No No No No no....my 21 Month Old Wont Stop Saying NO!!!!

Don't get upset...it is normal....just either ignore it or verbalize what he is really trying to say ...ei
No you don't want to eat this, but you need to.
No you don't want to do this, but it is something you need to do.
No you don't want to go to bed, but it is bedtime.

Or try the positive, yes, I understand you don't want to, but...

He will outgrow it as soon as more speech develops. Just wait for the "why" stage:)

M. -- I'm afraid this is something you're just going to have to be patient with. It's REALLY common for children to do this at this age. In fact my son would say no and shake his head yes when he really meant yes. It was almost comical -- it is comical now, but back then it was frustrating. Rather than discipline him, I would just carry on both sides of the conversation -- maybe I sounded a little loony to those around me, but I believe it is a great way for children to pick up language skills. for example.... "Do you want some peaches?" And my son would say "NO NO NO NO". But I would say, "Oh I would LOVE to have some peaches. Thank you Mommy!" and give him the peaches which he would promptly consume. Over time it sinks in and by the time he was 2 1/2 he was not so much of a Nay sayer and had a great vocabulary.

Wow! A lot of really great responses! I completely agree that you should never take the power of saying "NO" away from your child. Respect when he says no, and that will teach him to respect it when others say no. A really great book is "How to Talk so Kids Will Listen, & How to Listen so Kids Will Talk". It is used in a lot of guidance & discipline (child development classes). It gives you a number of scenarios and options for guiding your toddler through his firt independent stage. I have an at-home preschool, and have found this book a wonderful resource! Peace to you, B.

You should NOT discipline or punish him for doing something like speaking.

THIS IS THE AGE they do this...it is purely developmental based. It is NOT something personal against you, that he is doing this. HE is the child, not you. There is NO need to take his "words" personally or get angry about it, at him.
It's just the flavor of the month... next, it will be another 'favorite' word.

If you don't like him saying the word "no"...then teach him to say an alternative. Like...'Okay', or 'not now', or 'later' or 'maybe' or just something else. Then that way, you will also be building his vocabulary. When my daughter was 2 years old... I taught her the word "compromise"...as an alternative word she could say for when she is frustrated. It really worked and that was a productive word for her, and us. Never talk down or assume a child cannot learn these words...my daughter had this kind of vocabulary from 2 years old, because it's all I taught her. A child can learn other words and definitions... we just have to show them.

BE thankful, that your son CAN talk, and is doing it age appropriately. It is a PHASE. It Will stop. Just not yet.

If you punish him for every little word or phrase "you" don't like, then you will be teaching him that he should NOT talk, nor express himself, nor to be "able" to tell you things, nor to feel comfortable doing it... he will only feel self-conscious about talking to you, and will hesitate. This is not normal or good for a child.

Put it this way- my son is delayed in speaking. He is now 28 months old, and he works with a Speech Therapist. My son... at his current age, NOW SAYS "NO" to us and the whole world. WE ARE VERY HAPPY THAT HE IS SPEAKING... AND SAYING 'NO' TO US AND SO PROUD OF HIM! My son says 'no' ALL the time... so what. We are not bothered by it, we don't take it personally, we don't mind, and he is so proud of himself...and he is saying more words and sentences now. HOW FANTASTIC!

So, that is the other way to look at it. Seeing what the other side of the fence looks like. Seeing how something as easy as saying 'no'...can be a fantastic, lovely word for a child to say and for a Parent to hear.

Now, of course our son says 'no' a LOT too.... but, to us and our perspective, we are happy about it because he is "asserting" himself, he is finding his sense of self, he is being independent, he is telling others about his 'boundaries', he is expressing himself. Plain and simple. We LOVE that he is doing this. If he says it too loudly... we simply tell him "don't yell..." and then he makes his voice softer. No problem.

ALSO keep in mind, that a child this age does NOT have FULL impulse control, nor do they have total control over their reactions. They at this age, are a "reactor." And this is what they do, and how they learn. IN TIME... a child will learn. They have their entire childhoods, to become the children WE want them to be....or the child they are yearning to be. Even a teenager will say "no" to us and others.... and in increased frequency. SO... what then? Even if you teach your son to NOT say "no".....he will at 2 years old, then at 3 years old, then at 4 years old, then as a Teenager... and so forth.

It's just one of many words and feelings and emotions that are developing now. A toddler is not even FULLY developed in terms of emotions either. It is a process.

One day, he will be fine about the word. It's a phase.

All the best,
Susan

"No" is probably the most important word in the world. It's the first line of defense and a boundary setting word that will serve you and your child for the rest of your lives. If your son can't say "No" to you, how will he ever have the strength to say "No" to a peer later in his life who is trying to get him to try drugs, for instance? If you make it "wrong" to say "No," you are taking something very precious away from him. Read my book, "Beauty Bites Beast" to perhaps get some perspective on your own relationship with saying "No." You were very possibly shamed as a little girl when you were testing and practicing "No."
Please don't shame your little boy out of saying "No." Now that all said, you might play games with him and show him different and fun ways to say "Yes!" and "Maybe, maybe not" to things that he likes or doesn't know if he likes or not.... Warm regards, E. "the Safety Godmother" Snortland www.snortland.com

So funny, we're going through the same thing. We made a point of never saying the word NO to our son and yet it's still his favorite word now. My Mother in law, a genius per school teacher suggests ignoring it and it will go away. Whenever he say "no, no, no" I just brightly say "how about yes"? It's tough, but hopefully it will pass.-www.weelicious.com

i know its not the best stage to go through. my 21 month old daughter is in the "no thats MINE!!!" stage. but this will pass. it does get irritating but you have to realize that hes learned a new word and knows that it gets a reaction when you say it so he wants to see if he can get the same reaction. your in the beginning of all the things your baby will say that you would rather them not. heres a few words that my daughter says that i would rather her not - no, mine, stop, dont, shut up (oh this is a hard one to stop), go away, and 1 curse word too (no thats imbarrasing!). just be patient good luck!

Hi M.,

Saying "no" at this age can drive you nuts -- but just wait until he's a teenager who's taller than you, with a deep booming voice and a lot more muscle mass! In the meantime, here's a simple trick for avoiding as many "no's" as possible.

Do not ask your son yes or no questions -- you know what the answer will be, even if he really DOES want what you're offering him! Instead, give your son two choices, both of which you'll be happy with. So for example, instead of asking him if he wants to put on his shoes, ask him if he would like to wear the green shoes or the black shoes. This gives him some measure of control and should restore some of your sanity!

Take heart, my mother said my sister said yes yes yes to everything and I said no no no all the time. My sister fell terrible prey to pear preasure and made my moms life misserable because if it. I was always able to say no and was my mom's easiest teenager. You my have a good thing going even if it doesn't seem like it now.

Congratulations! Your son has hit a developmental milestone. He will continue to say no, but you can model behavior of saying YES even when it does not seem like yes should be said, just to counteract some of the no's and try to remove it from your vocabulary. For instance: "mommy I want ice cream!" instead of saying "no, you just had a cookie" you could say "Yes, ice cream is sooooo good and I love it too, but let's share an apple instead" You can even make a game of it to amuse yourself in these trying times. There is more crazy behavior to come, and all of it is normal. read some developmental books to warn yourself about the next milestone. This is the age where the "magic" of motherhood wanes and the work begins. But it is still all good stuff!

My daughter is in the same place. My mother reminded me that they are learning independence, and we need to find another way of say things. I would ask her if she needed a diaper change, and she says No. For a while I would say Yes, diaper change time, but now I say 'well, I'm ready to change your diaper, so up you go'... She has also started the Mine, which is more irritating to me, but I say, 'well, mommy shared her drink, so you need to share it too...'
I know it is irritating, but it is much less irritating to just roll your eyes and tell others that it is just the phase he is in. If they have kids they will understand, if they don't they will learn... On the up side, telling the kid that it is a phase they are in really irritates them as they get older. My sister used to go wild when my mom would say she was in a phase... too funny for me, the older sis...
Anyway, Good luck, lots of laughs, and Happy New year!
R.

It sounds silly, but when my daughter starts with the "no, no, no" I just tell her "yes, yes, yes" and then it almost turns into a game; "no no no", "yes yes yes yes!" etc... and she ends up laughing usually and it's a little less stressful/irritating this way (so it'll have to do until the phase passes I guess! lol).
I also always make it a point to explain to her WHY it's YES (i.e. YES, we do have to change your diaper or else it might leak - yucky!").
Good luck :)

Don't fret-you've entered the "no" stage which will pass. When he says no to something all you need to do is reply with a firm "yes, it is bathtime" or "yes, let's get dressed." He'll move on to another word (possibly an even more embarassing one in a bit-wait till his first curse word gets imbedded in his mind!) Every parent has had a kid go through it so don't worry about what other people think when he says no.

My daughter started saying no all the time around 18 mos. I thought she would never say another word but it was so cute hearing her little "no" I just had to laugh about it. Of course then she said it more but anything she said I ooh'd and ahh'd over, LOL. I saw another post below of making it a game and we did that as well. She would say "no, no, no" and I would say "yes, yes, yes" and she would just start laughing after a few times. Pretty soon it did pass and when they're that small most people know it's just a milestone and if he says no to other people they need to just let it slide!

Also a cute little story. We were sitting at my parents table for my birthday and she kept chanting "no, no, no" even when I asked her if she wanted a piece of mommy's cake she said no just to say it. I asked her if no was all she could say and she said YES! LOL So then we made a big deal of it and she started using yes in her vocabulary.

My sister once told me that I should never ask a toddler any question to which the answer might be NO! She is the mom of 5 and I have shared her advice with many. Along with the first statement, she adds, limited choices are key to a child establishing his own attonomy.

Most little ones repeate anything that gets a response. I will never forget my then 3 year old telling her same age friend "Lets keep bugging my mom for cookies, eventually she'll give in"....amazing, at 3 she had the vocab as well as the psycology!

Hope this helps! LL

Actually, the word "no" is a milestone! He is becoming more of an individual with an opinion. It's your son's way of saying, "I'd rather not do that Mom!" or "I don't care for peas!" or "Please stop that!" He just doesn't have all those words yet, so he uses "NO!"
When he says, "No", give him the words he wants like, "You don't want to put your coat on now" or "You don't like peas" or "You want Mommy to stop" or what ever seems appropriate.
He'll grow into someone who can say all those things for himself, now he needs to know that you understand.

We have just tried not to say no to our son. We use it for emergencies - unfourtunatly our family doesn't unserstand how this works but whatever. When he picks something up he's not suppose to have we say thank you and put our hand out so he'll give it to us. Like the cell phones - he's no suppose to touch them but we don't fight about it if he brings it to me and thinks hes doing a good job even though he's not suppose to touch it. I guess it's positive reinforcement. If he's touching something he's not suppose to I'll say ok let put that away followed by good job and so on. If he feels like he's a doing a good job even though he shouldn't be touching it you'll get less fighting and less no's because your not saying no either

GOOD LUCK!

Don't worry. As unpleasant as it sounds to you it is just a passing phase for most kids. Hang in there and continue to say it's not a nice way to talk, and then move on with your day. It may take a few months for it to pass ;)

Laughing alot here, thats the word most parents teach their kids first, you tuaght him to say no... he is just repeating what you say.. it will pass stop saying no to him and try different words,

Still Laughing aww how cute