"No Gifts" - Chicago,IL

I usually just have my daughter make a birthday card and then put some stickers in it for the birthday child. I try to respect the parents wishes because there's a good chance if there like me there tired of lots of toys. Another option is donating a toy to charity in the child's name. Good way to teach your child as well about giving to others.

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Ask if they have a preferred charity that you could donate to in lieu of a gift. Then just put a note in a birthday card that says you did it in their honor.

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Why not offer the gift of time?...playtime! Make up a coupon for a playdate between the birthday child and your child. You can really have some fun with this. Get creative! Isn't that what kids really want anyway?...more playtime!

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I would not buy a gift, but you could make one! Maybe have your son bead a necklace or decorate a picture frame. You could have him make a sock puppet or create a book about their friendship.

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No gifts means no gifts.

Don't bring anything except maybe a card.

Now, others will totally ignore the request (which is annoying) and you might end up feeling like a heel for not bringing something but remember, this is NOT a competition.

The parents will appreciate those who respect the request.

I don't understand what is so hard about getting the concept of "no gifts", but apparently it is an idea that some people just don't get.

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If it says no gifts then respect the family's wishes and don't bring a gift. That IS the polite thing to do- it sounds like they were pretty clear about not wanting them.

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I often state no gifts on the invite, and I mean it... I'd really rather that we NOT get gifts... my family tries hard not to fall into a materialistic attitude about life, we don't have much space, etc, etc... we have our reasons, and I'm sure the classmate's family has their reasons for requesting no gifts. If you feel really uncomfortable about it, then donate to a charity in their name. My parents know to give us memberships to museums, gift certificates, etc - things we can use (rather than "stuff"), so that's another thing you could try (gift certificates to movies, children's museum, etc).

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I'm sure that "no gifts" means no gift. I, too, think that is a little weird. I understand a parent not wanting their child to have a lot of stuff but you know that some people will show up with something while the others feel foolish (or may gossip about the person who showed up with "something"). I think that makes your guests uncomfortable, right from the beginning.

So, I would just take a card. Even adding a balloon, bubbles, bouncy ball, a theatre-box of candy bar or a home-made gift can be construed as a "gift". Personally, I wish more parents would just come out and ask for a gift under $5.00, to give the child the thrill of opening gifts because, at least, he's getting a little gift and no one is breaking the bank. Or be more specific about "donating" to a specific charity. Because, when that "three year old" goes to another birthday party and sees another child getting lots of gifts - I'm guessing the "no gift" policy won't be happening when they're four.

And no... I've never done a hostess gift for a birthday party - plus, she would technically be getting a gift and the kid would not and I see that as a conflict. You could bring a plate of food (i.e. brownies, cookies, etc...) though, if you want to contribute to the food table - or bring more "adult" appetizers if there are any parents who will be staying.

Good luck.

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No gifts means no gifts. Don't worry about those who show up with gifts despite this request. THEY are the thoughtless ones. The hostess asked for a reason. To show up with a gift disrespects the hostess and makes those who honored the request feel bad. As someone who has requested no gifts in the past, it is actually REALLY annoying when people show up with them anyway. A nice home-made card is great and frankly more appreciated than anything store bought.

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I have a great idea......bring some Mylar Birthday Balloons! Kids love them and it will just make it more festive.

S. T.

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No gifts means NO GIFTS REQUESTED. PERIOD. According to etiquette experts it is never supposed to be written on an invitation. However, that being said, when we came across that particular invite, we always made a donation to a children's charity (in fall to UNICEF) in the child's name. It may not mean much to the child now, but may in the future.

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You've gotten a lot of great ideas. The "no gift" parties I've been too always end up with people bringing gifts, so it's a tough one. They even spoofed this on Curb Your Enthusiasm with Ben Stiller having a "no gift" party and being offended when Larry comes empty handed. But that's another story. Since the child is a classmate, you could ask the teacher for a book suggestion for the class or ask the mom for the child's favorite and donate that book to the classroom in the birthday child's honor. You can write a dedication inside the front cover and he'll get a kick out of having "his" book in class and all the kids will benefit.

I have tried to have the "no gifts" party, and some people brought gifts, which was uncomfortable. I have been the guest at a "no gifts" christening and we were the only guests (it was a small party) who did not bring a gift, and they opened all the gifts in front of us guests. (Imagine if that had been my child instead of me having to sit there feeling horribly uncomfortable!)

Anyway - you can tell I'm not a fan of the whole "no gifts" experience so far! But I would not bring a gift, or hostess gift. Think of it as a playdate with cake.

if you really want to give a gift.....give to your local food pantry or the Northeren Illinois Food Bank in that child's name and take a card with that info tucked inside to the party....my son has done "no one should go hungry" parties for the last 3 years just asking for donations to the pantry instead of gifts for himself....he is 8 and yes he understands the concept

We did this for my son's 3rd birthday. It was actually a joint party with 2 other kids and we didn't think it was fair to have parents bring gifts for 3 kids.

I really did mean no gifts and I was very happy that everyone honored it. A few people brought cards and I think we got one or two coloring books as well and that was it. I was very happy with how it turned out.

Don't worry about other parents bringing gifts. If the host said no gifts, she means no gifts.

When I say "no gifts", I mean no gifts. My kids have enough stuff and we have a small place. However, when I go to no gift parties there are always people who bring gifts, so I feel uncomfortable. So, I always have my kids make a card and maybe we'll put some stickers or coloring pages in it.

Hi - Ask the hostess. Maybe she doesn't want to write 20 thank you cards. ;-) Or maybe she doesn't want more toys. I never had the heart to do that to my kids although I ALWAYS wanted to.

Idea: Since they are classmates, why not donate a book to the classroom library in honor of his birthday.
You could also buy a target or craft store gift card to be given to the teacher for classroom stuff.

Hi-

I also requested "no gifts" for my daughter's birthday party. We decided on this 2 years ago b/c my daughter's birthday is about 2 weeks after Christmas, and the year before, she had a large birthday party and got a lot of gifts which really caused problems with her younger brother (he has a summer birthday.) We also felt that she gets enough presents from her grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc. and doesn't need any more. Most people honored our wish. If they pressed, I told them to have their child make a card, and most people did that. My daughter did get a couple of presents still, but they were small, and she even got a pet rock from one friend. I think when children get fewer gifts, they value what they do receive more (cards, homemade gifts.)
Have your son make a card or a homemade gift. It will be more meaningful for everyone.

Take them at their word and have your son make or color a card for the child.

Hey M.,
My son was invited to a 'please no gifts' party but we bought a little something anyway. The party was for twins though and the family themselves are pretty well to do so they probably figured that they don't really need for anything. I felt like you though- weird about not showing up with something. Plus they threw the party at this awesome gymnastics place...if that helps any. :)
blessings,
J.

I like the idea of the homemade gift. Another idea is to make a card and also bring a wrapped gift and leave it in the car. If you get there and everyone else ignored the "no gifts" and brought a gift, just run out to the car and get yours. (Or bring a small wrapped gift and put it in your purse) If no one else brought gifts just leave your card and save the gift for the next bday party.

Maybe a card with a donation to a local charity. or perhaps purchase a book for the local library kids' section or at the local elementary school library in the child's name.

Hi M.
It does mean no gift. I have a couple of children in my daughters class that do the same, (they really mean it). I explained how uncomfortable I was not bringing a gift and she explained they get plenty from family, etc.
I do however buy one of those cards (like 5 bucks) that have Spiderman or someone cool that talks or sings the kids get a kick out of that. At least I don't feel like I'm going empty handed.

V.

I would assume that really means that they don't want any gifts, but I do understand it feels impolite. Maybe have him just take a card (even a home made one).

Hi M.,
I would suggest making a card and then creating/decorating a home-made "certificate" to the child to plan an upcoming playdate with your son. Brainstorm with your child and find out the child's interests and invite them to a "FREE" round of Indoor-glow-in-the-dark golf or legoland, etc.... this way you are giving the gift of spending time and creating memories! We have been doing this now for a while when my daughter is invited to parties and the kids LOVE IT!! Good Luck!

Hi M.,
We've been to a few parties where "no gifts" meant no boxed gift. Instead of collecting gifts that they might already have or not like, they preferred receiving money or gift cards.

-M.

We've been invited to a couple no gifts parties. I love the idea since my kids have so much stuff, so I took the invitees at their word - and we were the only ones without a gift. It was an awkward feeling. You've already received some fabulous advice. A nice homemade item, and maybe a backup gift in the car sounds like the way to go.

We always try to make a homemade card- no matter the situation, but I think no gifts really means no gifts. I love the donation idea, and a nice one around here is Brookfield zoo. You can do a partial share the care or something small -write a note about how they're helping to take care of the animals or a specific one. Thats a HUGE hit with my kids (age 2 and 6). When we go to the zoo we always go see the animals they help take care of. Of course this time of year the food pantry is a great idea and a great teaching gift.

My sister-in-law was telling me about being in a similar situation - she ended up bringing a birthday card to the party and in the card was a note that a small donation was made in honor of the birthday boy to a local charity. I thought that was a great 'middle of the road' idea.

I think you should feel free to show up with no gift but what I usually do is just bring a small gift for the child...$5-10. Hope that helps!

We brought a card and that seemed to work well. It had a gift certificate for Target. We wrote in the card that he may choose to use it himself or pick an item to put in the Toys for Tots boxes that were around during the Holidays. I hope that helps!

No Gifts = No Gifts

Simple as that =) Don't worry about what the other parents do, that is their issue if they decide not to honor the request.

what about making a donation somewhere? food bank? that kind of thing. that way you're honoring the birthday and the parents' wishes, too.

A donation is always a lovely idea - maybe to a kids' organization or to any of the holiday toy drives if they have started. Otherwise, if you have a picture you've taken of your son and his friend, give the birthday boy a nice framed copy.

I would bring a card- with or without a gift card, home-made "coupon" for a future playdate, or a donation in the name of birthday child.

Some advice for those thinking of having "no gift" parties:

I thought I was all smart last year when my daughter turned 4. I invited her classmates to a PLAYDATE our local McDonald's Play Place for fun playtime and an ice cream cone. Birthday was never mentioned on the invite. I thought I had figured out a loop hole-
My daughter was looking forward to the playdate- Since we live in a small place and have no place for more gifts (my daughters get gifts from grandparents and 6 aunts and uncles- as it is)
Well it didn't work.
She received several gifts.

I have to say I was a bit embarrassed- Stupidly, I had not anticipated that I would be in the position I was in. My daughter thanked each guest as they came.
A gracious thank you to kids who brought gifts- then I put them to the side. No gifts were opened.
Thank You cards were sent to all who came to play and have fun.
For the ones who brought gifts " Thank you for the unexpected gift. Theresa was SO VERY happy that _____ could come and play! She was so happy everyone could attend and have fun!

This year my daughter's Kindergarten teacher informed everyone that she endorses the idea of donating a book in the student's name to the class/school library.
What a relief!

So, for future party planners, I suggest that you make a direct suggestion- as to what you would like them to bring/do. And send Thank You cards to your guests for attending- (so that you really mean that their presence was in fact gift enough)

Donate to a charity and write the name of the charity that you donated money to for his bday on his birthday card.

I would bring something small the whole family can enjoy like gift certs to Mc Donalds, or Blockbuster, or the movies. That keeps down on the "stuff" but also keeps you from showing up empty handed.

I'd bring a card and leave it at that.

we like to make donations to Heifer international in honor of the birthday child. I found out about the organization through Oprah. Maybe you have a favorite child/hunger/animal/housing/other charitable organizion in mind?

Well, I think you've gotten a good take on responses at this point thus far. But to add my two cents...no gift means just that. Bring or make a card and if you still feel awkward call first and ask if you can bring a snack or appetizer to help the mom in her preparation.

My husband and I threw ourselves a ten-year anniversary party (we really wanted to see people who stood up and were close to us whom we hadn't seen in a long time). We clearly said no gifts and a few people brought bottles of wine which was kind of wishy-washy, but we weren't totally annoyed by that.

But my husband's mom brought us an expensive (small) appliance and was he angry! We kept it, but I know my mom was a bit annoyed, feeling inadequate. That's what you have to consider...how will your bringing a gift make others feel. Don't feel bad because you are the one who didn't bring a gift - You are the one who did what was asked! Feel good about not making the parents and others who adhered to the request feel bad/awkward/annoyed. Everyone is happy!

What about making some homemade cookies along with a card?