Only Child

Don't worry:
We are happy parents of our only daughter, who is now in 3rd grade. I have absolutely no regrets or problems with our decision at all. She is completely fine, too. She takes dance and piano, plays with the neighborhood kids, and has good friends in her class that come over. I'm just letting you know that if your situation does end up with only one child, everything can still be great!
(Also, my husband is an only child and is wonderful. He played football through high school, had tons of friends, has his masters from A&M and makes a great living--so, it can still last into adulthood, too!)
Hope this helps you feel better about it all:)

S.

1 mom found this helpful

Think about the perfect sibling for your child: vibrant, healthy, sweet-natured, the perfect age, whichever gender you'd prefer...perfect.

Now think about all the children who are given up for adoption each year. There are so many wonderful children out there that only need a little love, and that would be SO HAPPY to have a real family and a real brother.

If you can't have another child on your own, but you still have plenty of room in your heart (and home!) then please, please consider adoption. I have two biological children, a boy and a girl, and one adopted son. I love all my children equally, and they all love me, my husband and one another. We are a family.

Me and my friends have always called that intense feeling of wanting another baby, especially when being around others who are pregnant or have a baby, "babyitis". I don't know anybody who doesn't go through it, even when she has declared that she does NOT want another baby. I went through it during times that I didn't want babies, and times that I did. I actually didn't think that I could have any more, and eight years later, I have found myself pregnant, so it goes to show that nothing is impossible. However, having been an adopted child myself, I have a great respect for those who are able to adopt children, because you could very well be saving somebody's life. I know that I would not be alive to write to you today if somebody had not stepped in and removed me from my situation.

Have a Great Day!
L. Santiago

Hi girlie,
I am not in the same boat but if it comes down to your health, you need to do what is best for the baby you have now. There are lots of kids out there that are fine being an only child. They have your complete attention and love it. I don't know how you feel about adoption but that is always an option. Don't compare your life to others...you do what is best for you and your family and especially your health. If you can't have any because of health reasons don't put your health in jeopardy...I don't know if you are religious but to what ever high power you believe in...consult w/ that power. If I couldn't have anymore I would consider adoption...again it's up to you. I hope this helps...I don't think I helped but your health is a big, huge concern.

From B.,
First as God if it's His will for you to have another child.
Only He can make it possible. Just put it in His hands and He will give you a blessing.

We are fertility-challenged and exploring different paths to having a second child. Adoption is an option for you, but in your case, surrogacy may work as well. It is very expensive, but if carrying a child is your only problem, you CAN still have a baby with you and your husband's own DNA, carried by a surrogate. Just another option to consider. If that's something you want to look into, the first step is to make an appt with a reproductive endocrinologist.

Well I can relate because I have one child. I got married in 1983 to my hubby and we tried and tried to have a child. I had a eptopic pregnancy prior to my marriage. They had to remove one of my felopian tubes. I was told I could still get pregnant. Well needless to say with not using birth control for over 10 years in 1993 I did indeed become pregnant with my daughter. She is like a miracle to me. I am and was so thrilled to have her. I too had wanted and desired more children. My hubby had already two sons from his first marriage and they were young when we married 8 and 12. Well over time we tried and tried, but no other children were we blessed with. I decided if I couldn't have any more than that was God's decision. I then seperated from my hubby and since then he passed away. When I remarried , my hubby and I wanted children. Well we still didn't have any more. We both wanted more but he and I have decided that one is what God wanted us to have. So I am fine with it now.

So if you really want anther child, then consider adoption as an option. There are so many children out there who need loving, caring and devoted parents. You sound as though you and your hubby both want this. That is important. Talk to friends, family, and others who might know where to start in the adoption process.

Good luck to you and your hubby and family.

P.

Have you considered adoption or foster care? I know that for many people having a child that isn't theirs biologically isn't an option. However, I'm not someone who believes in risking their lives or their good health to have another child. Worst case senario is that you could end up leaving that baby and your older one motherless. If adoption isn't for you, then you may have to accept that you'll only have one. Why would you risk it all when you've already got a child who needs you??? And there are plenty of advantages to just having one. I was an only child myself and while it was lonely, I was doted on. My parents were able to afford to do things and travel with me that would not have been an option if I'd had a sibling.

I agree, you are in a hard spot.

Baby desires hit everyone at times. But the fact that your hubby would like another child also, leads me to think perhaps you should look into adoption. I know of a few families that have adopted and never looked back. They adopted babies and raised them as their own. The kids came from backgrounds where they would not have had a chance and now they had a loving family and safe home.

One key to adoption is raising the child just like the others with the exception of taking in his/her personality. So you would not force a kid to do music when he loves soccer, just because his brother plays soccer. But you also would make others treat him just like the birth child--everyone gets a christmas hug/present/stocking. ;-)

The kids I knew all grew up and they were great! The parents were glad they were able to have them in their home.

Adopting an older child is a different ball game and I definetly do not encourage that. It is rough.

So..look up some agencies and gather information about how they work, what they charge, how long their process takes, etc. Some will work with pg mothers and it is totally open. Some don't. You may need to get a lawyer to help with the paperwork and I am sure if you ask around you will be surprised at how many people have opinions, advice, and names of sources. It is just a matter of asking questions and sorting through the info.

btw my son had a lot of only children growing up and while they were great, they did miss something in the process. The ones that tell you only children are great are the parents...you don't often hear that from the kids. ;-)

Good luck,

Get a second, third, or even fourth opinion. I'm a mother of 9 children. Every one was a blessing. If I consulted 'medical advise' I would have been told it's not advisable. I don't regret one of my children and the time and commitment it takes.
On the other hand if you view life as something for your time and pleasure then children can be a big burden and a health issue no matter how small will take away all those hours, days, and years with another child.

I don't mean to be strong or critical but to the point.There comes a time when women must how wonderfully our bodies are made.
L. aka motherof9

I Was told another pregnancy was risky, but went with it anyway - I've got a handful of two little boys, plus my two stepkids.

I know that I wouldn't have listened if anyone had told me this - but if I could go back, I would have left my first son an only child. (In addition to the the two stepkids from my husband's first marriage). Don't get me wrong - I love "the baby"... but I can't wait until we get out of the "baby stage". The fact that he is developmentally delayed (my 20 month old is a solid 12 month old) probably has a lot to do with it - my 4 year old has always been ahead of the game, the only 2 year old I know who could win a verbal debate - my 20 month old has a 10 word vocabulary, only just (within the past 2 months) started walking AT ALL.. anyway, I regress.

Yeah, I think you should be grateful for the 'perfect child' you already have, but at the same time I know what it is to want another one, and I totally wouldn't have listened to me in your shoes. LOL

That said, when it comes to adoption, the cheapest thing is to adopt from the state, but that usually won't get you a baby without problems. The very first thing to do, no matter what, is to have the state do a home study. You can google CPS adoption home study to get more info.

hi, dede,
May I ask what condition is it that would place you at risk during your pregancy and/or birth?
T.
apprentice midwife