Can't Get My 16 Month Old to Stop Wanting to Nurse

I agree with Kathy - it's quite normal for your son to still want to nurse at that age, and very normal for you to let him. Don't rush to wean! Nursing at this point is still beneficial for both of you, and you shouldn't wean until you are both ready. Your son is clearly not ready, and you mentioned that it gives you "down time" that's calm and quiet, so it sounds like you are still benefiting from the nursing relationship too! Treasure this time and the closeness with your son because it won't last long!

Often children will wean themselves when they are ready w/o much work on your part. If you need to help the process along, have you tried pumping and offering a bottle or sippy cup while cuddling him in place of nursing? Or substitute other comforting behaviors. With my 3 month old, we usually play music and dance him to sleep. Since he is used to this routine, a lot of times his eyes close the second the music starts! He still nurses to sleep too, but I like that he doesn't HAVE to nurse to fall asleep.

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One option is to view nursing him as ok, and organic instead of something you have to "give in to." Maybe he needs it for a reason, and letting it stop and taper down as he is ready is a way to understand and respect his needs. Just a thought. It's not like he's interferring with your daycare. I nursed my child beyond 17 months, and I'm glad I did. We stopped when she was ready. Good luck!

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I am a mother of three children, now 14, 11 and almost 9. I had never expected to nurse my babies into toddlerhood and longer; it was not in my plan. Well, I did not have a "plan", and I am so grateful that I didn't or else I would have missed the most amazing experiences and gifts that come from nursing and attachment parenting. Here's what I want to share with you: our babies and toddlers are really smart, they have an internal compass that tells them what they need from the inside out, and nursing and feeling close to their mothers is a primal need from what I know and everything I have read for 20 years.
So, here's my questions for you: how do you feel about continuing your nursing relationship with your 16 month old? Where is this idea coming from that makes you feel like it is past time to stop? Is it coming from you or a family member or friend? It's important that you listen for your own voice and find out what's important to you.
The following information may be helpful in your consideration:

The La Leche League (LLL) is a worldwide organization that supports mothers to breastfeed their babies and toddlers and it is there that I learned that the World Health Organization reports that worldwide, mothers breastfeed their babies an average of 4.2 years! So, that may help you put 16 months in perspective and empower you to choose when you want to wean your baby who sounds like he still really needs you. I would never change the amount of time I spent nursing my children: I have a total of 10 continuous years of breastfeeding and with it the intimacy of relationship with each of my children. They are well-attached and independent, the combination I hoped for them. Weaning can be a mutual decision if you allow your baby and toddler to take the lead. I encourage you to check in with yourself, your heart and soul and from there make your decision to continue or stop breastfeeding. It sounds like you have a lot of responsibility at home with a daycare, but the beauty of it too is that you are at home and your son has access to you. I did wean my toddlers from night nursing at about 2, and I have some suggestions for that if you are interested. That may help to relieve some of your stress if you are waking often at night and then more tired in the daytime. Let me know and I can share what I did. Also, the LLL is a great resource and you can look for a meeting online in your area.

Breastfeeding is such a personal choice, but that choice is so often influenced by outside voices that disempower a mother especially when we are not sure what direction we want to go in...So, being informed and feeling supported to make the best decision for you and your child is so important. We get one shot at nursing each baby, and when that baby wants to keep nursing, well, that's a gift that can keep on giving to both mother and child and you cannot measure the long term benefits that's the amazing thing, there are soooo many! Wishing you all the best and peace in your decision. That you have an almost 17 month nursing relationship is already amazing! Well done, congratulations!

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I'm not sure why you think it is "past time to stop" -- is it because you don't know anybody else who has "extended breastfed"? Perhaps you can meet up with your local La Leche League, or get in touch with internet moms who are b/f their 2- or 3-y/o. Our society seems to think it is a bad thing to breastfeed past the first year of life; but that is not the case. Your child is still getting nourishment and antibodies and protection from disease because of nursing (though not as much as when he was a baby); and he's still getting the comfort from nursing that he needs.

My younger son was like that -- he loved to nurse!! He's still a clingy cuddle-bug and mama's boy -- very much needy of physical affection. I weaned him when he was about 22 m/o, and sometimes I regret that and wonder if he is clingy now because I made him stop nursing then.

One of the biggest factors in breastfeeding is the support a nursing mother feels -- if her husband, mother, and/or friends are supportive of her desire to feed her child like nature intended, she will be likely to do it; for myself, when my husband stopped supporting my efforts (started saying things like, "Isn't it time for him to stop nursing? Isn't it time for you to wean him?"), I quickly weaned. If you don't have supportive friends, maybe you can find some online -- look for "extended breastfeeding" groups you can join. There are many mothers who breastfeed even beyond 3 years. It sounds like your baby isn't ready to wean yet, so I would suggest continuing to nurse. You'll likely find that you will spend as much time comforting him without nursing as you ever spent nursing him (maybe more), so I don't know that you'll be gaining anything but a whiny, needy child who doesn't understand why your comforting breasts are now off-limits to him.

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I had originally planned to wean my son around 18 mos. But he was not ready. I am not really a fan of very late extended breastfeeding so I was hoping to be done by then. But I think if you are going to wean, it should be at like a year, I know mine would have given it up then, but no way at 18 mos.

So at 26 mos I am still nursing. We had a lot of big big changes in our house this past fall and he stopped sleeping through the night and has had some adjustment issues. I think weaning would have been too much for him to handle. But extended breastfeeding doesnt have to be like what you see on tv (or in real life) when a 3 yr old comes running up and pulls up mom's shirt in public. At this point mine only nurses like once a week, never in public, only in the mornings. No one even knows I am still nursing except my husband because they havent asked. I never nursed much in public anyways especially after a year, so he doesn't associate nursing with anything but being at home. Although, I DID cut out the nighttime feedings after a year because I was trying to get him to sleep through the night.

You should just evaluate why you think you want to be done. Is it the middle of the night feedings? Having your husband go tend to him for a couple weeks if he wakes up should take care of that. Is it because you are too busy with the daycare? Then you need to be prepared to spend other "special" time with him because it sounds like that is part of what he needs- comfort and mommy time. If you find another form of that, he might give up that feeding easily. Also, if you are going to wean him, stick to it, or if you know you will give in anyways, just say yes immediately. Don't let him cry and then get his way. He thinks now that you will give in if he cries about it. It will make it harder when you do really decide to wean him. And he might start making the association that if he cries he gets what he wants for other things as well. Good luck on whatever you decide to do!

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B.,

My son is 28 months old now and we stopped at 26 1/2 months. He was not ready, but I was ready. So, at 22 months, I began the weaning process. I started it early because I did not want it to be a traumatic experience for him. Every week, I would take away one nursing session. As we progressed along the way, each week would include one, two, and then, close to the end, three. In the final two weeks, he was having a really hard time. But,, I stuck to my guns, and held him more during the day, did not sit down at all, and kept him busy with activities all day long. Night nursing was the last to go, as we cosleep together. The final day, I decided to tell my son a story, he is very smart, so it worked great. I told him that there is this little boy screaming with hunger because his mommy does not have milk. The stork (showed him a photo) came and took his milk from my boobies and carried it to the mommy so she could feed her starving boy. He began to scream, No, No. Then, I proceeded to tell him that he has teeth and is able to eat wonderful things like meatballs, ice cream, carrots, brocolli, and all the fun and exciting things that little babies can not eat because they do not have teeth and need milk. But, he is a little boy now and has lots of teeth. Anyway, the more I explained that the little baby was crying and needed the milk because he did not have teeth, the more he was okay with giving his milk away. I still tell him this story every now and then when he wants to hold a boob and ask for milk.

My suggestion to you is make certain this is the time for you and your son to let go of the nursing. Because once it is gone, that's it! DO NOT let others, immediate family members especially, pressure you into quitting. Both my Mom & Mother-in-law would have had me quit by 12 months. As you can see, I do not let other people make such an important decision for me and my son. If you are ready, start the process. If you are doing this because of pressure from spouse, etc....Become knowledgeable on the nursing and share your knowledge with these individuals. I used these weapons everytime someone started in on me about nursing so long.

Wish you and your son the best! Good luck!

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In my experience (having had 2 of each), the boys definitely wanted to nurse longer than the girls did. As long as he's only nursing to go to sleep, I'd say just go with the flow! (little pun, there! LOL) It's bonding time that you'll probably look back on in a few years and say, "WHY did I want to cut that short??" Enjoy it. At least when he's weaned, it'll be clear-cut. With bottles, they can carry them around WITH them for years!

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You need to ask yourself a question first. Are you ready for him to stop or do you feel pressure from other people to stop. Only stop if you are ready...don't worry about other people.

Now, I believe he is using nursing like a toddler would use a paci...for comfort. So I guess you could approach it like you would getting rid of the paci. Don't make yourself available at those times and let your supply dry up. Or like most people say to do with a paci...go cold turkey and find alt. methods to create comfort (snuggle time and such).

Good luck with it.

Not sure how you have started to wean but the best way is to take away one feeding at a time. I took away the morning nap feeding first and then the afternoon nap, then the night time feeding. For the first nap feeding you are going to have to be strong. I sat in a chair and read to them and rocked them. They did try and they did cry but I held them tight and rocked and sang to them until they fell asleep. I would then lay them down in their crib. If they woke up as I laid them down, I would pat their back and rub it while sssshhhhh'ing them to sleep. Then when you take away the next feeding, you really need to have the support of your spouse. During the day you are probably alone but for all other feedings you need to have your husband put the baby down. The baby will cry but it will not be as upset as if you are holding him and he can't nurse. Your husband will have to get up in the middle of the night too with the baby. He can pat his bottom and shhh him back to sleep or he can rock him back to sleep but that causes another habit. The best thing to do is for him to pat his bottom back to sleep. He will have to leave after 5 mins and go back in the room again and again. He will cry and you will have to be strong. Really it only takes a few days/nights of this and he will be fine. I have two kids and both worked out the same for me. Be strong!

I'm nursing my toddler. She now only nurses at naptime and bedtime. She also likes to nurse when first waking up in the morning, but I'm trying to cut that one out. She also asks to nurse all the time. Most of the time I can distract her, but some days it is awful- she cries and cries and I feel so sad! I know it's not hurting to nurse her, but I'm ready for her to stop and she doesn't understand. If I'm hugging her and say, " I love you" she says, "nurse!" I hope you two can find a way to wean. Please give him lots of extra hugs and kisses throughout the day during this time.

If it doesn't bother you, nurse him. I nursed one of my girls until she was 3 yrs. old. My youngest pushed away and weaned herself at around 11 months and it broke my heart. Your child will eventually stop on their own, and I don't see that there has to be a time to wean a baby.

All 4 of my children stopped nursing at different ages. My oldest son, my second son, and my youngest son all stopped at around one year. My daughter nursed for two years. She did not want to give it up. She did the exact same thing. She was fine all day long, but wanted to nurse at naptime and bedtime and if she woke up in the middle of the night. I would encourage you to continue to nurse your baby at naptime and bedtime. When we transitioned my daughter at two years old we changed the bedtime routine. She still crawled up in my lap. But, instead of nursing I would hold her and give her a glass of milk and read a few books to her. I think that we had a busy household and what she really wanted was "mommy time." She is still that way. She is 12 years old now and she will say to me, "I want a mommy day with just you and me mommy."

if hes coming up to you, hes too old to nurse. Don give in stay strong he knows that you will cave! give him a sippy with something else in it, he will get the hint. good luck stay strong i know is hard

I stopped at 15 months with my daughter. I probably would have continued but baby #3 was due in 5 months, and I did not want to risk premature contractions.

It was awful for 5 days. I simply gave her sippy cups, and she beat at me to nurse.

Each night I cut out one feeding. After the 5 days she was sleeping through the night. Not that it's that easy always, but for us that seemed to work.

Whether or not you choose to continue to nurse your child is totally up to you. There are absolutely NO benefits to stopping before the child is 2-3 years old, and in fact, you will find medical evidence all over the place to support nursing that long.

I used to be of the very strong opinion, that no child should be nursed longer than 1-1.5yrs of age. I educated myself on the subject and have ended up nursing my son until he is almost 3. We are nearly done now, and we have been weaning slowly for a while now, but I will never regret allowing him the extra time.

I would say that most children (from my research) wean themselves naturally between 12-18 months of age, but some little ones just need more time. If you feel comfortable continuing, don't let anyone pressure you into feeling like you have to stop.

If you WANT to stop, you can wean him off by keeping yourselves busy during the day and decreasing the number of feedings per day, offering a bottle and snuggles instead, until you are down to just nap time and night time, and then work on cutting those down as well. Good luck to you and your son.

STOP!!
stop right now there was a boy at my sons preschool 4yrs old and was still nursing!!! Be STRONG . If he cries she will eventually stop and settle for something else!!
do not listen to the people saying oh well hes only 2....... it will go on and on and on!!

-MOTHER OF 7!!!

With my little one, once I cut out that middle of the night nursing he weened himself. It was hard but I just let him cry it out in his crib. After about a week he didn't wake up any more and during that week slowly stopped wanting to nurse.

Personally, the child and mother decide when it is time to stop nursing. Pediatrics now recommend age 2 and not age one which was the previous recommendation. I felt the same way, like we were saddled with nursing and I would nurse my son until he was 4 and all that jazz.

I started the don't offer don't refuse at 18 months which was a life saver. We cut back the nursing sessions almost right away. It was just before sleep and twice during the night. We started doing vanilla rice milk (its sweeter like bm) out of a nuby cup before bed. He wouldn't drink much, but he didn't nurse as much either. Over the next few weeks he was doing better with the cup probably because he knew he could nurse if he really wanted/needed to. It wasn't a force thing. It was like introducing food. Try this and then we nurse. No biggie. I didn't just cut him off or refuse but he wasn't looking for it either. By 20 months he was falling asleep without nursing and towards 21 months he was only waking up once every other night to nurse.

He completely weaned himself off at 21 months. It was a slow process, but a great one. I wasn't engorged, we had no tears, and I was done before my personal goal of 2 years.

It is so awesome that so many moms in support of extended breastfeeding have responded! So often online or in person, I hear comments about how it is past time to wean at this age.

If you feel that it is time to stop because YOU want to, then by all means, take whatever steps are necessary to continue the weaning process. However, if you feel it is time to stop because of the pressures of family or society, don't feel you have to stop!

When I began nursing my son, I had no idea how long I wanted to go. I knew at least a year -- he will be 3 in April, and still nursing strong at naptime (if I am not working) and at bedtime. It is a private, calming, comforting event for us. Most people don't even know if I don't tell them. I feel that he still needs it -- maybe not the nutrition of it exactly (though I feel it fills in any gaps in a toddler's diet), but the comfort. I feel it makes him a more independent person because he gets the contact/comfort he is requesting.

I think that breastfeeding should continue as long as it is MUTUALLY desireable. If you are ready to be done, then it is probably time to quit. If he is not ready yet, the weaning process probably will not happen without some tears.

Good luck! I hope you discover what is best for both you and your son!