I just found out I'm pregnant! I am over the moon right now. When I called my OB, I was given an appt for 3 weeks from now, and I was a little unhappy about that. My previous OB from out of state made an appt for me within just a few days, which gave me tremendous peace of mind. So, I called again to attempt to place an earlier appt. My husband, who is a physician, works with her in the OR almost every day, and he said that she very nicely told him that it would be alright for me to call to try to make an earlier appt. So I called, but she was very rude to me, not even bothering to congratulate me or ask me how I was feeling, even though she knows my husband and I have been trying for almost 2 years now to conceive. She's been rude to me before, but very nice to my physician husband at work. I've tried my best to let it go, but now that I am pregnant I am really bothered by her nasty attitude toward me, and I don't understand where it it coming from.
I would like to change OB's but I am also a physician myself, and I do see her at work quite a bit too (although not daily, like my husband) but I fear that whole thing would be too awkward, with me and my husband seeing her at work every day and all. Did I offend her by asking for an earlier appt? I would hope that if it was too much of a bother, she would have told me; I would have understood her situation.
What is your advice on the matter?
Hey mamas! So, I read all your great feedback, and I think that I will take your advice and switch doctors. I've thought of a midwife many times before, but I am not sure if I am a candidate for a midwife since I did not have a straighforward pregnancy (I had preeclamsia, does that matter?) But anyway, I do work with someone that I think can refer me to someone. As for another OB, even though I myself am a doctor I really don't know many in the area (am in central NJ, near Six Flags) so if any of you can refer me to someone, I would appreciate it! I think that I was placing a little too much weight on what this OB will think of me if I choose to switch, but I realize now that I really ought to focus on me and my pregnancy a little more. Thanks so much! And if anyone can think of a good OB, I will definitely look into it.
Personally I would always prefer to see a midwife, but that's just me...
I would say if you insist on an Ob, choose another facility and if it comes up just say it would feel awkard for you to be a patient and a colleague at the same time.
Good luck!
Wow, that is a weird situation! I would say you have to decide what makes you more uncomfortable. If you really want a new OB because she makes you uncomfortable then go for it and just see what happens. If she is that crabby at you she might not even care. Good luck!
First thing would be that I don't think it's not uncommon for you to not see a doctor this early on in the pregnancy. I'm pregnant with my third and with each pregnancy I didn't have my first appointment until 10 weeks along. That being said if you're all physicians and work together, I'd be surprised she wouldn't just see you personally never mind scheduling a visit and all that. Anyway - if you're not happy with her and you feel as though she's rude and nasty to you, by all means get a new doc!! Pregnancy is stressful enough without having to deal with a doctor that makes you feel that way. There's nothing wrong with saying that you found someone who you think will be a better fit for you during your pregnancy. Maybe she doesn't even realize she's being like that - if that's the case perhaps when you switch doctors, it'll be a wake up call!
When I found out I was pregnant with my first, I was not hapy with my GYN, so we interviewed OB's and found someone that I fell in love with! Looking back I think it was one of the best decisions I made through the pregnancy.
I would change doctors. Remember that you have to be totally comfortable with her if she's the one you're going to be seeing once a month, then every two weeks, then every week.... you get the idea. Don't worry about hurting her feelings or making it awkward. You have to put yourself first, and you really do need to be completely comfortable with her.
I am sorry but considering the time you will spend with your OB over the next number of months, given the challenge to conceive the last 2 yrs, - wouldn't you want someone who is nice and personable to you? Both now - who is sympathetic to how you feel during your pregnancy, and issues that may come up and especially for your delivery at the end?
I understand the professional thing - but she is not being professional and it's your choice to see whom you want to see. Find someone new to support you through this great time!!!
Good luck! T.
Feel free to change if there is someone else you are more comfortable with. I know the doctors here would not see me until at least 8 weeks. When I was going to be out of town right around then, they just made the appointment for when I would be back. So I don't think it that uncommon to wait sometimes to see you. Given that, I still say change doctors if you don't think you will be happy as her patient, you can always tell her if you asked that you did not want to change your working relationship and felt it was awkward to see her as your OB, since you see her regularly through work also.
Seriously, I just don't care what the OB thinks. Your birth experience is yours and if you don't like the way you were treated, move on.
If you're REALLY worried about how you might later be treated by her or something, why not just switch to a midwife instead? Then if it ever came up, you could just say that you decided you preferred to go with the midwifery model of care and no OB could provide that for you.
I switched care providers during my first pregnancy at 30 weeks, and while I kinda felt guilty at first, I realized it wasn't about the doctor I was leaving, it was about me. I was so much happier with the experience I got and I know I never would have gotten that in the previous hospital. They just didn't have the same resources.
If you aren't getting what you want from your OB, find a new care provider.
First, CONGRATUALATIONS on your pregnancy! You need to take care of YOU and your baby, and not worry about what this colleague might think. Your relationship w/your OB is a very intimate thing. With my 2nd child I changed OB's (and practices) because of a very bad experience w/1 doc in a practice of 8 and I didn't want to take a chance that this guy was possibly going to bring my precious little one into the world (it was the luck of the draw as to which doc was on-call when you went into labor at this practice). It is SO important to be comfortable w/your OB so you can feel free to ask questions, be reassured, and happily remember the day your child was born. You don't want the discomfort you feel w/this woman to taint your memories of your pregnancy and childbirth, because you will remember these experiences for the rest of your life. You especially want someone you're in sync with when it comes to childbirth (they support you in your birthing plan, listen to your concerns, are open to hear your ideas). Otherwise, you may have a fight on your hands regarding things like c-section, induction, etc. You and your baby deserve to see someone who treats you well and is not rude.
I agree w/those who have said change docs and tell your colleague that you didn't feel comfortable having a patient relationship w/a colleague. Maybe you want to see a midwife instead, and if so, tell her that. If she doesn't like it, so be it. You're not having this baby to please her, and you need to go where you are comfortable. Your pregnancy is about YOU! Please take care of yourself and your precious little one.
One suggestion: you might want to put a post on here that tells what city and state you are from and ask moms from your area who they liked and why so you can do a little research and not play musical docs during your first trimester. You can call OB practices and ask a few questions to find out their policies regarding appointment practices, on-call docs, do you see one doc the whole pregnancy or do you rotate. After my bad experience, I asked on here and got 2 great leads. I checked them out, called the practices, and I went w/the one that only had 4 female docs. That way I could see all 4 docs during my pregnancy and not have an on-call doc show up to deliver that I'd never met. Just a suggestion.
Here's wishing you a happy and healthy pregnancy!
I am surprised you would want to stay with someone you are not comfortable with. I do not think 3 weeks is too far out. I also find most receptionists do not always parallel how the doctor feels toward your situation. So even though they are not thoughtful or congratulatory it does not necessarily means the doctor does not feel that way.
I bet if you went to see another OB your current provider would not even notice or mention anything further regarding it. If you see her be cordial, even offer up an explanation if asked, but if not carry on your own business.
In any case your OB should never be rude or disrespectful to anyone. BUT especially because you are her peer.
I don't think you offeneded her by asking for an earlier appointment, it just seems like you do not click. It sounds important that you do and I would change.
If your not completely happy with her practice I would look into seeing another obgyn. With my 1st and 2nd pregnancy I did not see the doctor until I was 6-8 weeks along. But with my 3rd I seen within a week of the test being positive just to make sure my levels were ok since I had miscarried a few months before. Personally if your not having any problems I wouldn't worry about not seeing the doctor for a few weeks. good luck
I would change doctors. If she asks why be honest, 'I was not comfortable with the ways I was beening treated'.
As you know your doctor works for you. If you are not happy with the way you are being treated change doctors. The way you are bing treated most likley will not get any better as you bring your concerns to her & your pregnancy progresses. If she is acting like this now she may blow off things that you are worried about.
Yes it may be awkward, but you need to be happy & comfortable with the person who will be caring for you & your baby.
God bless!
As you know by being a physician, patients have rights. One is the right to chose a physician that you are comfortable with. Change OBs, it is your right.
I was going to reply but I saw that you already decide so all I can say is that I agree with you, lol.
Having a good doctor is very important, and when I say good I am not referring only as academic level but one that makes you feel secure, relax, comfortable, etc.
With my second daughter my first doctor made me feel like a check, he barely even look at me at the face, most of the times he will be reading his chart to see my records. The last drop was when one day he ask me something about my first labor and when I said I didn't remember he give me mean look and ask me:"You don't remember? How come, did you give her for adoption?
I have no idea why we will ask something like that!
I change doctors even if i was already on my 30 weeks of pregnancy, and I found a great doctor here in NJ, he is an older doc, but one of those that actually sit and have talk with you, I even know that he has a home near the beach, he loves to fish, his soon know many languages, etc, lol
I don't remember exactly his address so I don't know if you will be close but if I remember well it was in rute 10 I think, I will ask my husband just to make sure.
He was a great doc and help me to VBAC.
When I got pregnant I didn't get an appointment for 6 weeks, I was like are you sure? Then when I got there they asked if I was taking a prenatal vitamin, I was like, I didn't know I was supposed to, I thought it was a prescription. So 3 weeks doesn't seem terribly far away, although I suppose if it took you two years to conceive then maybe you should get an earlier one. I just know that ObGyns offices can be very busy, and my office didn't want to see you until you were 6-8 weeks pregnant.
It seems like an uncomfortable situation, I would want to switch doctors if she is rude to you. I need to be comfortable with anyone who'll be staring at my you know what with my feet in the air. Of course it will be awkward to see her at work, but I think it would be worth it to switch.
I would find a different one ASAP!! Since she is rude and nasty to you and has been on more than one occassion, do you really want to have to deal with her attitude for 9 months at possibly one of the most exciting times in your life - a precious baby! Find another one. If anything is ever said, you don't have to explain your medical decisions to anyone but you could just mention your excitement at finally being able to conceive after 2 years and you just wanted to get in to see an OB immediately!! Best of luck and congrats!!
time to talk with neighbors and find out who they use.. you need to feel comfortable with you dr. especially in the delivery room. find someone else.. good luck.. or you can call the hospital or visit the hospital and find out from the nurses who they like.. they will tellyou good luck
With my first pregnancy, the OB got me in right away. With my second, they waited until I was almost 8 weeks in! I think they figured I had done it before, so there was no rush. Looking back, I think they're right.
However, you should always feel comfortable with your OB. You don't have to be best friends, but you shouldn't be afraid to bring something up because she might get snappish. I think you should change OBs, and not worry about it. Good luck.
try a different place. when i was preg with my daughter (positive test june 24th) i wasnt seen till august 5th and i was worried but reassured that it was ok to do that. i loved my ob and i was assigned to him because he was taking new patients. i saw others when he wasnt available and they werent the same. i wouldnt let her get to you. remember your hormones are going to send your emotions for a ride. also she is just doing her job also. they shouldnt be offended when you change drs. its your preference on who you think will give you and your baby the best care. also most obgyns wont see a preg person until 8-10 weeks and some longer then that.
Don't worry about if you offended her by asking for an earlier appt, especially since you have been TTC for 2 yrs. You just want what is best for your baby, but I don't think that her being on your nerves and rude is going to get any better over the next several months. You definitely do not want to be going thru labor with someone you can't stand, and who will most likely not all of a sudden change her colors and become supportive and nurturing.
I would change doctors, and make sure that there's NO chance that she'll be delivering your baby. If it is as simple as changing to a different group, do so. If you have to go to an entirely different hospital, do so. At this point, who cares if she's offended? If she sucks this much when a FELLOW doc is her patient, imagine how much moreso she might be to and Jane Smith off the street. There should be at least some measure of professional consideration taken for a colleague--she's failed there.
