.
I think it is wonderful that she is on her 2nd "boyfriend". She is a kid and should be seeing the 500 cute and friendly guys in her school. Not just one and only one. I hope thatshe won't just see past the boys that are heavy or in wheelchairs as I have both and know them to be great guys and treat girls with lots of respect.
But the parents need to be on the same page on this or trust me you will have a lot of future problems on your hands. Good Luck in the adventure of parrenthood, NanaG

Assuming the boy is not sixteen and driving, how are they going on dates? Walking, being dropped off by parents? I think that if they are chaperoned (to use an old fashioned term) if might be OK. Take them both bowling, watch TV with them. Get to know the boy yourself.

Don't worry about being the strict parent. She may resent you at first, but eventually she'll see that you have her best interests at heart. For now, tell her that you want her to have the longest and happiest teen age years she can possibly have, and that the best way to do that is to not move too fast.

I would not be happy about a 13 1/2 year old having just one boyfriend, although they are pretty hard to reason with at that age. If she is starting to "pair off," it's probably time to sit her down and tell her that you hope she will wait a few years before having sex, but that if she does have sex, she MUST protect herself with condoms, and the pill, and that if she gets into trouble, she must NEVER be afraid to come to you for help.

One of the things I did with my kids is to start conversations about kids we'd see, or kids we knew, who were having sex too early, and/or getting pregnant--- I would say something like, "My god, I hope that little girl isn't the mother of that baby she has in the stroller! She's really going to miss out on her teenage years!" Or make comments about friends of theirs who are so caught up in their exclusive relationships that they are missing out on good times with their larger group of friends. I made a big example of a cousin of theirs who had a baby and just wanted to leave it with her mother all the time because she missed going out and partying with her friends.

I was happy to let my kids go out in groups of kids at that age, and do things like bowling on Saturday, so long as it was in a group of kids. It's not a guarantee that they're not having sex, but at least they're not all-absorbed with each other, to the point that no one else has any influence with them. It's hard--- good luck.