Nursing Dilemma

Why does your husband want you to wean so badly? Just because they're "his" boobies? :)

Honestly, I think you have the right idea, and I would be very insistent with my husband about the issue. There are a million reasons why it's good to nurse past the age of one, especially considering the specific circumstances. Does he have to put her to bed? Is he willing to share this responsibility when it comes to putting her to bed without nursing? Because she may be very upset about the sudden change.

I mean, I can list off all the reasons why I would give it a little more time if I were you, but I think you already know why it's a good idea. If you'd like more specific info though, feel free to email me. (I'm in nursing school, going to start working on my lactation consultant certification soon, have read books and anything else I can get a hold of about breastfeeding, and still nurse my 18 month old before bed when he wants it.)

I personally don't understand what it is about the magical age of 12 months that people think every child is ready to wean on their birthday. I doubt your daughter can read a calendar, and does not care when your husband thinks she should wean. Every child sits up at a slightly different age, rolls over, crawls, walks, eats, talks, and weans at their own time. Trust me, on my son's birthday he was still nursing 5 times a day, and I was afraid I'd never get him to let up. By 14 months he had self weaned down to 2-3 times a day, and by 15-16 months it was pretty much once a day. So just don't rush it, and follow her cues, and enjoy this time you have together. Before you know it, she'll be demanding you drop her off down the street from school so her friends don't see you two together.

As far as your husband goes, I would really discuss your concerns with him, and explain all the benefits of continuing to nurse. At the end of the day, they're your boobies! You're the one that has to hear her cry if she wants to nurse, and you're the one who has to go through the drying up process (which has been so gradual for me, I haven't even noticed it because I've let my son wean at his own pace).

If you have any questions or just want to chat about it, feel free to contact me.

K.

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There are tons of reasons to continue breastfeeding past a year -- literally. I would suggest you research into these benefits. Perhaps your husband is just unaware.

http://www.kellymom.com/bf/bfextended/index.html
http://www.kellymom.com/bf/bfextended/ebf-benefits.html
http://www.kellymom.com/bf/criticism.html
http://www.kellymom.com/bf/bfextended/ebf-myths.html

1 mom found this helpful

I nursed my daughter until she was 2 years old. It saved her life. She became desperately ill at about 21 months old and was in the hospital for 8 days. It's the only nourishment she could handle. The doctors told me it helped her survive. Her survival chances were only 50/50. Many young children died that year from the same illness. She is a very outgoing, fearless and brilliant 5 year old now. I don't regret nursing longer than "usual".

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Are you kidding me, his boobies? Please. The only real reason you have boobies is to feed your infant!

I get that he is horny, but what you are doing is extreemly sugnificant. You are giving your baby the best and most nutritious food it will ever get. In addition to that, you are giving your baby best possible start in life.

During this small window you can also give your child something no one else in the world can. You provide the truest form of bonding, sound nutrition, a feeling of safety, comfort, closeness, protection and love. Your baby gets so much from this. You will never get this time back.

Find another way to please your husband, there are many ways... really, for the most part they aren't picky as long as they are getting attention. Your husband is (understandably) just jelous. He has lost you for a while... Your adoration, your full attention, your desire,...and yes, your boobies.

You are in love with someone else now, & he's not sure how to deal with it. Things will work out in the end, but don't stop nursing just to please your husband. Chances are your husband won't feel fully satisfied NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO untill your child or children are a few years older.

Good luck,
A.

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I totally agree with Kat. They are YOUR boobies, not his. I have had many similar conversations with my husband in course of nursing my first two (for 11 and 15 months). You need to do what is right for you and your daughter right now.

Perhaps you and your husband can find something else to fulfill his need for boobies for the time being. It may not just be about the "boobies." Baby changes the intimacy of your relationship with your husband in so many ways, both sexually and non-sexually. I would try to make that the focus of your conversation with your husband, ask him to be patient and brainstorm together some other ways to cultivate your relationship until the boobies are available again. Honestly, my oldest is almost 6 y/o and I've never felt the same about my breasts after nursing. I'm not sure if/when I'll ever perceive them as something sexual. I wouldn't recommend telling your husband that part right now, but may be easier for the breasts not to be the focus, just in case you feel the same after weaning.

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She is still a baby. There are still so many benefits to be had by extending your nursing relationship. Her dependence on nursing is going to drastically decrease in the next several months anyway. Maybe you can ask dh to hang on 6 more months. By then she will probably only be nursing once or twice a day for a few minutes each time. You can night wean her in the next month or two also, if she is not already night weaned. I don't personally see why dh can't "enjoy" HIS boobies too. Here is a great website where you can research some of the benefits of extended nursing. www.kellymom.com

I will tell you too, that at the end of March, dd (had just turned 2) had a very, very bad intestinal flu. She was on the verge of being hospitalized by her very medically conservative doctor. She vomited and had massive diarhea (sp?) for 7 days! She was extremely lethargic and lost 2.5 pounds. That is a lot for a little girl that only weighs 25.5 lbs. Breastmilk was the only thing she could keep down for several days. I was so thankful that week that I had not weaned her as early as I did her older brother. I know the fact that she was able to get some fluids and nutrition in via breastmilk was the only thing that kept her from having to be admitted to the hospital for dehydration.

Your marriage is a priority, but I don't see why nursing a toddler or even a baby should get in the way of you and your husband's relationship. It is all about balance. The story of our lives as a mom, right!?

Just go with what your heart tells you is right for your family, ultimately. Good luck and congrats on nursing your little one for almost a year now! Way to go mom.

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R.,

I do believe you need to look at both your husbands and you're own needs as well. If this is causing you the two of you to fight and your not getting the time you need together, then you should consider why your still breast feeding.

I don't disagree with any of the ladies that have left a comment, I just think each situation is different. Yes, this is his child too and should have a right to his opinion. I think you should talk about it and come to a decision that you both feel good about. Maybe start to wing her off a little at a time in the next month so that by time she is one she can eat baby food. My daughter stopped the feeding at one year old. For some it's 9 months, or others 10 months and so on.

What's important is that you all get what you need. I don't think your baby will suffer one way or another. Giving Love is the most important thing. Don't let the resentment get in the way. Fathers have rights too, this is why there is so much fighting in families, we must respect each others feelings.

Obviously he loves and misses you, Take that as a good thing and not a bad one.

Love and Light,
Rev. G. Hudson, Reiki Master.
www.reikigailhudson.com

You should ask him why he wants her to wean? Talk to some LaLachea league people and get some resources about extending BF'ing past one year.

My husband didn't force me to wean, but he did express that he missed my breasts (LOL). I'm still nursing at 26 months, and will be weaning soon - because I want MY boobies back (LOL)! But I compromised a little. Since "real" food is introduced around this time, I started to ease out the "between nap" nursing. I still nurse around sleep times, but otherwise he eats/drinks other things. It works for us, and he's 97%+ since 6 months old (yeah, he's huge - 39" tall, 37 lbs). :)

My first response is - DO WHAT WORKS FOR YOU. If you can still produce enough milk for your 1 yr old, then I say keep going! I only nursed my first baby until he was 8 months old. I had to supplement to keep up with his needs and it was very emotional for me to have to stop nursing him. You should not have to convince your husband of anything - heck, you can remind him of how expensive it is to buy formula and maybe he will change his mind ;) This is YOUR decision. Best of luck to you!

It's been all your hard work to make breastfeeding successful thus far, and I think you should just trust yourself. As long as you truly have your baby's best interest at heart, you'll make the best decision for your family. And, I feel strongly that they're YOUR boobies. He may get them on loaner every once in a while, but you have the ownership papers!! :)

I think you should nurse as long as you should. Our babies are only little and nursing once, and it goes by so fast! I just think that after it is all over, you will wish that you went ahead and did it those last few months. At least for me, I nursed my first for only six months, and always wished I would have tried harder to stick it out for the whole year. Your husband will have 'HIS' boobies back in time, just tell him to be patient! Husbands aren't very good at that, but this is your baby and the breastfeeding is the best thing! hth!

Personally, I was ready to wean by the time my kids were one. My oldest I weaned during month 11 so that by 12 months she was done, no problems. My middle weaned himself at 10 months and I was sad, and this last one kept 1 feeding (nursing) until he was 14 months. Each kid is different. If you start the weaning process and do it the way I did, it will take a full month or more to fully wean her. I dropped 1 feeding per week and mine usually nursed 4 times per day. I usually dropped the lunch time feeding first b/c they ate baby food at that time and it seemed to be the easiest. A week later I then dropped the dinner time nursing, again, pretty easy b/c of the food thing. Next was the morning nursing, and finally the night time one. With my last child (he's 16 months now), he did NOT like weaning, and sometimes I'd still have to nurse him during the day for the comfort factor, but I finally got down to just the morning & evening ones. Then, I dropped the morning one and he nursed at night for probably 3-4 weeks before I finally felt like there wasn't much milk left for him...actually, he had to take a bottle 2 nights in a row for various reasons that I couldn't nurse and I took that opportunity to stop nursing. Then, he took a bottle for probably another 3-4 weeks before finally stopping that too. I think if you are open to weaning, you could do a slow process, it would show your hubby that you are trying and you can still give the baby comfort. Besides, slow weaning is easier on you and you don't get so engorged. Good luck! Sorry for the long post!

Well. I gotta say, kudos to you for being honest and respectful of your husband, but he sounds to me like a pretty selfish and under-educated dad. Does he realize all the medical benefits of your nursing? Would he feel bad if your "beautifully developing" baby suddenly didn't tolerate an alternative to your milk? I would suggest he come to the doc w you and have him become better educated about the importance of the bonding between mama and nursing baby and the perfect food you are naturally providing. Good luck.

My son nursed every 4 hours for his 1st year of life. The day he turned 1 (Christmas day!), I handed him a bottle of whole milk. We continued to nurse 1st thing in the morning and just before bed for another 3 1/2 months. At that point my husband insisted that we wean completely. For those 3 months, we were all pretty happy with the compromise--Spencer and I still had snuggle/nursing time at the most snuggly times of day, and my husband knew that weaning was on the horizon.

Good luck and God bless!

When she starts biting you is a good sign. They don't mean to but, sometimes it does happen. I loved nursing my son and would have continued had that not happened. Nursing didn't get in the way with my husband.

Your dilemma is not how long to nurse. Your husband is feeling deprived. Let them share. You may want to let up on the nursing, if necessary--but give your hubby all the lovin' you can--let him have his way with his boobies. Once he feels satisfied you'll have no problem explaining the benefits of nursing.

Good luck and have fun!
~A.

Breastfeeding a toddler has so many benefits, however our society makes us as moms feel like we are doing something wrong. This is YOUR decision so make sure you don't do anything you will regret. My toddler is the healthiest and smartest toddler I know and I believe breastfeeding has a lot to do with that. I constantly hear from family and friends that she needs to be weaned. We are the only country in the world that believes this way. Your husband may not be comfortable with breastfeeding past the first year, because it's all he's ever heard, but you can research the benefits and explain it to him and get him on board. Maybe it will help him be more comfortable with getting his boobies back while you are still nursing. Some men just feel they are off limits during nursing, but I'm sure you can work something out! As long as you and your daughter are both still enjoying nursing go for it!

You don't say where your daughter sleeps. If she is sleeping through the night, now would be a good time to move her to a nearby room so hubby can feel like the bedroom is free for "recreational activities." My husband didn't mind when our son was smaller, but as he got older he didn't like having an "audience"- asleep or awake.

Have you resumed dating your husband? Get a friend or family member to babysit and focus on your husband- don't talk about the kids.

Is he worried you will be nursing a 3-year-old in public and draw funny looks?

I think the other moms covered the benefits so I just wanted to throw some thoughts out there. From your request, it sounds like you need to find out more about your husband's concerns.

OK - I'm much older than you and my aunt is much, much older (just for a preface). She nursed her kids until they were about 5. Not excusively, but mother's milk is good for the baby/child's immune system. I'm not saying you should let your daughter nurse that long, but what I am saying is that it has to be your - and her - decision - your husband needs to not be quite so 'selfish' with HIS boobies. Right now, they're HER boobies and if she is doing well on breast milk - talk to her pediatrician and see how long (s)he recommends breast feeding exclusively. Most will probably say til about a year, but again - the final decision needs to be yours.

I nursed my son until he was 18 months while teaching him to eat soft foods like soup, porridge, or babyfood until he got up to eat solids. Many mothers give up nursing within the first 3 months for convenience so I applaud you for reaching 1 year!! The choice is yours. Weaning her is going to take some work b/c she has learned to fall asleep nursing like mine did. You'll have to teach your dd a new sleep pattern so it'll take effort from you and your husband since he obviously wants this more than you do. A possible compromise is for you to wait til HE and you can teach your daughter to drink milk from a sippy cup and eat more food then you won't feel that she will lack in nutrients when you start weaning.

I agree with the sharing of the boobies. I find that you won't leak if you nurse your baby first then put her down to have some adult time with your husband. He can definitely have some quality time with you at other times if he doesn't mind a little leakage... GOOD LUCK!

This is a decision that YOU get to make. And the decision should be between you, the doctor and your child. Tell Dad to get grip on reality and grow up.

The other posts have already said it so well, but I thought I'd share my "weaning" experience. I was surprised to make it to 6 months but then at 12 months neither of us was ready to wean. Just another three month and we both were more than ready (teething, biting, and just busyness on her part).

In my opinion, you need to do what is best overall for the entire family - and it sounds like that might be nursing a few months longer. If nothing else, take the weaning very slowly, otherwise you are going to hurt so much that you won't be allowing ANYBODY within miles of those milk machines. Just drop one feeding at a time, and then four or five days later (or longer) start to drop another one.

I pumped with my first and nursed my second and with both I weaned very slowly and experienced very little pain. On the other hand, I've talked to many women who weaned "cold turkey" or close to it and they experienced a lot of pain while drying up. In my humble opinion, it is NOT worth it - go slowly and it is better for both you and the baby.

Maybe there is some sort of compromise you can come up with for your husband? Maybe dropping a feeding every couple of weeks or putting a date on the calendar to start weaning would make him feel better even if it isn't her birthday? Just so he knows it is getting closer? Whatever happens, good luck!!

R.,

There is no magic to one year. In fact, it is NOT recommended by the AAP that you wean at one year. Rather, they recommend an absolute MINIMUM of ONE YEAR of nursing and AS LONG THEREAFTER AS MOTHER AND BABY SO DESIRE. Furthermore, the recommended time to nurse by the World Health Organization is TWO years. Babies are called INFANTS by the pediatric community until they are TWO years old.

In my own personal experience, when I looked at my 12 month old, there was no question in my mind she was NOT ready to wean. At 18 months, I started to feel ready because it is exhausting to constantly be the one who does bedtime routine, but she was still NOT ready. I was frustrated. I called my lactation consultant. She gave me two books. One about child led weaning and the other was called "Mothering Your Nursing Toddler"!! I thought "this is not helpful! I don't want a nursing toddler!"

In retrospect, she was helping to readjust my attitude that there was something "wrong" with prolonged nursing. In fact, many children need that extra time and if you do the research, many cultures around the world nurse much longer than 1 year. The anthropologists believe, after considering several factors, that a perfectly appropriate time to wean for human children is as late as 5 or 6. Most kids, however will wean by 3 or 4.

I weaned my daughter at 2 1/2. She still wasn't ready but I lied to her and told her there was no more milk. She told me she was sad. I will never forget the disappointment on her face or forget the guilt it made me feel. I weaned because I needed some time for myself and I was exhausted, although I believed then and still believe it is very healthy to provide that nurturing to your child for as long as they want/need it. But you need to consider your own health too. What do YOU want to do R.??

As for your husband, he is your daughter's father. With some education, perhaps he can assist in the decision about what is best for YOUR DAUGHTER and YOU, and subordinating his own personal needs. That's what parenting is all about - putting yourself second to the child.

Good luck.

I would stop nursing for comfort right away. It sends the wrong signal to your child anyway. Think about the possiblities that she will have to replace this with: nail biting, snacking, jaw grinding. It's not good to eat for comfort.

Next feed only on a regular schedule. Be firm about your schedule. Each month drop off one of the feedings. Again, be firm. She will be done in four or five months.

They are YOUR boobies too! Treat yourself to a day at the spa when you are all don to celebrate getting your body back, and then have a date with your husband!

I nursed both of my girls until they were 15 months old. We slowly started weaning at about 13 months. Just lesson the amount of feedings slowly and it should all be ok:).

Ya know.... this is the only time you will be able to nurse your daughter and I do believe it really makes a difference. I personally nursed both of mine for 14 months and I am sooooo glad. (He will get "his boobies" back in due time - ha ha ..... )

i stopped at 5 months with my first and 1 year with my second. the year mark is the perfect time to up the solids, stop nursing for comfort and take baby steps towards weaning like putting her on a schedule. then in a few months to 6 months she may surprise you and wean herself.

as for hubby, tell him to share nicely. it is YOUR body and YOUR decision at the end of the day. sure the baby can sleep in another room and give you two more privacy. and date nights are a must for every couple. but don't let him tell you what to do on this subject. give him his attention and hopefully he'll be reasonable until you decide to wean.

I like Michele's response.

Please don't listen to people who are judging your husband as controlling or selfish. You didn't say he was any of these things, so I don't think it's right to assume he is. He was just expressing his opinion - you don't have to agree with it.

But, I think it's good to find a compromise or, like Michele said, maybe pay more attention to him in some other way for the time being.

I say, open communication and compromise. Or, if this is REALLY important, tell him how important it is to you and ask him to kindly understand. But if it's causing a break in your marriage (which you didn't say, so I have no idea), you should probably think about, long term, what is most important.

First off- way to go! Nursing for this long is a challenge but as you've discovered, extremely rewarding! Good job. :)

I too nursed a good full year and was concerned with the whole thought of weaning and how to go about it because all our daily routines centered around it as well.

My baby ended up helping me out. She started biting. I decided that I'd begin tapering off a month in advance until I got down to only nursing in the morning and evenings. A week after she turned one, I was down to nursing only at night and I recall the last time I nursed her. I was rocking her and nursing her to sleep in her room and beginning to work myself into a sadness when all of a sudden she bit me so hard I expected to look down and no longer have a nipple. There WAS blood though-as she did have teeth by then. She wasn't hungry at that point and that was the moment when I said-"That's it." I went about packing up the "girls" and did the whole patting her back and cuddling while rocking and then put her down in her crib. I left thinking-that was it but I wasn't saddened by it afterall- just relieved and well, nipple sore. LOL

From then on, I did a little pumping to gradually decrease the milk supply and continued to give it to her in a sippy cup until it was time to stop completely which was probably about two weeks later.

My husband was happy about it because while he appreciates my cleavage-the whole engorged with milk thing, the leaking, the breast pads, seeing his new baby daughter feeding and all-and the spit up--well, it just made my chest less attractive to him. He was very excited when that was no longer an issue.

Our daugter did fine with foods but liquids were another matter. She was already accepting fruit juices at that point but she absolutely WOULD NOT accept cow's milk. Ever. I was concerned she wasn't getting what she needed and so I tried one of those flavored milk drinks that are full of vitamins and so forth. She didn't like any flavor but chocolate. (The flavor that is my total weakness.)

Since the special drink was pricey and we were still doing diapers and had not been paying for formula so it wasn't budgeted. So I decided to try Ovaltine in cow's milk. My daughter happily sipped it all up and that's what we did. We didn't have to use a lot to flavor the milk and it didn't have as much sugar as Hershey syrup or Nestle Quik and of course, it also had the vitamins. I felt it wasn't a big deal if it got her to drink her milk.

She didn't get anything other than fruit juice that was sugary and I diluted that. By the time I thought of Ovaltine, she had been weaned about 5 months and had consistently refused cow's milk at every turn. I wasn't able to get her to drink anything other than diluted juices or water so it was a relief to come up with this!

Fast foward a few years-she's now 7. She still enjoys Ovaltine but will also drink milk plain.

You are the momma and you KNOW your child and your routines. Nursing past a year isn't a bad thing. On the other hand, perhaps your husband wants your upper body back like mine did. ;) If you think you'd like to wean but you're not sure then maybe you could take the laid back approach and either wait for your daughter to signal she's ready for a change (like biting that she won't stop-eek) or perhaps you could just wean very slowly-so that she adjusts to your routine changing slowly. Cold turkey obviously won't work for either of you. Explain that to your hubs and begin thinking of what your routines are. If you haven't introduced other drinks or bottles or sippies then now is the time anyway. You may find it's not as difficult as you expected like I did.

Take pride in how well you're both doing!

i had to nurse my now 6 yr old, exclusively. there was an "accident" with the sitter when she was 6 months old and would never take a bottle again. so, nurse was the only option. on her 1st birthday i quit cold turkey. she was great. had no problem going straight to cows milk.

Hi R.,

I'd hate to sound judgemental but I have a little problem with comprehending why should you try to convince your husband TO ALLOW YOU to nurse longer. I think that this is your decision and also the best gift you can give to your baby. There is nothing odd about breastfeeding a 1 year old. Are YOU happy breastfeeding your little girl? If yes, then continue a bit longer. Well, that's my opinion. I'm a mother of 2. I stopped breastfeeding our son when he turned 18 months and wish to do the same for our daughter who is 7 mnths old now. I understand that your husband wants his boobies (and maybe his wife-lover) back and I have no advice for this as I'm failing in this department myself and could do with some advice where to get the energy and needs... Don't stop breastfeeding just to make your husband happy though. It might make YOU unhappy and none of you would benefit from that. Good luck, M.

Lots of moms suggested you continue to nurse, and I'm with all of them and you on that one. I have nursed all 4 of my children to 2 (and beyond in 3 cases). However, only one other mom reminded you that hubby can definitely SHARE the boobies :)- if you are shy or concerned about your husband's affections affecting your supply or quality or anything like that, it just won't happen. At this point, you shouldn't be as easily leaking milk, and he can enjoy the boobies- just being willing to share :).

Convince your husband to allow nursing longer. I think it is hurtful to a baby to wean before they are ready. They all develop at different times and whoever came up with the common "nurse for a year" didn't take into account individual differences. We don't all walk at the same time. Some babies at 9 months, some 15 months...

They are only this young once...

You might tell your husband in the grand scheme of your life, a few more months--or even another year--breastfeeding is not much compared to the years and years of marriage. There is no better nutrition than breast milk and it really is for your baby's health! Physical, mental and emotional. There are tons of books about this, even at your local library--so maybe if your husband read a little he might understand better about baby-led weaning rather than forcing. Sometimes weaning is hard on mommy too.

I think since baby is slow to start on solids (as mine is at 10 months--not real interested but will take a few bits) it is a sign that she is not ready and needs that fat/protein as her main source of nutrition.

Good luck!

Follow your instincts and do what's best for you and your baby. YOu only get to share this with your child now.

R.,

I'm so confused by men that don't want their wives to nurse as long as possible...I think it is selfish and very controlling of them to try to tell their wives when they should stop nursing. A baby needs that from their mommy as long as possible. It is health and has saved your husband a lot of money! Enjoy it and remind him that it will end soon anyways and what is a few more months. My first daughter finished at 14 months and she was ready to be finish and we were both ok with it. I started the weaning process right after her 1st birthday. You never know if your next baby will be able to nurse so enjoy these last few months. We thought I was going to have to stop nursing our second daughter because she is allergic to milk and soy and my husband wanted me to keep breastfeeding so he did all kinds of research for me and went shopping to buy all kinds of food that I could eat since I was going to have to cut out ALL milk and soy products.
Good luck and just have a heart to heart with your husband. If he loves you and his baby girl then a few months won't bother him.

With all due respect for your husband, this is an issue between you and your daughter. He's got the rest of his life to enjoy your body but you only have a short window of time to experience the joys of nursing a baby. It sounds like neither you nor your daughter are quite ready for that moment to end so why should it? Maybe you could compromise and make an effort to pay a little more attention to hubby so he's not so jealous of the baby.

Good luck!

M.

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