My 9 year old has had dealings with a bully who used to be a former "friend' for over a year now. I posted the whole scenario here before, but get this..
We had a baseball game the other night. We unfortunately played the team whose pitcher is my son's bully. But, for those that want to know, it didn't matter one bit to my son, AND he didn't strike out;) We want nothing to do with this kid ( he is 15 months older than my son) and we have made it clear as such that we are DONE with him and his family whose do-goodness for our school masks the real issue at hand here, that their son is a bully.
So, after the game, my son was eating ice cream, standing by himself. I was close by. I see the bully's younger brother ( 8) and another of his friends who is very timid and shy ( these are the types of kids this bully befriends because he can control them... he couldn't control my son when they were friends. He is no puppet!) I see the two boys talking to my son, hear their conversation in which they were trying to get my son to go and talk to one of his friends "Joe" in the bathroom. My son was looking out into the parking lot and saw "joe" playing with another kid. So, he knew something was up. He came and told me what they had said and at this point they looked like a bunch of giddy hyenas surrounding prey (but my son could whoop both their butts if need be!) they were sort of corraling him towards the bathroom which was pretty far away from anyone, including their parents and only I was paying attention, luckily! So, he tells me what they said ( though again, I heard them say it myself and was letting thie scenario play out) and I said well, "Joe" is over there, so who is in the bathroom that wants to talk to you, and you don't talk in bathrooms. Better yet, take Dad with you to see who needs to speak to you so urgently and about what. So, out loud, so the one boy can hear me ( the other had gone into the bathroom) I say to my son, they are setting you up for an ambush... as my husband and son walked towards the bathroom, I had already figured out who was in the bathroom and it was my son's bully, of course. So as my husband nears the bathroom, the one boy runs out, sees him and turns all red in the face, nervously runs to the other kid and they both walked away quickly with the one boy ( the bullies brother ) saying to my husband, "whatever so and so is up to, I have no part of it"... just then, sure enough, the bully comes out of the bathroom hurriedly because he saw my husband heading towards the door as the other kid exited the bathroom. He stuffed something into his bat bag and ran out, over to his barents in the parking lot. I can only imagine what he had intentions on doing ot my son. I was freaked out. Thank GOD I was paying attention as I am always on alert when this kid is around.
Last year, this kid after months of hitting and calling my son names ( my son was only turning 8 at the time) and having been threatened and cornered, my son threw his first punch at this jerks head. He connected only slightly, but the bully cried ( yes, cried) and ran to his mother and the mother and I got into a shouting match. She and I had been friends but obviously no longer. My son had enough of this kid and felt he had no option and I fully supported him. But the bully had then spread rumors ( saving face) about my son, postured his bigger and fatter friends against my son, and now this episode, almost a year to the day the punch was thrown.
My husband called the other boy's father who is a cop when we got home and told him what happened, because frankly, calling the bullies' parents is been futile... he is behaving just as I have said he has always done, like a deviate thug, which the parents refuse to believe because he only does things when no one is looking, hence a ballfield bathroom.....I believe eventually the light will be shone on this kid and karma will prevail. The kids' father called and said his son wanted to apologize for his role in the incident which we will gladly accept.
Just curious what anyone thinks of this? I mean, this is pretty outrageous don't you think? I have documented almost all incidents with this bully, and I guess just bringing the truth of this kids true character to light to some is justice enough for me.
This bully child learned it from somewhere. My guess his dad is a bully and abuses the family when no one is looking. Most bullies are actually cowards, hence the crying when he was hit.
I would try to become friends with the dad who is a cop. Tell him what has happened in the past hopefully he will keep an eye on the bully. Maybe this kid can be set straight --- he's still a little boy.
This is the very reason my husband has insisted our kids be in martial arts since the age of three...by the time my son is 8 he will be a black belt. (He is 7 and a black belt candidate...already teaching younger students).
My husband was your son and many times ended up cornered in the bathroom having the living daylights beat out of him.
My son has yet to need any of his self defense skills, but when and if he does he will have them...so will our daughter (especially when she starts dating)...
So good for you in being super vigilant...my advice if your son will be around this boy for the next couple of years invest in some martial arts...that is a life skill that will serve him well for the rest of his life.
Good for you and your husband!!! Keep up the good work!! Put your son in an Ultimate training fight center. Its an awesome training place for boys and girls. They learn how to protect themselves and raises awareness. They do not teach kids to go beat the heck out of each other, it teaches them if they are attached by other kids how to protect themselves.
But your right Karma is a biatch!!
The best thing you can do is understand that kids can be kids. There are good kids and bad kids. There are kids who, like you said, pick kids who they can control. And then there are kids who refuse to play that game, like your son.
If I were you, I'd continue to do what you are doing, and additionally, get your son some martial arts lessons.
Do you know the parents of the children who were trying to ambush him? (Other than the policeman's son.) I wouldn't go into the amount of detail with them that you have with us (they might think you are a bit obsessive about not liking this kid), but you might let them know that they need to talk to their kids about aiding a kid who you think was planning on beating your son up. If a parent came to me when my kids were young, explaining that to me, I would take it seriously and talk to my kids about it. Just knowing that a parent is watching can make a difference the next time the bully tries to enlist help.
Of course, it's upsetting to us for our children to be bullied. And you have a lot of pent up anger and resentment. But take care not to subscribe adult behaviors to a kid. He IS a child. It's a shame that his parents are unwilling or unable to control this. THEY are the ones you should feel more aggrieved at, to be honest.
Dawn
Karate for your son.
Diligence on your and your DH's part.
Soon enough the bully will try it with the wrong kid and he'll get his.
LBC
Yep...ridiculous. You are handling things just right by staying close and talking openly with your husband and son.
wow, great instincts, mama!
this is troublesome beyond mere kids being kids. i'm so glad the decent parents are having their child apologize.
you won't get that kind of satisfaction from the bully's family, obviously.
i think your stance of watchfulness when this boy is encountered is clearly your first line of defense. i would let the baseball manager know, not expecting him to take action in this case (the incident is past) but so that he's aware.
and i think martial arts classes for your son would be a great idea.
i agree with you that karma will likely prevail. unfortunately it won't be obvious to the bully. he'll just feel victimized and probably be an even worse bully.
khairete
S.
I'm sorry but my responce is more of a comment then an answer.
I feel as parents you're doing a great job handling this situation!!!!
Martial arts I also agree on.
Mallory P. I think your responce was a GREAT idea!!
Jo W. I'm sorry but I feel you are WAY off base. So far off you're baking in the hot sun in left field somewhere.... Yes I too agree with you that your thoughts are bizarre. This was an ambush waiting to happen!! Gee what could of been in that bag???..bat, knife, brass knuckles, rock, cow poop...There could of been just about anything in that bag to hurt and or imbarrass him.
I'd like to apoligize to all readers that I'm sorry with this negative responce because I'm usually a very positive, polite, passive person, but this just takes the cake!!!
M.M. I hope all works out!!! May your son always have his gaurdian angel around to protect him from harm!! Hugs to all.....
I think it's pretty creepy this kid is trying to lay an ambush for your son so long after they parted ways.
Most would lose interest and find other victims.
This kid sounds like he's on his way to becoming a sociopath.
Teaching your son to see the bigger picture is paramount at this time. If you had not been close he might have gone. He needs to know what kinds of things these people do.
This was a dangerous situation. Your son's life could be in danger. I would seriously think about moving. Poor kid. He needs to be sure that he can defend himself against a mob attack and remember there is safety in numbers. In the bathrooms as school, in the showers after gym, in all places he might be vulnerable.
You might go to http://www.standforthesilent.org/index.html
They have lots of resources for parents and kids in this situation.
Been there. You and your hubby did great. I totally agree with other posters, that you should enroll your son in martial arts for more reasons than just self-defense. Think about what could have happened if you weren't there or didn't notice. Try to stick with the older martial arts like Kung Fu or Karate, because they concentrate more on balance and self-control. They also work with the laws of physics and the human body, so a small kid can easily over throw an adult. The older martial arts are also more like a brotherhood and are fun. They look out for each other. I had enrolled my son at a very early age in Kung Fu for the sake of self-control rather than defense and glad I did. Defense was just a plus. He still remembers it too. When he entered school he had the same situation as you discribed as his friend becoming a bully and encouragin other kids to bully him as well. I had him ask his Sifu (Kung Fu) teacher how to handle it. She was GREAT! She taught him how to handle the situation without getting into any trouble. She taught him how to control the other kid, when he tries to lift him up. She taught him how to evade, which can create really funny situations. I remember my son coming home telling me one of the kids was going to punch him in the face, but he evaded and the kid wound up punching the brick wall just like in the movies. The kid had to go to the nurse, but nothing happened to my son since he didn't do anything. When looking for a good martial arts school, do not worry about belts. Belt colors are an American thing. A black belt isn't worth anything years later after the student leaves the martial arts school, if they forget or don't continue to practice. The first words out of the instructor's mouth should be self-control and confidence, not self-denfense or about fighting. Ask for their linage, so you know where they came from and who they studied under. They should allow parents to watch or even participate.
This is disturbing and your son is lucky to have such sharp involved parents. Not all kids do...obviously. I hope Karma does not get this bully. He is a child who probably feels threatened and inferior. isn't that what bullies usually are? He's a child who needs guidance, support, and love just like your child. It's sad for everyone. I hope help comes soon for all involved.
Are there any mediation services through the town or the school that you can use. Bullying is a hot topic these days and there may be resources.
Sorry, I admit I have a bizarre sense of humor and I may have missed something while reading this...but all I saw was bully bully bully, drug deal that didn't happen bully blah blah blah.
I mean if everything you said is accurate I see nothing else but them selling drugs going down in a bathroom.
I just kind of think it is funny that you are fixated on bullying, which it sounds like he is a thug not a bully and yes there is a difference, when if you actually saw him as a thug you would have seen the drug deal angle. I mean what the heck else do you think he would be shoving in his bat bag?
