Other Topics/potty Training

My sister-in-law had the same problem with her daughter when she was about 3. Her daughter would actually hold in her BMs and get constipated b/c she didn't want to use the potty. So when she refused to poop on the potty, my sister-in-law would use suppositories with her to make her go. Now if she has trouble getting her to go, she just has to threaten her with a suppository and she goes. Good luck!

My son did the same thing UNTIL...I made HIM clean up his underwear from his poo-poo. It may seem rather mean, but I had him place his underwear in the toilet to rinse it by hand and had him place it in the washing machine. Not only did he squall like a big baby, he found out what a nasty job momma has to do every time he was doing that. He only did that ONE time, and we NEVER had another problem with his pooping on himself.

looks like you already received a lot of good info. it's hard, but try to avoid the power struggle and pretend as though you don't care. i went through it w/ my son (now 5) when he was 3.5 years. i do know that for some kids it's a sensory thing... for example they don't like the feel of the cold seat, or perhaps the water splashing up when the poop comes out (you might put a couple squares of paper in the toilet). for my son, it was especially problematic after we experienced obnoxiously loud auto flushers in public rr. i think he was truly afraid to sit on something that unplanned and loud. try incentives, make sure it's nothing obvious like constipation that hurts him, read books about it (we like everyone poops), and just try to ask him one day in a casual setting (and not in the middle of a struggle). good luck!

We are just now getting over this very problem, and there are alot of 4 and 5 yr olds going through this. We gave him miralax every day for 3 months and he could even hold it if it was water. We finally took him to a specialist at Vanderbilt Childrens Med. Center and he told us that he has to learn to let it go. He went from a diaper where he could just go when ever he wanted to, to having to hold it to get to the toilet and now he has to learn to let it go. He suggested that we bring him to the potty 5 mins after he eats and let him sit for 5 mins. At first he would not even try and go, the doctor said not to read or distract him in any way, but that is how I get him to go. I made flash cards and we practice reading words and before he knows it, it is done and over with. It has taken us about 6 months so don't give up and be consistant. Don't fuss or make a big deal about it, just take him to the potty and sit with him and let
it happen. GOOD LUCK

I had the same problem with my daughter and it turned out that she just didnt know how to poo. She was going in per pants but for some reason I think that its different than sitting on a big open toilet. I finally told her to try pushing out farts and a few farts later, she finally pooed on the toilet. She has done well since she finally figured that part out.

I had the same problem. The problem probably stems from the fact that at one point in time, he had a hard bowel movement that hurt, so now he is afraid that if he makes himself "go" in the potty, it will hurt again. This makes them hold it in as long as possible, and then eventually, some of it will come out - in the undies! Try giving him a warm cup of apple or prune juice every evening with Myralax in it. (I know prune juice sounds yucky, but I had it in the hospital - warm - and it was actually very good.) Give it to him with an oatmeal raisin cookie, and it will probably be a little better received. The Myralax will take a couple of days to work, but it will make it easier for him to go. If you have time, try to get him to sit on the toilet in the morning after breakfast. If not, usually right before bathtime works well too - give him a book to look at - or read to him while he is trying. Many moms do not do this, but I occasionally let my kids have coffee in the mornings (with milk and sugar) in it. The coffee is a stimulant, so it will help his body move the waste through. You may also want to try to giving him a Benefiber tablet daily. They're berry flavored. My son also likes the prunes that are individually packaged, and they all love nuts. I usually buy the mixed nuts because they are more afordable, and they get a good variety. Increase his fiber intake and reduce the sugar intake. If you pack his lunch, send some fresh veggies with ranch dressing instead of chips or cheetos (put a freezor pack in the lunch box to keep everything cool). My kids love it when I pack them little meat and cheese toothpick kabobs with crackers for lunch too. This goes well with the veggies. Another thing I do is to put out a tray of grapes in the afternoon, then the kids will graze on them. They also like them frozen, so make up a couple of snack bags that they can carry outside for a snack. Good luck! I feel you pain.

Dear R.:

There defiantely could be a medical thing going on here. We have a daughter that has been checked a number of times for celiac disease. Go to www.webmd. com to find out more on it. Also he could have a gluten intolerance/allergy. It is very hard to check for a gluten allergy and many doctors don't even look for it, but I know too many children who have this condition, and it took years to diagnose. We went through all of this with our daughter who is now 4. She has just recently (last 3 months) had a bowel movement in the toilet. What did it take? We finally just ignored it. When she would poop in her panties, we wouldn't say anything, and sometimes that would take a lot to keep our mouths shut, but we would just change it, and then send her on her way. Finally, she went and now we are still visiting the potty each time she has a bowel movement to congratulate her. She will seek us out after she's done because she is stil proud of the fact that she can go. Oh, lots and lots of fluids each day doesn't hurt. But, I would check with the pediatrician to see about those other conditions. You just never know. Good Luck, I know how bad you'll need it.
PS- Miralax is a good start and now can be found OTC.

good morning, had this problem before. I allowed my son to feel what it is like to have poop in his underpants. it did become uncomfortable for him and he started putting it in the toilet.(he was 4 1/2 at the time) today he's 11 will be 12 in July, now he sometimes he holds it because he just don't like to go. GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!

I have 3 children (10, 8, 4) and each one was different. One of my children did not want to go in the BIG potty and would always use the little potty. I think sometimes that going in the BIG potty is scary and he might just be scared that he will fall in as well if he goes. Try a smaller potty and see if that works. Of course, they do graduate to the big one eventually. Good luck!

Is he having a bowel movement every day, just not on the toilet?

If he's not having a bowel movement then he could be anal retentive which can cause your colon to expand until it hurts really bad when you finally do go, making the experience worse. This happened with my three year old and we had to put her on Myralax for awhile until she got in to the habit of going every day and they were small enough to pass without hurting.

If however, he is using his underwear then its a different matter all together. You might want to put him back in pull ups if thats what it takes to get the message across. Saving things he likes-like playing computer games, watching a show, etc until after he has a bowel movement in the toilet. This way, its not really a prize, but rather something he normally gets to do and *likes* that he wont be allowed to do until he starts going in the toilet. And it never hurts to get a second opinion from another doctor. There might be something psychological that could be easily remedied with the right steps.

I hope either of these suggestions helped you.

Hi R.,
my son is six and we have the same problem. He has good days and he has bad days. We had to throw out underwear but some we can salvage since they are mostly skid marks. My DR. told me it was endocraprecis(?) and perscribed miralax. it is sorta expensive for us though. This is what happens. The child does not want to poop in the potty they hold it and hold it causing leakage. They eventually lose the feeling that they even have to go. So anyway it is a battle we still fight and were in the process of treatment when his Dr moved. We are trying to find another one. For the record, i have done everything you have done as far as the reward/ grounding system. He has improved, night is a problem. I do not think your son is lazy and i think you need to address this possibility with the Dr.

Hi R.
My daughter was the same way. She would sometimes hold it so long that we had to use an enema to relieve her. The Pediatricain referred us to Children's Hospital in Pittsburgh to rule out any medical problems. Thank goodness she was fine. Turns out it was just "yucky" for her. She didn't like the smell and she also didn't like people knowing when she was pooping. The doctor told us it was a "girl" thing and she would need encouragement to outgrow it. We told her that poo wasn't made to smell like flowers. We told her that everyone takes time out to poop and it's "your time" to hog the bathroom. I suggest, since you have other children too, that you take turns going to the bathroom and announce when your're going so that he hears you. Stay in there for a good while, then ask aloud, where he/she is, and say, "Oh, that's right, they're in the bathroom". When he/she comes out, congratulate them and say, "I bet you feel better now", or some encouraging comment (with a smile).
My daughter loves Shania Twain, so I told her that Shania poops in the potty and her poop doesn't smell like flowers either. Maybe try that with your son's favorite super hero.
I'm sure you're a great mother since you have other children too. Just hang in there .... it will happen :-)

My son was the exact same way!! He was totally easy to train to pee in the potty, but nothing else. I found it a little bizarre to be honest. He'd run to the potty to pee, but hold it in 'till he got off to poop. I resorted to putting pull-ups on him to avoid the messes that you're finding yourself dealing with. (Maybe he'll hate that enough to try the potty?) I told him he had to do it in the bathroom regardless of in the potty or in his pants. One day he decided he didn't like the way it felt anymore and went in the toilet. It may not be a battle worth fighting. In retrospect (he's 14 now) I think, once he saw I gave up the fight, he did too. Boys are attached to their poops for some reason, I have known many to be that way.... just trust that he's fine and normal and let him let you know when he's ready..... It WILL happen....

Do his bms come out (in his undy) very dry and hard? If so, he might be constipated and it hurts to go.

The solution to that is usually one or more of the following:
1) more fiber in their diet, raw fruit is especially good - apples, grapes, etc.
2) omega 3s supplement - I had one friend whose son had been on a medicine for long term constipation (encopresis I think they called it) for over a year and once she added an omega 3 supplement she was able to take him off that medicine.
3) more water

Autumn F is probably right: He probably has Encopresis. My son had this problem. He had to take Miralax daily for over a year. It really can take a year to solve this problem because the muscles that control the bowels need to learn to work properly again. Google "Encopresis". Please take your son to his pediatrician to discuss his problem.

Good Luck !

Check out the Potty Monkey at pottymd. It can be frustrating but it works as a last resort!

I am responding to you because I am a single mother of 2 beautiful kids. I am having the exact same problem with my 6 year old son. I took him to the Dr. and she said that he was constipated. I was confused because that was why I was there to see her because of him pooping in his underwear. She said that he could have a huge ball of waste pressing on his rectum and it could cause pain when he sat down to use it. She asked if his bowel movements were mushy. She said that if he had a ball of waste blocking that the waste would go around it so it could come out but that it would be painful for him if he were to try to sit down to do this. She said to change his diet. No more cheese for a while and only 2 glasses of milk a day and no bananas. That was basically his diet. He loves bananas. She said to give him peaches instead. She also give him some type of elaxitive to help break down the ball of waste. I don't know if this is your sons problem but it would not hurt to check into that. I hope this has helped a little. I know how it feels. I felt like people thought that I was a bad mother. I hope you are able to resolve the situation soon. Best wishes,
L.

Hi R....First of all,research the medical aspect thoroughly. Then, if that's not it...make him clean his own underwear. Gross I know, but at some point he has to become responsible for his actions. Think back to when he was a baby/toddler-when was his naturally scheduled poop? AM or PM? -By the way, is he in school?-Send him to the bathroom around that same time with some books, and a warm drink-milk, hot chocolate, "special" tea. Tell him, don't come out until you've gone poop. Then check in with him every so often. When there's success,let him know that he did a great grown-up thing- not big boy thing, you're past that point. Whatever you do be consistent. If you've threatened the pull-ups, follow through. Get over your own embarassament of your 5 year old wearing pull ups and do whatever it takes to win this battle. The bottom line is this-he's not a baby anymore. He's a big boy. I understand that baby boy thing. But take a step back, and really look at the whole situation. Then gather your wits and come up with a plan and stick to it. I know this is hard, but you can do this. God has given you the mommy skills to do it. Good Luck, and God Bless!

try putting him on the pot right after each meal for 5-10 minutes. then during the day, about every 1/2 hour, put him on the pot for 5-10 minutes and let him get up. but if you see him straining, rush and put him on the pot.

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i would do the pull ups thing. appaerntly he is capable of using the potty, but just doens't want to...he's got the upper hand right cause he know's it's upsetting you. just tell him when he can go poo in the potty like a big boy then he can have his big boy underwear back. then once he decides to use the potty, give him a time line...say no poos in undies for a week and he gets special prize. bur remember, practice makes makes perfect, he might still have accidents, but if he starts really trying and putting in a good effort, then make sure to acknowledge that.